Adi stopped mid-breath and blinked. She stared at the queen, not understanding. The ruler of all Faerie rolled her eyes.
“Stop with the histrionics, girl!”
Adi was floored by the callousness of that statement. The love of her life lay dead in front of her, and the queen had just ordered her to shut up. She gently pushed the lifeless spirit walker’s head off her lap, then stood up, intent on finishing this once and for all. She opened her mouth, but the queen interrupted her once again.
“He isn’t dead, you know.”
While the Faerie ruler looked on, Adi fell back to her knees, scrambling to find a heartbeat without having the slightest clue where to find the pulse of a wolf. He was stiff as a board, cold, and the blood had stopped flowing. He looked lifeless, dead.
Adi felt frozen through and through. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking, and she found it hard to breathe. Black encroached on the edges of her vision. Maybe it would be a mercy if she passed out right here, right now, she thought. Then the queen slapped her in the face.
Adi’s head flew to the side, and the sharp pain cut through her despair. Slowly, she turned her face back towards the queen. She’d just lost everything. There was no more reason to be afraid of her.
“You bitch,” she said quietly. “You did this. You are responsible for his death. How can you call yourself the Guardian of the Worlds? You guard nothing—all you do is destroy.”
The queen shook her head, chuckling. And yet again she had rendered Adi speechless with her cruelty. Before Adi could react, the queen spoke again.
“No, child. You misunderstand. I have put Honi into stasis. He is frozen in time and cannot live nor die. You have witnessed a taste of my power. In time, you may yet be as powerful as I am, but for now I am stronger.”
Her forehead wrinkled in irritation. “And don’t you ever dare insult me again. I am offering you a trade to save Honi’s life.”
Adi looked back down at the corpse in front of her. Could it be? Could this be true? Had the queen spoken the truth, and Honi was still alive? It did seem odd that a living being that had so recently died would already be in full rigor mortis.
Nobody would ever tell her again that watching CSI was useless in real life, Adi thought glumly. She stared back at the queen.
“A trade? What have I got that you want?”
“I think we have already established that you are not as strong as I am, Adi. Still, you have skills that surpass those of everybody else I have ever encountered in the human realm. As I have told you before, the balance between the worlds is precarious. Spirit walkers who refuse to acknowledge their skill upset this balance and might destroy both worlds. I want you to travel the world and find others like you who will not or cannot accept the gift.”
The queen turned away and walked to look outside the window of the room they were in. Standing with her hands behind her back, she suddenly seemed more frail, more vulnerable than before, with the whole weight of the worlds on her shoulders.
Without turning around, she continued. “I have all the powers I need in Emain Ablach and in Cos ve Naima, but next to none in the human world. All I can do is send emissaries like your friend Florice. But their abilities are limited in the human realm as well. While they’re in your world, they can use glamors to which you are immune, and they can handle iron, something I cannot do. Beyond that, they are as vulnerable to attacks as you are.”
Adi was beginning to understand. She still wanted to be sure, though. “Are you telling me that this whole thing, abducting me and Honi, luring me back to the faerie world, was all some elaborate plan to get me to help you?”
The queen whirled around. “It was a plan ill-informed by some erroneous assumptions on my part. I will admit, I thought that Honi was stronger than you, which he turned out not to be. He still served well as leverage over you. I did not anticipate that he would try to sacrifice himself.”
Adi forced herself to withstand the creature’s glare. The queen visibly calmed herself before continuing.
“I do not understand why it is that you evoke such strong feelings in others. Had I known Florice was crazed by his obsession with you, I would have not allowed his presence. Equally I underestimated Honi’s devotion to you. We live for centuries, some of the oldest faeries even for millennia. Love is an emotion difficult to maintain for such a length of time, so we don’t always recognize it when we see it.”
Great, now the villain was making Adi feel guilty. She was right, of course. Adi couldn’t quite remember why she’d broken up with Honi, other than she’d felt hurt and neglected. She’d forgotten that he had already tried to sacrifice himself for her before. Now he had done it again and nearly paid with his life.
The queen had played this masterfully, putting Adi into a position where she had no choice but to agree to whatever the creature demanded in order to save Honi’s life.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” the queen asked, raising one eyebrow.
“Okay,” Adi repeated. “Whatever you need me to do to save Honi, I’ll do it.”
The queen smiled, the certainty of victory once again written all over her strange, pale face.
“My conditions are easily met. I want you to dedicate the rest of your life to finding and neutralizing other spirit walkers who might damage the balance between the worlds.”
She paused dramatically before continuing. “But to add a little spice to this, given what a thorn in my side you have been, I forbid you to tell Honi about this little detail of our agreement. If you break our contract, I will send my spirit animals after both of you, and this time, you won’t be able to beat them.”
Adi narrowed her eyes. She hated being made to lie to Honi, and especially not to the end of her days. But one last look at the corpse-like body lying by her feet convinced her otherwise.
“Fine, you’ve won. I will do as you say, and abide by your conditions. In return, you will heal Honi, turn him back into a human, and let us both go.”
The grin on the queen’s face grew wider, and she regarded Adi like a snake would a mouse. Adi had a terrible feeling that she would regret this, but it was too late now.
