But she couldn’t do that. She was already gone.
Because the truth was, Nibo was her life, her breath.
Everything. She couldn’t imagine not having him with her.
His body heat reached out to her and she raised her hips to him to let him know that she was ready. With a groan, he buried his face in her neck and slid inside her.
All of a sudden, a horrible, body-wrenching pain tore through her and she buried her nails into his flesh. It seemed as if she were being cleaved in two. Her stomach lurched and burned as she gasped from the agony of it all.
“Are you all right, ma petite?”
Sinking her hand in Nibo’s hair, she nodded, though honestly, she didn’t really feel that way.
As if he could sense it, he smiled down at her and fingered her cheek. It was the most intimate moment of her life to have him looking at her like that while she could feel him buried deep within her body.
And when he began to slowly thrust against her hips, she bit her bottom lip as her pain gave way to spiraling waves of pleasure. Nibo’s lips teased her with a knowing grin. “That’s it, mon ange.”
Nibo froze an instant as he watched the heated look in Vala’s eyes. There was something in her innocence that captivated him in a way nothing ever had before. It was as if it reached out and pulled a vital part of him out of his body, or perhaps it was a vital piece of his soul.
He couldn’t really explain it. It was just something he felt. In that moment, he knew he’d never again be the same.
And he knew the instant he was completely lost to her, because with his lovers, he was always in control. He always had restraint.
It wasn’t like that with her. Quicker than ever before, he came in a blinding white-hot moment of ecstasy, and there was nothing he could do to stop or delay it.
Panting and weak, he felt her stiffen the instant he filled her. It was as if she were in utter agony.
Valynda lay there on the edge of screaming as she struggled to understand what had just happened to her.
“Vala?” Nibo pulled out so that he could look down at her. His voice sounded so far away that she longed to ask him where he’d gone.
Yet her head spun as if she were the one down a hole. Strange lights and images spiraled around her, stealing her breath. A hundred foreign voices spoke simultaneously, some accusing, some in pity. Her chest tight, she tried to focus her thoughts, but like someone drowning at sea, she couldn’t find anything solid to grasp on to.
Then, in the fury of her mind, she clearly saw Nibo in his field, the day his brother killed him.
There was no missing the blood and the anger in his brother’s eyes as he’d beat him again and again, without mercy.
Then she saw Qeenan’s shame as he tried to hide Nibo’s body so that no one could find it. So that no one would ever know what he’d done to his own twin …
And that wasn’t the only vision in her head.
“Nay!” Scrambling away from him, she grabbed her discarded gown to cover herself with as she wept in near hysterical panic. She cowered next to a fallen tree, too horrified by the images and feelings inside her to think. “What have I done?”
Nibo looked at her as if she’d struck him, and he slowly moved to her side and retrieved his breeches. The pain in his eyes told her that he thought her rejection was of him.
Wiping away her tears, Valynda swallowed the painful knot in her throat and stiffened her spine against the terrible, unbelievable truth she must deliver to him.
“It’s not you, Nibo,” she whispered. She glanced up but couldn’t bring herself to face the bitter rejection that burned in his eyes.
Why? she wanted to scream. What had just happened? Why had she seen all those horrific images?
Of the past. Of a future that made no sense to her.
But no answer came, only more pain, more regret …
More guilt.
And of one thing she couldn’t seem to deny. “I—I have damned us both.”
A frown lined his brow as he moved to touch her, and though he appeared calm, she could sense some roiling anger inside him. “How so?”
Valynda closed her eyes in an effort to banish the warmth of his hand against her bare shoulder that she didn’t feel like she deserved.
And shunning Nibo was the last thing she wanted to do. But she had to keep him safe. But if what she saw was the truth, she had to keep away from him. For both their sakes.
Yet, she needed this man with her, and that need was what would cause his damnation! It was what would eventually cause her own.
How could she tell him that? He’d never believe her. Worse, he might think her mad and have her committed. Honestly, she found it impossible to believe, and she was the one who’d seen the visions.
Maybe they’re not premonitions.
Maybe they were dreams. A hallucination of some kind.
Aye, maybe I just ate bad clams.
She knew better.
“Vala, what has caused you such distress?”
Why couldn’t she tell him? It should be easy, and yet nothing would come out.
How could she tell him that if he stayed with her they would both be damned to that future?
“You will think me mad.”
He brushed her hair away from her shoulder. “I will never think that of you.”
She shook her head, refusing his reassurance. She must maintain distance between them to avoid her nightmare.
Nibo gently took her chin. “Tell me, mon ange.”
Valynda bit her lip. She owed him an explanation for her hysterics. In his eyes she saw his fear that she had rejected him, and his earlier anger no longer seemed important to her. Pain coiled inside her and she knew she couldn’t allow him to believe that she had spurned him when he was her very life.
Before she could think, the truth tumbled from her lips. “I see a future where you die.”
Nibo laughed. “I can’t die, Vala. I’m already dead.”
She sighed and reached for him, but her hand stopped just inches from his cheek. She lowered her arm to her side and cast her gaze to the beach around them. “I know you don’t believe me, but I swear ’tis the truth. You are hell bound.”
