by Gina Azzi
“I know that. I’d never ask that of you. I need you to understand that Olivia is my priority, that she’ll always come first.” I peer down at her, letting her see how serious I am about my daughter.
“As she should.”
“So, can we just take this one day at a time?”
“One day at a time. But we have to be honest with each other.” Her voice catches and I stop walking, turning to face her and gripping the sides of her neck, my fingers tangling in her hair.
“Promise, babe. Always honest.” I swipe a hard kiss across her mouth. “And if we’re being honest, I want you more than my next breath, Lee.”
She chuckles, reaching up to wrap her hands around my wrists. Stepping into my space, she leans up on her toes and kisses me back. “Prove it, Anderson.” Then she steps back, offers me a flirty smirk, and turns on her heel, walking away.
And for the first time in many, many months, I laugh.
The tinier Everly’s frame grows in the distance, the harder I laugh until my chest feels like I can inhale deeply again, until the skin on my face doesn’t feel so tight, until some of the bitterness built into my bloodstream bleeds out.
Until I feel like a shell of my old self, the real me, someone I haven’t caught a glimpse of in a long time.
On Friday, I send her flowers. It wasn’t easy tracking down her address but being a top marketing executive in the city has some perks and some connections. I picked a large bouquet of Black-eyed Susans, the first flowers I ever bought her back when we were college students. At the time, I purchased them because they were cheap. I had no idea they were native to Tennessee and not exactly the type of flowers a guy would bring to a girl on a date.
But now, now they cost a fortune to acquire and send, and I could care less. I just hope that when she sees them, she remembers, and she laughs, the same way she did the night of our first date.
Hours later, she sends me a message.
Everly: Thank you for the flowers. They were super thoughtful of you and I adore them.
Me: You’re welcome. Hope they made you laugh.
Everly: They made my day.
Everly: What are you doing tonight? Dinner?
Relieved that Olivia has a sleepover birthday party tonight at her friend’s house, I tap out a reply.
Me: Yes. Pick you up at 8?
Everly: I’ll be waiting.
“Hey.” Finn pops his head into my office. “Want to grab a pint or, are you leaving to pick up Liv?”
“No, I have some time. Olivia has a sleepover party, and I’m going to have dinner with Everly.”
“Oh?” Finn’s eyebrows rise in surprise, a grin pulling his mouth upward.
“It’s just dinner.”
“It’s a step in the right direction.”
“I think I liked you better when you were screwing every woman in a skirt. This new you, the one that’s committed, sounds too much like a self-help guide.”
Finn chuckles. “A self-help guide? Lach’s going to love that.” He taps out a message to our cousin.
“I can grab a quick pint with you at Reid’s Row,” I offer, referring to the pub near our office, which is a frequent hangout for Anderson staff during happy hour.
“Aye, let’s go.”
Shutting down my computer and donning my suit jacket, I follow Finn out of the office, relieved that the work week is over.
“Where’s Daisy?” I ask, looking around for her. Daisy started working at Anderson in January, when things between her and my brother were tenuous at best. Since then, she’s become an amazing addition to the Anderson team, as well as to our family when Finn finally got his head out of his ass and fell for her.
“Out with her friends tonight.”
“She’s going to call you steaming.” I snort, knowing Daisy’s penchant for tequila. And nights out dancing with her friends from the office.
“I’m the designated driver,” Finn admits, and I chuckle.
We make the short walk to Reid’s and when we enter, the familiar atmosphere of the pub, complete with worn-out wooden floors and long harvest tables, loud chatter and even louder laughter, live music and a swirl of servers, envelops me.
Finn and I head to a table in the back and order two lagers.
“Where are you taking Everly tonight?”
“I have no idea,” I admit.
Finn’s eyes nearly bug out of his head.
“What?”
“Mate, you really have been out of the dating game a long time.”
“Thanks for bolstering my confidence.”
“What I mean is, it’s Friday night. You can’t just show up at a restaurant and expect to be seated. What time are you picking her up?”
“Shit. I didn’t even think about that. Eight.”
“Hang on.” He pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket and types out a message.
“Who are you messaging?”
“Roger. He’ll sort something out for you.”
Thanking the server for my pint, I take a swig. “I don’t even know the hotspots.”
“Roger does.” Finn clinks his glass against mine and takes a pull.
Roger, Finn’s best friend, is a bartender at a trendy restaurant on Leith’s Docks. He tends to know the hottest restaurants, how to snag a reservation, and all news related to the growing F&B scene in Edinburgh.
Moments later, Finn’s phone chimes with a message. “You’re taking her to Felipe’s on the Docks. Reservation for eight-thirty. It’s Portuguese and has amazing reviews. Daisy’s been dying to try it.”
“Thanks, Finn,” I say seriously, suddenly nervous for tonight.
“Just try to have a good time. Be yourself.”
I raise my eyebrows at my brother. “Are you trying to give me dating advice?”
“I am giving you dating advice. Aar, you don’t need to marry this woman but—”
“Well, that’s a relief. Since I’m never marrying again.”
