by V. Vaughn
I get out of the SUV and go inside the pub. I walk in to the dark space, thankful it’s a quiet night. The noise level is low, and I find Bruce easily. He’s in the corner playing pool with another guy named Dave who works with Bruce at the auto body shop.
Bruce’s stick smacks the cue ball, but he misses his shot because he’s spotted me. He grumbles in what I know is actually his attempt at humor. “I must be dreaming. No way has Tristan Brooks walked into a pub without me twisting his arm.”
I give him a look that tells him I’m not in the mood for his razing, but we shake hands. “Saw your truck out front.”
“Hey Tristan, good to see you.” Dave offers his hand, and we shake.
“You too.” I gesture to Bruce. “I need to run.”
Bruce’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. I’ve never asked him to run with me. I usually prefer solo. I’m fiercely protective of my time, space, and privacy.
But he doesn’t hesitate. He sets down the cue with a clatter, yanks a couple of twenties out of his wallet, and hands them to Dave. “Get my tab, man?”
Dave nods, and we leave. We drive back up the mountain to my cabin, Bruce following me in his truck. When we park the vehicles and get out, he doesn’t say anything. He’s known me long enough that he doesn’t need to. He knows all I want is him by my side as I work out my shit.
We strip in my mudroom in silence before we step outside, shift, and bound into the dark woods. I don’t run at my top speed but lessen my gait a little so Bruce can stay alongside me, though he runs fast for a huge, lumbering grizzly bear. Together, side by side, we run. I dodge trees while Bruce takes out a few small ones. There’s nothing quiet about us, and the destruction in our wake is like I’m leaving bits of my heart behind as it’s torn to shreds. When we get to the pond at the clearing, we stop for a water break. Bruce growls quietly, and his bones thud on the ground as he lays down to wait while I get whatever I can out of my system.
I run. Through the woods, over logs, across swampy mud, even up a tree or two to expend some energy. But what I’m really expending is the guilt, shame, and self-loathing I feel over what I’ve done. And it hits me that the reason I can’t tell Lexi I was going to ask her to marry me is because I didn’t deserve her and never should have thought I did. And I think I’ve known that since I almost lost her to the accident. That’s why I was so intent on keeping her up at my cabin all to myself. I needed her to love me again, but I made it happen at her expense.
Even after I come to that realization I continue to run. So hard and fast that by the time I come back around to the pond, I’m panting, and my body shakes with nearly complete exhaustion. I collapse onto the grass beside my friend.
He chuffs at me, then sets a big old paw onto my head, and it nearly covers my skull completely. I chuff back, because while I’m not whole, and may never be again, I’m better. This is just what I needed to clear my mind.
I know that I need to be patient and wait. I believe I can be the man Lexi deserves, but the final thing I need to do to prove it to her and to myself is to let go. I can’t push Lexi any more than I already have. I believe in our love. I believe in it with every fiber of my being, and now I need to wait until she knows the same.
She’ll come back to me when she’s ready. And if that takes days, weeks, or months, I will be patient. Our love is meant to be. We are mated, and nothing can separate us. Not time, not space, not even amnesia. Not even a foolish tiger shifter who needed to learn how to love completely.
Chapter 36
LEXI
I gaze up at the blue sky and notice a few puffy clouds I will forever associate with cotton balls in shadow-box art. It’s a job hazard when you teach kindergarten. I should have known my crafty ways had a purpose. I’m on my way to the school to see my principal, Janet Stone. “Hey, Lis!” I call out to a woman who rings her bike bell at me as she goes by.
It’s been two days since Tristan brought me back to my house. At first being among my things brought waves of memories, and it was overwhelming, but it didn’t take long to settle into my life again. Yesterday I cleaned my house and then went outside to mow my lawn and weed my garden. It took most of the day because being outside meant neighbors stopped or actually came out of their homes to say hello and ask how I’m doing. It made my heart overflow with love, and the hole Tristan left in there was easier to overlook.
