by C. Morgan
“Yeah, I know, babe. Nothing is going to stop me from being there for you and Jack both, okay? Don’t worry.” He sure seemed worried enough for the both of us, but I was focused on Jack and not his stupid gigs.
I let it go. He had to be just as freaked out as I was.
“It’s so hard to believe that our little baby is going to be put under and have major surgery.” I drank a sip of coffee and wished it would wash away my fears. “Will you stay the night?
“Yeah, sure.” He didn’t sound like he wanted to, but then, we were both so upset.
“If it’s too confusing, Clay, I understand. I’m not trying to lead you on. I swear.”
“No, I want to. It’s just now I’m a bit out of it, I guess.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to be here for you.”
I breathed a lot easier knowing that.
Chapter 33
Clay
I woke up the next morning on my old couch. Despite the emotional night, it had been decided it was best I sleep there and not make things any more complicated. Of course, it hadn’t been my first choice, but I would have slept on her floor if it made her feel better. Thankfully, I didn’t have to do that. The couch was bad enough, and I made a mental note to buy a new one if that habit continued.
Beth woke up with a spark of energy, and by the time I came out of the bathroom from my shower, she had breakfast cooking, and Jack was playing in his playpen.
I wasn’t quite in the same shape because I was still freaking out from the surgery time and how it conflicted with my gig.
There was no way to reschedule, but I wondered if there was a way to work them both in. I thought about calling Lloyd, but I didn’t want him to say anything to Hawk.
I couldn’t miss it. I had to tell Beth and see if she could work something out, but she was just in such a glowing mood that I didn’t want to do anything to steal her sunshine.
“Breakfast is served, Daddy. Come on, little man. Let’s show Daddy how much you love your bananas. Mmm, yummy.” She put Jack in his high chair and gave him his spoon.
Beth put his bananas beside my plate of pancakes. She had already covered them in butter and syrup and even added a fancy squirt of whipped cream. “Just how you like them,” she said.
“Thanks. You didn’t have to do this.” I pulled out my chair.
“Have a seat there, and I’ll get you some juice if you want. I still have to make my pancakes. If Jack doesn’t want to wait, feed him, will you?”
“Sure.” I looked over my shoulder as she got the orange juice from the fridge and went for a set of glasses.
Jack cooed beside me, making gurgling noises as he slapped at his table, banging his spoon. When his eyes met mine, he smiled and began to make more noise.
“I never knew the two of you were such morning people.”
“Actually,” she glanced over with a shrug, “I am just trying to put on a brave face, but thanks for noticing.”
Hearing that, I decided to let the news drop and wait to talk to Lloyd. I’d have to call him from the hotel. “I hate to eat and run, but I have some business to take care of this morning.”
“You have business? You’re not in trouble, are you?” She gave me a concerned glance.
“Not that kind of business. It’s the gig. I have to figure something out.” It was weighing on my mind as much as the surgery, and I needed to have my mind on my son.
“What is there to figure out? It’s some stupid gig or your son. I don’t think there’s anything to decide.” She seemed a bit put off by it.
“That’s not what I meant. I just need to work it out. I can’t just quit without a replacement. And this is big—”
Beth threw the spatula across the room, striking the cabinet door where it bounced off the counter, taking out a glass in the drainer and the salt and pepper shakers before it landed on the floor.
“Your son’s surgery is big!” she screamed. “I can’t have you flaking out on me now!”
My heart pounded. I realized the only reason that wasn’t aimed at my head was that our son was sitting right beside me. “I won’t! Shit, Beth, calm down!” I got up and went to help her, but she pushed me away. She rushed over to get Jack and ran to her room.
“Beth!” I yelled when she slammed the bedroom door.
I picked up the spatula and turned off the stove. Since losing my appetite, I brought the pancakes she’d made to the bedroom door. “Hey, you should at least eat this. I’m getting out of here.”
“Just leave it and go!” she snapped. “You don’t have to come to the hospital. Jack and I don’t need you there.”
“Beth, I’ll be there. I promise. You can trust me.”
I could hear her sobbing on the other side of the door, but when I tried to go in, it was locked. “I’ll call you later when you’re not pissed off at me.”
I made one last sweep of the kitchen to make sure things were turned off and put away, and then I got the hell out of there, knowing I had to talk to someone.
When I got to the car, I took out my phone and called Nick. “Hey, Clay, what’s up?”
“Are you going to be around your office?” I had to go somewhere, or else I’d end up in my room drinking.
“Yeah, why? Are you bringing me breakfast?”
“If you want, I’ll bring you something, but I hadn’t planned on it.” My appetite was still somewhere in my old kitchen.
“Awesome. Surprise me.” He ended the call abruptly as I started the car.
I drove out to the nearest stop for biscuits and gravy on the way to his office and got him an order. Then, I went to the site where, one day, would be my future job if I didn’t screw it all up. I hoped that Nick would have some advice.
When I arrived at his trailer, I found him sitting at his desk with a napkin tucked into his collar. “I’m ready. What did you bring me?”
