Adi’s mom asked, “Are you okay? Can I help you?”
The woman replied after a flurry of coughs, “I’m fine, it comes and goes.”
Adi knew the beggar was not aware of the vicious animal around her neck. As they walked on, Adi felt the snake’s stare between her shoulder blades and she shivered, clinging onto her mother’s hand.
Adi didn’t know why the play of shadow and light aroused those memories in her. That vision in her childhood had triggered years of hallucinations later on, but she’d overcome them with professional help. Hadn’t she?
She nervously watched Diepger stalk towards her with an air of anger, maybe even fury. Adi stepped back in the face of his cold expression until her back hit a wall and she couldn’t retreat any further. The man stood close enough to her that she smelled his strong aftershave, cloying and pungent. Like wet dog mixed with eau de cologne. Yuck.
He knew he was intimidating her and he liked it. Towering over her in his curry-colored tweed jacket, his eyes flashing with anger and, yes, triumph, knowing she couldn’t get away.
“Miss Gutseel, how dare you? Don’t you challenge me like that again. I don’t care if you are right and I am wrong. You’re the student and I’m the instructor. I can have you expelled from my class, and I won’t hesitate to do so if you ever step out of line again.”
He smirked as he made it clear who held the power. A movement drew Adi’s eyes to his left ear, and this time, she saw it clearly. There was something on his shoulder. It looked like a small, twisted monkey, the hatred in its eyes as it glared at her mirroring that of the instructor’s.
“Look at me when I speak to you," Diepger snarled at her. Adi’s head snapped back, but her eyes kept darting to the side to take in the creature. Its fur looked like it had fallen out in patches, its paws twisted and bent, tipped with sharp nails. Adi’s eyes widened when the monkey opened its mouth to hiss at her, showing sharp stained teeth in the process.
“Are you on drugs, Miss Gutseel? Is that the excuse for your behavior?" she heard the TA ask quietly. When she looked at him again, his mock-concern barely covered his disdain. He clearly thought he was onto something. Good thing then, that Adi didn’t do drugs. Not illegal ones anyway. She had been forced to take antidepressants as a child, but not for many years now.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Diepger. I shouldn’t have said that," she mumbled, her head bowed. Maybe this display of her fake submission would calm him down.
“Damn right you shouldn’t have. And don’t think I’ll forget this in a hurry either," he replied. Then he turned around and walked towards his office.
Adi felt compelled to look after him. The creature had turned its head all the way around, staring back at her. In the dark hallway, it looked just like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Adi shuddered and her hand flew to her neck, rubbing her wolf medallion.
The monkey’s claws were digging painfully into Diepger’s forehead, and he groaned in pain and rubbed his head. The animal’s eyes were still fixed on her, shining sickly yellow. It cackled, then turned around to resume its ride on the instructor’s shoulders.
When the door banged shut behind Diepger, Adi exhaled a breath she felt she’d held for an eternity, her eyes still wide with shock, her hands shaking with delayed shock. She tugged on her necklace the way she had done ever since she was little.
This was real. She had seen the monkey with her own two eyes. Or had she? When she was a child in Frankfurt, she had seen animals and monsters clinging onto people. She had been sure then as well. It had taken years of treatment to get better, to accept the reality her eyes showed her, instead of the images her brain imagined. So why was she seeing those things now?
She took another deep breath, pushing down her apprehension, then turned around and found herself face-to-face with a man.
The comforting rumble of students’ conversations and occasional laughter wrapped around Honi like warm, richly patterned fabric. He sat in his usual place in the small coffee place on campus, preparing questions for a meeting with his world mythology tutor.
Honi didn’t particularly like coffee but was very fond of the triple chocolate frappe they offered here. He moaned as he savored the thick, sweet milkshake. There was coffee in it, sure, but it didn’t taste bitter. It was more of a dessert than a caffeinated drink.
He wistfully rubbed his belly. This was his third frappe of the week. Pretty soon the sugar and fat would catch up with him, and even his tight training schedule wouldn’t stop the expansion of his midriff. Every male member of his family softened over the years. He sighed and mentally cursed genetics.