He called yesterday to make sure I’d gotten through the first night okay and then again this morning to see if I needed anything at the store. He used the excuse I no longer have a car, but not only can I walk to the store from my house, or bike, but I have plenty of neighbors who have already offered to do the same. I kept our conversations brief because it was hard for me to hear the pain in his voice. I wonder if he knows how much I’m hurting too, but there’s no point in telling him.
I approach the red brick building that is Heartland Elementary School. We have two classrooms for each grade, and I walk into a building that has the distinct pine odor of disinfectant. The floors gleam with wax, and I smile at the janitor, Ben, as the door to Janet’s office flings open so hard it bangs against the wall. She rushes over to embrace me. “Lexi, my dear!” She steps back to peruse me with her gaze. “Well goodness me, you’re a sight for sore eyes. Not a thing’s out of place. We were so worried about you.”
I chuckle. “Thank you. It’s been an interesting few weeks, let me tell you. But I feel great. I stopped by to let you know I’m going to be just fine to come back in September. I didn’t want you to worry that I might not have enough of my memory yet.”
“We would have taken you back anyway, hon, but I’m glad to hear it. Want to see the new gym?”
I recall that the gym was getting a face lift over the summer, and I nod in agreement before she leads me down the hall. As we walk, I peek into classrooms, weaving my memories of the school and job together like a rug. After my visit I return home, a bit tired from the amount of information Janet shared with me about the new school year ahead, but that’s normal. She’s a high-energy person who always has a million things going on.
When I grab the handle to the door of my house to unlock it, the door is yanked open, and I cry out in surprise before I realize the blue eyes staring at me are Hillary’s. “Goodness! You scared me!”
“I know. Sorry about that.” She frowns. “You do remember I have a key?”
“I do.” I smile at her as she steps back to let me in, and I spy a box of deliciousness on my kitchen table. “Donuts?”
“You betcha.” Hillary walks over and pulls the box open. “Want one of the pink frosted ones with sprinkles?”
“Gimme!” I say, flexing my fingers like a kid, and she laughs as she hands me a donut. I take a bite and moan with pleasure, but its more than the sugar that’s making me happy. I realize I could really use some girl time to process what happened with Tristan. “I’ve missed you,” I say, “and not because you bring me donuts.”
“I figured as much. Tristan did a good job of keeping you from us. It was a bit concerning when you didn’t remember me.”
“I know.” I reach out and touch her arm as we walk over to the sofa with the box of donuts and the two coffees she brought with them. “I’m so sorry. I feel awful for making you uncomfortable.”
“Oh, you didn’t! It was the way Tristan was so protective, like I would ever do anything to hurt you.” She blows out a huff of air. “I heard you got the shifting thing sorted out, and now that you have your memory back—"
I raise my eyebrows at her. “I’m in complete control. Did you talk to Tristan? What else did he have to say?”
“Not much. But it’s obvious you two are having some issues.” She grabs a jelly donut. “What’s going on?”
“It boils down to trust.”
“Oh babe, you know he would never do anything to hurt you,” she says. “That boy loves you more than life itself.”
I nod as I lick frosting off my lips. “I know. It’s just. Well—” I desc
ribe what it was like to go to the accident scene and then tell her I think Tristan is holding something back.
“You’re sure? Because it could be his guilt is making him act squirrely.”
I shrug because I don’t know how to describe my gut feeling, even though I’m sure I’m right. “Maybe I need some time to think.”
She smacks me on the leg. “Let’s go for a run. It’ll give you a chance to work all that doubt out of your pretty head.”
“All right, that sounds good. I could use a good leg stretch.”
“Should we go to our usual spot? No! Let’s mix things up a bit and go someplace new where you’re sure you aren’t forgetting something.”
“I like that idea. What about Emerald Falls? I heard it’s beautiful there but have never been.”
Hillary gives me a look. “You’ve never been? It’s gorgeous. I know the perfect spot. It’s a little slippery on the rocks, but so pretty.”
We drive out to the falls in Hillary’s car, which is a pale-green VW Beetle, and she puts the top down. It’s a short walk from the parking lot to the falls, so we decide to shift at the car and run to them.
