by C R Martens
She could hear them behind her trying to climb the hedge; one thumped to the ground and shouted to the other to go around and try and cut her off. The garden she had landed in was bare with no obstacles, but her ripping through the hedge startled the people in the house. They noticed her but didn’t have time to react.
Remembering the street she came from, she guesstimated that by going left down the street she was less likely to run into the other police officer. She had to run, though; these were Danish police officers and it was highly likely they were fit enough for a long run. She made her way through the traffic, not looking back, the afternoon traffic was starting to get busy. Taking every turn she could, zig zagging her way left and back towards the city, Eve ran. She didn’t stop for anything. She didn’t care if the officer wasn’t behind her, she had something to run off. Anger was rushing through her, someone had called the police while she was there. It couldn’t have been by chance they came by that house to investigate it when it had been weeks since the killings had happened. She ran 13 kilometres, and she didn’t stop until she reached the street of FIA’s safe flat. Eve had barely turned the corner when blue lights reflected in the windows on the street, making her stop her running abruptly. This definitely wasn’t a coincidence. Someone was orchestrating the Danish police, pushing them in her direction.
“Cain,” he said, answering his phone. “Hello?”
“The police are on my tail.” Eve hesitated. “How could they know about the firm’s house?”
“Too much time spent by the desk.” He was stalling. “You are losing your touch.”
“Well, that’s a load of shit,” she retorted. “Ever since Harlow’s death I have been under investigation. Why is that?
“I don’t know what you are talking about. You went through a mandatory debrief counselling with a licensed psychologist as per FIA protocol,” he said calmly. “Maybe you have a touch of paranoia. It can creep up in this line of work.”
“Is that your answer?” she responded. “What I do know is that none of what has happened this past week has been random. So, don’t act coy, Cain, because I am better at this game than you ever were and ever will be. I know you are keeping things from me regarding Harlow’s death and trust me when I say this – I will figure out what they are.”
“What number are you calling from?” He was calm in his response. As if he already knew how this would end.
“Bye, Cain.” Eve hung up. She turned her back to the blue lights and walked away. Halfway down the side street she removed the sim card from the phone and broke it, throwing it in the sewer. Wiping the phone clean of prints, she dumped it in the trashcan at the corner of the next street. Eve walked onto the busy high street and disappeared in the evening crowd. All her life she had always known what people were saying without them saying it, she could read them before they opened their mouths. Eve had always had the upper hand, but right now she couldn’t tell her left from her right. She was doubting everything and trusting no one, not even herself.
12.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, not trusting myself was one of them. It took me a long time to come to terms with the events of my childhood, but I know now that they ultimately created who I am today.
“Are you here to break up with me?” he asked, holding her naked body tight.
“Yes,” Eve replied softly, pushing against him. She wanted to look him in the eyes.
“Don’t leave. Not yet.” He held her even tighter; he didn’t want to face her. He didn’t want to face the truth that she was leaving him no matter what.
“I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for settling down. I’m not sure I want marriage or children,” Eve said, pushing away to face him, this time succeeding. He could barely look at her but she needed him to understand; there wasn’t room for misinterpretation.
“I don’t need all of that if it means losing you.” He was ready to give up everything for her.
“If things were right, Patrick, you wouldn’t have to give up any of those things.” She cradled his face with her hands. She wanted him to know that this was inevitable, but her internal struggle was very real. Eve felt she was being torn in two different directions at once.
“Did I ruin it?” His question was a surprise. “Did I go too fast, too soon?
“No. No, this is me knowing exactly what I want a little too clearly,” she said. “I wish I could be content with being happy because you do make me happy. But knowing what you want out of life makes it impossible for me to stay. I’m simply not ready and I am not sure if I’ll ever be.”
Lying had never been more difficult. They lay there the whole night, him, awake, holding onto her until she fell asleep. Eve had finally done what she had been contemplating for months, but despite her feelings towards him, she knew it was the right decision.
The next morning when he had finally succumbed to tiredness, Eve quietly snuck out. Once outside she felt she could finally breathe the free air again. Her heart was heavy; she had loved Patrick and he was the type of man she could see herself settling down with at some point. But she knew all too well what happened to people in her business when they found themselves in a relationship. He was a liability and she was addicted to her work, not ready to give it up yet. No sooner than Eve had thought this, her phone rang.
“Hello,” Eve said.
“Where are you?” Harlow asked.
“In Denmark,” Eve replied, but Harlow already knew that. Eve had fought hard to keep her relationship a secret but Harlow had eventually found out. So now it was over.
“Is it done?” Harlow asked.
“Yes. I’m free.” Eve exhaled. “Do you have something for me?”
“Good. Yes, I do.” Harlow was efficient. “The travel documents are for the French passport. Do you have a full kit or do you need a rendezvous, so to speak?”
“I’m good to go.” Eve’s adrenalin surged through her body – it was the thrill of a new assignment. She got in her car and sped out of the gravel dirt road and onto the main road. This was what she was made for and she couldn’t deny it, but did that make it right?