37
“How long will it be until he’s recovered?” Adi asked. The queen turned around and smiled.
“Well, he has been mortally wounded. If I take him out of stasis now, he will be dead before he draws his next breath. So I need to heal him while he’s in suspension, which isn’t easy even for me.”
Adi closed her eyes, swallowing down the panic that had tried to overcome her every time she thought of losing Honi. He was so close to death. She’d never forget how his body had lain on the ground, pinned by the vicious-looking spear, struggling to breathe around the oak shaft. Towards the end, every breath was hard fought for through a torrent of blood. She’d known that he was about to die, at the rate the blood was leaving his body.
When she opened her eyes again, the queen held her gaze, appraising her like a spider would a bug. Adi squirmed under her assessment, remembering that Honi’s life was literally dependent on the queen’s goodwill. She forced herself to hold still and look down at the ground.
I’m a good girl, I’m a good girl. The thought ran through her mind, and she barely suppressed a nervous giggle. She needed to pull herself together at any cost and not jeopardize Honi’s life. After several seconds of silence, she looked back up.
The queen was still looking at her with a strange expression—one of definite exasperation, but also a certain fondness. Or maybe Adi projected what she wanted to see. Quickly, she averted her eyes again, waiting for the queen to make her next move. She didn’t have to wait long.
“You know, Adi, there is really no point in your waiting around at my court while Honi heals. The time would be much better spent proving that your intentions are serious.”
Adi’s head shot up. What did she mean by that? Adi didn’t like the sound of it.
“I want you to go back to the human world and take on
your first task. One of the boys in your living quarters is a spirit walker. The Germans used to call them Elfenwanderer, but the lore is nearly lost to modern humans. Your friend Gerald visited Faerie in his dreams but never realized that it was more than a mirage. My people know better than to approach somebody who is visiting in their dreams, especially an untrained spirit walker.”
The queen sighed, long and heartfelt. “You think I’m evil, Adi. I may have forgotten how to temper my response to threats, I will admit that. You have to realize that I have guarded the realms for a thousand years and more. And never has the threat been as active as it is now.
“Where Gerald and others walk unawares, their non-belief damage the very fabric of our worlds. Soon, the rot they leave behind will affect your world as well. You can’t see it yet, but any spirit animal that comes in contact with the corruption will be warped and perverted. I can’t allow this.”
Adi had been listening with bated breath. For the first time, she got an insight into what motivated the queen. She suddenly seemed less of an enemy and more of a desperate ruler trying to protect her world.
“That’s where you come in.”
Ah. This is what Adi had been waiting for. Finally she’d find out exactly what her deal with the queen entailed.
“Your task will be to go back and make Gerald see reason. Explain to him that what he thinks are nightmares are actually real. And if you don’t succeed, you must kill him. For the sake of both our worlds.”
And there was the sting in the tail. Adi gulped. For a second, she’d stupidly thought the queen had gone all soft and fluffy.
She blurted out, “Kill him? What the hell? You can’t ask that of me!”
The queen seemed to grow several inches, towering over Adi. “I suggest you remember who you are speaking to, and mind your tongue. If you don’t resolve the problem, Honi will die. And so will you.”
She turned away, and Adi was dismissed. Sir Douche Bag Blue Eyes cleared his throat. Adi hadn’t even heard him step up right next to her. She jumped a little before glaring at him. He accepted her anger with an unimpressed expression before gesturing for her to follow him.
As they were about to leave, the queen turned back one last time. “You have until the morning to let me have your answer.”
There was no need for the reprieve. Adi knew what her decision would be. Her best—her only—chance was to talk to Gerald, to make him believe. There was no other option. If she didn’t, she would be expected to kill the tall German student with the soft, deep voice.
Adi shook her head. No, she wouldn’t be able to do that. Not even if it cost her life. But what if it cost Honi’s life? Could she swap the life of the man she loved for a stranger? Goddammit, she couldn’t think clearly. One step at a time. Speak to Gerald first, then decide from there.
38
This was becoming very familiar. Apparently there was no way of getting to the other site without losing track of time at some stage. At least she’d expected it. Adi opened her eyes and enjoyed the dappled shade. It might not be as exotic as the faerie realm, but the human world felt more solid, more like home.
Eventually, Adi brushed herself off and stood up. She must have been out for some time, because her right leg burned with pins and needles. Grumbling, she shook it out and gingerly prodded some bruises on her butt. Just her luck to have landed on a hard stone under the moss. The sun was peeking through the full canopy of leaves above her head, but even through the cover, she could see that it was low in the sky. Time to move.
By the time she reached the Neckar River, her feet hurt and her mouth was so dry she had to keep licking her teeth to stop her tongue from sticking to the roof of her mouth. Her stomach rumbled, and she pressed her fist into her abdomen to stop the gurgling.
She had no idea when she’d last eaten, but it probably had been more than twenty-four hours. Or maybe it had been a lot longer—there was no way to tell. Since time passed differently in the faerie realm, she might not have eaten for days, as far as her body was aware.
