by D Scott
Again I have to force myself to relax. It’s frustrating when she has to be out late and I can’t get to her. I know she understands but it still fucking sucks.
I sigh. “Okay. Just be safe, little misfit.”
“I will,” she whispers. “I love you, Gavin.”
“I love you, too. Later, Gina.”
“Bye, baby.”
The line beeps as we disconnect. I lower my phone from my ear and take a much needed deep breath. I know she’ll be alright without me, but I worry about her.
I take another moment to collect myself before turning to head back inside when my phone beeps. I see a message from Liv asking if I want to meet up for lunch some time this week. We haven’t seen each other since we left the police academy so I’m not sure why she suddenly wants to go to lunch, but maybe I can use it as an opportunity to talk her out of the undercover operation she’s being put up for.
I reply, asking when she’s free, then make my way back inside the station to get back to work.
Gina
Tuesday
“Okay Gina, I had a moment to glance at your chart but why don’t you fill me in on the reason for your appointment today.”
I try to avoid fidgeting my fingers, but I’m so nervous I can’t help it. Going to the lady doctor is already embarrassing, but telling her I need birth control because I love having sex with my boyfriend makes it so much worse. And I’m actually relieved that Gavin isn’t here, I don’t want him to hear this embarrassing stuff.
I take a deep breath. I know it’s best to be honest, I’m just not looking forward to this conversation at all. “I’m looking to get birth control pills,” I answer quietly.
She nods before looking back down at the thin folder on the counter next to her, which I’m assuming is my chart. “It says here that you’ve never taken any sort of birth control before. And you’ve only been in to see a gynecologist one other time for a routine checkup. Is that correct?”
“Yes,” I nod.
“Great. So what is your interest in needing to start the pill? Are you hoping to help regulate your cycle or is this preventive measure to avoid possible pregnancy from sexual activity.”
I nod again, then look at the pale pink folder containing my chart as I answer.
“Well, I, um, I recently got into a relationship with my boyfriend. And we’ve been, um, you know...having sex,” I finish quietly.
“And do either of you use any kind of contraceptives when you’re intimate?” There’s no judgement or censure in her voice as she asks, but it’s still hard to answer.
“No.” Again, my voice is quiet.
In those moments when I’m with Gavin, the thought of protection is so far from my mind because I’m always so hungry for him. But now hearing myself admit out loud to a total stranger, even if she is a doctor, how reckless I’ve been...I feel so irresponsible and dumb.
“And how long have you been intimate with your boyfriend?”
Again no censure or judgement, she’s just simply asking questions.
“Over a month, almost two. He does, um, pull out...sometimes. If that helps.”
I don’t know why I add that last part. Gavin cums in me almost as much as he pulls out, but I guess I just don’t want her thinking I’m a complete irresponsible train wreck.
“Well, yes, the pull out method is a way couples can try to prevent pregnancy. However, history has shown that it is not always effective and there are pregnancies that have resulted solely from penetration. But in this case, you’ve had his semen release inside you without protection, which puts you at a higher risk for pregnancy.” I look down at my fingers and nod, knowing she’s right. “Have you taken a pregnancy test since becoming sexually active?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Okay, then here’s what we’ll do. Let’s hold off on prescribing any sort of birth control pill until we have the results of a pregnancy test. Birth control is likely to harm a fetus and lead to a miscarriage or further complications if taken during pregnancy. In the mean time, if you’re willing, I’d like to have you take a pregnancy test. Just to be certain about whether or not there is a need for the pills in any case. I’d like to do both a urine and blood sample to be sure. The results of the urine sample can be evaluated here in the office during this appointment and the blood sample will take up to three days.” She pauses, and smiles softly. “I know that’s a lot of information to throw out at you so quickly, but does that sound like a feasible course of action for you?”
I look up at the doctor for the first time since she walked in the room. “Yes, that sounds good. Thank you.”
She smiles and gives me a nod. “I’ll be right back with a cup for your urine sample, and the nurse will escort you to the bathroom down the hall.”
I try to smile back, but I’m so nervous, I fail miserably. “Okay, thanks.”
I watch as she takes my file and slips through the door, leaving me alone and not knowing how to feel. I mean, it’s one thing for Gavin to mention filling me with his seed while we’re in bed together, but having the reality of it suddenly staring me in the face is not the way I thought I’d start off my morning.
The thing is, I think I’d be delighted at the idea of carrying Gavin’s child — excited about it even. I’m just not sure if he’d see it that way.
I’m pulled by my thoughts by a knock on the door. The doctor enters the room to give me a cup for the urine sample, and a nurse follows her in with a small tray with a needle a couple tubes on it.
“Alright, Gina, we’re going to get your blood sample done first and then I’ll escort you to the restroom for the urine sample,” the nurse says.
I nod. “Okay.”
Doctor Greene sets my chart back down on the counter. “Gina, Nurse Amy will collect both samples for testing once they’re complete. And then I’ll be back in a bit to deliver the results of your urine analysis.”
“Okay, thanks.” My answer is automatic but my mind is somewhere else.