From the chubby little kid who had been teased in school, he had grown into a tall, lean Mekui’te warrior who turned girls’ heads wherever he went. And a Mekui’te warrior should not indulge in more than one triple chocolate frappe, no matter how good it tasted, he thought as he took another sip. Too damn good. As if he knew that Honi’s resolution had wavered already, his spirit wolf growled at him.
Honi smiled and shook his head minutely. I know, I know, he thought at the animal he was named after. Their eyes met, and amusement radiated from the animal’s sapphire-blue gaze. Honi was mostly used to it, but he still got a kick out of seeing his black wolf amongst all these people. Man, they would freak if they could see him. He smiled wider as he finally got up and made his way towards the glass door.
Honi threw his cup into the garbage on his way out. He swung his gray canvas messenger bag over his left shoulder, taking care not to catch his long black hair. A pretty blond girl he recognized from class stepped aside and let him pass. He didn’t miss her eyes sweeping him up and down and lingering on his wide shoulders and narrow hips. He grinned at her and moved on before she had a chance to say anything. He wasn’t here to have fun. He was here to study and make his people proud when he gave them a stronger voice. He still enjoyed the attention though. Nothing wrong with that.
Outside, light green clouds of new spring buds emerged all over the campus. He loved this time of year. Winter was on its way out, and some days, the sun warmed up the earth enough that mist curled out of the damp cold ground. It seemed to beckon the bulbs that had been planted by the horticulture club last fall, and while the tide of white snowdrops had already receded, the next wave of red, yellow and pink tulips gently invaded the bare banks all over the college grounds.
Honi inhaled deeply without slowing his long-legged march to the red-bricked building that was now coming within view. Everywhere he looked, students were moving from class to class or chatting with others. He felt a little wistful because even after three years, he had no close friends. Sure, he knew a lot of people, but between his studies and traveling back to the reservation to see his family, he didn’t have much time to socialize.
The trill of a bird calling to its mate distracted him from his maudlin thoughts, and he soon smiled again, following the birds’ flight against the clear blue sky. This day was too damn beautiful to feel down for any length of time.
When he arrived at his destination, he pulled open the front door and entered a different world. Where it had been bright and loud outside, inside the building it was dark and quiet, smelling of plastic and laminate. The sharp unpleasant odor invaded his nostrils and made him sneeze. Honi bent over and the hall echoed with the sudden eruption of noise. His nose was still itchy. He pinched his nostrils and walked towards his instructor’s office, only to see him talking to another student in the hallway.
Honi was about to open his mouth to greet Diepger, when Ho’neo stopped and growled. Honi patted his head absentmindedly and looked closer at the scene before him.
The TA leaned into a student’s personal space. Honi knew the girl. He had seen her in his Anthro mythology class and knew that she was very bright, but also strident and a little bit aggressive. She seemed to have a chip on her shoulder and had to be right all the time. He didn’t like the instructor’s body language. It was threatening, and the girl seemed to shrink under his attention.
<
br /> Honi tried to think of her name, Ali, Anni—no, Adi. That was it. Unusual, but then so was his name. Adi looked very shaken up, and Diepger was obviously furious. Then Honi noticed the TA’s spirit animal. He reared back a little. Oh crap, he’d never seen it before in class, and he was sure he would have noticed.
The animal was gross, monkey-shaped and twisted. In Honi’s experience, spirit animals represented the character of their owners, so that would explain why Diepger always seemed to be such an asshole in class. The animal hissed at Adi, and Honi’s eyes widened when Adi flinched back. What the hell? Had she just reacted to the monkey?
Honi had seen spirit animals since he was fourteen. He had never met anybody else who had the gift. Then he shook his head. It was probably something the TA had said to her. She seemed fearful and cringed away while Diepger whispered something to her.