“But you do need to get out there. I’m relieved you’re going out, even if it is with an ex-girlfriend. The past few months,” Finn whistles low, “you’ve been a fucking shadow. I’m not saying Everly is going to fix everything for you, but I think she’ll help you gain some perspective from everything that happened with Kate. You need this, Aaron. So go out and have fun and for once, just enjoy yourself.”
“Aye,” I agree quietly, drinking my pint. I do need this.
I need a bit of my own magic to restart my life.
8
Everly
Wiping my sweaty palms on the front of my dress, I hate how nervous I am. I shouldn’t be nervous around Aaron; I never was before. But this, dating, is new to me. And it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
What if he hates my dress?
What if he doesn’t like the way I fix my hair?
Or I say the wrong thing?
Gah!
Aaron isn’t Corey.
But Corey wasn’t always like Corey, either. In the beginning, he was thoughtful and attentive, considerate and charming. It wasn’t until my career started to outshine his that the name calling started, followed by the insults, and then the accusations. His type of abuse didn’t happen overnight, but slowly, the way snow melts after a winter freeze. By the time his fists got involved, my self-esteem was shredded. I questioned myself more than I questioned him. Some days, I still do.
Staring at my reflection, I force myself to say the words my therapist Nicole taught me, “You are strong. You are independent. You are worthy.”
Exhaling, I grab my clutch off my dresser and walk into my kitchen when a knock sounds on the door.
“Hey.” I pull the front door open, grinning at Dan.
“Heading out?”
“Yes, I have a date.” I twirl before stepping back so Dan can enter the foyer.
“With that guy from the hospital?”
“Aaron.”
“Yeah. Him?”
I nod.
“Do you need a ride?”
he asks, glancing at his watch.
“Nope, he’s picking me up. You can take the rest of the night off.”
He glances at me for a moment so long, his stare turns into a glare.
I shiver under his harsh gaze, my stomach dropping. Taking a step back, panic unfurls in my stomach and my ears ring.
What the hell is happening?
Dan blinks. “Thanks, boss. I will.”
I nod, clutching the doorframe.
It’s fine. You’re fine.
You’re just nervous.
Dan, while having glowing recommendations, isn’t known for his friendliness but rather his prowess to protect.
“Be careful, Everly. Call if you need me.” He nods once before stepping back into the hallway.
Closing the door behind him, I grip the doorknob and frown at his word choice. I’m sure he just meant for me to be careful going out in Edinburgh, but his tone seemed serious, borderline sinister.
Glancing down at my phone, I breathe out a long exhale when I read Aaron’s message.
Aaron: I’m here.
I have a date. I can do this. I’m strong and independent and worthy.
I’m badass.
Meh, at least I’m trying to be.
Locking the door behind me, I bound down the steps toward Aaron’s car.
He’s leaning against it, his ankles crossed casually, his arms folded against his chest. But his expression, the way he looks at me, causes an extra bounce in my step.
Aaron’s eyes light up, and it warms me from the inside out.
It smooths some of my jagged edges and causes a swell of hope to rise in my chest, shimmering like a sprinkle of stardust. This is exactly what I need. A chance to dip my toe back in the dating pool with someone I trust. Someone safe.
“You look beautiful, Lee.” He kisses my cheek, the spice of his cologne wrapping around me.
“Thank you.”
“I mean it.” He pauses, his fingertips tracing the back of my hand. “You’re glowing.”
I shiver under his praise, internally rolling my eyes at myself. You’re here to stand on your own two feet, not melt into a puddle at every little compliment. “Thanks.”
Sliding into the passenger seat, Aaron closes the door behind me. Once he’s settled behind the steering wheel and we’re driving on the main road, he glances at me from the corner of his eye.
“How do you feel about Portuguese for dinner?”
“I have no idea what that entails.”
Aaron chuckles. “Think seafood.”
“Oh, no. I’m allergic.”
Aaron’s foot slams on the break, and I jerk forward, the seatbelt cutting into my chest.
“Since when?” he asks, panic breaking out on his face.
Snorting, I can’t contain the peals of laughter that erupt from me. “I’m just kidding. Oh my God, you should see your face.”
The pallor of Aaron’s face dims as color floods his cheeks. He groans. “You are seriously the worst.”
“I love seafood.”
“I remember.” He frowns, turning his attention back to the road.
“Don’t be mad. I’m just messing with you.” I backtrack. Did I push him too far? Is he angry? “That was stupid of me. I shouldn’t have assumed you would laugh. I’m so dumb to—”
“Hey.” Aaron places a hand on my thigh and squeezes lightly. “It’s fine. Don’t say that about yourself. I overreacted.”
I shake my head, panic shimmering along the edges of my line of sight. “I’m sorry.”
“Everly, seriously, it’s fine. I’m just nervous for tonight.”
“You are?”
Aaron nods, removing his hand from my thigh and tugging on the back of his neck. “I haven’t really dated since, well, it’s been a really long time.”
“For me, too.”
He glances over, curiosity stamped onto his expression. “Why did you and Corey break up?”
I shrug, glancing out the window. “We didn’t see eye to eye.”
“About what?”
Everything. “Our futures. We just—we want different things.”
“When did you break up?”
