by C. Morgan
I looked back up at the dance floor and found Maisy had disappeared. “Fuck.” I got up and looked around but couldn’t find her. There was another room in the back, and when I went there, I realized it was just a big open foyer where the bathrooms were. Maisy and the guy were making out hot and heavy, and the guy was pawing all over her.
“Shit.” I had to do something. “Maisy. Come on. It’s time to go.”
“Who is that joker?” asked the man. He looked like he was older than me, and he had his hand down her shirt rubbing her breast.
“I’m the joker responsible for her tonight, so you can back the fuck off.” I had promised Beth I wasn’t going to get into it, but I wasn’t going to let him take advantage of a naïve girl. She might think she wanted that fast life, but a guy like him would only hurt her.
“She seems to want to be with me.”
“Clay, it’s okay. I want to stay and party.”
“If he wants you, then you take him to your uncle’s place. He can follow us back. But I’m not letting you go with him.”
“And what if I say to fuck off?” the guy asked, posturing over me. “Then what?”
“I’m going to beat your ass and take her back to her uncle, who will hunt you down. Come on, Maisy. Or I call him. And you can tell him you want to stay.”
She turned around and whispered into the guy’s ear, and then she left with me. “You need to grow up and stop acting this way, you know? You’re not a kid, and you’re also responsible for yourself, and you’re making shit choices.”
“You live in a fucking hotel because of a failed marriage. So tell me. Why did she kick you out? Were you out fucking someone else, or was she? Because it sounds to me like you need to follow your own advice and mind your own business.”
I didn’t know what else to say to that. I knew one thing, though. I wasn’t ready for the dating scene. Not if all of the girls were like Maisy. I liked a girl who played hard to get. A girl who made me work for it. Beth was a little wild, but she had always been a lady, and there was nothing hotter to me. I realized then how precious she was and what I’d let slip away. It took seeing someone else’s level of immaturity to know I never wanted to go back to that. “I just think you’re better than that.”
I drove her home and walked her upstairs. “Thanks for trying, Clay. It’s good that someone actually cares, I guess. Not many people in my life do, you know. I mean, my own uncle had to pay someone to get rid of me. I guess I just wanted to use you to get back at them. I’m sorry.”
“Take care of yourself, Maisy.” I gave her a hug and left to go back downstairs.
When I passed the bar, I shook my head at LeRoy, who gave me a knowing smile. He had known what he was doing, giving me a taste of my own medicine. What he’d really done was shown me what my heart truly wanted.
Chapter 16
Beth
Monday morning came too fast, but I was determined to enjoy my day off from clients and the usual stress that followed Mondays like the plague.
I had just finished cleaning up the mess from breakfast when I heard a knock at the door. I went to find Clay standing on the stoop with his hands in his pockets. He rattled his change, always having the urge to make noise and create sounds. I’d kind of missed it. “Hi. What are you doing here?” He seemed like everything was okay, and there was no emergency.
As a matter of fact, he seemed excited. “I just wanted to come and ask if I could take you and Jack somewhere.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Clay. I’ve got a lot to do, and it’s my only day off this week.”
“Oh, well, I had something I wanted to show you. Are you sure you can’t find the time? I won’t keep you late. I promise.”
I kept thinking about our encounter in my dream and how close we’d been—how good it had felt. It was hard to look at him and not want him. “Clay, couldn’t we do it another time?”
“Well, I guess I could set it up for another time.”
He had me curious about what he was up to. “Hey, um, if it doesn’t take all day, then I guess we can go.”
He smiled bigger than I’d seen him smile in ages. “Great. I’ll help you get Jack ready.”
“Sure.” I opened the door wider and invited him inside. And while I got ready, he went to see Jack.
When I came out, I went to the kitchen. “I just have to get Jack’s things packed up.”
“He’s ready. I got the bottles, diapers, wipes, and a little thing of his food. Oh, and a change of clothes just in case. I’m pretty sure everything else was in this bag.” He patted the diaper bag and smiled at his son. “Tell mama, ‘let’s go.’”
Jack laughed at his father’s voice. “Mamama,” said Jack.
“Did you hear that?” said Clay. “I think he just said Mama.”
“Mamamama,” he repeated.
I teared up and walked over to give him a kiss on the head. “That’s mama’s big boy.” I never thought I was going to hear him say it, but then I realized how he heard it. “You’re talking into his good ear. I’ve thought about how things have been arranged, and I wondered if the position of things is why he sometimes can’t help but have his bad ear to us. He often looked the other way, and I was always curious about why he wouldn’t look at me unless I turned him to my other hip. You carry him where his good ear is toward you because you’re right-handed. It’s natural for him. It’s strange how now my mind is open to all of it.”
Clay smiled and agreed. I was a southpaw, so I tended to keep my left hand free, taking my son on my right hip. “Maybe one day he’ll say Daddy.” He brushed Jack’s hair away from his forehead and then kissed him.
I realized how bad I’d feel if he had said Daddy first and if the shoe was on the other foot. My heart hurt for Clay, but I reminded myself once again that he had done it to himself. “We should get going wherever you’re taking us.” I was hoping it would be a surprise.