Nibo looked away as he heard her words, his heart strangely blank. It was as if his body didn’t know how to react and so decided to feel nothing.
She was right. He did think her insane. There was no other explanation for that.
Of all the women alive, he had finally found one who warmed his life, one who filled the emptiness of his heart, and one who was obviously deranged.
“I am not mad!” She glared at him. “I know you don’t believe me, but you must! I saw it, Nibo. I did.”
He just stared at her. Not even the urge to curse came to him. He had no rational response for this, as it was a totally new experience for him, which, given the wide range of things that had happened to him over the centuries, said a lot.
“It’ll be all right, Vala.”
Yet it hadn’t been. It had been so far from all right as to be ludicrous.
Most had the gift of foresight at birth and lost it with their virginity. Leave it to her to get her powers in reverse. Somehow, Nibo had bestowed them on her inadvertently when he first slept with her.
If only she’d known how to channel them. Or if those powers had been better tuned so that she could have seen more clearly what they entailed. But by the time she realized what it was that she’d seen and how to use those powers, it’d been too late.
She’d been dead.
And damned—just as she’d predicted.
Because she’d fought against who and what she was, too ashamed and too embarrassed by herself to embrace it, she’d let the mores of others dictate her life for her. She’d been so focused on trying to be like others that she’d let it ruin her life, and what had it gotten her?
Her friends still hadn’t accepted her into their elite social circles. Not fully. She was their friend only when others we
ren’t around or available. When it was convenient for them and when it wouldn’t embarrass them.
Her parents she’d spent her life trying to please had betrayed her and sold her out. And in the end, what had it gotten them? Her mother had killed herself and her father was ruined.
She’d died alone at the hands of a selfish bastard who hated her. Given all that, Valynda should have been true to herself and stayed with Nibo. The world be damned. She would have been better off.
At least she wouldn’t have been any worse off. Dead was dead.
Then again, Xuri had been just as bad. Too afraid to stand up to his own friends and family, he’d hidden their relationship just as much as she did. His friends and family knew no more about his real nature than those around her had known hers.
He kept himself every bit as hidden.
The two of them were shadow people moving around, barely seen and vaguely known by the people who interacted with them. No one could be bothered to learn anything about them. For in the end, the heart was ever deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who could ever know it?
Be careful the chosen path and the webs of practiced deceit, for where they led, all were responsible for the outcome of their fate.
Good or bad, no one could be blamed save the person who brought favor or destruction down upon their own head.
Life was ever a complicated tapestry woven by those decisions, large and small, made every day.
“I don’t want to be your shadow person anymore, Xuri.”
He’d scowled at her. “Pardon?”
Valynda sighed as she reached up and cupped his cheek. Her heart ached for what he’d never been able to give her. While he was loyal and he loved her, he just hadn’t been there in the way that mattered most.
He kept denying her in front of his nanchon. That wasn’t what she wanted. Not for her and not for him.
They both deserved more.
They both deserved better.
“Xuri—”
“Don’t push me away, Vala. Please.”
God, how she wanted to. But that simple plea undid her. Mostly because she knew it wasn’t in him to utter such a thing. Such platitudes and niceties weren’t a part of his nature. He didn’t have to deign to such, and she hated herself for the weakness.
You hate him! He betrayed you!
Words so easily spoken, but emotions weren’t so easy to manipulate, and the head had nothing to do with her heart, as that stupid organ didn’t listen to reason, for it had no ears.
Damn them for it! Why couldn’t anyone ever reason with emotions?
Wouldn’t the world be better off if fear and hate and love and betrayal could be reasoned with? Why was it so damn hard to make them listen!
Yet the moment his lips touched hers, she was undone by them.
And before she knew it, he was pulling her into the hold of her ship, and into a darkened corner where she was his willing captive in a madness that she knew would have an even worse ending.
Her heart quickened with every kiss and caress. It’d been so long since anyone had touched her. Since she’d been able to really touch another. She was overwhelmed by the sensations of nerve endings.
And when Nibo entered her, she cried out in pure bliss, especially as he licked and teased her breasts in time to his strokes. Damn the man for being so flexible and talented. But then he was known for his skills in this department.
There was no way of denying this part of him. She should have known that.
He was a creature of sex. More so than any other. It fueled his powers and invigorated him.
“I’ve missed you so much, Vala!” His tone was so deep and throaty that it sent a chill over her.
“And I you.”
His arms tightened around her. When he held her like this, it was easy to pretend that he wasn’t a loa. That he was just a man who loved her—and maybe that was the problem.
She’d lied to herself so many times. Filled her own head with dreams of what she’d wanted him to be and made him into someone he wasn’t. Instead of allowing him to be who and what he was, she had fancied him as someone else, and that wasn’t his fault. He’d never once lied to her about who and what he was.
I’m to blame.
“I’m sorry, Xuri.”
He pulled back with a frown. “For what?”
“For being the one who didn’t see you.”
He frowned at her. “I don’t understand.”