“You already asked me that. It wasn’t too long ago.”
Aaron chuckles. “You’re holding your cards close to your chest.”
I smirk at him over my shoulder before returning my gaze to the window. “About ten weeks ago. Afterwards, well, it’s why I originally came to Scotland. Needed a break, a fresh perspective.”
“Ten weeks,” Aaron repeats, his voice low.
“Ten weeks.”
“How’s your new outlook working out for you?”
This time, I turn to face him. “I’d say pretty great, wouldn’t you?”
He laughs, nodding, but a shadow flickers over his face, reminding me this is temporary.
That Aaron and I can never work.
I’m not ready for real. I’m not ready for much of anything although having dinner with Aaron feels like a win. Nicole will be proud of my progress during our weekly call session.
Arriving at the restaurant, Aaron parks his car and takes my hand as we walk toward Felipe’s. Lacing our fingers together, I’m hyperaware of every twitch of his fingers, each gentle squeeze he presses into my palm. When he looks down at me, he winks, his face open.
My body automatically turns toward him, on cruise control. I don’t have to think when I’m around Aaron; I naturally respond and react to every move he makes. We did this dance once before, and our bodies seem to remember, even if our hearts prefer to forget certain parts.
The atmosphere inside Felipe’s is warm and inviting, soft candlelight, colorful mosaic tiles, and the cheerful din of couples and families and friends enjoying a meal. Sitting down at a table set for two, I pick up my menu and glance over the top at Aaron, not surprised to find him staring at me.
“We’ve come a long way from devouring ribs at Gussie’s BBQ, haven’t we?” I ask, referencing a BBQ place we frequented in college.
Aaron chuckles. “I guess so, but those were good times.”
“The best times,” I agree, scanning the menu.
“How do you feel about wine?”
“It’s one of my food groups.”
“Good. Portuguese wine is really good and undervalued.”
“Order away.”
When the server stops by our table, Aaron orders a bottle of red wine and sparkling water. The candle flickers between us, casting soft shadows over Aaron’s face. His presence seems to grow each time I see him, until he’s filling all the aching spaces inside of me, all the gaping holes Corey created with his hateful words and rampant distrust.
Feeling nervous under Aaron’s scrutiny—what if he finds me lacking?—I’m grateful for the glass of wine that is soon placed in my hand.
“To tonight.” I gesture with my glass toward Aaron.
“To you,” he responds, his eyes fixed on mine, the heat flickering in their blue depths heady, captivating my attention and causing my skin to tingle with awareness.
Sipping the wine slowly, the bold flavor of a full-bodied grape bursts on my tongue. “It’s good.”
“Aye.”
“Do you drink wine often?”
“No, I’m more of a lager or Scotch guy.”
“And whiskey?”
“Only with you, Lee.”
I grin at his words, leaning closer to him over the table. “So, tell me, what have you been up to these past fifteen years?”
Aaron shakes his head. “Nothing as exciting as your life.”
“I don’t know. It seems like life would be very colorful with a kid like Livvy.”
Aaron’s laughter is unexpected, and he nods. “It is. She’s a great kid. A little too mature for her age but that’s my fault. She’s always around adults since she’s the only kid in the family, well, not counting Sierra’s newborn.”
“Does she have a lot of friends?”
“A few. I should probably invite them ov
er for a play date. Lately, Livvy’s been going to all of her friends’ houses to play, but we haven’t had anyone over to our place.” His brows furrow, as if he’s realizing something important. “Kate always handled the play dates. I don’t even know how to do that.”
“You could ask Olivia which friends she would like to invite over and go from there.”
“Aye, that’s true,” he agrees, blowing out an exhale. “It’s a lot, you know, becoming a single parent overnight. But I want Olivia with me for the school year now that Kate’s living abroad.”
“That makes sense. Do you think Kate will agree?”
Aaron nods, pinching the skin next to his eye. “Aye, that’s another problem. I think she will agree, and I keep wondering how Livvy will feel about that. Most mums would say screw Paul and France and stayed in Edinburgh for their kids, but for Kate to choose her new life over what’s best for Olivia concerns me. I mean, what mums do that?”
I shrug. “The ones who know they can’t provide as well as the other parent.”
“I guess so. Honestly, I’ve been so angry lately, so unlike myself, I think I’m looking for reasons to be mad.”
“That makes sense. It’s hard, moving on, moving past what you once thought of as your entire world. You’re doing an amazing job with her.” I cover his hand with mine, and he flips his hand over, palm up, until he can thread my fingers with his.
“Thank you. She’s the best thing in my life.” He hesitates, squeezing my hand. “I’m happy you’re here, Lee. I really am. I want to spend time with you. But I need you to understand that Olivia is my only priority right now.”
His words sting, even though they shouldn’t. I can’t seriously date right now, either; I have priorities. Like learning how to be on my own, look out for myself. Like my upcoming tour.
“I get that.” I keep my voice steady, my expression playful. I’ve mastered the art of casual over the years, and I’m relieved I can rely on it now. “I’m not in a place where I can do serious, either.”
Aaron frowns. “Because of your ex?”
“Yes,” I sigh, “Corey changed the game for me.”
