As I walk out of the room, I hear Rico say, “Go with her,” but I don’t stop to see who he’s talking to.
“Gray,” I hear Xander say softly from behind me. “Wait.”
“What, Xander?” I ask as I press the heels of my hands to my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling.
“Talk to me,” he says as he lays a hand on my shoulder. His touch is so much gentler than Rico’s was, but doesn’t have nearly the effect the latter did.
“What do you want me to say, Xander? My mom swallowed a bottle of my antidepressants. She tried to kill herself in my bedroom, on my bed. What do you want me to say?”
“Gray,” he says again and wraps his arms around me. “This is not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” I ask as I try to pull away from him. “Had I not gone away to college, had I stayed home and got a job and taken care of her, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“No,” he says, more firmly this time. “This is NOT your fault. You deserve to have a life.”
“I don’t think I can handle it if she doesn’t make it,” I say as I finally give in and let the tears flow.
“She’s going to make it,” he reassures me as he starts rubbing my back gently. When I feel his lips brush against the top of my head, I pull back a little and look up at him. “Sorry.”
“Xander,” I say softly. “What’s going on here?”
“I like you,” he finally admits. “I know now isn’t the time, but I really like you.”
“Xander,” I say again, but he shakes his head.
“You don’t have to feel the same, but I wanted you to know.”
“I can’t,” I say and shake my head. “Not right now, anyway.”
“I know,” he says and pulls me against his chest. “And that’s okay.”
“But,” I start.
“But nothing,” he says softly then kisses the top of my head again. “Just let me, let us, be here for you.”
“Okay,” I finally relent. As much as I like the feel of Xander’s arms around me, I can’t help but wonder a different set of arms would feel like.
“Thank you,” he responds and loosens his hold on me. “Ready to go back in there? I know everyone is worried about you.”
“Yeah,” I answer and wipe my eyes. “I hate crying.”
“Even with red, puffy eyes, and blotchy cheeks, you’re the cutest girl I know,” he tells me and grins.
I roll my eyes but can’t stop the smile that forms on my face. “Thanks,” I mutter then pull from his arms. “Let’s head back. I want to be there when the doctor comes in.”
“Okay,” he says and takes my hand. I flinch a little, but don’t pull away from him. I like him, but I really don’t want a relationship right now.
“Xander,” I say and look at him for a second. “I like you, I do, but…”
“Don’t say it,” he cuts me off. “I know we only met a couple of weeks ago, and I know it’s too soon to start anything. Why don’t we, after this is over, go on a date? No bowling, no teammates, no bullshit. Just you and me on a real date.”
“A date?” I ask, glancing up at him again.
“Yes,” he responds and pulls me to a stop. “A date. Maybe dinner, then to this small club I like.”
“I’m not into the club scene,” I tell him and tug on his hand to get us walking again.
“It’s a teen club,” he tells me. “Only for kids seventeen to twenty-one.”
“So, no alcohol?” I ask. I hate the taste and smell of alcohol, especially beer.
“No alcohol,” he assures me.
“I’ll think about it,” I tell him then drop his hand as I open the waiting room door.
“Are you okay?” Ryder asks when he sees us walk in. He rises to his feet and walks to me. He reaches out gently touches my shoulder as he rakes his gaze over my features. “We were worried about you.”
“Yeah,” I answer and smile softly at him. What is with these guys? Other than Micah and Westin, who I’m pretty sure is gay, they all seem to be touchy-feely with me. “Just needed a moment.”
“We get it,” Westin says and smiles at me from where he’s sitting. “When my dad was in the hospital a couple of years ago, I went through the same thing.”
“Mom won’t be going home for a while,” I tell them and sigh. “After she’s released from here, she’ll be going into a facility for a while. I just hope wherever she goes, they can help her.”
“I hope so, too,” Uncle James says from beside me.
“What now?” Nadia asks without looking up for the magazine she’s reading.
“Now, we wait on the doctor,” I tell her. “They took mom down about forty minutes ago and we should hear something soon.”
Before anyone can respond to that, the doctor walks in. “We seem to have amassed quite the crowd,” he says with a small smile before he looks at Uncle James and I.
“What’s the word, Doc?” Uncle James asks as he lays his hand on my shoulder. I can feel Ryder, Xander, and Rico inch closer to me, and I have to stop myself from pushing the three of them back a little bit.
“Her stomach’s been pumped, but the tox screen shows there was more than just the antidepressants in her system,” he says and pauses. “There was a very large amount of alcohol, and a narcotic pain medicine called Meperidine. That’s only available by prescription, and as far as I can find, she did not have a prescription for it.”
“Meperidine?” I ask with wide eyes. “Where the hell did she get Meperidine?”
“I may know,” Uncle James answers and shakes his head. “I swear, if she gave those pills to Eden.”
“Who?” I ask, looking at my uncle. His lips have mashed into a thin, tight line, and I can see the fury in his eyes.
“Uncle James?” Joy asks when he doesn’t answer. “Who do you think gave her Meperidine?”
“Doesn’t matter right now,” he responds. “Doc, is she going to be okay?”
