She swiped the tears away and refused to look at him.
"Eve," he dropped down and touched her shoulder. "You can't keep going like this. Let me protect you."
"I don't need your protection. I'm fine on my own."
"Please," he begged. "Please, let me in. Let us all in."
"Not without him," she said. They'd had this conversation once before and she was just as stubborn now as she had been back then. "All or none, Gabriel."
"Why not one for now... then see what the future holds?"
No. She knew what would happen if she took his offer. “Leave,” she growled. “Just… leave.”
Gabriel’s gaze burned right through her. Stepping into her personal space, he wrapped his arms around her so tight, she winced from the pain. Then he kissed her.
He tasted like war and power. Anger and Vengeance. Gabriel was a feast for her starved divinity. His tongue swiped against hers, demanding and hungry, and she melted into his arms.
They fucked all night and straight into morning. When he asked her again to reconsider, she denied him one last time. He begged her to not go into battle again, and she dismissed his concerns like they were meaningless.
It cost her. Gabriel grabbed her and shoved so much magic into her body, it was nauseating. His hatred seared her soul and made her wings burn. Pulling back with a wince, she grunted and gasped. His eyes flashed for a moment and that’s when she knew he cursed her somehow.
Without saying another word, Gabriel stormed out of the tent and never looked back.
Eve carried four red feathers from that day on, and hated Gabriel ever since.
“Take them back,” she slammed into his chest. “Take these bloody fucking feathers back.”
Gabriel didn’t budge, no matter how hard she shoved him. “Not a chance, they’ve served you well.”
“Served me w—” oh the nerve! “The only thing they ever did was draw more attention to me. You marked my sins on my wings!”
“Sins?” he hissed. “What the fuck are you talking about? Those are not for your sins.”
“Bullshit,” she slapped him.
“You strike me again and you’re going to regret it.”
She struck him again.
With a rumbling growl, Gabriel went after her. Pinning her arms down to her sides, he marched her backwards and slammed her against the wall. His breath punched out like his anger. They glared at each other for several heartbeats. The air in the room turned ice cold. Then Gabriel’s eyes softened, “What has happened to you?”
“You happened to me,” she bit back. “All four of you.”
“We’re not what turned you so vicious,” his grip eased. “And I didn’t curse you.”
“Bullshit.”
“Think,” he warned her. “Think really fucking hard right now, female. Would I ever curse you? Deep down, do you really believe I’d do such a thing?”
Eve’s heart hammered so hard she grew dizzy. If he hadn’t cursed her, why would he turn four of her feathers blood red?
“Let go of me.” She wiggled out of his clutches.
Gabriel stepped back and gave her a little space. She slid past him, rushed to the other side of the room, and reached the door.
“Red is the color of passion,” he took a deliberate step towards her again, “power,” another step, “war,” another step, “and love.”
“Spare me,” she rolled her eyes. “You changed my feathers on purpose to draw attention to me. You knew I couldn’t hide my wings and you made them stick out even more. According to Divinity Law, every sin is marked in red – either temporary or permanent. So tell me, why did you stop at only four?” He should have painted her every feather red.
“They don’t symbolize your sins,” he growled. “They are for us.”
The room started spinning, her cheeks grew tingly, her vision narrowed down to only Gabriel’s face. “Us?”
“Me,” he held up one finger, “Con,” two fingers, “Uriel,” three fingers, “and Lucifer,” he wiggled four fingers at her. “The four feathers were so you’d never forget us. So you’d know we will always be at your back… protecting you.”
“That’s the most,” heartbreakingly romantic thing she’d ever heard him say, “idiotic thing you’ve ever done.”
“Not quite,” he smirked. “Falling in love with you might have been the most idiotic thing I’ve ever done.”
Eve bit her lip. She wanted to smack and kiss him. Choke and fuck him. Spit in his face and suck his dick.
“Make things right with Lucifer,” he said. “Fix it, Eve. We’ve spent our lives making sacrifices for each other. Make this right.” He pushed her against the wall again. Curving his wings around them, his arms bracketed her shoulders. “We’ve got a war to fight.”
“I know,” she whispered. God, he was stunning.
“Then make us whole again. It’s the only way we’re going to have a prayer of winning.”
“I never made you un-whole.”
“You couldn’t be more wrong about that,” he leaned in, his mouth almost touching hers. “We’re running out of time and Lucy is running out of control. Tell him everything. Even if it hurts.”
“He won’t believe me.”
“You don’t know that,” he nipped her bottom lip. “He needs you. We all need you.”
“Lazarus says he can’t see the future. We don’t have a lot of time.”
“Then hurry the fuck up and tell him,” Gabriel nuzzled her neck and pressed his body to hers.
