Gerald looked at her like he expected her to have all the answers. What was she supposed to do now? The queen had said he needed to accept his gift. How? Adi thought back to her early training with Honi. Maybe using some of the techniques she’d learned might help Gerald?
“Do you trust me?” she asked tentatively. Internally, she chided herself. What a stupid question. He barely knew her. To her surprise, he looked at Lukas as if for confirmation, then nodded. Adi’s face cracked into a big smile. She could work with that.
“I want to learn more,” Gerald said. He smiled back at Adi as Lukas stepped behind his boyfriend and put his hand on his shoulder. Lukas still wore an incredulous expression, tinged with amusement. Gerald rubbed his cheek on the arm near his face, and Lukas bent down to whisper something into his ear. Gerald murmured, “I’m fine,” before patting his boyfriend’s hand.
Adi’s heart felt heavy at the sweetness and familiarity of their interaction. She wanted, needed Honi back. Resolutely, she stood up.
“Let’s go to my room, if you don’t mind. It’ll be more comfortable and you’ll probably be able to concentrate better.”
When she turned around and opened the door to the hallway, Gerald was right behind her. As they entered her room, Adi was glad she’d made her bed before she left. She pointed towards the colorful bedspread.
“We’ll do some meditation, so this is probably the most comfortable place for you to sit.”
Gerard nodded, took his shoes off, and sat on the mattress with his back against the wall. Adi joined him.
“Now what?” Gerald was apprehensive, a feeling that Adi could understand completely. He’d only known her a very short time, and after the story she’d told the boys in the kitchen, he must think she was a little unhinged. Still, she gave him points for trusting her enough to play along.
“Close your eyes, get yourself comfortable. I’m going to do a few breathing exercises with you, just so that you relax a little before we move on.”
Gerald lifted an eyebrow. “Move on?” he asked.
Adi ignored the sarcastic tone. She was going to have to use Honi’s instructions as a crash course. She really had no idea if Gerald was capable of doing this, but she had no choice. The queen had been clear. Even though they’d struck a deal, the ruler of Faerie was still in command. If Adi didn’t get this job done, the deal would most likely be off the table, and she would never see Honi again.
With new determination, she closed her eyes. Gerald had automatically slipped into a calmer breathing rhythm. She spent a minute focusing on him, the heat of his body a few inches away from hers, his gentle and rhythmic inhales and exhales, but above all, his scent.
Her synesthesia suggested amber and red—the mingled smells of shady forest with a hint of strawberries. He smelled delicious. Adi could now recognize him by sight, the sound of his voice, and his scent. She still had to learn his psychic signature, but that would be easy once they entered the spirit world. It had to be enough to keep him safe, Adi told herself.
“Allow yourself to sink as deeply as possible, shut out all distractions around you. Concentrate on my voice. If you hear any noises, acknowledge the interruption, then let them drift by.”
She waited another few exhalations until she felt that Gerard had slipped as deep as he could on the first try. She was astonished how easy it was for him to achieve this level of trance.
When Honi had trained her, the first sessions had been atrocious. She’d kept falling asleep or getting distracted by the slightest thing—an itchy nose, a fly buzzing overhead. Over time she’d improved, but she’d also been pulled into the spirit world against her will several times, so getting there had never been an issue for her.
When she felt the moment was right, she focused on Gerald’s scent and sent her mind out to meet his. Leaving her body behind had become second nature to her, and this time was no different. Very close by, amber and red colors flashed intermittently—the same shades that Gerald’s scent had suggested. She moved towards the patches and began herding them in the direction she knew they needed to go.
At first it felt like pushing rocks through sticky mud, and she reminded herself to take it easy so that Gerald would not be pulled out of his trance. Soon, however, it became easier and easier, and the flashes of color began to follow her. All she had to do was lead the way.
It was time. She visualized the spirit realm with its strange, beautiful grasslands and bright blue skies. When her feet touched the ground, she opened her eyes. She wasn’t surprised that Gerald’s hand was in hers. When she turned around to smile at him, his wide-open eyes betrayed his panic.