Honi’s eyebrows drew together. He hadn’t forgotten when he was bullied, and he didn’t like seeing an instructor do that to a student. He was just about to walk over and interrupt, when Diepger pulled back and walked towards his office. His spirit animal dug its claws into his forehead and the TA winced. It was rare that a spirit animal attacked its owner, but it happened.
He watched as Adi looked at her shaking hands. She still looked scared, her auburn hair falling over her luminous brown eyes. Was she crying? His throat felt dry and he swallowed sharply. She was cute in an unassuming way, and he felt like he should do something, say something to make her feel better. Just as he opened his mouth, she turned around and nearly ran into him.
“Oh," she gasped, her pale face looking up at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He had grabbed both her upper arms to prevent her from bouncing off his chest. She was such a small thing under his hands, he felt strangely protective of her.
“Not your fault, I should have announced myself," he smiled.
“Yes, you should have.” Her eyes narrowed and her usual cockiness covered the glimpse of vulnerability he had witnessed.
He tried again. “I saw you arguing with Diepger. I know he can be a total ass, so I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine," she replied quickly. Too quickly. Then she raised her head and looked right at him. “Did you see anything weird when you saw us? A pet, maybe? On his shoulder?”
So she had seen the monkey. Wow. But apparently she didn’t know what she’d seen.
“I saw something," he replied slowly. “What do you think it was?”
“There was a monkey on Diepger’s shoulder. It was hideous and aggressive. Do you think we should inform admin? Surely he can’t keep a dangerous animal in his office.”
Honi thought quickly. She had no idea what she’d seen. Maybe it would be better to let her believe it was just a pet. But why was she able to see it at all? He needed to find out. Only Native Americans could see spirit animals, and even among them, the gift was rare.
There was not a single person on the reservation who could do it, and most of the younger Mekui’te didn’t believe it was even possible. Honi had become the butt of jokes when he had come back from his vision quest and told everyone he met what his spirit animal looked like. He’d quickly learned not to talk about what he saw every day.
Honi found the girl’s eyes, and when he looked into their liquid brown depth, he found himself saying, “Hey, let’s have coffee and talk about it.”
There had been no monkey. The young man in front of her had humored her, and Adi was grateful for that. He seemed genuinely concerned and tried to make sure she was okay. Whatever. Her heart was still beating fast and her hands felt sweaty. She’d just wanted to get out of there and think about what had happened.
So when the very attractive young man (she might have been shocked, but she wasn’t blind, okay?) had asked her for coffee, she hadn’t hesitated.
“I’m sorry, I gotta go.” Her abruptness was rude, she knew that. It made life easier, kept distractions away so she could concentrate on what was important. Her studies. Her independence.
When she looked up, the slight smile had slipped off his face and left behind a mask of indifference. He’d stepped back and coldly said, “Sure, whatever.” Then he’d turned and walked away.
Adi watched him leave with an odd sense of disappointment. His silhouette, copper skin and long black hair, tied at the back of his head, reminded her of a young Keanu Reeves, except taller. Now that she thought of it, she was sure she’d seen him in class before. Usually dressed in T-shirts and tight jeans.
She half-regretted her outburst. He had looked at her like she mattered and had been angry on her behalf. Adi straightened her shoulders and sniffed. She didn’t need a protector_she was absolutely fine by herself. Then she remembered the fear that had shot through her like a hand grabbing her throat when that—that thing—had looked back at her and grinned.
She shook herself, pushing the revulsion down with all the other things she didn’t want to think about, then slowly made her way to the exit. The young man was gone, and again she felt a clench of regret in her stomach. When she opened the door, a chill in the air made her shiver. She looked around campus. Lectures were in full swing after lunch break, and there were very few students around.
A slight wind carried the promise of late snow, and she wished she’d brought a jacket after all. The temperature had dropped considerably, and Adi sped up to try to generate some body heat. She pulled her hoodie tighter against the creeping cold, and her shoulders rose as she clasped her arms around her. Jeez, one minute the sun shone and birds sang, the next Jack Frost made it very clear that he wasn’t done yet.
