She chewed her bottom lip and cut her gaze. “Not since I was a child.”
“And you don’t want to see your mother?” he asked, recalling the past talks they’d had, back when she thought he’d be gone and her confessions wouldn’t matter.
She shrugged and hugged her knees to her chest. “I never know where she is. Vegas, or off traveling with some new man or husband.”
“She still performs?”
She nodded. “She’s still gorgeous, even in her forties. She had me when she was only eighteen and I think she resented being held back, but then, she never really was.”
“Do you talk on the holidays?”
“We talk on Christmas and occasionally on Thanksgiving.”
Not her birthday, he thought. Not in person. “When was the last time you saw her?”
“Her and her new man stopped by three years ago. He hit on me and suggested a threesome.”
“What?” he asked, astonished. “With your mother?”
“Sick, right?”
“And your mother said?”
“She’s a prim and proper princess. She doesn’t do those things.”
Luke sat there a moment, speechless. When he recovered, he turned her so that she faced him, his hands on her knees. “Let’s make a pact right now.”
“What kind of pact?”
“No matter what happens to us, we are friends, and you are a part of the Walker family. Nothing is going to keep you from Lauren, or from us. You understand?”
Her eyes immediately glossed over with tears. “Luke-”
He brushed his lips over hers. “I’m serious, Julie. No matter what, you have me.” He wiped a tear as it escaped down her cheek. “Let’s get Cici and your stuff and go to my place where I know you’re safe.”
“You want to take Cici with us?”
“She’s your family,” he said. “So yes. I want to take Cici.”
“That means a litter box,” she reminded him.
“You mean she isn’t toilet trained?”
She laughed. ”Oh how I wish.”
She wasn’t arguing and that said she was really rattled, or he was getting through to her. Or maybe, just maybe, it was both. Either way, Luke was getting them out of here before she changed her mind. Because not only was he feeling the very male need to have her in his bed, he was far more disturbed by that journal than he’d let on.
***
She’d grocery shopped with Luke.
Julie stood in his kitchen, in soft cotton pink sweats, a Victoria Secrets ‘Pink ’ T-shirt, and fuzzy pink slippers, dicing tomatoes for a salad. She was out of her personal space, her zone, and yet she felt oddly at peace.
Julie cut her gaze to the side and smiled as she watched Luke stirring the spaghetti sauce barely a foot away from her, throwing in various spices here and there as if it were a science. She decided right then that there was something about a man who could handle a gun and a spatula.
Looking down as she heard a soft purr Julie realized that Cici was once again wrapping herself around Luke’s feet, but he didn’t seem to mind so she didn’t say anything. The cat loved Luke. Her chest tightened. Love. God. Was she falling in love with Luke? Had she already?
He tasted the sauce. “Love it.”
“What?” Julie asked, jolted by his words.
“The sauce is exactly the way my mother makes it,” he said.
“Oh,” she said, sighing in relief. “And you only had to call her three times.”
He grinned. He was so handsome when he grinned like that. “She loves it when I call her.”
“She was in a movie.”
He shrugged. “She didn’t mind.”
She arched a brow. “You mean you didn’t mind interrupting her date.”
“If he can’t take the good with the bad, he shouldn’t be around.”
“That’s evil, Luke.”
“Testing his patience is part of being sure he’s in this for the long haul.”
She shook her head and resumed chopping. “Dating is hard enough, Luke.”
“Says you?” he asked.
“Says everyone,” she said flatly. “Which is why I don’t do it.”
“What do you mean exactly by that?”
She flicked him a quick glance, and shrugged. “I just don’t do it.”
“At all?”
She didn’t look at him. “That pretty much sums it up.”
He couldn’t help asking, “What about sex?”
She stopped chopping. “What about it?”
He gave her a knowing look. “You like it.”
She laughed, but without humor. “So do you.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
She started chopping again. “What was the question?”
“If you don’t date, what do you do about sex?”
“Not much since you left,” she said, so appalled she’d admitted that that her hand slipped on the knife handle, and she cut her finger. Blood immediately poured from the sliced skin. “Ouch.” She rushed her hand to the sink.
Luke grabbed her wrist and turned on the water. “It looks pretty deep.”
“Fingers bleed a lot and I’m fine, really.”
He turned off the water. “We need to bandage it.” He pulled her gently along until they reached the bathroom and ordered, “Sit and hold the towel snug until I get the supplies.”
She did as he instructed as he rummaged through the medicine chest and pulled out what he wanted. Kneeling at her feet he checked the cut. “A little deeper and you would have needed stitches for sure, but I think you'll manage to skate by without them.”
“Good,” she said. “An evening in the ER would not be fun.” Would he have gone with her? Had she ever had anyone but Lauren who would have? She watched him doctoring her finger, thinking about how different he was or maybe how different she was because of him. When he’d almost finished, she reached out and threaded her fingers through the silky black strands of his hair. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
He stopped working, studying her with such intensity she felt like he could see clear to her soul. She wanted to look away, and yet she didn’t.
“Someone has to,” he said finally.
His words warmed her, thrilled her, and she fought to remember why Luke taking care of her was a bad thing. To say that she felt confused was an understatement.
