“Hi,” he responds just a softly. “How’d your match go?”
“We won,” I answer then sit on the bed. It’s Tuesday night, and I haven’t talked to him since he left my room on Sunday morning.
“Congratulations, baby,” he says, and I hear a catch in his voice. “I’m sorry.”
“Ethan,” I start then stop when the door opens and Wren walks in. “Hang on a second.”
“Okay,” he responds.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell Wren then step out into the hall. I walk into the stairwell before I turn my attention back to the phone. “Sorry, Wren came in and I haven’t told the team about what happened yet.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not sure what’s going to happen yet, and I don’t want them to shun you if we can work this out,” I answer honestly then sigh. “I’m trying to get through this week so we can see each other and talk.”
“I’m surprised you want to see me at all,” he confesses. “I am so sorry, Graycen. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I know I will never be able to apologize enough for what I did, but I will keep apologizing until the end of time if you want me to.”
“I don’t know what I want right now,” I tell him as I fight to keep the tears forming in my eyes from falling.
“I know what I want,” he says, and I can hear the sadness in his voice. “I want to go back in time and not be a dumbass.”
“Have you figured out why you did it yet?” I ask. That’s the one question I know I’m going to need an answer to before I can even think about forgiving him.
“No,” he answers in a defeated voice. “I’m not even attracted to the girl I was with. She’s the complete opposite of you, in looks and personality.”
“Maybe that’s why,” I mutter, and he sighs.
“Graycen, I love your looks and personality. I love everything about you,” he tells me. “I know I completely screwed up, and I will spend the rest of my life regretting that.”
“I don’t know if I can trust you again, Ethan,” I tell him honestly. “I’d find everything easier to forgive if you could figure out why.”
“I wish I could tell you that,” he responds then sighs again. “I love you, Graycen. I know that’s not enough, but please don’t forget that.”
“I love you too, but sometimes love isn’t enough,” I mutter just as the door to the stairwell opens and Rico pokes his head in.
“Ethan?” He mouths without making a sound. When I nod, he takes a step back and lets the door close softly behind him.
“I know,” he says and his voice catches. “I’ll let you go so you can celebrate with your team. We’ll talk this weekend, right?”
“Yes,” I answer.
“Can I pick you up from work on Saturday afternoon?”
“No,” I answer immediately. “I’ll drive.”
“Okay,” he responds, and I hear a hint of frustration in his voice, which I choose to ignore.
“I get off at three, and we can meet at Cellon Oak Park on our hill,” I tell him. “I’ll even bring you a bacon cheeseburger.”
“Just like always,” he mutters, and I frown a little.
“Ethan,” I say as tears form in my eyes. “I…”
“It’s okay, Graycen,” he interrupts me. “I know you’re trying, and I’m so very thankful for that.”
“I’ll see you Saturday,” I tell him and look at the door. I’m nearly certain Rico is still standing on the other side of it. “I need to get back to the team. I’m sure they’re wondering where I’m at.”
“Okay, baby,” he says softly. “I’ll talk to you Saturday. Be safe heading back in the morning.”
“Bye, Ethan,” I say and end the call before he can comment then look at the door. “You can come in now, Rico.”
“You okay?” He asks as soon as he opens the door.
I nod, but don’t speak as tears fill my eyes.
“Shit,” he says when a tear slips out and trails down my cheek.
“I’m okay,” I try to tell him, but his arms are around me before I finish speaking, and my head in pressed against his chest.
The feel of his arms is comforting in a way I never imagined possible, and I let the tears flow as he holds me tightly against his body.
“Come on,” he says when the tears finally slow.
“Where?” I ask, not wanting to see anyone right now.
“My room,” he answers without hesitation. “I have a room to myself this trip, and you’ll be able to pull yourself together some before heading back to your room.”
“Wren’s probably not in there,” I tell him as he opens the door and peeks into the hall. He looks around for a moment before he pulls me through the door.
“Maybe, but do you want to take that chance?” He asks as he leads me down the hall to his door.
I don’t have a chance to respond before he unlocks his door and we’re inside. When the door closes behind us, he pulls me against his chest again and gently rubs my back.
“Rico,” I say softly.
“Just let me be a friend,” he says gently.
“Okay,” I respond, nearly silently, and wrap my arms around his waist.
Unlike Ethan, who has the long, lean swimmer’s build, Rico is thicker, and I can feel his muscles under my hands. I knew he utilized the school’s athletic gym, but I wasn’t quite ready for the results to be right under my hands. My hands start roaming his back and my fingers skim over his muscles as they trail up to his shoulder blades.
“Graycen,” he mutters, and my hands stop moving. I can hear the strain in his voice, and I know.
“I’m sorry,” I say and drop my hands. I try pulling from his arms, but he only tightens his hold on me.
“No,” he whispers into my hair as he inhales deeply. “Just a minute more.”
“Rico,” I say softly as he bends his head and nuzzles against my neck. For a moment, I think he’s going to kiss my neck, but then he rises his head and looks at me. A jolt of disappointment shoots through me, taking me by surprise.
