by Cara Carnes
“Did you leave it too long?”
“Probably.” His voice turned husky. “There’s a lot I haven’t told her that I know she’d want to know—things too dark and depraved for her to understand. They eat my insides.”
“Jesse.” The whispered plea escaped her before she could stop herself. She feathered kisses along his cheeks, then across his lips. She took his free hand and wrapped her pinky around his. “There’s nothing too dark and depraved for me to hear. Remember our vow?”
“Everything. Forever.” He stroked her arm and stared into her eyes.
The haunted expression within his steeled her determination. She’d vanquish the dark and depraved he mentioned. That was the real battle in the war for Jesse’s heart.
“She thinks I should let you read the journals,” he whispered.
Ellie relaxed against him and looped her leg between his. “I want to read them. I want to know what happened, Jesse.”
“You won’t understand.”
“I will because I love you. I will because you and I were connected heart and soul before you went over there. That hasn’t changed.” She feathered a kiss along his mouth. “That won’t ever change. There is nothing you can say or do that will ever change that.”
“I can’t lose you,” he whispered against her mouth.
“You won’t ever lose me because I was lost in you long ago.” She peered into his eyes as she kissed his mouth softly. The tension within his body pained her. She sensed the internal war he waged and prayed she had enough fight to see the war through.
To win.
“I’m not ever letting you go, Jesse James Mason. Not ever again.”
“I’m not the man you knew.”
“I’m not the woman you knew.”
Jesse groaned and kissed her. Hunger. The carnal need overpowered her as he flipped them over so he was on top. His weight rested atop her, and for the first time in a long while, she felt…complete.
Dinner.
Jesse had thought a dinner alone under the tree was a perfect idea, but he’d underestimated his compulsion to touch Ellie. To taste her sweet lips and feel her come apart beneath him. He deepened the kiss, guiding her tongue with his.
Fuck.
He was a bastard for staking a claim on her when he couldn’t…
“Jesse,” she cried out as she writhed against him. She clawed at his shirt, but he was too lost in the taste of her to give a damn. She’d already seen the scars.
His pulse quickened when she stripped his shirt off, then hers. The soft glide of fingertips along his skin sent shivers of anticipation down his spine. He froze, too confused by the pleasurable sensation to do anything but relish the contact.
“Relax,” Ellie whispered against his neck. She nibbled his earlobe. “It’s just you and me.”
But he couldn’t relax. The wrong touch or word could send him into a flashback, and he was alone with Ellie. He could hurt her. His breaths grew labored as he severed the contact and drew back until he was an arm’s reach away from temptation.
Fuck, she was beautiful. Her full breasts were tucked inside a deep blue bra with lace along the edge. He swallowed as his gaze remained locked there. Her creamy skin would be softer there, more sensitive to his touch. His mouth.
“I can’t help if you don’t talk to me, Jesse.”
“This isn’t a good idea.” He looked around and ran his hand through his hair.
This had been an epically shitty idea. They were too far away from help if he went nuts, but she couldn’t read his mind. As much as it pained him to share the why, she deserved to know it wasn’t her. It wouldn’t ever be her fault he was screwed up.
“I-I don’t want to hurt you. I haven’t done this since…” He swallowed and forced a deep breath, even though his gut churned with nervousness that left his entire body humming like a livewire. “Touch triggers flashbacks sometimes. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then we’ll watch the stars and enjoy the quiet,” she said as she slipped her shirt back on.
Shocked, he watched as she curled up on the blanket where she’d been before. Her light blue eyes were barely visible in the light he’d put on the edge of the blanket, but it was enough for him to see adoration and concern. A calm spread through him, brushfire swift. He lay beside her but kept a small distance between them, just in case.
His heart thundered hard in his chest, but he continued his breathing exercises and focused on the stars above him rather than the beautiful, quiet woman who owned his soul. No one deserved to put up with the shitstorm that was his thoughts. A woman had needs he couldn’t fulfill. Tonight was the perfect example.
Sure, it was easy enough in intention. He could pleasure her orally—make her come all night.
But that plan didn’t take Ellie’s reactions into account. Her touch. Her smell. Her groans.
He closed his eyes and inhaled the vanilla scent she’d worn for him. It mingled with the grass and earthen smells of his family ranch.
Home.
“I need your help,” she whispered into the silence.
Jesse tightened. “What’s wrong?”
“We’d planned to have a baby shower for Mary, but then the hospital incident happened. And now she’s already had the baby.”
Jesse smiled. “Of course, you’re worried about still giving her a baby shower.”
“She deserves one. She went through a lot,” Ellie whispered. “Your namesake deserves to be pampered.”
“That kid will be spoiled rotten. Does the name bother you?” Jesse asked.
“No, I love it,” she whispered. “It hurts that we’ll never have a child together, but I’m okay, Jesse. You’re what matters.”
“Why didn’t you have a kid with him?”
“He wasn’t you,” she admitted.
Damn. Jesse rubbed the ache in his chest. Ellie always shot straight with him. No lies. No hesitation. That’s what they’d been for one another. She was lying beside him offering an all-in he shouldn’t take, but he couldn’t pass up. This moment with Ellie beneath the tree. Alone under the stars. Yeah, this was why he’d survived in the hole.