It took her thirty seconds to flashback through that memory standing on the dirt road looking in through Patrick’s window. In her effort to avoid the cameras, she had walked halfway out of the city before she dared take a bus the final stretch into the countryside. It had been years since she’d left him, it had been during her early days with FIA.
She stood there in the dark while the rain poured down, watching for half an hour to see if anyone else was there. He lived quite remote from Copenhagen; he was a wildlife photographer and he preferred to be close to nature. Eve’s heart was pounding as she finally made her way up to the front door. Everything was moving in slow motion, her legs felt heavy as though her body was telling her not to do it. She was going against everything she had been taught. From the first day in training they taught you to distance yourself from your family and friends. You have to be willing to deny your own identity and every bit of your true self; this way, if the enemy catches you, it’s easier. If you aren’t as close to your family and friends, your enemy won’t have any pressure points to use against you in an interrogation. You are on the job around the clock and the job needs full attention at all times so eventually the lines start to blur. Eve worked all hours, she never shut down and the line between her work and private life soon didn’t exist. The number of friends Eve had dwindled to the point that they weren’t actually her friends anymore. They had become a liability, she only talked to them if she randomly ran into them in London or Copenhagen. Eve tried to avoid the areas they lived or worked in, which is why she was very discrete. You can’t be loud and flamboyant, not in your life and certainly not in your job. Eve’s job was a secret from her family and friends, but right now Eve needed someone she knew. And Patrick was the only person she could think of who could handle it. She rang the doorbell and the longest moment went by.
“You?” He stood hal
f in shock, half in anger.
“Yes, me. Do you have a girlfriend or wife?” Eve asked bluntly. She knew how invasive that question sounded after all this time.
“What?” He half laughed. “What the hell kind of question is that?”
“I will explain,” Eve replied, standing soaking wet. “But I need to know that we won’t be disturbed by anyone.”
“I’m alone,” he said finally. He stood firmly in the doorway, considering whether or not to let her in at all.
“I am desperate.” Eve had never played the helpless card, but at this moment she needed help and he might be the only person she could trust even if only for a little while. “I need your help.”
“Come in.” He stepped aside and she walked past him. “I’ll get you a towel.”
Eve stood in the front entrance, dripping on the floor. Most people would be shaking from the cold rain but she had been through worse, not to mention her training, where she had been taught to withstand the elements. She took off her shoes and jacket when Patrick came back with a towel. Throwing it to her, he walked briskly past Eve and through to the living room. Eve followed, keeping her bag close to her and at a respectful distance from him.
“I’m sorry for just walking out on you,” she started. She knew he would be angry and he had every right to be so she needed to get that out of the way before she could explain anything else. “I was young and I didn’t know how else to explain myself.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye.” He sat on the sofa. “I woke up to not only an empty bed the next morning, but an empty home. A phone that was no longer in service and emails that kept bouncing back. You didn’t just walk out on me, you disappeared completely.”
“I know. If given the choice between saying ‘goodbye’ and running away, I will always run away. I’m not good with goodbyes.” Eve was hesitant, not knowing how to deal with his anger. “I couldn’t be with you – my job prevented it. There simply isn’t room for personal relationships.”
“Your job?” He looked confused. “You were a student when we met. I know university is tough but most people wing it and grow and learn from their experience there. That’s a part of life – learning to be responsible for your actions and decisions.”
“Technically, yes, I was a student, but mostly that was a cover for what I was really doing.” Eve sat in the chair opposite him. “I work in intelligence recovery.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, leaning forward. His face was serious and suspicious.
“I gather intelligence for a private firm that works for either private corporations or governments that need something done that shouldn’t be on the books or they don’t have the skill set to do,” she replied. Eve could see Patrick’s mind working to make sense of what she was telling him.
“Are you an agent?” he asked. His look was one of betrayal but he half laughed instead, as if in denial of what he was hearing.
“I am. I do close-up surveillance,” she replied.
“No, I can’t see that. I would have noticed something back then so you’re going to have to come up with a better story than that,” Patrick said.
“You wouldn’t have known because I would never have shown you that side of me. This may be hard to hear, but you only saw what I let you see back then,” Eve said.
“What am I supposed to believe now?” he asked, his face tense and full of anger. “Was I a job?”
“No, you weren’t. I met you just after I had finished my training with the firm. I was on a job in Sweden when we met there. I wasn’t out looking at the wildlife; I was doing surveillance of a co-student’s father. I wasn’t really a student at that university – that was a cover. I tried to keep you a secret but eventually they found out. I was required to end my relationship with you as it was getting in the way of my upcoming cases.”
“I was getting in the way? I’m trying really hard to understand what you’re saying,”
he said. “I’m finding it difficult as what you’re telling me doesn’t add up to the woman I knew. You are…were gentle, considerate and calm. And clumsy, you must have banged all your toes on every doorframe here. You broke two cups – how can you be a spy? Because that’s what you are, right?”