“We don’t know, yet,” he responds and looks at me. “Her heart is under a lot of stress from the combination of drugs and alcohol, and her liver and kidneys may have been damaged as well. We’re keeping her in a drug induced coma while we run tests to see if there is any damage to her organs. We’ll have her up on the third floor in ICU in a little while. You’ll be able to see her, but only two at a time, and only for a few moments each.”
“Thank you, Doc,” I respond.
“If you want to head up to the ICU waiting room, I’ll send a nurse in there once you can see her,” he says then turns on his heel and walks out. As soon as the door closes behind him, I turn to Uncle James.
“Who do you think gave mom the Meperidine?” I ask, and he closes his eyes.
“Remember last year when I had that tractor accident?”
“Yeah,” I answer and look at him. “You broke your collarbone and cracked your elbow.”
“Right,” he responds and runs his hand down his face. “The doctor prescribed Demerol for my pain, remember? I hated the way they made me feel, so I didn’t take but a couple of them. Demerol is Meperidine.”
“I thought you asked Aunt Margie to take those to the drug turn in place and get rid of them,” I say, and he nods. “But you don’t think she did, do you?”
“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “I hope she did, and I’m wrong.”
“Aunt Margie would never intentionally give anyone anything that would harm them,” Joy speaks up on her aunt’s behalf.
“Margie pretty much hates Eden, hates the fact that I look after my baby sister,” Uncle James tells us. “She resents that I’ve spent money on her, and that I refuse to make her leave the farm.”
“I still don’t think she’d do anything to hurt her,” Joy states. “Do you think your sister could have taken them on her own?”
“No,” I reply and look between her and Xander for a second. “Aunt Margie doesn’t allow Mom into her house. Not since Uncle James built us a house. She rarely let me into their house, but Mom was forbidden to e
nter.”
“What? Why?” Xander asks.
“Kids, you have to understand something. Margie and I were only married for about five years when Eden and Gray came to stay with us. Nate was four, and Tasha was only two, and we were still adapting to having two kids. Gray helped with the kids, and with the watermelons, but Eden was far too consumed in her grief to help with anything.”
“Mom didn’t help with anything, she didn’t even help herself, for nearly two years,” I tell them. “Aunt Margie could never understand why mom couldn’t just get over it and move on with her life. Things were better though after we moved into the house Uncle James built for us. Mom and Aunt Margie didn’t cross paths, and there was never any reason for them to.”
“But, why would Aunt Margie give her those pills?” Xander asks.
“I don’t know,” Uncle James responds and sighs. “I’m going to have to ask her about it, though.”
“What’s going to happen if she did?” I ask. I know Uncle James loves Aunt Margie, and I don’t want this to drive them apart.
“I don’t know,” he answers again then falls silent.
I sigh and walk to the window again. As I look out, I try to focus on something, anything, other than the dread I’m feeling. What if mom doesn’t make it? What am I going to do if I lose someone else I love?
Chapter Ten
Rico
I sit and watch as Gray stares out the window. I can tell she isn’t really seeing anything that’s going on out there, and I know how she feels. Shaking off the thoughts I can feel creeping in, I stand up and walk to where she standing.
Stopping beside her, I focus my gaze out the window. “Gray,” I say softly without looking at her.
“Not now, Rico,” she responds.
“I just want to remind you that I understand what you’re going through,” I tell her, and she shifts her gaze away from the window.
“I remember,” she says and sighs. I knew she’d remember when I was in her shoes. “But this is different.”
“How?” I ask gently.
“I don’t know,” she answers with a sigh.
“You’re not alone, Gray,” I tell her softly.
“I know,” she responds and sighs again.
“Gray,” her Uncle James says from behind us. “Are you ready to move to the other waiting room?”
“Yeah,” she replies and turns from the window. She needs something to distract her, and I have an idea.
“Gray, wanna come to the Chapel with me?” I ask, remembering the first night my dad was in the hospital. I was fifteen, almost sixteen, and Graycen and Gavyn had just turned fourteen.
“Yeah,” she responds, and I smile at her. “Remember what your grandmother used to say about hospital chapels?”
“She still says it,” I tell her, and she smiles at me. “Come on. We’ll light a candle for your mom.”
“I’m not sure how she’d feel about that, but I think it may make me feel better,” she tells me.
“Where are y’all going?” Ryder asks as we move to walk out of the room.
“To light a candle in the Chapel,” I tell him and narrow my eyes. I don’t want all the guys on the team coming with us, but I can’t ask them not to, either.
“Want us to come along?” Xander asks, casting a look in my direction before looking back at Gray.
“No,” she answers softly, and I have to stop myself from grinning like a loon. “I think Rico and I should do this alone.”
“You sure?” Ryder asks, and I barely catch myself before I snap at them both. Do they think I’m going to hurt her or something?
“I’m sure,” she answers. “I want to light a candle for Gav, too, and I’m sure Rico would like to as well.”
“Definitely,” I answer quietly. Between my therapist and my priest, I have come to terms with Gavyn’s death, even if I haven’t forgiven myself for it. “We’ll meet you all upstairs in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” Xander responds and follows us with his eyes as we walk out of the room.
