by Karen Klyne
Kim couldn’t imagine getting used to being stared at and kowtowed to everywhere she went, but she wouldn’t argue the point. “Yep, it’s a whole new life. Actually, I’m scared witless. I’ve never had a house before.”
“Me neither.”
Anton arrived with their roasted quail. It looked delicious, and when he’d finished fussing over them, they tucked in.
Kim wiped her chin with her napkin. “I’m intrigued by the fact you’ve never owned your own home. What made you come to Cauthwell?”
“I was born here.”
“Yes, I know that, but you left when you were two years old. Are your powers of recollection so great?”
“No, not really. But my parents have wonderful memories of Cauthwell, and they passed them on to me. Apart from that, Alan came to London and seduced me back here. It was a happy coincidence, and when the time came, it felt right.”
“But why? It’s so far removed from London. And why didn’t you make another series of that TV program?” She kept it to herself that she’d watched catch-up episodes of the show on her iPad while she was in Spain, lest she be considered a bit obsessive.
“Because I was fed up with being in the spotlight. Stalkers were the worst problem, either on the internet or in person. Every single fart, burp, sneeze, or laugh went viral. No secrets were left undiscovered. My life wasn’t my own anymore. Magazines and newspapers spread rumours about me even if they weren’t true. Need I go on?”
Kim shook her head. “Sorry. I suppose I was only thinking of the pros, like the culture of London, the nightlife, the restaurants, the ballet, the museums. I could go on forever. I can’t believe you gave all that up.”
“Yes, you are banging on about it.”
Phil’s smile was gentle but sad. Kim lowered her head. “Sorry. I’m trying to learn a little more about your life before Cauthwell.” She was pushing, because it was important. They were becoming close, possibly too close for friendship. If they crossed the line, she suspected Phil would only want a fling. But maybe by learning more about her, by getting her to open up, it could be more. She put it to the back of her mind and tried to ignore it in case it was true.
Phil sighed heavily and closed her eyes. “I came back to Cauthwell because my life was a mess. I was fed up with London, and to cap it all off, my girlfriend dumped me.”
Girlfriend. “Dumped you? I’ve heard that you usually do the dumping.”
“You make me sound dreadful.”
“Sorry. It’s just gossip, that’s all.” And it proved exactly what Phil was saying about the tabloids and the spotlight. Kim felt like a heel for saying anything.
“I’ll have you know I was in total shock.” Phil crossed her arms.
Kim rubbed her hands together, trying to lighten the mood. But she really wanted to know. “Tell me the gory details.”
“Why is it me who’s always telling the stories?”
“Because I don’t have any. I’ve led a very boring life.”
“No, your life wasn’t boring. It was normal. I’d prefer to leave bad memories in the landfill of my life, but it’s obvious you want me to share my grief, so I’ll tell you.” Phil huffed. “I met Roni many years ago at a party. She was really good fun. She was intelligent, nice looking, liked music, dining, theatre, and clubbing. All that stuff. Similar tastes to me. I was fond of her…as a friend. There was no physical attraction. We did loads of stuff together, and our friendship blossomed. I’d always wanted to go Italy and to the lakes in particular. She said it was something she wanted to do too. I booked it, and off we went. It was the most beautiful location overlooking Lake Maggiore. The hotel was terrific, and the weather was perfect. Everything was going splendidly. We’d been out on a boat trip around a few of the islands, had lunch, and drank a lot of wine. The sun was shining, and it seemed perfect. We were just friends sharing an enjoyable vacation. We got back to the hotel, went out onto our balcony, stripped off, and lay on our sun beds. Music played in the background. I think it was some Italian opera. The sun was beating down on my back, and the next thing I know, Roni is massaging me with sun cream. I was relaxed and a bit horny. The next thing I remember was her taking my hand and leading me towards the bedroom. I should have objected, but I’ve never had strong willpower when it comes to women and sex. So, from good friends, we suddenly became lovers.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah. It was never my intention, but it happened, and I couldn’t turn the clock back. It dawned on me later that this was Roni’s plan all along. I hadn’t even considered that she might have actual feelings for me.”