“Where are we? What the hell happened? One minute I was sitting on your bed, and now I’m here? Wherever here is?”
Adi smiled again and said in a soothing voice, “It’s okay. This is exactly what was supposed to happen. We’re in the spirit world.”
Gerald nodded, but his face still showed his confusion and fear.
“So now what?” he asked in a shaky voice.
Adi felt for him. She remembered the first time she’d realized that her dreams were in fact journeys to another realm. She’d been attacked by the creatures living among the tall grasses. She shook herself, refusing to give in to the fear that she’d felt at the time and never really gotten over. She’d closed her eyes under the onslaught of emotion but quickly opened them again when Gerald said, “Hey, what’s that?”
His eyes lit up with wonder as he pointed to somewhere behind Adi. She whirled around, knowing full well that not everything here was friendly and harmless.
The grass parted, and out stepped an antelope calf. Not the elegant, quick-footed ones she’d seen on documentaries about the Kalahari Desert. This animal was heavier, more sedate. A kudu, maybe?
It was so cute, Adi cooed over it. The chestnut-colored creature with huge Bambi eyes and white-tipped ears sniffed carefully at her hand before a thick tongue wrapped itself around her fingers. Adi giggled like a child at the ticklish feeling. Gerald’s whispered commentary of “holy crap” and “I don’t believe this” made her even more giddy.
Heavy rustling announced the arrival of another animal. An adult antelope pushed through the grasses, huffing loudly through its nostrils. Before Adi could retreat, it had gently pushed the calf to the side with its head. Adi looked into liquid black eyes with ridiculously long eyelashes, staring unblinkingly at her while the animal’s lips and nostrils moved with each breath. A warm whiff of digested plants made her gag a little. The smell wasn’t unpleasant, but it was still overpowering.
The antelope was large, its head at Adi’s height, its warm exhales brushing across her forehead in rhythmic waves. Adi stepped back and admired the beauty of the creature—the white markings on the mother’s forehead, its excitedly twitching ears nearly the size of its entire narrow head, with white fur feathered around the perimeter.
From the corner of her eyes, she saw Gerald approach, wonder written all over his face. He tentatively brushed his hand across the large antelope’s side, then suddenly threw his arms around its neck. Adi froze, expecting at least a flinch from the animal. Instead, its head swung around and the large, slimy tongue groomed Gerald’s short, brown hair into wet spikes. Adi laughed out loud at the look of part revulsion, part happiness in Gerald’s expression.
“Ugh, gross,” he exclaimed, but he didn’t pull away. Adi and Gerald played with the two animals for a little while, until the strain of maintaining a meditative state became too much for Gerald. Adi was impressed how long he’d lasted on his first trip. As he faded away, she took his hand to allow him to pull her back to her bedroom.
When she opened her eyes, Gerald continued holding on to her hand. He lay next to her, rolled into a ball, smiling radiantly.
“Adi?”
She smiled back. “Yes?”
“I believe.”
She squeezed his hand before letting go. She’d done all she could. She hoped it would be enough for the queen.
> 39
Gerald left her room soon after, and Adi laughed softly when she heard him squeal, “Oh my God, Peter! I can see you! I missed you!”
She was too tired to witness the reunion between the newly-awakened spirit walker and his animal companion. It could wait till the morning. She curled herself into a ball under the cover and fell asleep.
She wasn’t sure what had woken her, but her bed seemed to spin with her in it. She moaned, clutching her aching head.
“You did well.”
Of course. Adi knew that mellifluous voice far too well at this stage. Sighing, she opened her eyes. Sure enough, she was back in Emain Ablach.
“Oh, what the hell?” she groaned before sitting up and glaring at the ruler of Faerie. “Seriously, is it too much to ask not to be yanked from world to world whenever it suits you?”