Once we’re in the hall and headed toward the Chapel, I reach down and take Gray’s hand in mine. Her hand is tiny compared to mine, and I close my eyes for a second and just enjoy the feel of it. “Thank you for trusting me.”
“Rico,” she says softly and looks up at me. “We have a history like none I have with anyone else in my life. Gavyn was the other half of me, she was the one person I loved more than anyone else, and when she was suddenly gone, I needed someone to blame. Yes, I blamed you for her death because you’re the one who suggested going out that night, but I also blame myself.”
“Why?” I ask. She was in no way responsible for Gav dying.
“I could have stopped the two of you from leaving that night,” she says and takes a deep breath. “All I would have had to do was ask you to bowl. You would have both forgotten about ice cream, and I would still have my sister.”
“Gray,” I say softly and reach out to touch her cheek. “I have to tell you something about that night.”
“Okay,” she says and closes her eyes.
“Let’s go inside and light the candles, then we’ll talk,” I say and open the Chapel door.
“Okay,” she says again, softer than before, and opens her eyes.
We walk inside and straight to the alter. I know Gray isn’t Catholic, but she respects the faith, and has never questioned my beliefs.
I make the sign of the cross and bow my head for a moment before I take one of the matches from the table and hold it to one of the lit candles. I light a candle for Gavyn, then another for Eden before I blow out my match and step back. I watch Gray light two candles, then I cross myself again, and take her hand in mine.
“Let’s sit,” I say and nod to the Chaplain, who is sitting in a chair behind the candle table.
Once we’re sitting, she releases my hand and shifts in her seat so she can look at me. “Tell me what happened that night. Please.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second before I start talking. “Gav is the one who suggested we leave the bowling alley. She wanted us to talk and didn’t want anyone to overhear what she needed to talk about. We never actually had ice cream that night. We went to the ice cream parlor, but we never got out of my car.”
“What? Why?” She interrupts and I shake my head.
“Please, just let me get this out, then I will answer any questions you have.”
“Okay,” she responds quietly, but I can see questions already forming in her eyes.
“As soon as I turned the car off, she looked over at me and I instantly knew what she was going to say. She told me she’d had a crush on me for a long time, but knew I had a crush on someone else. She told me she was happy that we’d had our time together, but she felt we needed to break up so I could be with the girl I was half in love with,” I tell her then run my hands through my hair. “She told me that she knew I was settling for her when I asked her out. I tried to deny it, but she called me on it. She knew, the entire time we dated, she knew I liked someone else. She also knew I’d have never acted on it while she and I were together. Then, she told me that the girl I liked, liked me too.”
“Rico,” she says softly and looks away from me. I know she’ll probably hate me after I tell her this last part, but she needs to know.
“Graycen, your sister knew who I liked, and knew she liked me, because of who the girl was.”
“Don’t say it,” she interrupts and covers her face with her hands.
“Graycen, look at me please,” I say softly and lay my hand on her shoulder.
“Just leave me alone,” she responds, and I sigh.
“I can’t do that,” I tell her and shift so I’m facing her. “Graycen, you’re the girl.”
“Don’t Rico,” she says and jumps to her feet. “Don’t tell me that. Don’t tell me you were dating my sister, my twin, my best friend, but you liked me.”
“Gavyn broke up with me that night,” I tell her as she’s st
alking toward the door. “She told me she wanted me to be happy, and she knew I’d never be truly happy with her.”
“Stop!” She shouts and runs from the Chapel.
“Shit,” I mutter, then look at the Chaplain. “Sorry.”
“In this case, I think that sums up the situation perfectly,” he says with a chuckle. “May I offer some advice?”
“Please,” I say.
“Be patient with her,” he says, and I raise a questioning eyebrow at him. “I watched the two of you from the time you walked in. She’s hesitant around you, and I have a good idea why after hearing what you were talking about. She’s also dealing with something right now, something other than what you just told her. If I had to guess, her emotions are on overload, and are close to imploding. Give her time and space and let her come to you when she’s ready.”
“I have loved her since we were kids,” I tell him as I rise and walk over to the donation box. I slip a couple dollars inside then look over at him. “If I’ve learned anything about her over the years I’ve known her, it’s that once she makes up her mind about something, or someone, it rarely changes.”
“There’s a first time for everything,” he tells me, and I sigh. “Don’t give up on her, or yourself. If the two of you are meant to be together, then you will be.”
“Thanks,” I tell him with a small smile. I need to get out of here, away from the hospital, and I know just where I need to go.
“You’re welcome, and good luck,” he says as I walk to the door. I don’t stop walking until I’m at my car.
I look back at the hospital doors before I unlock my car and slide inside. I shoot Xander a quick text telling him he’ll have to find another way home, then I start the car and head back to Gainesville. There’s only one person I can really talk to right now, and I know just where to find her.
Chapter Eleven
Graycen
It’s been a little over forty-eight hours since I found my mom unconscious on my bed. She woke up a couple hours after they moved her into ICU, but she refused to talk to anyone. She’s undergoing tests right now, but they should be moving her to a facility in Gainesville later this week.
Changing Lanes (Lake Park University Book 1) Page 6