“Graycen,” he says softly then releases me and takes a step back.
“What’s happening here?” I ask as I wrap my arms around myself.
“Nothing,” he answers and reaches out to brush a tear off my cheek. “And everything. Come here, I need to tell you something.”
I nod as he takes my hand and pulls me to the chair at the small desk. He pulls it out, and I sit in it before he releases my hand and backs away. When his legs hit the bed, he sits and looks at the floor for a second.
“You’re scaring me, Rico,” I say softly. and he looks back up at me.
“You’re the only one who calls me Rico anymore,” he tells me. “Abuela even calls me Al now.”
“Why?” I ask. Everyone back in Miami called him Rico when we were younger.
“On the night I was shot, and Gav was killed, Rico died too. I lost everything that night, just as you did. Papá and Abuela were there when I woke up. When Abuela told me about Gavyn, something inside me broke. I was never the same. Then, when I was released from the hospital, I came to see you and your parents. Your mom answered the door, and she refused to let me in. She yelled at me, and said some pretty horrible things, and told me none of you wanted me in your life,” he tells me. “I went home, locked myself in my bedroom, and slit both my wrists.”
He turns his hands over and I see the thin scars I’d never noticed before. “Rico.”
“It’s okay, Graycen,” he tells me, and I look into his eyes. “I already blamed myself for Gav dying, and hearing your mom say those things to me just made me hate myself more. Abuela knew something was wrong when we got back home, and she came to check on me. She was nearly too late, and there are still days I wish she had been.”
“Mom should have never made you feel that way,” I tell him.
“Why? It was true. You all blamed me for her being killed,” he says as tears swim in his eyes.
“I didn’t,” I
tell him. “Not at first, anyway. I blamed the man who shot you both, and the justice system for him being on the streets, but I didn’t blame you.”
“What changed?”
“Mom,” I answer and stand. I walk to him and sit beside him on the bed. “I asked to go see you, and Mom refused to take me. She even went as far as to tell me you didn’t want to see any of us, and I believed her. I was trapped inside myself and believed her.”
“You were fourteen and your entire world was crashing around you,” he tells me as he reaches up and brushes another tear from my cheek. “After I was released from the hospital for the second time, I truly buried Rico, and became who I am now. Seeing you again, getting to know you again, it’s changed me again. I’ll never be the boy you knew back then, but I would love for you to really get to know the man I am today.”
“I am so sorry I believed her,” I mutter but he shakes his head.
“You were fourteen, Graycen,” he says and it’s my turn to shake my head.
“And you were only sixteen,” I counter as tears fall from my eyes again. “You’d been through hell, and survived, only to be pushed into a different kind of hell by someone who should have been there to help you.”
“Shh,” he says and pulls me against his side. “It’s all in the past now. What’s done is done, and we can’t go back and change it. All we can do is move forward and see what happens next.”
“I haven’t told Mom that you’re a part of my life again,” I confess, and he pulls away to look at me. “I was planning on telling her the day I found her passed out on my bed, and since then there hasn’t been a good time to tell her.”
“Why were you going to tell her then?” He asks the one question I was hoping he wouldn’t ask.
“Because you are part of my life, Rico. Not just as a teammate, but as a friend,” I tell him, keeping part of the truth to myself.
“Is that all?” He asks.
“I don’t know,” I confess and look at my hands.
“I know,” he says as he lifts my face with a finger under my chin. When he lowers his head, I tell myself to pull back, but my body doesn’t listen to my brain and his lips brush over mine. His kiss is soft and ends nearly before it begins.
“Rico,” I say softly, but he shakes his head.
“Don’t,” he says then releases my chin. “I know you’re confused about Ethan, and now probably about me, but I couldn’t let you walk out of here with any question in your mind about what I want.”
“And what do you want?”
“I want it all, Graycen,” he answers then rises to his feet and holds his hand out to help me to mine. “Why don’t you go to your room and think about what you want?”
“Yeah, okay,” I mutter then walk to the door. I pause before opening it and look back at him over my shoulder. “Remember what you said to me in the hospital Chapel?”
“Yeah,” he answers and takes a step closer to me.
“What you said about the girl you liked liking you too, well, it’s true. I liked you, probably more than I ever admitted to myself, but I stepped back and let Gavyn have you because I loved her more than I loved anyone else in my life,” I confess then look back at the door. “All the years, all the anger, all the tears; none of it has changed how I feel about you.”
“Graycen,” he whispers with a catch in his voice.
“I can’t be with you right now, though,” I add then open the door. “Maybe someday, but not today.”
With that, I walk out the door and close it behind me. I look at the door to my room and decide against returning to it right now. Instead, I walk to the stairwell and head to the lobby of the hotel we’re staying at and straight out the door. My conversation with Rico has given me a lot to think about, and now I’m more confused than ever.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Rico
“Shit,” I mutter and run my hands through my hair. I’ve been in a constant state of frustration since my conversation with Gray on Tuesday, and I haven’t talked to her since. We have practice today, and I know I can’t avoid talking to her any longer. We have to talk about what was said in my room Tuesday night, but there’s no way in hell we’ll be talking about that in front of the team.