The icy silence spoke louder than words. Maybe she should be more respectful, but then again, no. Just no. Adi might be afraid of the queen, but after what the bitch had done to them, neither Honi nor Adi would ever respect the faerie creature. So she just glared back until the queen rolled her eyes and gave in.
“I brought you here to tell you that you have fulfilled your part of our bargain.”
“More like blackmail,” Adi muttered.
“Of our bargain,” the queen repeated with some emphasis. “Your friend is now able to see spirit animals. It will take some time for him to master control of his gift, but that is no longer your concern. I will send a teacher who will help him. It won’t take long now before his mental barrier is broken. In return for your assistance, I will reunite you with Honi. He’s nearly entirely healed and no longer in danger once removed from stasis.”
Adi’s heart leaped. The sudden rush of adrenaline made her head swim. Honi was safe. Honi was safe! She was so relieved, tears were burning behind her eyes. Before she could think better of it, words rushed from her mouth, “Thank you! Thank you so much!”
For a moment, the corner of the queen’s mouth twitched upward. It happened so fast that Adi couldn’t be sure it wasn’t a trick of the light. She ignored the fact that Honi had only ever been in danger because of the queen’s actions and concentrated on the joy and relief she felt.
The ruler’s next words were like cold water in her face. “Don’t thank me too soon, child. Remember our bargain. His continuing safety depends on your service to me, and on your discretion.”
Any emotion she might have shown a second ago had bled from the queen’s voice. She once again stood like an ice statue, unapproachable, with white skin and hair and eyes. A figure of fairy tales and nightmares.
Adi gulped. As soon as she nodded her assent, the light dimmed around her until all she could see was blackness, pulling her into a dizzying vortex. The queen had dismissed her and was sending her back. Adi clung to the comforting thought that she would see Honi again very soon, even as her stomach heaved, and she tumbled head over heels through the darkness.
40
Like bubbles rising in a glass of sparkling champagne, Honi rose languidly towards the surface of consciousness. He was glad to be back, although he couldn’t quite remember where he’d been. He kept his eyes closed while trying to recall images of the dreams that had plagued him.
There were fleeting impressions and painful bruises on his arms and legs, but he couldn’t get a grasp on any detailed images. There had been people who weren’t quite people, a tall woman towering over him, feet connecting painfully with his body.
He remembered smells wafting around him like colored threads on a loom. There was no rhyme nor reason to the images. Most were confusing, and Honi gave up on trying to make sense of them. With his eyes still closed, he stretched his limbs and reveled in releasing the tightness in his elbows and knees.
When his fingertips brushed against an obstacle, he stopped. He repeated the motion and confirmed that yes, the pads of his fingers were touching human skin. Slowly he opened his eyes and turned his head to the side. Next to him lay Adi, fast asleep. Fully dressed, she was on her back, her long copper-brown hair spread across the pillow. The bed was barely big enough for the two of them.
Honi’s broad shoulders were jammed against her upper arm, and he was surprised that it took him this long to noticed that he wasn’t alone in the bed. He stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of the situation. They’d been broken up, he was sure of it. His thinking was a little fuzzy, as if chunks of time were missing. His mind whirled frantically. They hadn’t reconciled. In fact, the last time he’d seen Adi, it hadn’t ended well at all.
His forehead scrunched up as he tried to recall if they had argued. Then he remembered—they’d had sex, hadn’t they? His face tightened even further. It was infuriating not being able to remember for sure. He’d slept with a girl that hadn’t been Adi. It had been somebody else who’d looked like Adi. So what, had he cheated on her? The girl next to him right now—was she the same person he’d slept with before?
This time, he rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. He stared at the face next to him. He had no doubt—the upturned nose, the full lips, the delicate swoop from her eyebrows over the cheekbones to her chin. This was definitely Adi, fast asleep next to him. Maybe that other person had been a figment of his imagination, or maybe he’d dreamt about her. He couldn’t be sure.
Adi looked so peaceful, so at rest, that he nearly didn’t want to wake her up. He had to speak to her, though. He gently shook a shoulder so as not to startle her. When he got no response, he shook her harder. Adi’s eyes opened and swiveled towards him in alarm. The moment she recognized him, her eyes opened wide and she screamed.