His mother’s words from the other day resonated in his head. She was right. He couldn’t waste a second of life. Ellie was worth the risk.
“You’re gonna be a great mother,” Jesse whispered.
She tightened. He scooted over and drew her against him so her weight settled along his side. “You’re my one, Jesse. I’m stuck to you like glue.”
He grinned and looked at her. Pleasure danced in her eyes. “Good, because you’re my one, too, Ellie.”
Jesse felt as though he’d vaulted more than a few steps forward, but he was still behind where they’d been before he’d left her. He’d had a ring. Memories flooded him, but he focused on the woman curled against him and the stars above them. He stroked one of the bare spots on her head. He’d come close to losing her.
Never again.
Death had a way of carving through red tape. When you’d inhaled the grim possibilities and kneed them in the nuts, you couldn’t help but race toward your reward. Ellie was his reward.
“Will you talk with Sinclair?”
“Yeah. I know I need to.” Her hand ran up and down his chest in slow, methodical sweeps. His mind raced between pleasure and fear with each touch, but he craved more. He loved her touch.
“I’ll let her know you can ask whatever you want,” he whispered into the silence.
She kissed his chest. “I’m all in, Jesse.”
He hoped to hell so because he couldn’t keep the things bottled up in him from her. They’d always shared everything, and a part of him refused to hide from her now. “I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve you.”
“I think the same thing about you,” she admitted.
Jesse’s cellphone rang. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out. Anger spiked within him when he read the text. Sitting up, he cupped Ellie’s face, which reflected concern. “We n
eed to get back to the compound.”
Ellie’s eyes rounded. “Why?”
“Addy’s team is in trouble.”
18
Ellie looked around at the gathered teams as apprehension crawled through her insides. The Arsenal didn’t use the large meeting room often, but when they did, the operation was huge. It’d taken her a few meetings to grasp why they insisted she be here when something big happened. If an emergency call pertaining to a mission came through, she needed to know exactly who to forward it to. Information was power, and they wanted her armed to help them be successful with their missions.
She swallowed her nervousness as Jesse entered with his brothers. Vi and Zoey set up a computer with the massive overhead.
“This briefing will be exactly that—brief. Addy’s team has run across some trouble.” Vi paused. “Addy, you’re connected. Everyone’s here. Read us in.”
“It took us longer than expected to track the bastard down, but we found Monte Carlito’s domicile on the outskirts of a village. Surveillance raised several red flags. First, none of our equipment works within a quarter klick of his damn compound. And we use that term as an understatement. It makes The Arsenal look like Bubba’s.”
“What do you mean none of the equipment works?” Bree asked. “That’s not possible.”
“Well, since I’m calling from my cellphone while sitting my ass in a shitty dive bar, I’m gonna respectfully disagree,” Addy said. “Anything using HERA or its energy source is dead weight whenever we get within range of that compound.”
Vi typed furiously on the computer. “Monte Carlito has diversified assets, but nothing HERA flagged.”
A list appeared on the overhead.
“Carlisle Industries,” Rhea said. “That rat bastard.”
“Carlisle? As in Stan Carlisle? Your college boyfriend? The one who stole your thesis?” Bree looked at the screen then Rhea. “He stole more than that. Jesus. He’s got our initial blueprints. That’s why the energy source isn’t working within HERA’s equipment.”
A man’s image came up on the screen. “Carlito has controlling interest in Carlisle Industries. HERA didn’t flag it because it isn’t a known black ops supplier or facility.”
“I remember him. You two dated while you and Bree shared a room,” Vi said. “First priority—can we get the equipment operational? How deep is this breech?”
“I-I dunno,” Bree said. “I’ll need to look through our initial schematics, but the energy source is reprogrammable. We can theoretically use a different transmission frequency and change the security. We’ve wanted to upgrade anyway.”
“How soon?”
“I have some experimental models of upgraded drones, but they haven’t been tested.”
Nolan sighed and crossed his arms. “How experimental? Is this like the exploding ones from Iraq or the energy cannon from the roof?”
“We can do a trial run in a couple hours.”
“We need to be wheels up in two hours,” Jesse said.
“Then we use what’s ready and make modifications to send through to the others,” Vi said.
“That assumes we can establish a satellite connection for long enough,” Addy said. “We’ll need to do the system update before we near the compound. Otherwise we’re fucked.”
“Are you still under their radar?” Marshall asked.
“So far, yes. They’ve got a shit ton of security, heavily armed. I’m uploading what we have so far from the perimeter scans.” Addy sighed heavily into the phone. “This is bigger than the girl at this point. Do we pull back and reevaluate the mission objective or go in and get her?”
God, Ellie wanted to leave. She was the office manager. This was way, way above her pay grade. But this was Jesse’s life, and anything to do with him was her concern.
Would he be one of the ones to go? There were so many teams. Surely he wouldn’t go.
Mary, Vi, and Zoey decided which teams were best suited for missions. Sending the wrong one could get someone hurt—or worse—killed. Loving Jesse meant not only accepting what he did but supporting it. Cheering him on because he saved lives.