Like on the fact that I might be carrying Gavin’s baby.
Oh shit, I might be pregnant.
Duh, Gina, that’s what happens when you do it without protection.
Ugh, shut up.
I internally argue with myself as the nurse goes about collecting the blood sample. I barely even feel the needle let alone realize she’s drawing two tubes of blood before she’s putting a bandage on my arm and handing me the cup for the urine sample. I follow her silently to the bathroom and do my business with the cup then deliver it back to her. She escorts me back to my room, and I sit on the examination table alone with my thoughts for what has to be at least fifteen minutes.
A knock on the door followed by Doctor Greene’s entrance has goosebumps breaking out over my whole body. She reads over a piece of paper then adds it to the paperwork in my chart sitting on the counter, before looking up at me.
“Alright. So according to the urine sample, which is about 95% accurate, you do not need to start taking the birth control pill because you are in fact pregnant.”
She drops the words on me like a tiny powerful missile.
I’m pregnant.
I try to listen to everything else she starts to tell me next. That she’ll she call me in a couple days with the official results from the blood test, which is apparently one hundred percent effective. And then once we have the results from that we can schedule another appointment for a sonogram to see the baby. She also tells me that it’s a good idea to go ahead and start taking prenatal vitamins, and she gives me several pamphlets with information for new moms, ranging from morning sickness to cravings to hormonal mood swings.
I’m in a daze as she fills me in on all of this new information I’ve never needed to know before.
“Will the father or someone close to you be able to assist you and the baby throughout this pregnancy?” The question momentarily pulls me from my daze.
“Yes,” I manage to choke out.
I just hope i
t isn’t out of guilt — or shame.
“Wonderful,” Dr. Greene smiles.
She continues to fill me in on some other things that I should know as an expectant mother, and I must nod in all the write places because the next thing I know, I’m at the checkout desk paying the copay and signing myself out. I do have enough sense to ask for a doctor’s note for school and I manage to make it out of the building and to my car without dissolving into a nervous breakdown. But the second I shut my driver side door and put my keys in the ignition, the panic sets in.
I can’t call Gavin. What am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell him?
I don’t think this kind of news should be delivered over the phone.
And on the heels of that thought, another pops into my head.
I definitely can’t tell my brothers.
I get to school just a few minutes after the bell but throughout the day my mind is occupied with the reeling news that I’m pregnant, and I can’t even begin to pay attention to the information my teachers are trying to cover. By the time I finally make it to my locker at the end of the day, I have to read over my planner three times before I finally manage to grab the correct books I’ll need to complete tonight’s homework assignments.
I shut my locker and head down the main hallway of the school towards the front parking lot. But before I can make it through the double doors, I hear my name being called from down the hall. I turn to see one of my friends, Ashley, trying to get my attention as she heads my way.
We don’t have any classes together but we’ve been friends since middle school, and we hang out from time to time. We haven’t spent a lot of time around each other lately though, I’ve been kind of out of the social loop with my friends since I’ve been with Gavin.
And just like that, butterflies fill my stomach as my thoughts shift to my deputy boyfriend and the fact that I’m now carrying his baby.
I quickly force myself not to think about it and paste a smile on my face as Ashley gets closer. “Hey, girl! I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever — it sucks that we don’t have any classes together this year.”
I nod. “I know, and I’ve been so busy with work after school that I haven’t really had time to hang out with anyone lately.”
Ashley laughs and then gives me a secret smile. “Well, from what I’ve heard, your job isn’t the only thing keeping you busy.” She wiggles her brows to help make her point but I already know what she’s hinting at. I mean, she’s a good friend and all, and we’ve known each other for years, but I don’t talk about my personal life. Ever. With anyone.
I just smile at her and laugh as I shake my head. No intentions of revealing anything, even though the news that I’m pregnant suddenly has me wanting to spill everything to someone.
Ashley rolls her eyes and smiles at me. “Oh fine, keep it to yourself. But seriously, we need to hang out. A few of us are planning to take the day off tomorrow and hit the mall. You down to come with?”
That’s not what I was expecting her to say. Ashley is usually a good student, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t missed more than a handful of days since freshman year. But her suggestion isn’t half bad as I think it over. I don’t have work tonight so I can use the time to finish all of my homework, and I already know what my assignments are for tomorrow. I can complete those too and drop them off before school starts so they’re not late. I know I shouldn’t be contemplating taking a day off from school, especially after my lockup situation, but I’m so overwhelmed I think it will do me some good. I had a hard enough time paying attention today, and I know it would only be worse tomorrow.
Yeah, taking the day off definitely sounds like a plan.
“Yeah, I’m definitely down. Just text me and let me know where to meet you guys and I’ll be there.”
Her whole face lights up with excitement. “Perfect! This is going to be so fun.”
I nod and give her a big grin.
“Alright, girl, I’ve gotta get going but I’m glad we could talk a little. I’ll text you later with the details for tomorrow.”
“Okay, cool. See you later, Ash.”
“Bye, Gina!” She pulls me in for a hug then turns and heads back the way she came. I turn around to head through the double doors to the parking lot.
