by Sasha Leone
Suddenly, a switch goes off in my mind. Rage fills my fists and I have to turn away. “How dare you try to use my son against me,” I growl, not wanting to turn back around and risk bathing Cat and Oscar in my fire. “I’m doing what I know is best for the both of you,” I continue. My chest tightens as I struggle to control the old fury that would have already consumed the younger me.
“He’s my son, too!” Cat snaps.
“So, why don’t you want to get him to safety!?”
“I do! But we can’t just leave everybody else behind. What about Anna? What about all those people...”
“Screw Anna! Screw everyone!” I boom. “All that matters is—”
Suddenly, Oscar begins to cry. It’s the most horrible sound I’ve ever heard, and it stops me dead in my tracks.
Catalina wraps a reassuring hand around the back of his head and pulls him into her shoulder. His sobs are like bullets through my soul. “You scared him,” Cat accuses.
For a second, I’m overcome by shame, but then that old fury comes back with a vengeance. I need to get out of here before I blow a casket.
Without saying a word, I march past the only two people in this entire world who I truly care about and leave them to cry alone.
“We’re going to paint the streets red with their blood.” The anger and confusion I felt from my confrontation with Cat has hardly dwindled.
How long has it been since I left her back in the bunker? A sharp pain of guilt cuts through my chest at the thought of them being all alone, but I’m able to push through that with the fury of my rage. The next time I see my family, it will be because I’ve found us a way out of here—and that starts now.
“You don’t think we should rest a little longer before we start another battle?” Jesus asks. Despite being a country boy, the young man has fit naturally into his new role as a revolutionary general. He leads city folk like a thirsty man drinks water, with a desperate zeal.
“This won’t be a battle,” I assure him, still fighting back my guilt. “It will be a massacre. By the time their back up arrives, we’ll be long gone.”
Jesus seems hesitant, but I’m not. This might be my only chance to get Oscar and Cat out of the city before everything devolves into complete chaos. Right now, there are still pockets of peace; highways that haven’t been destroyed, escape hatches that haven’t been covered in rubble, but at this pace, none of that is going to last long. It’s up to me to make a decisive move and open up a sliver for us to escape through. Whether or not I’ll return before this whole revolution is sorted out is something I still haven’t decided on. My family comes first, and as long as they’re in danger, I’ll fight for them—but once they’re safe?
Right now, there’s no point in thinking about it. I’ll cross that bridge when I have to.
“Do you understand?” I ask my commander.
While he may be hesitant about the plan, he never hesitates to follow my orders. “Yes, sir,” he nods. “I’ll brief the crew.”
“Good.”
And with that, I’m left alone with my thoughts again. I so badly want to race back underground and grab Cat in my arms; I want to feed Oscar and lift him up in the air and hear his innocent laugh, but I know that doing that would be too dangerous. The only time I can relax is when I’m around them, and I can’t relax, not yet.
I’m about to blow a hole in this city, and all the rats that guard the roads out of here will have to scurry to help their fallen comrades—that’s when we’ll escape.
... That’s when you’ll leave everyone behind. These people trusted you; they looked up to you...
Cat’s words are like fishing hooks in my brain. I try to toss them aside with a violent shake of my head, but it’s no use. She has a way of getting under my skin.
Is the guilt that I’m feeling only from fighting with her in front of Oscar? Is it just for being the reason why my son cried, or is it also because Cat was right?
I’m not leading a cartel anymore. These people I’ve recruited to do my selfish bidding aren’t doing it for greed or cruelty or just to get their kicks. They truly believe in the cause.
Do I?
I believe in taking down Dante and everyone who’s helped him... but that’s only because of what’s been done to me.
It’s also the same reason why every last single person is fighting beside me. I’m not the only one who’s lost something, I’m not the only one who’s been tortured and stolen from. Everyone is fighting for selfish reasons. It’s why the rich and the elite aren’t taking to the streets, because nothing has been taken from them, not yet.
I’m no different than anyone else. I’m just more powerful, more experienced, more driven. I started a revolution for a girl, and now I’m willing to run away from it all for our child.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about.
But these people can’t just run away...
I shake my head again. It’s too late to second guess myself. The massacre has been set in motion. Dante’s men are about to be sent to hell, and if anyone from the army is with them, then they’ll be held just as accountable as their brethren.
I pop a Glock behind my belt and step out into the growing light of a windy dawn. The weather has been polite over the past few days—at least, it has been compared to the chaos at the wedding—but I have a feeling that it’s about to change again. I’m about to set this city on fire, and nature is going to fan those flames until everything is burned to the ground. Only then will we be able to rebuild.
20
Angel
On the roof, the wind is nearly strong enough to knock a grown man off of his feet. A little further down the nearest fire escape, though, and everything is so still that you could hear a pin drop.
That’s why I’ve commanded for all of my men to go radio silent. No one’s to move or speak or even fucking breathe. Right now, this is the quietest place in all of Cali, but in a few minutes, it’s going to be by far the loudest.