“You’ll see. I think you’d rather be surprised.” He gave me a sly look, and it was a look that had always melted my panties. I bit my lip and tried not to smile, but it was no use.
We left the house and went out to the car, where Clay put Jack in and tended to everything while I got in the front seat. His car was spotless, and it was good to see he was taking care of it again.
“She’s clean,” I said when he got in beside me and started the car.
“Yeah, I gave her a wash and detail yesterday. Took me two hours to do it myself, but it was worth it.”
“We could have taken my car if you wanted.”
“No, I thought he might like the sound of this one.”
His car wasn’t too loud, but it had a nice purr. “Oh, I see.”
“Besides, if I can keep it nice and clean, it’s going to be his one day.” Clay smiled and glanced in his rearview mirror.
I knew it had been a dream to pass it on to him. “I’m sure you can keep it running. That’s about the only thing that always works for you.” I didn’t realize how catty the remark had been until the silence stretched out. “That came out wrong.”
“It’s cool. I’m just glad you came, and I don’t want to fight.”
“Right, I agree. Again, I’m sorry.” I looked ahead to the road, and silence fell between us as he turned on some music, playing it softly but loud enough for Jack to hear it.
Finally, he turned onto a road that I didn’t travel often, but I read a big sign that read: Amphitheater Ahead.
“Is there a concert?”
“Well, just me, but I thought it would be nice to let Jack hear some different sounds in an outdoor environment. I was doing some research and read that people who have partial hearing loss can learn to hone in on certain sounds and tones a lot better than people without. It’s something my friend told me about.”
I was curious to know who his friend was. Normally, he’d have given a name. “Who’s your friend?”
“LeRoy. Did you know he’s deaf in one ear? And he’s like this amazing musici
an. Blows me out of the water. And then I went home after talking to him and went online and learned a whole lot more.”
He pulled the car in and parked next to the side of the stage entrance. “Come on. You can have the best seats in the house.” He got out and helped me with Jack, taking him from his seat and carrying him over to find us a seat. He put us to the left and went to the stage.
There was something about seeing Clay on stage, and I had always felt like that was right where he belonged. He sat down and began playing a classical song. I didn’t know the name of it, but it was hauntingly beautiful, and it captured Jack’s attention.
He reached his hand out and began to babble as Clay played.
“He likes it,” I said, but Clay couldn’t hear me. He had his eyes closed, and his head was lost to the music. I sometimes wondered where he went when he played like that and wished I could go with him. Music was a personal journey, though. Especially for Clay. And maybe that was the problem.
After he played, he got up and held up his hand to ask for a minute. Then he ran off of the stage and went to get a picnic basket from his car.
When he came back, he held it up. “I thought we might sit and picnic? I brought your favorites.”
I was put on the spot, realizing that I had been tricked into going on a date. “Clay, you shouldn’t have.”
“I wanted to. I miss spending time with you. And besides, I want to play more for Jack. I thought we could see which notes he responds to the best here. I’ve started a list and thought it might help the doctors. I don’t know.” He smiled and met my eyes with such a sweet look that there was no way I would tell him no.
He took me by the hand and led us to the grassy part of the arena where he spread out a blanket and placed the basket while I laid Jack down beside us. Clay opened a jar of my favorite olives. He had cheeses and caviar and even a bottle of wine that I was sure he had gotten from the hotel. It was probably a complimentary basket or something, but that was fine by me. At that moment, we could be anywhere. I just wanted his company too.
Chapter 17
Clay
Things were going great with the picnic, and I was glad I had thought of it. Seeing Beth as she ate the spice crackers with cheese made me miss the way she closed her eyes when she really enjoyed something, and it made me think of the way she looked when I was buried deep inside of her.
“This is so good,” she said, looking at the label on the package. “Where did you get this stuff? Did the hotel put this together?”
“Not exactly. I ordered what I thought you’d like from their gift service. The truffles are my favorite. I go and get those now and then. My mother used to bring them home a lot, and I never knew where she got them.” And now all I could think about was all of the times my mother had been to the hotel.
Beth took a sip of her wine. “You shouldn’t have spent so much. We could have eaten at the diner.”
“We have eaten there so much that the silverware is starting to remember us. Besides, this is good, and you wouldn’t have discovered the spicy crackers if we had. And I wouldn’t have gotten to watch you eat them.” She had a little crumb on her lips that she licked away, and I tried my best to stop thinking dirty thoughts, but she was just so beautiful, I couldn’t help but want her.
“You’re weird,” she said, rolling her eyes. “So, tell me about this idea of yours. With the music.”
“I just think it would be good to continue with him and see how it goes. I mean, music is more than just sound. It’s vibration and emotion. I just think if we keep working with him, he’ll maybe develop a better sense of sound.”
“It could work, and I mean, I’ll try anything as long as it doesn’t do any further damage. We’ll have to talk to the doctor about it, of course. They may have a better way or tell us it’s not a good idea.”
I never thought I’d do more harm than good. “Yeah, yeah. I know that. I guess I just got so excited. All of this time, I never knew LeRoy was deaf in one ear, and I guess it just gave me hope that I thought was gone for our son.”