When I see her bunny form, I chuckle inside. She’s as cute as an animal as she is as a human, especially since she bounces all over the place like a fluffy white spring waiting for me to be ready. I like to think I run fast, but she’s quick as lighting, and I have a hard time keeping pace with her. I follow behind her and let her lead the way.
I hear the falls before I see them. The rush of the water is almost as loud as my roar, and when we bound out of the trees to the river I gaze up at the waterfall. It emerges from pines that make me think it’s how it got the name Emerald Falls. The spray from the water hits my whiskers and tickles my nose, making me shake my head. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and let the enticing mix of aromas fill my lion with happiness that only nature can bring. I can’t believe I ever thought I didn’t enjoy this, because now I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of being outside. Running as a lion relaxes my body and my mind.
We play around on the river bank. I dip my paws into the cool water then lick the liquid from my fur, as Hillary hops from one rock to another to another. I watch her, so happy to be with my friend again and enjoying simple pleasures together. She really is one of a kind.
She’s playing leapfrog on the rocks, and when she turns to bounce back toward me, she slips on a mossy rock and falls into the water. I step to the water’s edge to wait for her to come back up, but by the time I expect to see her, she doesn’t resurface.
Panic begins to flood my veins with ice, and I find I’m holding my breath as I wait. It seems like she’s taking a long time, and my heart begins to beat faster. When I’m truly sure it’s been too long, I jump into the river. The water just covers my head, and I dunk under and spin around to look for Hillary. I can’t see her, and I frantically swim in a larger circle to cover more area. My lungs burn with the lack of oxygen, and I have to lift my head for air before I dive back under.
A flash of white captures my attention. It’s Hillary! I see she’s frantically struggling to pull her back leg from between two rocks. As I rush over, she loses the battle, and her fur wavers in the water as she goes limp. I quickly dig at the rock with my claw to easily pull her free with my lion strength. Gripping her scruff gently between my teeth, I drag her out of the water and onto the river bank as fast as I can. I lay her small body down and my heart stops. She’s not moving.
I immediately shift back into my human form, so I can gently push on her chest with my fingers. “No. Oh god, Hillary. No!” I shake her a little and then flip her over so her belly is on my arm, and I thump on her back with the hope she’ll cough up the water she must have inhaled. “Come on, sweetie. Breathe.”
Water spurts from her mouth as she begins to cough violently, and I sink to the ground with her in my arms as she recovers. Relief fills me, and I can finally breathe too.
When she’s able, Hillary shifts back and coughs up some more water as she remains on her hands and knees. I rub her back. “Oh my god, you scared me half to death. Girl, I thought I’d lost you.”
She coughs and laughs at the same time as she moves to sit and gazes at me. “Pa-lease,” she drawls before coughing again. “It’d take more than a little river water to end me. I’ve been swimming with great whites for Pete’s sake.” She drags her wet hair out of her face. “Whew.” She thumps on her chest. “Didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry you had to jump in after me, I’ve never gotten stuck like that before.”
“I’m glad I was able to get you out.” The adrenaline that surged through me hasn’t left yet, and my body shakes with it. I wrap my arms around my knees as I try to slow my breathing and calm down. The rocky shore is rough under my bottom, and the discomfort makes me flash to another time I was on the ground recovering from an adrenaline spike this big. My accident. I was so confused and didn’t understand why I was trying to get away from it. I convinced myself I my car might blow up and I needed to move. And then I had a strong sense I needed to hide. My lion must have been trying to keep me safe, even though with my amnesia I had no idea I was a shifter. I recall being too injured to go on. I was so weak, and then I woke in the hospital to see Tristan. The man I risked my life to see because— “Oh, my god!” I look at Hillary. “I know why I was driving in the storm the night of my accident. The accident wasn’t Tristan’s fault. It was mine.”
Hillary touches my arm. “Lexi? What do you mean?”