Kim raised her eyebrows. “If you knew that, you could’ve put a stop to it.”
“Bloody hindsight. Anyway, everything changed when we returned. The ritual began. Spending weekends together and stuff.” Phil shuddered. “My feelings never changed. I’d liked her as a friend, but it wasn’t right. Something had been destroyed. I wasn’t faithful, and at the back of my mind, I always felt that I’d been coerced into it.”
Kim laughed. “Oh, you mean your arm was twisted? She took advantage of you?” Kim rolled her eyes, not feeling terribly sympathetic.
“No. I mean I was weak, and she took advantage of the situation.” Phil scowled. “Maybe we just leave it at that?”
She backed down when she saw the hurt in Phil’s eyes. “Sorry, Phil. That was judgemental.”
Phil sniffed. “One night she said she wanted to talk. I knew that spelt trouble, and I didn’t want to hear it. She suggested moving in together, that we should buy a larger apartment together. The look on my face must’ve told her everything, and at that point, she knew it was never going to happen. She told me she’d thought my feelings would change. Now she knew they hadn’t. She kissed me on the cheek and walked out. I had an urge to chase after her, to try and reason with her. But I didn’t because I’d already hurt her enough, and there was nothing I could say that would make it better.”
“God, she must have felt dreadful.”
Phil frowned and played with her napkin. “I didn’t intentionally set out to damage her.”
“So, what happened?”
“I phoned Alan and said I’d like to take up his offer. That’s how I found myself in Cauthwell.”
Kim shook her head. “Wow, you don’t do things in half measures.”
“Not really, no.”
At least she was honest. She didn’t have to make her confession. Why did Kim still find Phil attractive, especially given that she clearly wasn’t interested in commitment of any kind? Was it because she was a bit on the wild side? Why was she even contemplating getting involved with her? Was this the sort of woman she wanted to have her first lesbian relationship with? The tale she’d just told should be a cautionary one. Why wasn’t she paying attention?
Anton came to enquire about the meal. “Everything was divine, darling.” Phil looked across at Kim. “Would you like anything else?”
“No, thanks. It was wonderful.”
“In that case, can I have the bill please?”
Phil air-kissed Anton as they left and told him they’d return. She laughed with Kim as they left the restaurant, leaving the tension of the conversation behind in the pub. But something else had shifted, and there was an undeniable electricity between them.
Kim was surprised when Phil didn’t take the quick route through the village. It would have taken them past the Pheasant, and she could have dropped her off or gone in for a nightcap. Instead, she took the road through the country lanes, passing several villages, and eventually ending up at her home. So, what happens now? The ball was in her court, but she wasn’t sure what to do with it.
Chapter Ten
Phil turned the corner into the village. She’d taken the long route back, avoiding going through Cauthwell. Had Kim cottoned on as to why she’d done it? She was pissed off, not with Kim, who had the right to ask the simple questions, but rather with herself for telling the story at all. It didn’t sound good. It gave
the impression that she was a sex-crazed woman who had zilch control. Maybe that summed her up. She placed no real value or meaning on any of her relationships, and what she’d said was simply honest. So, what were her intentions now? She should turn the car around and drive Kim back to the Pheasant. She knew what this road led to. When they got inside the cottage, it was warm and welcoming, and Kim didn’t ask why Phil hadn’t dropped her off. “What can I get you?” Phil asked.
“A glass of red would be nice.”
“Sure. I’ll join you.” She took the glasses over and put on some soft music.
“That was a great night, Phil. Thanks so much. I’m sorry for the grilling. It was unfair.”
“Grilling? Hardly. You asked about my reasons for coming here. It wasn’t exactly interrogation territory, though it’s not a fun story to tell. Apart from that, it was my pleasure.” She wanted to tell Kim that she was no longer the person she’d described before, but she didn’t know how to put it into words, and she wasn’t sure if it was entirely true either. She opted to say nothing. She poured them a wine each and sat across from Kim.
Kim leaned back on the sofa. “You know that night Alan joined us at the pub? I know he upset you. Did he warn you off?”
“Warn me off what?”