We both looked at Jack, who was lying on his back beside us, drinking a bottle as he tugged his earlobe. “He’s sleepy,” she said. “He always does that when he’s tired. But your mom wrote in your baby book that you did it too.”
“You have my baby book?”
“Yes. Your mother gave it to me a while back.”
“I only want what’s best for him, Beth.” I wanted us to be a family again.
“I know you do,” she said, polishing off the last bite of cracker. She looked at the empty package and crinkled it up. “Sorry, I think I ate all of them.”
“That’s okay. I’m just glad you liked it. I didn’t think you would let me bring you here.”
“No, I’m glad we came.”
I decided to change the subject, hoping to use the time to remind her of how far we’d come. “Do you remember the first time we met?”
She frowned. “When we were on the playground and you kicked dirt on my friend’s dress?”
“I told you that was an accident, and no, I’m talking about when we really met. Like when we got to know each other.”
“At Marie Jarvis’s birthday party the beginning of the eighth-grade year?” she asked. I nodded, and she giggled. “Yes, Clay. I will always remember that. We were two gawky kids with crushes who spent the year playing games after one long and sloppy kiss in Marie’s closet. Then you broke my heart over the summer, and we broke up.”
“But by Christmas our ninth-grade year, we found our way back together. We had both changed a lot. I’d gotten taller, and you’d gotten curvier. You wore those tight jeans, the ones with the flower designs on the ass.”
“They were pockets. And your hormones were raging, so that’s the only reason you noticed that.”
“Yeah, I realized I was so hot for you. And I knew then that you were the one for me. That I was going to get you back and keep you and be with you forever.
“All we did was break up and make up in high school. And then, you left me behind and went to college because you didn’t want to be without your best friend, Zane.”
“I went because my mother was pressuring me to go to college, and honestly, I was scared to death to leave you for a place where I didn’t know anyone. It was just easy to go with Zane. And I knew I’d be gone so long, and I couldn’t ask you to wait.”
“I did wait, though. I gave up hope for a relationship and focused on my own college and career while you moved on to other girls. Not that I blame you. We weren’t together then.”
“Beth, I’m trying. And all of the girls in the world never held a candle to you. You were my girl. I thought about you every night. You were my fantasy and my future, and that’s why when I came back, I looked for you. And I found you at the Coffee Club. And you were even more beautiful than when I left you. I remember seeing you and wondering what the fuck I’d done. You were sitting at that table with your friends, and you were smiling ear to ear, but somehow when you saw me, you managed to smile even bigger.”
She smiled and shook her head as I continued. “You had that black sweater on, the one with the low front, and those jeans that showed your perfect ass. My jaw hit the floor, and I couldn’t wait to talk to you. I went right over and said hi and how I’d missed you. You were so grown up, so sexy. And then—”
“And I let you back in and found out a little too late that you hadn’t grown up. And here we are.” Her tone was bitter, and it stung. To make it worse, I couldn’t even deny that what she was saying was true.
“We’ve had a lot of good times in between all of that, Beth. And I don’t know about you, but if changing one thing takes Jack from us, I’m glad we are here where we are, but I want to make it better now. We keep going back to each other for a reason, Beth.”
“Because we can’t move on, Clay. We haven’t tried. Sure, you had your fun time while I was pining away for you. But I’ve never put myself out there for anyone else. You’re all I
’ve ever known. And all you ever tried to get from another woman was a good time. Maybe it’s time we both give that a chance and see if there isn’t someone else in the world for both of us who can make our lives better for Jack and us. Someone who might make us better people.”
She wanted to move on with another man. “Is there someone else, Beth? Are you seeing someone, and that’s why you want the divorce so badly?” The very thought of her having another man in her life made me want to put my fist through something, but I remained calm because I didn’t know the truth, and I would never let my son see me that angry.
She met my eyes the way she did when she wanted to reassure me. “No, I’m not seeing anyone else. I promise. It’s not like that. I just mean, why not see what happens? I just don’t think you’re in a place to break the cycle. It’s going to always be more of the same.”
Our conversation wasn’t going the way I had planned. “But the cycle gave us Jack, so it wasn’t completely flawed. And I’m going to do better. I don’t want anyone else to replace you.” I felt like I couldn’t say it enough. In the past, she’d have taken me back by now. She really had changed. She was pushing me away to find someone else, which spoke volumes.
She raked her hand through her hair and gave me a frustrated look. “He’s the only good that’s come of us. And I’m sorry, but better now? It isn’t enough. I gave you all of that time because I was hopeful that we could be better, that you’d change, grow up, be the man I needed, the father Jack needs. But the time for all of that is gone. You went to Las Vegas, and you came back and did the same shit again, and I just can’t see past that. It was the sign I needed, and there’s no undoing it. I promised myself and Jack that I wouldn’t.”
“I guess I had to try,” I said, feeling like things would never be the same but knowing I was never going to give up. “I’d like to keep seeing Jack. I know you won custody, but I’d like to see him a bit more and keep up the work with him if the doctor approves it.”