Eve sat there in silence trying to figure out how she could tell him that even though she loved him then, she had still been quite capable of lying to his face.
“I just didn’t let you see the whole truth. I am all of those things, except clumsy. I keep most of who I am suppressed and I mostly let my work identity take over,” Eve finally said. She was hearing every word coming out of her mouth and trying to negotiate the next words with her own mind. “I have had a wall up to protect myself ever since I was a child. As I grew up I learnt to use that wall in different ways. It was and has been the perfect tool to keep everyone at arm’s length, which is highly convenient in this line of work.”
“Was any of it real?” He looked softer in his disposition but sad too.
“All of it.” And that was the truth. “I know how it all sounds. I can hear the words coming out of my mouth all too well. I didn’t calculate on meeting you and that might have been a mistake in the eyes of the firm I work for, but it wasn’t for me. Try as I might, running away from someone or somewhere only removes you physically from it. It’s a lot harder escaping emotionally.”
“Why do you need my help?” he asked.
“I think I’m being set up,” Eve said. “A friend died and I started to look where I shouldn’t have and I questioned what I was told.”
“Who is setting you up?” Patrick moved closer.
“I’m not entirely sure about that,” she replied. “And I don’t want to implicate you more than necessary.”
“Then what do you need me to do?” He looked her straight in the eyes.
“I had a fake background profile made before I came here in case I needed to go off-grid,” Eve said. “I made it to this address and with your last name.”
“And what if I had been married?” he asked, circling back to my first question. “That was a polite question.”
She replied with a smile. “I researched you before I made my cover, but you could have had a secret girlfriend or a date who was coming over so the question had to be asked nonetheless.”
“I am still pissed off,” he said, his smile drifting away. “I’ll let you stay though because I don’t want anything to happen to you. You can sleep in the spare room.”
“Thank you.” She was relived and yet weighed down by the grief she had put him through. Running away from your problems may not always be the answer, but it was still easier than facing them.
Sleep was a blurred concept. Rather than sleep Eve rested on the bed because she wasn’t sure if she had gone unnoticed when she had made her way to Patrick’s. She went over the entire file in her head trying to find the connections between Daniel Hellström, Harlow, FIA and the dead men in the suburban house. One thing Eve had learnt from Harlow’s hidden documents was that she knew Daniel was still alive and that he had gone underground somewhere in Denmark. And if that was the case, he was probably living under a different name, a name Harlow hadn’t mentioned in her notes.
When the clock struck five and the horizon turned from midnight blue to pale orange, Eve decided to get up. She didn’t want to leave a mark on Patrick’s house or Patrick himself this time so she moved around his house like a ghost, quietly and aware of her every step. She stood there in his kitchen looking out over the fields, the hot coffee in her mug warming her hands and her soul. For a moment, everything seemed serene and clear. She could just disappear if she wanted to, forget about FIA, try and forget about Harlow and maybe forgive herself for everything she had done. Eve stood there for a full five minutes pretending things were different. Just as she had escaped her childhood demons by running away mentally, she was momentarily fleeing her current demons with a daydream. The difference was though that these demons were probably not going to leave her
alone.
Checking her new phone for news of the four dead men and the raided flat, she was relieved that nothing had been reported on it yet. The raid at the firm’s flat had left her without clothes except for what she was wearing. She had learnt something from her raided hotel room in London though: don’t leave documents behind. So, everything Harlow and she had gathered, thus far, was in her backpack.
Her thoughts were interrupted by footsteps upstairs and a few minutes later Patrick came into the kitchen. He looked like he hadn’t had much sleep either.
“Good morning,” Eve said. Reading his tired face, she didn’t dare to ask if he had slept well.
“You’re up early.” He stood leaning against the kitchen island looking at her. “Can I have some of my coffee?”
“Sure.” She turned around and poured him a cup. If the tension was high last night, it was even more pronounced this morning; he seemed beyond angry. She handed him the coffee. “It’s better to come out with whatever it is that is making your jaw clench, rather than keeping it in.”
“I thought I hid my frustrations well,” he said, putting his coffee down. “I don’t even know what I am feeling. If it’s anger, worry or frustration – it’s all in here.”
“I get that,” Eve replied. She felt like an intruder, someone who had pushed herself into his life. “Please know that I am only here because I think you are the only one I can trust.”
“The only one?” he asked. “How long do you need to stay?”
“Yes, the only one. Until you kick me out,” she said. “Or as long as it’s safe for you. Whichever comes first.”
“Safe?” His eyes were worried. “You need to tell me what exactly to be prepared for.”
“It’s difficult. There are a lot of unknown variables, I am still gathering information,” she replied. “My mentor and friend at the firm died. It was sudden and unexpected. I was put in charge of her cases, which is why I’m here. But there are also other events that have urged my disappearance.”