Through Juan’s sources, I’ve learned that a significant portion of Dante’s army is going to be passing through this perfect ambush spot. The tight midtown enclave is surrounded by tall skyscrapers on all sides. At either end of the block are big burly buildings that stand like barriers. We’ve emptied the buildings and blocked off all the alleyways and filtered the marching foot soldiers in this direction. Usually, a smart general would never let their men be led into a situation like this, but I’ve gotten word that Dante is at the helm of these poor souls. Apparently, he had a falling out with their old general; so, he killed the man and took over his troops. Now, he’s leading them into a slaughter.
With any luck, Dante will be among his men, but I’m not counting on it. The last thing I expect of my little brother is for him to be down in the trenches with the soldiers he’s ordering around. That’s the main difference between us—or at least, it is for now. If this goes well, then I’ll be out of here with Cat and Oscar before the dust can settle.
I watch the empty street below, filled with adrenaline and anticipation. This may be a ploy to help me and my family escape danger, but that doesn’t mean I can’t release a bit of frustration first. There will be a good ten minutes of fighting before word of this trap gets out, and it’s only then that I’ll leave to grab Cat and Oscar—but those ten minutes of fun won’t be for completely selfish reasons. I need to see with my own eyes that this is working; there isn’t anyone else I trust more to tell me when the exact right time to leave is.
Suddenly, my line of sight is accosted by a bright light.
Good. That’s the signal. Dante’s men are coming. Beside me, Jesus takes out a piece of glass and responds. We’re ready.
Through the quiet stillness of the empty block, I hear a rumble off in the distance. Fuck. I knew there would be a lot of heavily armed men coming this way, but I wasn’t sure what kind of vehicles they would have on them. That rumbling sound has made it clear that they have a tank escort.
Well, it’s a good thi
ng we brought a fucking rocket launcher.
Jesus nudges me and I nod over at him. This is going to get even more destructive than I had originally thought. It will be a nice distraction from my domestic problems.
So many will die...
This is no time to grow a conscience. The first of Dante’s men are marching around the corner now. They’re followed by bullet proof SUVs with machine gun artillery and more men with more guns.
Under normal circumstances, we’d be far outgunned, but we’ve placed enough explosives along this street to blow everything to the moon. Now, we just have to wait until these motherfuckers get far enough in...
Suddenly, my eyes catch a horrifying sight.
No. Fuck. FUCK.
A woman is being pushed up through the approaching ranks. She stumbles ahead until she leads the pack. Her hands are tied behind her back, tears stream down her puffy cheeks.
It’s Lady.
They caught her. How the fuck did they know to do that!?
I watch in a shocked daze as the portly old maid is pushed ahead with the barrel of a gun at her back. She scuffles forward, each step looking like it could be her last. The poor woman...
She’s walking right towards the explosives. My first instinct is to call off this attack, but then the rational side of my mind grabs me around the neck and knocks some sense back into me.
This is too important. If we succeed here today, we not only strike a huge blow against Dante, but I also get the chance to whisk my family off to safety. One more woman dying seems more than worth all of that...
But Catalina’s guilt won’t let me look at this objectively... or is it my guilt? I can hardly tell the difference any more. Lady isn’t just anyone. She helped Catalina when she was at her lowest; she’s risked her life to look after Oscar; she was probably out grabbing groceries for my family when someone picked her up...
Still, three years ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated. Hell, I’ve allowed people like Lady to die countless times before, all in the name of chasing power. My empire was built on the bones of friends and foes alike. Sure, I never kill friends, but sometimes people die in the chaos.
The old me and the new me duke it out as I watch Lady approach. There’s no fighting how bad I feel for her; she looks terrified. Her steps are short and heavy and her arms look like they’ve been tied for far too long; there’s also a bruise around her eye...
There’s a bruise around her eye.
Suddenly, it hits me.
Why the fuck did it take me so long?
Lady’s been roughed up, but why? Isn’t it fucking obvious!?
They were trying to get information out of her! Lady may be heroic in the history of my little family, but how tough can an old maid like her really be? If her captors asked the right questions, I have little doubt that she told them about Cat... and maybe Oscar, too.
My heart falls and my vision tunnels. My family is in danger. Cat and Oscar are in more danger now than ever before, and I’m not there to protect them.
The battle for my conscience evaporates in lieu of more pressing matters.
“Call off the attack,” I order to Jesus as I unstrap the AK-47 I have hung around my shoulder.
“Where are you going!?” he calls after me as I jump in through the nearest window and sprint for the staircase.
There’s no time to answer, to explain. I need to get underground now. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Where the hell have I been? Where the fuck has my mind gone? I left Cat and Oscar alone over some petty disagreement. Lady wasn’t even there to keep them company, and now I know why. Someone had to have known the maid was helping me, otherwise, why pick her up?
I slam through the basement door with my shoulder and stumble towards the underground parking garage. There, under a permanently parked car, is the manhole cover I came here through.
