Dreams about his ex-girlfriend weren’t new. He missed her every day, and he sometimes thought his subconscious was punishing him for letting her go. After a night of dreaming of Adi, he’d wake up exhausted and cranky.
Yet this wasn’t a regular dream, or even spirit-walking. Normal dreams were surreal, like drifts of fog that burned off in the harsh light of morning. And the whole point of spirit-walking was to enter a different realm, not stay in his own bed.
He looked at her again. She was still smiling at him. Her hand reached out, and her fingers brushed gently down his cheek. He couldn’t help himself. He grabbed her palm and placed a kiss on her soft skin. She smelled the same, and yes—he sucked a finger into his mouth—she tasted great as well. Judging by the moan, she liked his tongue swirling around her finger, interspersed with little bites.
With a sudden flash of clarity, he decided not to question how and why. Quickly he rolled on top of her and pressed his lips against hers. She opened her mouth and enthusiastically kissed him back. Honi supported his bodyweight on his elbows, took her head in both hands and devoured her mouth. Soon she was writhing under him, one leg slung over his hip, and her hands holding on to his shoulders for dear life.
Honi didn’t want to stop kissing her. His emotions were all over the place, ranging from confusion to utter relief, at having her in his arms again, even though he knew it wasn’t real, couldn’t be real. His body knew what to do, and he ground his aching shaft against her hipbone for some relief. Suddenly she pulled away, and Honi pushed himself up to look at her.
“No, this isn’t right! I don’t want this!” Adi whispered, her eyes wide and shocked. Honi’s stomach dropped. He still didn’t know what was going on, but he would never force himself on anybody, least of all the girl he loved. He rolled off her, worried about what would happen next. He turned his head to look at her, about to open his mouth and reassure her, when she cried, “Florice! Let me go!”
She was still looking up, her hands pushing against invisible fists gripping her wrists. Honi realized that she had no idea that he was there. He’d thought that she’d appeared to him in his dream, but it was the other way around. He’d gate-crashed her vision. Who was Florice? And why was Adi fighting him? Honi sat up in alarm. Was he witnessing Adi being assaulted in her bed?
The longer he stared at the image in front of him, the more he was convinced that Adi was under attack. She tried to pull away, to sit up, but couldn’t gain any leverage against whoever was sitting on top of her. Honi couldn’t bear watching—he had to do something. But no matter how much he focused his mind, his hands encountered only emptiness, and he couldn’t help her fight off her assailant.
Her sobs and pleas were growing ever more desperate until Honi covered his ears with his hands. He couldn’t look away from the scene in front of him. Adi was being hurt, maybe raped, and he was helpless to do anything about it. He was still staring in desperation when Adi’s writhing body became translucent until Honi’s bed was empty once again.
A high-pitched noise wormed its way into his stunned mind. At first he ignored it, trembling with shock and anger. Eventually it got so loud, he turned to see what caused it. As he moved, he felt like he was tripping, falling from a great height. He instinctively raised both hands in front of him and jerked awake.
Ho’neo was pushing his nose into the crook of Honi’s neck, whining loudly, desperately. Honi expelled a breath he hadn’t even realized was trapped in his chest. He was panting as if he’d run a marathon. His forehead was covered in sweat, and his hands were shaking.
What the fuck had just happened? Had he been hallucinating? The vision hadn’t felt like a dream or spirit-walking. It had been too real. The image of Adi’s scared face was imprinted in his mind, and Honi knew he’d never forget it. Dreams wafted away, but this wouldn’t.
Whatever it had been, it had left him weak and sick to his stomach. Ho’neo jumped on the bed and curled into Honi’s side. He pulled the animal close and buried his face in the huge wolf’s neck fur. Ho’neo’s loud, rhythmic huffs soothed the young man’s mind, and after a long while, he drifted back into a dreamless sleep.
When Honi woke up again, he lay perfectly still, staring at the ceiling. His chest was tight, his heart beating fast and his eyes wide with fear. For several seconds he surrendered to the anxiety threatening to overwhelm him. Then common sense kicked in.