“What’s the scope of our exposure here?” Dylan asked.
“It’s hard to say,” Vi said. “Either way, we need to investigate Carlisle Industries. Anyone and anything connected with a bastard who’d buy a kid for sex is a problem.”
“The bastard stole our schematics,” Rhea said. “We steal them back.”
“After we gather more intel and surveillance. No way in hell are we ready to take these bastards on right now,” Addy said. “This is a slicker operation than Hive was.”
“Understood. I’ll text you once we establish which teams are en route. Are you secure?”
“For now.”
Ellie shifted in the seat she’d taken nearest the door. Out of the way. She’d heard everyone say Addy was one of the best operatives in the private paramilitary world, so she’d be okay until help arrived.
“Hang on the line for a minute. Sol has resources there,” Jesse said. The man made his way to a phone Zoey held out.
Any hope she’d had that Jesse and his team weren’t one of the ones going died. Her pulse quickened as a new shockwave of fear and nervousness crawled along her spine. Sol had resources in the area. Ellie swallowed.
Jesse was good at this. The best. He’d be okay.
“The remainder of the debrief will happen en route once we know more. Bree and Rhea, get busy organizing the new drones,” Vi said. “We’ll need a sidebar after the teams are on their way to determine our future security implications. That bastard could’ve sold those schematics to anyone at this point. We’ll need a deep dive investigation into him, everyone he’s worked with—everything.”
“I’ll get to work. Cord can help,” Zoey said.
“Jesse’s and Gage’s teams are primary. Dallas, your team is on perimeter. Departure in two hours,” Vi said. “All gathered intel from the field has been forwarded to everyone’s data tablets.”
“And the girl?” Zoey asked.
“We aren’t forgetting what our primary objective is,” Marshall said. “We’ll need to assess our options once we have good intel.”
Ellie remained seated as the teams who’d assembled filed out. Sol, Brooklyn, Lex, and Levi all offered smiles as they shuffled past her and headed out. Jesse sighed heavily as he approached and squatted so they were at eye level. He took both hands in hers and rubbed her palms with his thumbs.
“Peanut.”
Ellie forced a deep breath. An unfocused operative was bad. She’d heard Mary and Vi and Zoey all say as much when they were talking amongst themselves or with Kamren. The four women watched their men go into danger all the time. They powered through and remained strong because they were the most amazing women she knew.
She could emulate that bravery and strength for Jesse. Emotion threatened to overwhelm her, though, so she kept her focus on where their hands interlaced.
“Talk to me, Peanut.”
“This is good. We’ll have the baby shower after you get back. That way Addy will be here, too,” Ellie said. The mundaneness of the statement hung like a lead weight between them. So much for being strong and courageous.
Then the fears listing in her mind spilled out in one terrifying question. “How dangerous is this? With the stuff not working? How bad is this?”
Jesse placed a hand on her neck and used his thumb to lift her chin. Emotion churned within his gaze, but she was too busy controlling her own to delve into his.
“I won’t ever lie to you, Peanut. It’s not good.” He firmed his grip on her face. “But we practice for this every day. Most of us spent years in the service without the tech we’ve been using. Sure, the slick gadgets make our work a fuckload safer and give us a huge leg up, but we can and will kick ass without it.”
Ellie nodded.
“I survived hell once because I wanted to get back to you,” he whispered. “Nothing will keep me from you. Nothing
.”
A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. “I love you, Jesse James Mason.”
“I love you, Ellie.”
She cupped his face and kissed him. A groan escaped him as he firmed the contact and swept his tongue along the seam of her mouth. Anticipation and need rose within her.
Jesse broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers. “I owe you a dinner under the tree when I get back, Peanut.”
“Good. Then we can pick up where we left off,” she whispered. She traced her hands down his arms.
“Even if we don’t ever…” He swallowed.
“Even if.”
It’d been years since Jesse had been in Cuba. From what he’d seen so far, not much had changed. They’d rendezvoused with Addy and her team at the edge of forested area fifteen klicks from the target’s location. It’d taken half an hour to upgrade all the drones Addy’s team had.
The enemy drones’ perimeter sweeps were in half klick bands starting at twelve klicks—an unheard of distance that left Jesse a little more concerned than he wanted to admit.
Everyone fanned out in teams of two without comment and made their way toward the compound. They’d brought along two sets of the new drones Bree had designed. Jesse hoped to hell they worked. Protein bars and bottled water were their meals, which they ate as they trudged through the thick forest without pause.
Two klicks away from the facility, they activated HERA and sent the drones up. The sooner they tested the new design the better. Bree had said the surveillance cameras offered a wider range and better-quality images.
“Signals are strong,” Zoey said. “Images are freaking killer. Nice upgrade, Bree.”
“Let’s hope the rest is as good,” the woman commented.
Dallas’s team remained in a lookout formation half a klick from the target. Armed personnel in protective gear patrolled the perimeter in frequent intervals that made the approach slower than Jesse preferred. Images from the drones Cord flew ahead of them flashed through the display of the headgear.
