by V. Vaughn
“Do you recognize anything?” I ask with hope in my heart as she stares at one particular photo of us out in a canoe on our favorite lake.
She shakes her head. “No. I’m sorry.” She looks at me, and I see the frustration she’s feeling etched on her face. I resist the urge to smooth away the lines on her forehead and the ones around her mouth.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry, Lexi. It’s not your fault.”
“I want to remember.” She smacks a fist against her leg.
“I know you do.” I reach over and grab her hand, happy that she lets me. “Do you want me to tell you about different pictures?”
She nods.
I flip the page for her and point to a photo. “That’s one of you, me, and your best friend Hillary. We were out there cheering her on at a local snowboarding race.”
Lexi leans down toward the photo to really look at it. “Hillary is my friend?”
“Your best friend. She’s a bit of an adrenaline junky.” I chuckle. “Right now she’s on a crazy hang-gliding vacation in some remote area of New Zealand. She loves to do anything that is fast and risky.”
She smiles, but I can see the wheels are turning trying to figure things out. Trying to picture Hillary in her life.
I turn the page to show her another few photos of the two of us during a trip we took to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. There is a funny one of her with a butterbeer mustache when we went to the Leaky Cauldron for lunch. That trip was hard on me, as I hate crowds more than anything in the world, but I endured it for her because I knew how much she wanted to go.
“You really wanted to go to the Wizarding World for your twenty-fourth birthday. You’re a big Harry Potter fan.”
“I am?” she laughs.
“Yeah, I think if you look in the bottom drawer of the dresser you’ll find your Hufflepuff sweatpants I bought you when we were there.” I gesture to the bookshelf along the wall on our left. “You have all the books over there.”
She looks over and then laughs again. “I do remember reading them.”
“That’s good,” I say. But I know that she read those books before we met. She just brought them with her because she likes to reread them every now and then when I’m working.
“Show me more.”
I flip more pages in the scrapbook and point out the various pictures and tell her where they were taken and when. It’s a history lesson about us. It’s hard for me to go through them now, knowing she’s not experiencing the same jolts of emotion and memory that I am with every photo.
I imagine what it would be like if she never regains her memory. What would happen to us? Without her memories, is she the same person? But more importantly, I worry she might not fall in love with me again. What I do know, though, is I’ll do whatever it takes to rekindle her love for me. If she fell for me once, she can again, even if it takes the rest of my life. Because without Lexi, my life isn’t worth much at all.
Chapter 9
LEXI
After a couple of frustrating hours of looking through photo albums and hearing our stories, Tristan tells me he needs to run into town to get groceries for the week and, in particular, for the dinner he is preparing tonight, another one of my favorites he says.
“Do you want to come?” he asks. “Maybe walking around our town will help bring back memories.”
I shake my head, which is starting to throb again. “No, thanks. I’m not feeling great. I think I need to lie down for a little bit.”
“Okay, I won’t be long.” I see him struggle not to lift his hand to touch my face. He tucks the hand in his pocket and then leaves the cabin.
I watch out the window as he drives away. I wait about five minutes then pick up the phone. During breakfast, I noticed there was a landline, which is lucky since my cell phone was apparently lost in the accident. I have no idea the name of the hospital or even the name of the town it is in, so I dial the operator.
“What city please?”
“Um, I don’t know. I’m near the mountains, and I need the number of the hospital I was in.” I have no idea if this is going to work or not. She might end up calling the police, and that isn’t what I want to happen.
“I can’t direct your call without a city name.”
I think hard, picturing Tristan driving away from the hospital then out of the town. I recall a sign, and it flashes for a second in my head. Black River Hotel. That must be the town name.
“Black River,” I say, holding my breath.
“For what listing?”
“Ah, the hospital, please.”
“One moment.”
There’s a click, then silence, then a woman’s voice, “Black River Medical, how may I direct your call?”
“Um, hello, my name is Lexi Masters. I was in your hospital yesterday. I was in a coma, I think.” I remember seeing the name tag on the doctor’s coat and say, “I need to talk to Dr. Hamlin, please.”
“Hold, please.”
Instrumental music comes on the line, and I sit on the couch and wait. It takes about ten minutes before anyone comes back, and I’m nervous. “Hello, Ms. Masters?” It’s the doctor.
“Yes, hello, Dr. Hamlin.”
He lets out a sigh. “I’m glad to hear you’re alive. When you disappeared—well I assumed the worst. Did that man take you? Are you in any danger? Talk to me about how you’re feeling, because—"
I know he’s probably asking because he cares, but the theories Tristan told me about the doctor wanting to study what I am rings in my head, and suddenly I don’t think calling him was a good idea. “I’m fine,” I say to reassure the man.
“Are you safe? Where are you? Because the address that man gave for you doesn’t exist.” His tone is desperate. “Tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you. You really need to get back here.”
Now warning bells are going off in my head. What doctor makes house calls these days? “You really don’t need to worry about my safety.” I scramble for a reason to have left. “The smell of the hospital was getting to me, and I feel fine now that I’m away from it. People heal much faster at home. Studies prove it.”