When Adi finally got to her building, she couldn’t feel her fingertips. Her nose started running in response to the welcoming warmth in her room. She was only glad that as a senior, she had been given a single. She really didn’t have the patience or inclination to share with another nosy person. And renting off-campus would have taken too much of a chunk of her monthly allowance.
She made a beeline to her electric teakettle. Her mom had always had one back in Germany, and when Adi’d had to leave home, she’d tracked one down. It had taken her quite a while to find a pretty one, all made of glass with blue backlighting. It hadn’t been cheap, but it was worth every dollar. And today of all days, she really appreciated having hot water in a mug and a teabag within a few minutes.
Adi leaned back in the only chair in her sparsely furnished room and warmed her blue-tinged fingers on the hot porcelain. Heaven. Sipping the black brew always calmed her down and helped her think.
First of all, Diepger. The guy was such an ass. Adi knew she was right. Her German was fluent, and what she didn’t know, she looked up. Maybe she was a little abrasive at times, and she couldn’t remember why she’d felt the need to poke at the TA the way she had. Still, his attitude was aggressive and threatening, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t want to stir up more trouble, but she might have to speak to the head of faculty. As if she didn’t have enough on her plate already.
And then the monkey or whatever that thing was. Adi’s brows rose as she recalled the terror she’d felt at that moment. It seemed out of character for her. She was a calm, rational person, usually. Well, she was now.
When she was a child, into her early teenage years, her psychiatrist had told her parents that what she saw every day were “imaginary friends”. Even as a child, she had known that couldn’t be right. They were supposed to be “friends”, but what she saw had frightened her. Friends didn’t frighten friends, she knew that. Eventually the diagnosis had moved on to more serious conditions, and the doctor had told her parents that she was suffering from “psychotic episodes”.
Adi had come home one day, distraught and frightened. She must have been thirteen. On a school trip to downtown Frankfurt, the class had arrived at Taunusanlage, one of the stations in the business district. There was a lot of drug and alcohol abuse in those days, and it wasn’t uncommon to see people passed out in the stations, where it was warm
and sheltered.
The children had been forced to step over a man who lay right across the middle of the stairs to the street level. Just as Adi had straddled the junkie, his dirty hand had shot out and grabbed her ankle midstep. His long fingernails had dug into her skin. She’d muffled a scream with her fist and stared down at him.
She remembered his high-pitched giggle before he dropped back into a stupor. She could still smell the stench of unwashed body and something more sinister, like rotting onions. Her teacher pulled her away from him and made sure she was okay. But when she turned her head to give the guy one final glance, she saw a large cat peering out from underneath his jacket. It wasn’t a little domestic cat either. It looked like a skeletal, mangy puma. Its yellow eyes bore into hers and it hissed, showing broken teeth.
When Adi turned to her classmates and opened her mouth to warn them, she realized that no one else seemed alarmed in the slightest. So she kept her mouth shut. Fitting in was important even then. And when she looked again, there was no sign of a big cat, just an emaciated smelly junkie sleeping his life away.
It upset her deeply. She wasn’t sure what exactly—being grabbed by the addict, seeing the cat, not seeing the cat—whatever it was, it made her feel on edge. Pair that with teenage hormones and it was no wonder she was upset by the time she got home.
Her mom noticed of course, and after much probing and cajoling, Adi told her. She also mentioned the cat, and her mom’s reaction scared her even more. Her face showed a series of emotions, running from confused to upset to determined. The next day Adi met her second psychiatrist, Dr. Niederegger.
Dr. Niederegger was good. So good that Adi confessed seeing animals sitting and slouching on people all the time. When he asked her what kind of animals, she explained, “All kinds, even frogs and insects.”
He wanted to know if they talked to her, and she shook her head, her brown bob emphatically moving along with it. He kept scribbling furiously in a notebook, and the more she talked, the more he scribbled. Eventually her parents were asked into the bright, expensively furnished interrogation room, and Adi was asked to wait outside.
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