“Don’t play stupid, Phil. Did he warn you off me?”
Phil sighed. “Yes.”
“Well, he’s got bloody nerve. I call that hypocritical.”
Phil tilted her head. “Why?”
“It’s common knowledge, so I’m not telling you anything confidential. It was years ago, but Alan had an affair.”
Phil leaned forward. “You’re joking. Who was it? What happened?”
“I was only about sixteen at the time. It was a lady called Amanda, the doctor’s wife. Alan came to see Dad one evening. There were raised voices and a lot of whisky was consumed. I crept downstairs and made myself a drink in the kitchen. I was an inquisitive teenager, so I hung around. I was gobsmacked. Alan, Uncle Alan, the stuffy estate agent…and the doc’s wife. My dad told him to end it or he’d ruin his career, two marriages, and most certainly have to leave Cauthwell. Alan drank more whisky, and my dad drove him home. The outcome was that the doctor and his wife took a position elsewhere. They were replaced by a very boring doctor and his wife, plus two awful brats.”
“So did Alan’s wife know about it?”
“Yes. She’d found a note in Alan’s pocket when she was taking his suit to the cleaners. He wasn’t very careful. I’m sure Alan hadn’t done that sort of thing before. Anyway, Grace gave him an ultimatum. My dad told me this later when he considered I was old enough to understand such matters. Grace eventually forgave him.”
Phil raised her eyebrows. “Mind you, Grace is hardly the most thrilling woman. I could forgive Alan for straying.”
“That’s typical. I imagined you’d say that. Tell me, do you find Alan thrilling?”
Phil laughed. “No. But he’s got hidden depth, I think. It all fits into place now. When Marshall confronted him and told him all about my affair with his wife, Alan said that everyone deserved a second chance.” Phil rubbed her chin and smirked. “The little devil. How can I keep a straight face when I see him? I just can’t picture him seducing anyone.”
“Come to think about it, you and Alan make a great partnership.”
“Jeez, thanks.” Phil topped up their glasses, trying not to let it show that the comment stung. “By the way, are you staying?”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll take a taxi back tonight.”
Phil laughed, but it felt hollow. “Why? Don’t you trust yourself? Or is it me you don’t trust?”
“Don’t be daft. I said I’d lend a hand in the pub tomorrow. They’ve got a seniors party.”
“Sounds thrilling. It’s not because of all my confessions?”
“Don’t be crazy. Nothing’s changed.”
So why are you running off? Phil put her feet up on the coffee table. She felt moody and petulant. She reached for her mobile and pressed a random number. “Hi. Could you send a taxi to Warton in about thirty minutes please?” There was a pause. “What? You’ve got to be joking. Can you hang on a sec?” She looked across at Kim. “There’s a big event on in town. No taxi for at least a couple of hours.” Crap. She didn’t want Kim to stay because she had to but because she wanted to.
The muscles in Kim’s face seemed to tighten. “Then I guess I’ll stay over, if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course.” She lifted the phone closer. “Thanks, but we’ll leave it.” She threw the mobile across the sofa. “Sorry about that. Looks like you’re stuck with me.”
Kim sighed and flopped back on the sofa. “Might as well have a top up then. In the meantime, I’d better text my guardians. Can you pass my phone, please?”
She handed it to her, and her fingers brushed the back of Kim’s hand. Sparks shot up her arm, and her heart stuttered. Kim sprang back and almost dropped the phone. The moment passed, but all she could think about was the touch of Kim’s hand. She topped up Kim’s glass and leaned back. She closed her eyes and listened to the music, although all she could hear was her heart hammering in her chest. Kim finished her drink and put the glass on the table. Make a move. Phil yawned and stretched. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for bed.”
“Me too.”
Kim followed her up the stairs. It had been a while since Kim had stayed. Phil couldn’t trust herself anymore, so she’d taken to driving her back to the pub or ordering a taxi. She remembered the old ritual and placed a T-shirt outside the bathroom. Kim arrived in the bedroom, T-shirt and all, and slipped underneath the duvet.
Phil had never suffered nerves in this situation before, but the thought of Kim in her bed drove her crazy.