“Young lady.” His tone is stern, but then he softens his voice. “Lexi, I’m concerned about your abnormalities. And fascinated by them. As a super healer you could really be a key to so many medical advances.”
Uh-huh. Tristan was right. I’m nothing but a test subject for this man. I really shouldn’t have called. I pull the phone away from my ear, and the doctor’s voice comes through the microphone. “Lexi! There’s so much—” I end his sentence for him with a click.
I get up and pace the room, my feet padding softly over the throw rugs. Not only do I regret making a call to the hospital, now I don’t have anyone to ask about my odd symptoms, ones that make me fear I’m losing my mind. As far as I know, only crazy people hear voices in their heads. Only crazy people want to curl up in a ball in a blanket and knead the crap out of it to feel better. My heart races, and I feel like I want to run. Like literally go outside and sprint through the trees. There’s no way that’s normal. At least not for me.
Run! Run! Run!
The voice is loud in my head. “Shut up!” I shout into the empty room. “Stop telling me what to do.”
I hate this, but I think I might really be crazy. And that means I probably should go back to the hospital. What if the way I’m interpreting what the doctor was saying is just paranoia? The minute Tristan returns, I’m going to ask that he take me back. He’ll have to if I beg him. I know he’s worried about the tests they’ll want to do on me, but honestly a few pokes and prods is worth my sanity. At least to figure out why I’m behaving so strangely. And I certainly don’t want to get any worse than I already am. I could actually harm someone, like Tristan.
Fear courses through me as I walk across the room, turn on my heel and walk back along the same path. Back and forth, back and forth. My head feels fuzzy, like it’s being clogged with… fur? Even my an
alogies are animal based.
I pace some more and blow air out of my mouth, making a huffing sound as I get more agitated. About what, I’m no longer sure, and I stop to rub at my itchy face. All my skin itches, and my bones ache like something wants to claw itself out of me.
Abnormal? I sure am, because I can’t imagine a head injury that would explain how I’m feeling. As much as my gut is screaming no, I think I need to see a doctor.
Chapter 10
TRISTAN
The engine of my SUV barely shuts off before I’m out the door and rushing to the cabin. I tried not to be out for too long, but the line at the grocery store was long and involved. Everyone I ran into wanted to know how Lexi was doing. They wanted to come see her, too. I panicked, because I can only imagine how overwhelming it would be for her to have strangers who claim to be her friends reinforcing her memory loss. I don’t give anyone much of an answer except for, “Good. She’s doing good. She needs to regain her memory before she has visitors though. I hope you understand.” Thankfully, I got everything I need to make Lexi her favorite dinner—steak kebabs on the grill.
The moment I step inside, frustration and worry wafts toward me like a bad smell, and Lexi stops moving. I think she’s been pacing.
“Are you okay?” I set the bags on the table in the kitchen with a thud.
She wraps her arms around herself and shakes her head. “I need to go back to the hospital.” She frowns. “Maybe not the one I was in, but I need to see a doctor.”
I’m across the room to her in seconds, looking her over, assessing any damage I didn’t see earlier. But her bruises are already fading. Another two days and a person would never know she’d been in an accident. “What’s happened? Are you okay?”
“I just need—I need help,” she says as she gazes at me with watery eyes.
I desperately want to pull her into my arms and soothe her, but I’m not sure we’re there yet. I don’t want to scare her any more than she already is. The poor girl is trembling with her fear, and I’m not sure what to do. I feel so damn helpless. Watching the woman I love struggle so much and not being able to take that pain away kills me inside.
“I called the hospital,” she says.
“What?” My heart stops, but I try to remain calm. “When?”
“While you were gone.” She avoids my gaze and worries her lower lip between her teeth “I’m sorry. I had to. I’m afraid I made the wrong decision in leaving.”
Anger is burning in me, but it’s not at Lexi. I don’t blame her for being afraid, but I’m terrified about what will happen if she goes back. I find a way to calmly ask, “What did they say?”
“That I should come back. But—strange things are happening to me, Tristan.”
I think about how she was purring this morning and the way she kneaded the blanket on the bed before she took her nap. Normal behavior for a lion shifter but not for a human, which she thinks she is. I sigh because even though I’ve told her what she is, she doesn’t believe it, and I don’t know how to convince Lexi she’s a shifter.
I gaze into her confused eyes, and it hurts me not to do what she’s asking me to do. But I can’t take her to the hospital or any human doctor. They would discover what she is, and I’d lose her forever. I suppose I could take her to a shifter doctor in Heartland, but since it’s an open shifter town, the odd things she might see would definitely freak her out way more than she already is. Besides, I know she’s fine. I need to convince her that staying here with me is the best thing for her.
For a moment, I worry Dr. Hamlin will try and find her somehow. I’m pretty sure the hospital doesn’t have enough details, though. The only thing they know about Lexi is the information I told them once I finally located her. And while I gave her correct name, I lied about where she lived to keep her safe.
I ask, “What’s happening to you? If you tell me why you want to go back, maybe there’s something I can do here to help you. I have medical training.” I’m not lying to her, per se, I do have medical training, but on animals, not humans. I wanted to be a shifter doctor at one point in my life, but all that science wasn’t for me. And after realizing I couldn’t handle the darker part of the work, I turned to graphic design instead.