I laughed at his silliness and handed him the offering. “I hope you have some advice because this is going to cost you.”
“Man, I was just fooling around. I didn’t think you’d actually bring me something. I was prepared to be disappointed.”
“Yeah, well, I’m trying my damnedest not to disappoint the people I care about in my life.”
“I’m glad I made the list. So, what’s the problem? Let the almighty Nick do the trick.”
“Do you say that to women to get them in bed?”
“Only your mom,” he said with a smile as he dug into his hot fluffy biscuits. “And if I have to suffer this kind of abuse, I’m going to decline my services as your advisor.”
“I have a big problem, and while I like joking around, it’s kind of serious. I just had a pancake spatula thrown in my honor.”
“What? You had pancakes? No fair.”
“No, Beth lost her damned mind and threw a fucking spatula. I’m pretty sure she would have hit me with it if it hadn’t been for Jack. But she stormed off and went to the bedroom with him. She locked the door like I was the crazy one.”
“What did you do?” He met my eyes as if there had to be more to the story.
“Nothing. I booked a gig, and then I found out that the doctors scheduled Jack’s surgery at the same time.”
“So, you just quit the gig. It’s simple.”
“I wish.” I looked over his desk at the large map of what he was building and got up to point at the entertainment complex. “Do you see this?”
“Yeah. And if that’s where your gig is held, I can tell you. It won’t be built in time.”
“Nick, can’t you just be the big brother I need? Shut up and listen.”
Nick held up his hands. “Go ahead. I’ll behave. So what about it?”
“If I play this gig, I’ll be given a contract for a lot of money and a full-time position with Hawk Entertainment. I’ll be the coordinator.”
“Damn, you called them?”
“No, LeRoy did. But I’ve got the opportunity. Only it’s a conflict of schedules, and neither can be changed.”
“And Beth and Jack,” I added in case he forgot.
“Or you go to the gig and you miss the surgery.”
“And again, I lose Beth and Jack. I lose them either way.” I had worked too hard to sleep on my old couch to end up back at that stupid hotel alone.
“So, Beth took it hard when you told her about the big money? That doesn’t make sense.”
“I didn’t get to explain the job or money. I would have, but I needed to make sure I had the damned contract and the signing bonus. Hawk wants to make sure I’m stable. He heard about my past, which keeps following me around.”
“It has a way of doing that, huh?” He took another bite and drank a sip of his coffee.
“Yeah, but if I don’t show up, I’ll just be showing them that I’m that guy. And I don’t want to be him anymore. But I need to be there for Jack, but if I want to pay for his surgery—”
“You need the money.”
“Right.”
“Damn, that is bad. And Beth is mad enough to throw things. Boy, you really have a situation.”
“So, what do I do?”
“I can’t make that decision for you, Clay. You have to do that. I’m sorry I can’t do more for you.”
“I just wish it was easier. Why does it all have to be in the same fucking hour?”
He put his fork down and wiped his mouth on his handkerchief. “What time is the show?”
“It’s a fancy charity dinner, and Ezra Hawk’s wife is the hostess. It starts at five thirty, but I have to be there at four thirty. The surgery is at seven, all the way across town.”
“How long do you have to play?”
“For two grand and a contract I’ve been waiting my whole life for? I’m sure I’ll have to play until it’s over.” It wasn’t like Hawk only wanted music for half of the night.
“Can’t you explain what’s going on? Ask them about taking an extended break. It might work out.”
“I’ve already been warned that if I fuck this up, I’m ruined. Like never play in this town again ruined.” I could lose everything.
“Damn. I don’t know. I know I’d be scrambling too.”
“I’ll just have to try and do both. Maybe I could take an extended break through the speaking and then make my way to the venue before they’re done.”
Nick didn’t look too sure. “That’s pretty risky. I’d tell someone what I was doing. They’re bound to understand.”
“Those charity events always have a long stretch of announcements, and I get a short break in the middle. I might make that work.” The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. “I just want this job so badly, you know?”
“I get it. But is it worth the cost of your family? You said Beth threw a spatula. She had to be angry. It’s not like her to do that, is it?”
“No. It shocked me. I mean, even when we had our worst arguments, she never did anything like that. She’d barely raise her voice, which was always annoying, and now I guess I’m glad she didn’t.
“She’s scared. She’s worried she’s going to have to go through this alone.”
“I know, and I can’t let her. I’ll make this work out. I’ll do whatever it takes. I feel like I was getting her back, and now she’s mad. I even stayed over again last night.”
“You’re playing with fire. Don’t get burned.” He took another bite, and I looked up to see him smiling. “Man, I wish I had seen that.”
“What, Beth throwing things?” It was something I didn’t want to see again anytime soon.
Nick smiled. “No, the look on your face when she did.”
I walked over and sank down in the seat beside him, hoping I could make it all work out. “All Beth kept telling me when she left was how much of a child I was. How I didn’t make the big decisions or the best ones.”
Nick sighed. “Then what do you think is best for the family. You know, sometimes, we can’t always please our wives. We have to make hard decisions that are the best ones, and even though it might upset her, I know whatever you decide, as long as you’re sure it’s the absolute best option, she can’t stay mad at you.”