My mind is clouded, my judgement is off. I’m not used to having to make decisions based on keeping those I care about safe, and it’s showing. Even back when I was cementing my empire, Dante’s safety was hardly an issue. I just kept him at arm’s length and let him enjoy the spoils of my ever-increasing power. No one ever came after him, and I learned to rule with a cold, calculating fist. Sure, I could be hot-headed out in the field, but I didn’t become king of Colombia’s biggest cartel just by bashing in heads.
My frantic footsteps echo through the tunnels as I race for my family. The guilt in my gut is so strong that I worry it might crumple me over, but I can’t stop, I won’t stop.
All of this was to keep them safe. I was supposed to keep them safe.
The final corner before our bunker feels like a canyon to get around, and my feet just won’t move fast enough.
When I finally see the door I’m looking for, I can’t decide if I should feel relief or fear.
It’s closed.
What does that mean!?
... I find out soon enough.
21
Catalina
Angel bursts in through the front door like a mad man.
He’s followed by a gust of wind that nearly knocks me off my feet. “Shh!” I recover quickly enough. “Oscar’s sleeping.”
Angel hardly reacts to my scolding. He’s frozen in the doorway like a statue. For a split second, his eyes are wide and wild, but they quickly narrow back down into that suspicious scowl I know so well.
“Where’s Lady?” he asks. There’s a panic in his voice that makes me worried.
I swallow my fear. “She never came back...”
“Dante has her.” His words hit me like a freight train. I’ve been so worried for Lady lately, but I’d been hoping for the best. Maybe, just maybe, she’d come across an old friend or family member and decided that Oscar was safe with me, and that I was safe with Angel, and so she didn’t have to come back. At worst, I told myself, she got caught in a battle and was injured, so someone took her to the hospital, where she is still recovering.
Never did I dare think that Dante had gotten his hands on her.
Suddenly, the fear that I had swallowed down rushes back up. I nearly fall to my knees. “Does that mean...” I can’t finish.
Nonetheless, Angel seems to understand. “I don’t know, but we’re not sticking around to find out.” He rushes over to Oscar’s crib and checks on the sleeping child.
“He’s fine,” I assure him, but my voice is so shaky I hardly believe it myself. None of us are fine, not if poor Lady was forced to talk...
“Where’s his stuff? Did you pack like I wanted you to?”
Angel never asked me to pack, not that I can remember. Sure, he insisted that we we’re leaving the city, but I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea... “We don’t have much,” I respond.
“Let’s go. We can get everyone new clothes when we’re safe.”
More than anything, it’s Angel’s demeanor that has me on edge. I’ve seen him red-hot and ice-cold before, but I’ve never seen him panic. It’s not much, and to an untrained eye, he might just seem eager, but I can tell he’s worried... and that terrifies me.
Still, there’s only one thing I can ask. “Did you see Lady?”
“Yes,” Angel grumbles, too distracted to lie to me.
“... Did they hurt her?” The pain in my voice must be obvious, because Angel stops preparing to leave and instead marches up to me.
Now, he’s focused enough to lie. “That doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that we don’t take any chances. Lady’s a good person, but goodness doesn’t hold up against—”
“Cruelty,” I finish for him. My stomach lurches. “Dante.”
“I’ll make sure she’s freed, but first, I’m taking care of you and Oscar.”
For a brief moment, Angel squeezes my hand and I calm down, but then Oscar squeals awake behind us and the horrifying reality of our position returns with full force.
My baby’s in danger. Before Angel can get to him, I’m by the side of his crib and picking him up in my arms. “Shh. Shh.” I s
ing. The last thing we need right now is a loud baby.
“Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay, buddy.” The panic has gone from Angel’s voice, but I can’t tell if it’s actually gone or he’s just disguising it. Either way, it’s enough to calm Oscar down.
“Dada, boo-boo,” he gurgles.
“Good thinking, bud.” Angel’s immediately in the fridge, pulling out every last ounce of formula. “Is this it?” he sneers at our meager savings.
“Lady was going out for more...”
“We’ll figure it out,” he growls. A split second later, he’s pulled out a gun from behind his belt. I can’t help but flinch away; I don’t want violence anywhere near my baby boy... but I also know that we don’t have much of a choice right now.
“Let’s go!” Angel roars, when he turns back from the doorway and sees that I haven’t budged yet.
“Where are we going?” I ask, almost too afraid to move.
Angel hesitates, and for some reason I know that he doesn’t have a plan.
I follow him anyway.
The tall hillside home is like a collection of every building we passed on the way here. In the slums, most homes are no more than one story high. This one, however is at least three, and it looks like someone just tossed a bunch of singles on top of each other.
Hey, I’m not complaining. It’s above ground and far from the roars of all the mini battles happening in the distance.
“Are we staying here?” I ask Angel as we wait in what looks like an office. It’s hard to tell what anything is here; everything looks so stitched together. There’s a charm to it, but I only really want to know one thing: is it safe?
Oscar shifts in my exhausted arms. He fell back asleep not long after we stopped running and started tip-toeing. Thank goodness. It’s not hard to spot Dante’s men in the slums, and they were everywhere. The last thing we needed was to draw their attention with a crying baby. Luckily, Oscar stayed quiet as Angel led us through the shadows.