Lexi avoids my gaze and resumes her pacing. She swings her head when she turns and walks back. She probably doesn’t even notice that she’s doing it, but I can see it, and I know what it is. Lions and tigers and bears exhibit this type of behavior in zoos when they feel trapped, and I’d say Lexi feels infinitely trapped, not only physically but mentally as well.
I step in front of her to stop her movement, and I hold her still by the upper arms. “What’s going on? You can tell me anything.”
I can see the indecision in her eyes about whether to tell me or not. Thankfully, the truth wins out. “I’m hearing voices in my head.”
“What are they saying?”
She looks down at the floor, obviously not wanting to tell me.
“Are they talking about me?”
She snaps her head up, and her frown deepens. “Why would you say that?”
I knew it. Her animal is trying to communicate with her, trying to get her to trust me. Her lion knows who she is and that we are mated. But how the hell do I explain that to her? What do I say to make her believe it? She thought I was crazy when I mentioned shifting to her at the hospital, and the last thing I need to do now is make her think she should leave me for her own safety.
I flat out lie. “I’ve read about head injuries, and it’s not uncommon for people to hear strange sounds. One woman heard faint sounds like a symphony for a while.” Okay, so I pulled that tidbit from an article I read about hearing loss, but Lexi studies me with narrowed eyes as if she thinks it’s plausible and I go with it. “I’m sure whatever is going on is just a side effect of your head injury. I bet it will go away on its own.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
I sigh. I know I’m going to have to keep lying to her for her own good. “Look, I understand you want to go to a hospital, and I’d love to take you, but we can’t go anywhere right now. The road to town is closed.”
“But you just drove it, didn’t you?”
I nod. “Yeah, but there was a rock slide just after I got through the pass and it’s a big mess. They happen during this time of year.”
She’s squints at me like she knows I’m full of shit. And if I let her see my guilty look, she’ll know for sure. So I drop my hands from her arms and return to the kitchen to put the groceries away.
“How long does it take to clear the road?” she asks, following me into the kitchen.
“A few days usually. Not long.” I go to the refrigerator, and a drawer scrapes open when I tug it to put away the vegetables and meat I bought for the kebabs. “I got you some of that coconut Greek yogurt you like.” I turn and hand her a small cup. “Why don’t you take it and go sit out on the porch and get some air. It will help clear your mind.”
She takes the yogurt cup from me without a smile. I hand her a spoon, and then she stomps out onto the porch and slams the door behind her. I nearly laugh because I never thought I’d be happy to see her temper. It’s proof that Lexi, my Lexi, the woman I fell deeply in love with, is still in there fighting to get out.
I finish putting all the food away and wonder what I’m going to do to keep her here. She’s hearing voices and exhibiting the behaviors she’s trying to hide because her lion is struggling to come out. It wants desperately to show itself. I think I have to try telling her she’s a shifter again. But since she’s already having trouble processing who she is as a human, I’m afraid insisting she believe she can also turn into a huge lion whenever she wants could break her fragile grasp on her sanity.
It occurs to me that I could prove what we are by showing her my tiger, but I fear it might make her run, convinced she’s lost her mind. My tiger rumbles in my chest the way he does when he wants out, and I realize it’s been over a week since Lexi has shifted. While w
e can go a long time without shifting, suppressing the animal for too long is dangerous to the psyche. Just thinking about my tiger makes the urge to shift vibrate inside me, so I imagine Lexi’s really struggling to contain a lion she doesn’t know exists inside of her. She’s going to have to shift soon, and I’m afraid it’s going to happen whether she’s ready for it or not.
Chapter 11
LEXI
A mosquito buzzes near me, and I wave my arms frantically to get it to go away. Tristan still insists I love the outdoors, but I’m not buying it. It’s been a couple of days since I left the hospital, and I’ve spent them trying to reinsert myself back into my life. Trying to find things I like and don’t like. Tristan has been extremely supportive and attentive. Every day he makes me my favorite breakfast of cinnamon toast and keeps tempting me with more of my other favorite foods. The weight I lost in the hospital is going to be quickly regained at this rate.
Although, I wasn’t a fan of the avocado he had me try. Something about the slimy texture doesn’t work for me. He insisted I love it in salad, but I actually spit it out when I first put it into my mouth. That made Tristan laugh, and I joined in, feeling some lightness coming back into my soul.
A twig snaps and I nearly jump out of my skin, convinced a predator is stalking me, and I hurry to finish my walk. I continue to worry about my strange symptoms, but Tristan was right about doctors wanting to study me, and I believe in my heart now he’d never let anything bad happen to me. It’s clear the man is very much in love with me.
When I complete my brisk walk around the property, I’m grateful to get back inside away from the bugs. I rush over to the sink, and as I run the water to wash my hands, Tristan asks, “Why are you doing that?”
“I don’t want to get some disease from one of the numerous bugs I slapped to death.” I wipe my hands on a towel as I turn to him. “I swear there are wild animals out there, too. Predators. I heard noises.”