Consciously slowing his breathing, he allowed last night’s events to seep into his memory. Several hours provided enough distance to examine the vision—hallucination—whatever the hell it had been, with a certain degree of detachment. Adi was in Germany, most likely getting ready for lunch, given the seven-hour time difference. Time difference… Oh crap, what time was it?
One look at his phone, and he shouted, “Dammit!” Adrenaline rushing through him, he sat up in bed quickly before collapsing back onto his pillow. He’d missed his early lecture, the only one of the day. Might as well take it easy now. Ho’neo had gone to wherever spirit animals went in their downtime, but Honi was used to the wolf drifting in and out. He hadn’t been startled by his furry friend popping up since he’d been a teenager.
He pulled his covers over his shoulders and rolled to his side. Just as he was about to drift back to sleep, Adi’s crying face invaded his dozing mind. Within a split second, his eyes popped open again, and just like that, he was wide awake.
He couldn’t brush this off like some nightmare. Something different had happened last night. He remembered everything, unlike an ordinary dream. Why had he seen this? He could rationalize as much as he wanted, and yes, Adi was most likely safe in Heidelberg, but why had he seen these visions?
He couldn’t stay in bed any longer with questions whirling in his mind. He quickly got up, threw on yesterday’s clothes, and went looking for a bite to eat. As he stretched up and pulled a cereal bowl from the top shelf of his kitchenette cupboard, last night’s vision overlapped his reality.
He missed the dish he was reaching for, catching it with his fingertips and swiping it to the ground. He cringed as it burst into several sky-blue pieces upon impact. One of the shards flew past his ankle and clipped the skin. The sharp pain sliced through his confusion and cleared his head with shocking lucidity, quickly followed by an epiphany. It hit him so hard that his knees buckled. One hand on the counter, the other pressing a paper towel to the skin to stem the blood drops oozing from the small cut, his thoughts were racing.
How could he have ever doubted that Adi was in trouble? He’d assumed that his brain had been playing tricks on him because he missed her so much. But she wasn’t just an ordinary girl. She was a spirit walker. She could enter dreams, and for whatever reason, she’d reached out to him for help last night. How could he have been so stupid not to realize this immediately?
Honi jumped up and grabbed his MacBook. He quickly checked his bank account. He’d received the tribe’s monthly contribution as usual at the beginning of the quarter, and there was enough money left to do what he had to do. He consciously decided not to think of the repercussions that were sure to follow.
He called his father’s cell, knowing full well that he wouldn’t answer while he was at work. It allowed Honi to leave a message on his voice mail without having to explain himself to anybody.
Then he pulled up a price comparison website while silently thanking John for insisting that he got a passport. At the time, he’d wondered why he needed one. Chuckling, John had replied, “I want to take you to a powwow in Southern California near Yuma, right near the Mexican border. Young man like you might wanna go visit Tijuana, right?”
Anything to get him away from Adi, Honi thought bitterly. At least he’d gotten a passport out of it. He shrugged his shoulders, then typed his details into the fields and pushed the “Purchase” button for the next available flight to Frankfurt, Germany.
16
Honi stood in front of a fast-food joint opposite a large medieval church in the center of Heidelberg. With the weigh
t of his pack pulling him backwards, he had his head thrown back, looking up all the way to the top of the old building. He was amazed how the modern restaurant with its red plastic seats and bright yellow advertising sat comfortably within the ancient oxblood-red facade.
Honi had never been to Europe. The airport and train station could have been anywhere in the US, but the minute he’d exited the taxi, his mind was blown. There were some chain stores he recognized from home—the Apple store further down the pedestrian zone, and the McDonald’s in front of him, just to name a few. But the vast majority of businesses were small boutique shops he’d never heard of.
Once the taxi had dropped him off, he’d had to walk another ten minutes until he arrived at the address Adi had sent him by email. It was the last message he had gotten from her a few weeks previously, and he hoped she hadn’t moved.