Before he could recover from the shock, Adi was lying on top of him, kissing him with as much passion as relief. While he was still reeling from her lips pressing against his, she pushed herself off his body and frantically ran her hands over his chest and stomach.
“Are you hurt? Are you okay?”
After she’d assured herself that he was uninjured, she collapsed over his body like a puppet with its strings cut. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and soon she cried in earnest. Her head hidden between his neck and his collarbone, her shoulders shook with sobbing.
He was still stunned, but his hands came around her back, and he held her tightly until she’d calmed down a bit. He didn’t know what had caused her to break down, but there was no point trying to have a conversation while she was still so upset. When Adi’s sobs had reduced to the occasional hiccup, he gently rolled her off him.
“Hey, I’m happy to see you too, sweetheart,” he said, smiling. “I’m sorry, I’m a little confused. I don’t seem to be able to remember much. Do you think you can help me out?”
He looked expectantly at Adi’s tearstained face. He might have imagined it, but it looked as if shutters came down over her eyes when he asked about what had happened. He couldn’t be sure, though, because Adi closed her eyes and wiped the back of her hands over her face.
“Well, this is embarrassing. I’m so sorry to lose it like this. The last time I saw you, you’d been turned into a wolf and dying in front of me.”
Honi’s jaw hit the floor. He’d already figured out that his amnesia wasn’t natural, but Adi’s words confirmed it. For the next half hour, Adi filled him in on what had happened, although he was pretty sure that she glossed over some of the more gruesome parts of her tale.
Honi hadn’t met the queen before he’d come to Germany, but Adi had told him about her encounter with the strange entity the previous year. He knew how strong the creature was, and turning somebody into an animal seemed to be very much within her powers. There was no reason to doubt Adi’s narrative.
When she had finished, Honi swung his legs out of the bed and sat up on the edge of the mattress.
“Are you okay?” Adi asked quietly. Honi turned around and saw the fear on her face—the fear of being abandoned, of not being believed. He smiled reassuringly back at her.
“I’m sorry, I feel like I need
to process this. Are you okay if I go for a walk by myself?”
Adi nodded. Honi felt guilty about leaving her behind, but if what she had told him was true, then there was no more danger, and he really did need time to let everything sink in.
He looked around the room but saw no sign of Ho’neo. His stomach dropped. Adi hadn’t been sure whether he’d been fused with his spirit wolf’s mind, or if he had been turned into a separate animal. Honi was suddenly terrified that he wouldn’t find Ho’neo again.
Ten minutes later, Honi walked along the bank of the Neckar River with still no sign of his companion. Honi refused to freak out. If he started now, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop. Ever since he was thirteen, his spirit wolf had been by his side every day. Ho’neo loved to take off sometimes and come and go as he pleased, but there was never any doubt that he would return.
This was the first time that Honi couldn’t be sure he would ever see his spirit animal again. After all, Adi didn’t have one, so it was possible that some spirit walkers were by themselves with no companions.
When Honi reached a bench conveniently located under a giant oak tree to provide protection from the heat of the day, he sat down. There was something he had yet to try. He’d never had a need to actively call the wolf to him before, but he was confident that he would be able to do it.
Honi settled down on the hard wooden bench and closed his eyes. First, he needed to ground himself so that he could find his way back, no matter how far his mind traveled. As he sat there, blocking out the noises of people chatting and children laughing, he focused on the sound of the breeze among the leaves above him.
Honi sent his mind into the tree above him. Soon fall would be here, and the flow of nutrients to the leaves was already slowing down. If he went any deeper, he’d be able to tell how high the sap was rising in the inner bark, how much water the tree was pulling up with its capillaries. He would feel the insects that lived amongst the branches. He would have loved to linger, taking shelter in the unassailable bulk of the giant protector tree. That wouldn’t help him find his friend, though.
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