I walk to my car already feeling lighter knowing I’m taking a much needed day off from school tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even find some time to break away from the group and look at some baby things, just to get an idea of everything I might need.
And with that thought, the nervous butterflies creep back into my tummy. But this time they work their way up until I’m sprinting to the nearest trash can and tossing up my lunch.
When I’m done losing everything but my intestines, I wipe my mouth as reality starts to sink in. I’m going to have Gavin’s baby.
Gina
Wednesday
“Hey, I’m gonna look around in this store for a minute. I have a friend who’s expecting a baby and I want to start getting gift ideas.”
I nod my head towards the baby store we’re standing next to as I spin the truth. I really do want to go in the store, only not to find a gift ideas for a friend, but to look around for myself.
Ashley’s face lights up. “Aww, that’s cute! Okay, you do that, and I’m gonna meet up with the others in the cosmetics shop. Let’s meet back up at the food court in, like, twenty?”
I nod. “Yeah, that sounds good. And if something comes up I’ll text you.”
“Okay, perfect. Same here.” We share a quick hug then go our separate ways, her down the hall and me into the store.
Walking in I have no idea what to look at first because there’s baby stuff everywhere, and I’m not sure what half of it is for. Luckily, it’s the middle of the day so the store is pretty empty and I can look around with getting in anyone’s way. I decide to start off simple, looking at all the cute baby clothes and seeing their different sizes, before tackling the harder stuff. The sales associate walks over to me as I’m looking at stuffed animals and asks if I need any assistance but I’m so out of my element that I turn her down and answer that I’m just browsing.
Times flies by as I take my time looking around, and when twenty minutes is close to passing I pull my phone out of my bag and text Ashley, letting her know I’ll be a little bit longer but I still plan to meet them at the food court. When she replies I slide my phone back into my bag and return to looking around. By the time I’m done looking over everything it’s been close to forty-five minutes.
I text Ashley that I’m on my way to the food court, then make a last minute decision to buy a cute little white and gray onesie that says ‘I love my daddy’ in grey letters. I figure I can give it to Gavin when I find the perfect moment to tell him the news. I put the cute little bag inside one of the larger shopping bags I have as I make my way to the food court. As I’m walking, I make a mental note of a couple more stores that I want to check out before I leave.
I look at my phone and see that Ash sent me a text letting me know they’re at the cinnamon bun counter. So once I reach the food court area I head in that direction.
I’m barely past the second food counter when a familiar head of blond hair catches my attention from across the way. I keep walking thinking that it’s just a coincidence — I mean there are literally tons of blond people in the world — but then come the familiar goosebumps that I only ever get when one person is around.
Gavin.
I stop in my tracks and look towards the opposite end of the food court area, and sure enough my deputy is sitting at a table near the big counter serving subway sandwiches. I’m not close enough to see what’s on his tray though my guess would be a turkey sandwich. But the weird thing is, Gavin hates coming to the mall. He took me there the first weekend we were together, and the only thing that made it slightly less miserable for him was the little fashion shows I put on at each store. Well, and the fact that he came into the dressing room at the lingerie store a
nd fucked me hard. Other than that though, he wasn’t a big fan of the whole mall experience, so I’m not entirely sure why he’s here now.
Then my heart stops when I get my answer.
A gorgeous woman with long dark hair and sun kissed skin walks up to the table Gavin is sitting at and sits down with a food tray of her own. I’m too far away to see her face clearly, but I have no doubt that she’s beyond pretty. And from what I can see, her body is actual perfection — her curves are perfectly proportioned with her frame. The crop top and tight high-waisted jeans she’s wearing, fit her like a second skin, and it’s clear she’s in great shape.
I watch as she tosses her long dark hair over her shoulder and says something that has the two of them bursting into laughter. And seeing Gavin laughing and eating lunch with another woman is so difficult to bear, I have to look away.
I collect myself, and try not to assume the worst. I tell myself to trust Gavin, but when I look back at the table, the beautiful mystery woman now has one hand resting on his forearm. The mixture of hurt and jealousy that suddenly fills my being is so overwhelming, I feel like I’m about to be sick.
I dash to a trash can a couple feet away and lose my breakfast in the middle of the food court. Every bite of my cereal goes into the trash can, and when I’m done I discreetly walk over to the closest napkin dispenser and grab a couple to clean myself up. I wipe my mouth and chance another glance in Gavin’s direction. My heart squeezes when I see that he’s still laughing with his mystery lunch date, suddenly my fight or flight instinct kicks in. Part of me wants to go over there and find out what the hell is going on because Gavin usually tells me everything. He even told me about there being a busty blonde dental hygienist that hits on him whenever he goes to the dentist to get his teeth cleaned. So the fact that he never mentioned he had lunch plans with a freaking supermodel is really suspect.
In the end, I decide to go with the flight side of my instincts and make a quick escape from the food court. I head for the department store that I entered from, and text Ashley on my way — making up an excuse that I’m beginning to feel sick and want to head home. Which, at this point, isn’t exactly a lie. She replies back by the time I reach my car, saying she hopes I feel better.