“Hey, Al,” Wes calls out when he walks into the bowling alley. “Have you seen Gray today?”
“She was in class this morning,” I tell him. “Why, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t know,” he answers and pulls out his phone. “But she texted me and told me she wouldn’t be at practice today. Said she already talked to Coach and he okayed her missing since we don’t have another match till after Thanksgiving.”
“Shit,” I say again and look around for Coach. When I spot him talking to Ryder and Micah, I walk over to him.
“Hey, Al,” Ryder greets me. “Coach was just telling us that Gray won’t be at practice.”
“Why?” I ask and look at Coach.
“Personal reasons,” he answers without looking at me. “Ones I promised I’d not discuss with anyone.”
“Damnit,” I say softly and look at the other guys.
“Do you know something, Al?” Ryder asks, and I shake my head. There’s no way in hell I’m going to tell any of them about her and Ethan, or about her and I.
“She was pretty upset Tuesday night when she got back to our room. Looked like she’d been crying,” Wren tells everyone. “She left about three hours before that on the phone. I have no idea who she was talking to, but her facial expression was serious, and her voice seemed strained.”
“She was talking to Ethan,” Wes tells them.
“She doesn’t want them to know, Wes,” I remind him, but he shakes his head.
“If she’s missing practice, they need to know,” he tells me and looks at the others. “She and Ethan sorta broke up Sunday morning.”
“But she was at the match Tuesday, and bowled phenomenally,” Joy reminds us. “I don’t think she’d let a breakup stop her from bowling.”
“She wouldn’t,” I tell them all and close my eyes. “I’m pretty sure she isn’t here because of me.”
“Explain,” Wes says, and I can hear the protectiveness in his voice.
“After practice,” I respond, but Coach shakes his head.
“I don’t think we’re going to have practice today. If one of my bowlers is missing practice because of something another bowler said or did, then I need to know about it,” he says, and I look at all the faces glaring at me.
“Jeez, guys,” I say and run my hand through my hair. “I didn’t say or do anything to hurt or upset her. We talked Tuesday night after she got off the phone with Ethan. I found her crying in the stairwell of the hotel, and I took her back to my room so no one would see her and ask a bunch of questions she didn’t want to answer at the time.”
“You already knew about her and Ethan?” Brennon asks.
“Yes,” I answer and look at Wes. “Wes and I both knew, but she didn’t want to tell anyone else before the two of them got a chance to talk. She wants to see what happens between them before she says anything.”
“You two talking wouldn’t make her miss practice,” Ryder says and narrows his eyes at me.
“True, but the topic may have,” I tell them then shake my head. “We discussed why I go by Al now instead of Rico.”
“Shit,” Micah says and shakes his head. “Coach, did she say she was going to see her mom?”
“Yes,” Coach answers. “Said she needed to finalize her mom’s discharge.”
“She’s going to confront her mom,” I mutter and shake my head. “I have to stop her.”
“No,” Wes says and lays his hand on my shoulder. “She needs to do this. It’s been a long time coming.”
“What are you talking about?” Coach asks.
“Long story,” Wes says then walks away to grab his bowling bag. “I’m going to wait for her at the rehab facility. She’s going to need someone there when she comes out.”
“I’m
going, too,” I say and grab my gear, too. “She’s doing this because of me, and I need to know she’s okay.”
“We should all go,” Ryder says, but Joy shakes her head.
“No. Wes and Al need to go. They’re the only two who know everything that’s going on, and if we’re all there, it may make things worse for her. Let them check on her, then they will let us all know what’s going on, right?”
“Yeah,” I answer even though I have zero intention of telling them anything other than if she’s okay or not.
“Let’s go,” Wes says then walks from the bowling alley. I follow him out and walk straight to my car.
“I’ll follow you,” I call out after I load my gear. He nods then slams his trunk closed.
The drive to the rehab facility is short, and I spot Gray’s car as soon as we pull into the parking lot.
“Let’s wait for her here,” Wes says after he’s out of his car and leaning against hers. “That way she’ll see us as soon as she walks out.”
“Good idea,” I mutter and lean against her car beside him. We stand there in silence for a couple of minutes before I sigh and run my hands through my hair. “I kissed her Tuesday night. She told me she was going to tell her mom about me being on the team the day she found her unconscious. I asked her why, and she told me because she wanted us to be friends again, but I knew there was more to it, so when she wouldn’t meet my gaze or answer my question, I kissed her.”
“She likes you, Al,” Wes tells me, and I nod. “Hell, she probably loves you, but she’s not ready to be with you.”
“I know,” I tell him. “She told me as much before she left my room. She told me she’s liked me since we were younger, but she stepped back because she loved Gav more than anything and wanted to see her happy. Gav was doing the same thing the night she was killed. That’s why we left the bowling alley that night. Gavyn broke up with me and gave me her blessing to be with Graycen.”
“Does Gray know that?”
“Yeah,” I answer and run my hand through my hair again. “I told her when we all went to the hospital that night.”
Changing Lanes (Lake Park University Book 1) Page 22