Kim wrapped the duvet around her, then she plumped up her pillow. Phil was scared to make eye contact. She switched the bedside light off and lay on her back, stretched her arms, and tucked her hands behind her head. “Night, Kim, sleep well.” Though I won’t. This is torture.
Tonight, there was an air of tension between them. Phil hadn’t given Kim her usual kiss on the forehead, and she wondered if Kim felt the same intensity too. If she’d kissed Kim goodnight, she wasn’t sure where her lips might stray to. This was such a bad idea, and it was all because of her childish behaviour. However, she suspected neither of them were sleeping, and the situation was becoming highly dangerous. For once in her life, she couldn’t—and wouldn’t—make the first move. Their friendship was special, but goddamn it, the dam was about to burst.
She’d told Kim there were no taxis, but she hadn’t rung anyone. It was unforgivable. She’d never stooped to this level before, because she’d never had to, and she was truly ashamed of herself. The simple truth was that she’d wanted Kim to stay and just to be with her. It was underhanded, and she decided to confess tomorrow.
She sensed Kim’s eyes on her. She turned her head slightly and could just make out Kim’s silhouette. Her heart was pounding. Other parts were throbbing. If Kim wanted to take this relationship to a different level, it was in her hands. She suspected Kim had never done that before and certainly not with a woman. It was both exciting, exhilarating, and frightening. God, she should have taken Kim home. Phil chewed a fingernail as she fought with her demons.
Kim rolled towards her. “Are you awake?” she whispered.
“Yes. Very awake.”
Kim cleared her throat. “Will you hold me, Phil?”
Phil sighed. “That’s really not a good idea.” I am trying.
Kim rolled closer. Phil quickly pulled a chunk of duvet and tucked it between them. Kim removed it.
“Christ, Kim. You’re making this difficult.”
Kim’s eyes were fixed on hers. She looked nervous but put a hand on Phil’s shoulder, tentative and soft.
“Damn it!” Phil took Kim into her arms. She stroked her hair and looked into her eyes. “I feel I’ve forced you into this. Are you sure?”
Ki
m nodded. “I want you. But I’ve never––”
Phil put a finger on Kim’s lips. “I know.” She placed tiny kisses on Kim’s forehead and down her cheek until she found Kim’s mouth. A gush of warmth surged through her body as their lips met. She kissed her tenderly. The kiss became harder, and Phil slid her tongue into Kim’s mouth. Her body buzzed with pleasure, like a swarm of tiny bees invaded her chest.
Her insides began to vibrate, and her fingers ached with the need to touch Kim. She’d never experienced anything like this before. She slowly removed Kim’s T-shirt and panties and threw her own clothes onto the floor. She surveyed Kim’s body from head to toe, wanting to commit it to memory. Kim didn’t seem to feel shame about being naked with her, and she loved the longing she saw in Kim’s eyes. Phil’s hand shadowed the curve of Kim’s breast. She stroked it gently and ran her finger across her nipple. The mere touch sent a thrill through her. Kim jerked back as if she’d experienced an electric pulse. Phil caressed her softly, then harder, and Kim gasped in response. Phil kissed her neck and moved down to her breast. Her tongue flicked back and forth across her nipple, and she nibbled it softly. Her hand skated across Kim’s body. It fuelled a passion she’d never imagined.
Kim’s body was taut, her hands wrapped in the sheet and her eyes closed as she pressed into Phil’s touch. Phil stroked her sex with a perfect pace, and Kim moaned with pleasure. She thrust her hips from the bed to meet Phil’s fingers.
“Please…”
Phil gently pushed inside her, and Kim moaned. Kim’s body shuddered, and Phil paused.
“Don’t stop,” Kim whispered.
Phil increased the tempo, and Kim’s breath quickened. She wasn’t sure about Kim, but Phil wasn’t in this world, she was in paradise. Kim seemed like a time bomb ready to detonate.
Phil’s mouth was around Kim’s nipple, and Kim groaned and pleaded.
“Now,” she cried, tightening her hold on Phil’s fingers. “Please,” she begged as she arched her back.