“I get by on my own pretty well, but still, it’s nice to have you help me tonight.”
“If tonight is all you’ll give me,” he said after a long pause, “it’s a start and I’ll take it.”
A funny feeling fluttered in her chest, an emotion she didn’t want to deal with. She leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his. They lingered there until his hand lifted and curled around her neck, his tongue caressing hers. Heat pooled low in her stomach, and that funny feeling in her chest expanded when she’d thought it would go away.
“I want you,” she whispered against his lips. “I want to touch you, Luke.” She tugged on his shirt with her good hand. “And see you.”
He pulled back and regarded her with a heavy-lidded stare so intense she couldn’t breathe. When he moved, she thought he might get up, might refuse her, but instead he tossed his shirt away. Then suddenly this powerful, sexy man was undressing her, and instead of sex making her feel just as powerful, in control, she felt fragile. Only fragile didn’t feel bad. It felt good. It felt like she didn’t have to try, she didn’t have to do anything but just be with him, relax and enjoy every kiss, every taste, every touch. But what if she gave everything she was, and then there was nothing left? Was it already too late? Maybe she already had.
****
After hours of talking, and making love, and making love some more, Julie and Luke were starving, and since he’d burned the sauce, they ordered pizza.
Julie lounged against his headboard, wearing only his t-shirt, while he wore the low-slung jeans he’d pulled on to greet the delivery man. As she was as big a spo
rts fan as Luke, they’d eaten a large pizza while watching SportsCenter and arguing about baseball pitchers.
They were fighting over the last slice when Luke’s cell phone rang by the nightstand. He reached over her and kissed her before snagging it. His brow furrowed at the number, and then he answered, “This is Luke Walker.”
Julie watched his emotionless face as he listened, and then said, “I’m still considering it.” He listened a minute longer and then hung up without saying another word.
“Something wrong?” she asked, fairly certain that answer was ‘yes’. Luke might not have reacted to the call, but his lack of reaction in itself was telling.
“That was Elizabeth’s sister,” he surprised her by saying. “She was following up to see if we’d made a decision about helping or not.”
“That was fast,” Julie said. “It’s barely a full day.”
“And she called me, not you.”
“I noticed that,” she said. “Not that she had my number. Makes me wonder if she was using me to get to you.”
“You know what I wonder?” he asked but didn’t wait for a reply. “I wonder how she got my number when it’s a private line I don’t give out freely.”
Chapter Twelve
Monday morning, after Luke insisted on dropping her off, Julie headed up the steps in her office building with her cream colored heels clicking on the pavement. Protective as he was, she should feel suffocated, but she didn’t. Maybe it was how great the weekend with him had been, or maybe it was the nightmares about Elizabeth that continued to haunt her.
She turned to wave to him where he waited by the curb and then headed into the building. With a smile, she refocused on the glass doors, catching a glimpse of herself in a light blue suit dress. The reflection of a man drew her up short.
She froze, then frowned. The image had disappeared. It couldn’t have been who she’d thought it was. It was so ridiculous that she wasn’t even going to let herself finish the thought. She forced herself not to turn around again and to head into the building for fear of alarming Luke, but as she walked across the glossy white lobby floor she was more bothered than not. The thought she didn’t let herself finish came to her mind of its own accord.
The reflection had been of a man who looked just like the stranger from the Chicago hotel, the one from the elevator and the bar. Which again, she thought, was insanity. Julie waved at the security guard sitting at the long black glass panel, and headed for the elevator.
She stepped into the quiet lobby of the law firm she had considered her second home for years. Once she was in the private office area she found her secretary, Gina, already sitting at her desk working.
“Morning,” Gina said, her auburn hair twisted elegantly at her nape, her olive green suit matching her eyes perfectly. “Coffee’s ready. I’ll bring a cup in to you.”
Julie stopped in front of Gina’s desk. She was pretty and efficient, and even played cat sitter for Julie on this last trip, and yet Julie barely knew her. She didn’t let herself get close to people at work. She didn’t let herself get close to anyone but Lauren and...Luke.
“That’s thoughtful,” Julie said. “Thank you. I’m not sure I say that enough.”
Gina blinked and a stunned look slid over her face. “I’ve been bringing you coffee for as long as I’ve been here, and you have, uh, never said anything like that.”
Julie silently replayed Gina’s words in her head. Anything like that. Surely she didn’t mean ‘thank you’. When had she become that uncaring of others? Had she survived this life, this world of divorce, by blocking out the rest of the world to the point she didn’t even behave politely?
“Well,” Julie said slowly. “I should have. I’m really sorry.” Julie left Gina gaping at her, and the reaction twisted her in knots. She wasn’t liking the view of herself from her assistant’s eyes. She’d had to withdraw to survive her career, and it had changed her.
Julie walked into her office without another word. She deposited her briefcase on the credenza and her purse in a drawer before sitting down behind her desk. Dropping her elbows on the flat surface, she let her chin settle on her knuckles.
Julie’s cell phone rang and she answered it without looking at the caller. “Did you read it?”