His decision to rush to Europe had been crazy, he knew that. But every time he worried about how pissed John and his dad would be once they realized he was gone, he remembered how scared Adi’d looked that night. He’d had no choice. She needed him and had reached out to him—who knew if subconsciously or on purpose? She’d called and he’d answered. Simple as that.
Except the address she’d given him was a McDonald’s. He stepped back a few feet and looked first right, then left. There, next to the three-story house was an alleyway. Narrow and dark, it cut in between the embellished exteriors like a scar. Honi resolutely took a few steps towards it before his nose registered the stench of rotting garbage. Apparently, it was trash day.
As he entered the small, dank passage, a door opened at the back end of the restaurant. A tiny Middle Eastern man held the door open with his butt while wrestling with three large plastic bags. One of them was caught on the metal latch of the door frame, and the man pulled and wiggled the bag to free it.
Honi moved quickly. He grabbed two of the bags that weren’t caught, while smiling disarmingly at the slight man. His grease-stained red apron with the distinctive golden “M” on the front, ties wrapped twice around his skinny waist, made him look even smaller than he was. His black eyes scuttled like beetles over Honi’s face, to his eyes, down to his hands, to the ground, back up again. Honi’s smile faltered. Maybe he shouldn’t have grabbed the garbage without asking?
Just then, the man finally made up his mind. His face lit up with a broad grin, and a gush of heavily accented German rushed at Honi. He couldn’t understand anything, other than the occasional Danke thrown in. After a second, the man looked expectantly at Honi.
“Um… I don’t speak German?” he replied haltingly.
The smile slipped off the man’s expressive face. The same guttural accent coloring his speech, he switched to English.
“I’m sorry, I did not realize you don’t speak German. Thank you for helping me. You are a tourist?”
He tipped his head to the side like a bird and waited, still staring at Honi.
Honi laughed. “Kinda. I’m visiting a friend. She lives here in this building, but I can’t find the entrance.”
The man introduced himself as Rasul but refused to shake hands. Given the smell of rancid pickles emanating from the bags, maybe just as well. Rasul closed the door and pointed at the small entrance only a few feet down the alleyway.
“I wish you good luck with your friend,” he called out, smiling over his shoulder before wiping his hands and getting back to work.
Honi lifted his backpack higher to ease the weight on his back and pushed the doorbell of the top-level flat.
“Ja?” a male voice called out.
“I’m looking for Adi?” Honi hoped the guy spoke English. Most Germans seemed to, so it was a fair bet. He wasn’t disappointed.
“Adi? Sure, come up,” and the door buzzed open. Honi entered the cool interior and groaned when he was faced with a steep flight of stairs. He walked a few paces down the hallway, hoping to find an elevator. No such luck. Walking back to the stairs, he took the first step of what would be a very long climb.
By the time Honi had dragged himself up the last few steps of the fourth floor, he cursed the European convention of calling the first floor the “ground floor.” This added another story, just when he thought he’d reached his destination. After a long flight from the States, an equally tiring train trip from Frankfurt, and the culture shock he was experiencing, he was exhausted.
Swaying on his feet, he stared at the door in front of him. It was slightly ajar, and he didn’t know whether to just enter or knock. He raised his hand at the same time a blond guy with impressively muscled arms pulled the door open.
“Hey, welcome to Germany!” he said, smiling widely. “Adi’s in her room, I’ll tell her you’re here.”
Honi dropped his heavy pack in the hallway and followed the man, who gestured for him to tag along. He introduced himself and found out that Lukas lived here with his boyfriend, and that Adi was “the best flatmate.” Lukas’s English was excellent, with a fluency that spoke of frequent trips to English-speaking countries.
“Does she know you’re coming?”
The question, innocently asked, threw Honi completely. Maybe this was all a huge mistake. What if she was perfectly fine? What if she took one look at him and thought he was stalking her, after she’d told him to leave her alone? Steeling himself against her disapproval and scorn, Honi stopped behind Lukas. Lukas lifted his hand and rapped his knuckles against the wood.