Valynda kissed his lips as she felt her heart breaking at a truth she should have realized sooner. “I asked for more than you could give me.”
Nibo froze as he heard the pain in her voice. That was the last thing he wanted while he made love to her. “Nay, Vala. You never asked that. I’ve given you everything I have.”
She placed her hand over the opening in his shirt that he hadn’t bothered to remove. “Nay, love, you didn’t.”
Biting his lip, he swept his shirt off over his head to show her a small red vèvè of roses and skulls he’d tattooed over his heart. Similar in design to his own personal vèvè, this one was different. Taking her hand, he ran her fingertips over the design. “I merged us, Vala. Don’t you understand?”
Tears welled in her eyes as she saw what he’d done and realized its significance. “But you didn’t defend me to the others.”
“Because they would have gone after you. And they did.” He swallowed hard. “They kept me locked out so that I couldn’t help you.”
In that moment, she saw him desperate at the gates while she’d been killed. Heard his screams as he tried to break through so that he could help her.
He was inconsolable in his grief and rage.
And then she saw what no one had told her about that night.
Thorn.
The two of them had met in Thorn’s hall on the Nether Realm of Azmodea. Nibo had been uncomfortable but determined. What he did was against all the rules. Had he been found there, he could have been destroyed.
For her, he’d risked the wrath of multiple gods. He’d risked his own existence.
“You know there’s nothing I can do.”
“I don’t give a fuck, Leucious. And I know better.”
Thorn had grimaced at his real name that he despised, as it gave Nibo as much control over him as it did whenever someone used Xuri for Nibo. “Well, Xuri, I have nothing with which to bargain, and how can I bring back someone who has no physical remains? Of all creatures, you know what you’re asking is impossible.”
Nibo’s eyes had flickered red in the darkness of Thorn’s office, where a bright fire burned in a black fireplace. “Maman can fix that.”
“Brig?” Thorn had burst into laughter as he sat in his throne-like chair, watching Nibo pace before his hearth. “You’d have me negotiate with her?”
He paused to arch a brow. “That a problem for you?”
“Little bit, aye.”
“How so?”
His eyes haunted, Thorn had clutched at a peculiar pendant he wore about his neck. One of a three-headed dragon. “We have a past I’d rather not discuss. Suffice it to say, we’re not friendly … unless you plan to offer her my testicles. And for the record, those I’m not willing to give up.”
Nibo’s eyes widened. “You’re the husband she speaks of?”
Laughing bitterly, he shook his head. “Nay. I’m the one she never speaks of.”
“Yet you will do me this favor.” Not a question. Nibo had demanded it.
Valynda saw that now. He hadn’t betrayed her or forgotten her, after all. For her, he’d defied them all.
She felt terrible for ever doubting him. For allowing others to put such treachery in her heart. But it was easy to let others plant those seeds of doubt. Especially given her past, when she’d been told repeatedly that she was unworthy of love or affection from anyone. When not even her own parents had cared what happened to her. How could she believe someone as wonderful as Nibo could want or love her when they didn’t?
It still didn’t seem possible. Yet it was unfair of her to judge him because they were lacking.
“I’m sorry I doubted you. That I let others divide us.” Something too easy to do, as they had agendas of their own. Agendas that weren’t in Valynda’s and Nibo’s best interests.
But it was easy to get caught up in other people’s drama and to let them fill her head and heart with their lies and misconceptions. Belle had been right.
She should have gone to Nibo sooner and should have never sought out others to validate her own insecurities.
She should have trusted in Nibo.
“I don’t give my loyalty lightly, Vala. But when I do, it’s true and unyielding. You know this.”
She did. “But the others …”
“Are against us still.”
That was what made it hard.
“You will always be mon ange.” Kissing her, he deepened his strokes, and this time, she swore she could feel him all the way to her soul.
Sighing, she dug her nails into his back as she met him as an equal.
And this time, they came together.
Valynda held Nibo as she felt his heart racing in time to hers and his breathing began to slow in her ear.
“I love you, Xuri.”
“Et tu.”
She reveled in the warmth of him. If she could, she’d stay like this for all eternity. But unfortunately, they had to get dressed and return to the real world. To deal with problems that wouldn’t cease.
And drive evil back all the way back to Death’s Door.
Sadness gripped her as she toyed with the feathers in his hair and his curls that locked themselves around her fingers. Her beautiful Xuri.
After he fastened his breeches, he helped her straighten her gown. Then he kissed her shoulder and smoothed down her hair. “You are the most magnificent woman I’ve ever seen.”
Valynda smiled. “And I love that you lie to me like that.”
He tsked at her. “Why do you say such things?”
“Because I’ve seen Erzuli and Belle and Marcelina, so I know for a fact that you’ve seen far more beautiful women, but I will take that compliment and run with it.”
Nibo started to laugh, until he noticed something moving near them.
Instinctively, he pulled Valynda behind him to protect her, then used his powers to blast at what appeared to be a stain moving along the wall.
At Death's Door (Deadman's Cross Book 3) Page 16