I let out a huff of air. “I’ve been a fool. I remember everything about that night. Tristan’s been blaming himself for my accident and I’ve let him. But it was my fault. I was sure he was going to propose, and I wanted it more than anything.” I comb my hair back from my face with my hands as I recall how I was feeling, why I was so desperate to get to him in a storm. “We’d been fighting. He wanted me to move in, and I insisted the only way I would was if we got married. That night I was sure I’d won.” I’m such a fool. “He was going to ask, and I was afraid if I delayed our date, he’d change his mind.” I chuckle at myself because wow, talk about trust issues. “The thing is I was pressuring him to get engaged before he was ready. But Hillary, I bet the one thing he won’t tell me is that he was going to ask me to get married, and I think it’s because he doesn’t want me to feel pressured. I’m such an idiot. Poor Tristan.”
“Hey,” She grabs my face with her hands and stares intently in my eyes. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. He hasn’t been an angel all this time either. Keeping you at that cabin and away from all of us.”
“I know.” And I think I understand why. “It doesn’t matter. I need to see him.” I get to my feet. “Now.”
Hillary jumps up and claps. “Excellent! Wow, do I love a happy ending. I look really good in pink. Blue too. Both are great colors for weddings, just so you know.” I roll my eyes at her, and she grins. “But hey, no biggie. Let’s go!”
We shift into our animals, and since Hillary’s still a bit shaky from her near-drowning experience, she rides on my back as I sprint to the car. Once we’re there, we shift back and get dressed, and Hillary races us up the mountain to Tristan’s cabin.
We pass the bend in the road where I had my accident, but it doesn’t send fear to my heart. Instead I’m full of regret for the time I’ve wasted and the pain I’ve caused my mate by letting him bear the brunt of guilt over what happened to me. But I push it away because it’s time to make the one thing that has been niggling me in the back of my mind right. Tristan Brooks and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together, ring or not. But I have a feeling we’re going to have a one hell of a wedding bash. I turn to Hillary just before we pull into Tristan’s driveway. “I think you should wear blue. You know it’s my favorite color.”
Chapter 37
TRISTAN
The aroma of cinnamon fills the air as I take a batch of cinnamon rolls out of the oven. Big mistake, because it’s a scent I associate with Lexi and her daily
cinnamon toast breakfast. Although, right now I’m so pathetic I’ll hang on to anything about her I can. I’ve got enough baked goods stacked up on counter to get a family of twelve through a long, cold winter. For the past few days all I’ve done is bake, eat, and go for long runs in the woods. At night I’ve tried to give my oven and stomach a break, because sugar takes a toll on a man, and instead put on a DVD to watch, but movies haven’t kept my attention for long, and I’ve been going out for another run. In fact, I haven’t been able to sit still since Lexi left.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve grabbed my phone and typed out a text to her, only to delete it. She said she needed space, and I have to give it to her. I’m holding on to the hope that if I do, if I prove to her I can let her be who she is, that she’ll come back to me.
I sit at the table and smooth out a placemat she made, and I know how pathetic it is when I lift it up to sniff her scent. It’s on everything in this cabin, and I fully admit to hugging the pillow she slept on at night. There may be tears involved. I’m worse than a teenaged girl dealing with a break up. Hell, if I pull out the ice cream next, I might as well be one. During Bruce’s visit two days ago, he even said so when I couldn’t stop talking about Lexi and wondering if she is okay. I even made him drive by her house to make sure she was safe and then text me to let me know once he did.
Not only am I restless, but so is my tiger. He’s grumpy and pissed off that I ruined his chances with Lexi’s lion. I get it. I’m pissed off at myself, too. I ruined my relationship with my true mate. Considering how strong that bond is, it’s kind of impressive how I screwed it up so badly.
The thing is I can’t imagine life without her, and I don’t know how I’m going to go on If she can’t forgive me. I grab a cinnamon roll, and even though it doesn’t have frosting and is still too hot, I shove it in my mouth.
I’m chomping on it when the crackling of tires on gravel pricks my ears. Someone’s at my cabin. I glance down at my shirt to see chocolate smeared on it. So are two days’ worth of various baked-goods stains, since a shower and change of clothes hasn’t been high on my list of things to do. The metallic thud of a car door makes it apparent I’ve got a visitor, and I hope whoever is coming to see me is prepared for the hot mess I am right now.