Spine stiffening, Julie recognized the voice, so like Elizabeth’s, “Diana,” she said, surprised, not wanting to say too much, too soon. “I’m working on it, but reading someone’s personal journal is rather disconcerting.”
“I know,” she said. “But please read it. There are things in it that will change how you feel about her death, I promise you.”
“Okay, yes.”
“Thank you, Ms. Harrison. Thank you.” She hung up.
Julie looked up to find Gina standing in the doorway. “I didn’t want to interrupt. I have your coffee.”
“Yes please. Thank you.”
Gina set a cup of coffee in front of Julie. “Why are you a paralegal instead of an attorney?” Julie asked her.
Surprise registered in Gina’s expression. “It wasn’t by choice. It just sort of happened.”
Julie’s eyes narrowed. “Meaning?”
“Life, finances, a sick parent. All those things combined kept me from achieving all of my goals.”
Julie’s eyes dropped to her desk. She had worked herself through school, so she understood struggling. She just had never tried to understand Gina’s. Maybe she could help her finish school.
Impulsively, Julie looked at Gina and asked, “Would you like to go to lunch today?”
“Ah,” Gina paused as if she couldn’t figure out how to respond and then suddenly smiled. “Sure.”
“Excellent,” Julie said. “I’m looking forward to it.”
The phone in the lobby buzzed. ”I better get that,” Gina said, and rushed away.
The next few hours went by quickly, and not without a number of distracted thoughts of Luke, and a text message to check on her. She’d liked that message, too, far more than she would have ever expected.
It was close to lunchtime when Gina buzzed Julie’s office again. “Judge Moore is here to see you.”
Julie drew back in surprise. “I wasn’t expecting him, but...yes. Okay. Send him in.”
Dropping her pen onto the desk, Julie leaned back in her chair, resting her elbows on the arms. She had no desire to stand and greet the judge, regardless of the fact he deserved the respect if she was to keep him a courtroom ally.
Her office door opened and Gina poked her head in. Waving the judge forward, she offered him coffee and he refused. Good, Julie thought, he won’t be staying long.
The judge appeared in her doorway. “Julie,” he said with a nod, looking his normal proper self, in a blue suit that was custom-fitted to his trim fifty-something physique, his gray hair neatly trimmed.
“Judge,” she greeted.
Clearly taking the greeting as an invitation, in several long strides, the judge stood in front of Julie’s desk. Usually she would have moved to the conference table in the corner of her room. No doubt, he noticed that today she did no such thing.
He gave her an assessing stare, letting her know that yes he noticed, before sitting in a visitor’s chair.
“I’m sorry about Elizabeth,” she said when he didn’t immediately speak.
His expression was respectfully grim, his eyes surprisingly direct as they met hers. “As am I.”
“I was shocked,” she said, awkwardness expanding in the room.
“Yes,” he agreed. “I was as well. I had no idea she had taken this all so hard.” He sighed. “Obviously, I won’t need your services. That is, unless her family causes trouble over our assets.”
Julie went cold. She had a bad feeling this visit had a hidden purpose. “Do you expect them to?”
He ran his hand over the back of his neck as if all the tension in the room had settled there. “I doubt it, but the quicker I get this behind me the better. It’s hard enough –divorce, that is – without this
turn of events.”
How hard was it, she wondered? “I assume there are no documents or will that I need to know about other than what I’m aware of?”
“She had life insurance,” he said. “I have no idea if it was left to me or her sister at this juncture of our relationship.”
“Sister?” Julie asked in a voice that was a bit too high.
“Her twin. Never did like me. She was always trying to get Elizabeth to leave me.”
“Considering that’s what you wanted, I would think you would like her.”
He shrugged. “I preferred to do the leaving on my terms.”
As do most rich men who want to shuffle their assets, but Julie didn’t say that.
He made a disgusted sound. “Believe me, Diana – that’s Elizabeth’s sister – is trouble. She only wanted her to leave me to take my money. If she can get an attorney to take the case, she’ll fight for some of it now. The life insurance won’t be enough for her. She’s a greedy little bitch.” He waved a dismissive hand. “There’s another reason I came by. You’ve handled a number of children’s charity functions and I know they’re dear to your heart. Elizabeth was in charge of a Children’s Cancer Association function tomorrow night and my artwork will be on display. I must admit I wish it wasn’t this week, but it was impossible to cancel with such advanced planning. I’d appreciate it if you would consider playing hostess in her absence.”
She hesitated. Because of the judge’s involvement, she was almost certain she could hear Luke warning her away from the man. But she couldn’t. Not when it came to this. “Of course,” Julie said. “It is, as always, kind of you to show your art for such good causes. Can you send me the details so I know what I need to do?”
“My secretary will email them within the hour,” he said and stood. They said their goodbyes and Julie watched him leave. Why did she feel so out of sorts, like she’d been set up?
She tried to dial Luke, but he didn’t answer. She felt uncomfortable leaving the building today. She didn’t want to cancel lunch with Gina, but maybe they could order in and talk. She headed to the lobby to find out.
“How would you feel about Chinese?” Julie asked Gina as she came up behind her.
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