“Adi, you in there? Somebody to see you!”
The door opened, and before Honi could say hello or apologize, he had his arms full of a warm, enthusiastic brunette.
“Honi!” she squealed. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you traveled all the way to see me!” Before Honi could compose himself, she jumped up, wrapped her legs around his waist, and kissed him hard.
Lukas chuckled. “I better leave you lovebirds,” he said and disappeared into the kitchen, closing the door behind him.
Honi felt dizzy with confusion. Maybe she was homesick, and that’s why she was so happy to see him? His doubts fizzled out under the onslaught of her lips and tongue. Adi felt like heaven in his arms, her smooth skin under his hands, her tiny body pressed tightly against his.
He forgot about his jet lag and tiredness, his disorientation and confusion. This was what he had been dreaming about, but hadn’t expected to happen. Adi still wanted him. Maybe not all was lost.
17
The first thing that struck Honi, apart from the large window with the amazing view of the church across the plaza, was how tidy Adi’s room was. Gone were the pants strewn everywhere, the T-shirts and blouses stacked on chairs and tables. The room was pristine.
Maybe not that surprising, given that Adi couldn’t have carried much luggage to Germany. He put her down on her feet, ignoring her disappointed pout. She was freaking him out a little with her enthusiasm. He didn’t mind her rubbing all over him, but they hadn’t left things on the best of terms back in the States. They’d agreed to stay in touch, but how much had she missed him? A lot, apparently, judging by her hand running down the front of his jeans. He grabbed it gently but firmly. They needed to talk.
He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, she pushed her whole body against his. He stumbled and stepped backwards. Another shove and his calves hit the bedframe behind him. He sat down hard, wondering what had just happened. She’d moved so fast and decisively, her tiny frame had outmaneuvered him easily.
Her mouth on his swallowed any words of protest. Man, was she good at distracting him. He couldn’t remember her ever taking the initiative the way she did now. Her soft body pressed against his, her tongue in his mouth, her taste on his lips—there was something they needed to talk about, but it could wait. His mind went hazy with how good she felt.
He slipped his hands under her shirt and relished the feel of her soft, warm skin under his fingers. He ran both palms up her back, all ten fingers spread wide to encompass the width of her narrow back. When he reached her bra, she gasped. Her
back curved into a perfect bow, tension reverberating through his fingertips. He had to hold her tight, otherwise she would have fallen off his lap onto the floor.
Her entire body pushed hard against his hands and arms. His biceps and abs tightened, and just for a moment, he was again afraid of dropping her. Then she softened, molding herself against his chest like a cat. She pushed her head underneath his chin, then tilted her face up and licked a long line from his collarbone to his ear.
A shiver ran through Honi’s body, from the top of his body down to his toes. He groaned, his head tilted back, still holding on tight. Adi leaned away and reached towards her back with both her hands. Her face scrunched up in concentration, one eye shut, she fumbled for a second before whipping her bra off. Her “ta-da!” made him laugh.
Before he could touch her breasts, she stood up and pulled her pants down. The way her body moved—she possessed a sinuousness he could have sworn she hadn’t had before. Again he was reminded of a cat—her elegance, her speed. Right now, she balanced on one foot while pulling her tight jeans down and off her long legs. Where others might have lost their balance and hopped on one foot, Adi gracefully lifted her knee up and peeled the fabric off her body.
Honi’s head cleared a little while watching her. He still wanted her—badly—but the physical distance allowed his subconscious to send messages to this lust-addled brain. Adi had always been lovely, with long legs and smooth creamy skin, despite not being very tall. Her auburn hair and caramel eyes reminded him of fall coloring—like crimson, gold, and russet leaves in nature’s impeccable color palette.
What made her so very attractive to Honi, though, was that she genuinely wasn’t aware of her beauty. When Honi had first met her, she’d worn a dingy gray hoodie with her hair tied back artlessly into a tight ponytail. Even after they’d been together for months, she’d still had to be coaxed to dress in anything but the plain clothes that she wrapped herself in for protection.
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