Once she’d passed the church, her flat called to her like a homing beacon. Blind to anybody around her, she steered towards the front door of the building. Adi jammed the key into its lock with trembling fingers. After the long walk, her feet dragged up the interminable flight of stairs.
Adi’s hands were sweating by the time she reached the top flat. She had no idea what to say to Gerald. If she couldn’t convince him, three lives were at stake. Her shoulders sagged as she battled the futile impulse to get out and run away.
Gerald and Lukas were talking in the kitchen, and their happy voices traveled down the hallway to where she stood. She instinctively grabbed her medallion and took a deep breath. No time like the present. Then she entered the room.
Two sets of eyes looked at her, aghast. Lucas was the first to break the silence.
“Adi. Where have you been? We were so worried about you, and we didn’t know who to call! You’ve been gone for days!” Then he craned his neck to look behind her. “And where’s your boyfriend?”
Ah, yes. They’d met Honi. Damn. Adi’s eyes flitted from side to side as she frantically tried to think of an explanation. When nothing was forthcoming, she went for deflection. “I’m sorry, guys, but can I have a quick shower and something to eat first? I’ll tell you what happened after.”
Half an hour later, Adi felt human again. She was clean, wearing fresh clothes, and had filled her stomach with two bowls of lentil soup with sausage. Simple, but filling. And the whole time she’d been ladling food into herself, the two boys had sat in the kitchen, watching her eat, waiting patiently until she was finished.
She’d barely dropped her spoon into her plate when Gerald picked up the dishes and placed them into the sink. Then he returned to the table, straddled his chair, and stared at her. Lucas began.
“Okay. Enough now. Tell us what happened.”
Adi closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts for a moment and then began explaining in German. She quickly went over how she’d met Honi last year, and how she was a spirit walker. She didn’t tell them about barely surviving the queen’s attacks, about Faerie, about the deal she’d been forced to make. What she told them about her ability was enough to stretch her credibility to the breaking point.
When she was done, the two boys sat with mouths and eyes wide open. Adi barely suppressed a nervous giggle at the sight. “Flabbergasted” didn’t describe their reaction. Adi didn’t blame them—if somebody had told her that same story last year, she would have doubted their sanity as well.
But a strange glint in Gerald’s eyes caught Adi’s attention. There was something warring with his disbelief, something like recognition. Lukas looked like he was ready to place a call to the insane asylum. Gerald, though—he recovered very quickly and slowly placed his thoughts into words, like placing playing cards into position, one on top of the other, as if building a fragile paper house.
“So what you’re saying is that every person in this world has got an animal, a companion, that reflects their state of mind. Their souls, even. And that there are humans that can walk from our world into the spirit world. Who’ve also got the ability to see these animals, right?”
Adi nodded. Lukas interrupted, “Are you serious? Will you listen to yourself? This makes no sense at all.”
The blond student was pacing up and down the small kitchen, throwing weary glances at Adi as if he expected her to jump up and do something crazy. Gerald stayed silent, but his eyes followed Lukas, moving left and right like a tennis spectator.
A flurry of chitter-chatter erupted as their spirit animals played. While one chipmunk silently flattened his body against Gerald’s leg, the other darted from table leg to table leg, whistling excitedly. Three guesses which rodent belonged to which man.
Adi waited, her eyes darting to the flash of fur under her feet, knowing that she needed to get Lukas on board as well. The two men were partners and obviously cared deeply for each other. If she came be
tween the two, she’d lose Gerald.
She quickly pushed the thought aside. No way would she be forced to make a decision between the man she loved and somebody else’s partner. She’d rather die than put this on her conscience. Her medallion, reassuringly solid under her fingers, dug into her skin as she clutched it tightly. She jumped when Gerald spoke again.
“All my life, I’ve had weird dreams, sometimes violent, but always extremely vivid. I thought I was one of those people, you know, with a big imagination. The one thing that seemed to tie all these dreams together was the presence of a Backenhörnchen.”
Adi smiled. A hyperactive little rodent with big cheeks. Sometimes German was a really funny language. When Gerald glared at her, her grin slipped, replaced by an expression of rapt attention. He probably thought she was mocking him.
Adi leaned forward to emphasize how much she was paying attention. Mollified, Gerald continued.
“When I was in preschool, I had an imaginary friend. I wasn’t allowed to keep pets, so I made up a chipmunk named Peter. When I got a little older, I was fascinated with rodents. Where other kids obsessed about dinosaurs, I only talked about squirrels and chipmunks and marmots.
“My nickname at school was Backe, because I never stopped talking about Peter. I even wanted to study veterinary medicine, but my grades weren’t good enough and I gave up on that idea. I never forgot Peter, though. He was so real—I can still remember touching his fur while he nipped my neck.” He hesitated before plowing on. “Are you saying that Peter was real all the time?”
Adi nodded. She hadn’t mentioned details of her childhood in Frankfurt where she’d had the same experience. There had been dreams and nightmares, but she’d also seen other people’s spirit animals and spoken freely about it to the adults in her life. Her parents had thought she’d lost her marbles. She shook her head, immediately shutting down that train of thought. In the past, done with, move on. Mantra of my life.
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