“That, unfortunately, doesn’t make this any easier. And I just remembered I have to go and rent a tux tomorrow.”
He gave a half-hearted laugh. “The truth isn’t always easy. Make the decision that’s going to benefit you all the most and not just the one that’s going to benefit you the most.”
Chapter 34
Beth
It had been the longest day ever waiting for the surgery, and I didn’t slow down from the time I woke up. I had slept late, fed and bathed Jack, and passed the time by cleaning the house.
The closer it got to the surgery, the more nervous I became, so I called Clay around four thirty to see if he wanted to ride to the hospital together. When I had talked to him in the early morning while he was running errands and paying some of his bills, he had promised to meet me there. But with my nerves so rattled, I didn’t really feel like driving.
But when I called, Clay didn’t answer. I took a deep breath and tried not to be so flustered. “He said he’d be there,” I told myself. “Just have a little faith. He’s doing better.”
My phone rang while I was loading Jack into the car, and while I hoped it was Clay again, it was Della.
“Hey, you,” she said. “I’m on my way to the hospital. Where do I go?”
“The North Tower. It’s the first waiting room.”
I must have sounded a bit disappointed because Della became concerned. “Are you holding up okay?”
“Yeah, I just thought you’d be Clay. I tried to call him. I wanted us to ride together, but he isn’t answering his phone.”
“I’ll come and get you if you want.”
“No, I already have Jack in the car, and it’s out of your way. No sense in doubling back for me.”
“Fine, but I don’t mind.” She was always willing to do anything for me, and while it was nice to have a friend to count on, I wished I had a husband I could count on too.
I tried not to think about him flaking out on me. “Just meet me at the front entrance.”
“Will do. And hey, it’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“Thanks.” I ended the call and gave Jack one more kiss before shutting his door and making my way around the car.
I drove to the hospital and parked in the garage on the second floor. When we got to the elevator to go to the North Tower, I spotted Della down the hall. “Della,” I called, waving her over. “Going my way?”
She walked up and made a beeline for Jack, giving him a big kiss on the cheek. “Oh, little fella, I’ve been thinking about you.” She turned her attention to me as we got in the elevator. “This is a big day.”
“Yeah, I feel like a ten-ton weight is on my chest.” It had been there since Jack’s nine-month appointment.
“I feel it too. Trust me. I’ve gotten so attached to this little one, and I just hope it all works out for him. I have faith it will.” She brushed his hair down, and Jack smiled at her, laying his head on my shoulder.
“I’m trying to stay positive. It’s just that I’m so scared something is going to go wrong.”
We left the elevator, and I went to check Jack in. They took us back while Della waited, and before I knew it, they were prepping him. I checked my watch. It was nearly six fifty. Clay still wasn’t around, and they were already asking me to wait outside.
“Couldn’t we wait a few minutes?” I asked. “His father is supposed to be here.”
“I’m sorry, but we have a lot to do still to keep us on schedule.”
“How long will the surgery take?” I had meant to ask the doctor.
“It’s a delicate procedure, especially with his size, so at least an hour. Recovery will be a bit longer. But you can follow the stages on the monitor.” She gave me a sympathetic smile as if sh
e knew I was freaking out.
I realized that Clay wasn’t going to make it in time to see Jack before he went back. Maybe he was just running late. It wasn’t seven, and maybe he didn’t realize we had to be here early to prep Jack for surgery.
“Okay. Thanks.” I gave my son another kiss and watched as they carried him away, wondering if it was the last time I would ever see him.
The pain in my chest was so great that I could barely catch a breath.
I went back out to the waiting room, and Della seemed surprised they’d sent me out so soon. “Are they already starting?” She held her arms around her front and clasped her collar as if she had caught a chill.
I felt cold too. “Yeah, has Clay shown up? I thought you’d send him back.” Surely, he had come and wandered off down the hall to look for us.
She gave me an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, but no, he’s not here yet.”
“Then there’s got to be something wrong. He wouldn’t miss this.” I called his number, but it went straight to voicemail. “Clay, they took Jack back already. Are you coming or what?”
I hung up the phone, knowing I was a fool to think he could change.
“Unbelievable,” I said, sinking down into the nearest chair. “I don’t know why I let him do this to me again and again. And doing it to me, that’s one thing, you know? But this is our son. What if he never comes out of that operating room? Did Clay even think about that?”
“I’m sure he’s on his way. Maybe he’s here but lost or trying to find a parking space. You said he was doing better, but maybe he had a flat or got stuck in traffic.”
“Or maybe he found a nice party to go to. He said he had a gig, and I thought he was going to cancel it. He probably went there and got sauced or found some bimbo to impress. It’s either that or he’s breaking something. He’s never going to grow up.”
“It’s a bit early for all of that, don’t you think?”
“You don’t know Clay the way I do. He’s usually drunk before now.”
Della tried to reassure me. “I’m sure that whatever is keeping him from here is important, Beth. You never know.”