“How am I supposed to tell him how I died? How I fought? How I tried to claw my way to Hell? How am I supposed to tell him that I shunned each of you because I couldn’t have him too? How do I tell him that I’ve barely existed and that I hate every breath I take because this life isn’t worth a damn without the four of you with me?”
“You just did,” he purred in her ear. Gabriel backed off with a cocky smile. “He’s been listening this whole time.” He pointed at the door.
Eve’s panic slammed her from all sides when she opened the bedroom door.
Lucifer was bracing himself on the other side. He looked furious. Hurt.
And Anam was right by his side.
Oh god, Lucy. “H-h-how much of that did you hear?”
“All of it.” Ohhhh shit, Lucifer’s voice was so deep and morphed, she nearly fainted from the power rolling off of him. Head dipped down, eyes locked on her, he said, “Get back to Hell, Gabriel.”
She didn’t hear Gabriel leave through the motherfucking spelled closet. She didn’t dare take her eyes away from Lucifer at this point. He looked absolutely murderous.
“Lucy,” her voice cracked.
He snapped his fingers and pointed at the hall, silently ordering Anam out of the room too. And damn if that wolf didn’t obey without so much as a growl.
“You know why he obeys you, right?” She hoped her voice remained calmer than her nerves.
“Because he’s an animal and I’m a fucking alpha.”
“No,” she stepped back and her wings started curling around her body. “It’s because he has your soul.”
Lucifer stopped halfway through the door.
“That’s right,” she said before her fear took over. “He ate it.”
Chapter 14
He ate it. It took Lucifer a few heartbeats for that to sink in. He ate it. How was that even possible? He ate it. The wolf was no longer in the room, so Lucifer couldn’t verify Eve’s claim at the moment. His boots thudded heavily across the hardwood floors. Eve immediately backed the fuck up to give him space.
Was she scared of him? She should be.
Lucifer was far from safe to be around. The evil spreading in him felt like razor blades and ice. Numbing, slicing, freezing, shredding. He needed to unfuck himself. He thought coming here and facing Eve would help with that. But after hearing her confession behind closed doors, he faced a new reality: trusting her wasn’t easy, nor was it hard. It was natural.
And that piss
ed him off.
He shouldn’t trust her. They didn’t know each other anymore. They were no longer the same people. He came here thinking he could say his peace then go back to pretending she was dead so he’d be able to focus on Michael’s Shitshow.
The world needed to be saved. All of humanity was in jeopardy of eating itself out of existence.
“The last thing I need right now,” he said in a deep voice, “is for you to get in my way.”
“Then I’ll stay clear of you.”
Her easy submission was unexpected. And her answer pissed him off. Did she think she could hide from him now? Stick her head in the sand and not see the world die around her? Eve was the reason they were in this mess to begin with.
“You will do as you’re told,” he growled.
“Fine.”
Again, her submitting so fast angered him and he didn’t understand it.
“I’ll obey however you want, Lucy, but first I need to explain myself.”
“You did that already,” and he didn’t think he could hear more of her voice right now. It resurrected feelings and memories he’d rather keep buried.
“Gabriel tricking that confession out of me doesn’t do my story justice. You will hear it. You owe yourself and everyone else this much.” She brushed past him and stuck her head out the bedroom door to call for Anam. The wolf re-entered the room on silent, padded feet. “See for yourself,” she dropped down on her haunches and ran her hand through the wolf’s fur.
Lucifer kept his distance. His gaze locked on the wolf and neither of them made a sound or budged. Eve kept stroking the animal’s back, and that’s when Luce felt it…
The contentment.
And the bond.
It was like an old memory blasting through the door and slamming right into his chest. His body seized, his lungs burned, and the room spun. Keeping his eyes pinned to the wolf, Lucifer’s energy reached out and caressed the animal’s aura.
He could feel it. Feel his soul in the wolf the same way he was able to feel his bit of soul in Sara when she was close by. It felt different – the wolf’s energy was more primal and basic, but it was there. The beast side of Lucifer recognized it too.
“Fuck,” he whispered. Dropping down to his knees, he held one hand out for the wolf. “Anam is his name?” The wolf came forward with his tail wagging.
“It means soul,” Eve said quietly.
“I know what it means,” Lucifer buried his hands in the wolf’s fur, reading the animal’s posture, taking in each and every scar. The beast had been through some brutal shit given the number of scars on him. He was beyond ancient. Anam’s species was extinct and Lucifer doubted scientists had yet to discover his kind ever existed to begin with. “You keep him hidden?”
“I have to.”
Lucifer nodded. Holy Hell, how was it possible for an animal to eat an Angel’s soul? “How?”
“How do I keep him hidden, or how did he get your soul?”
Lucifer scowled. He wasn’t in the mood for this bullshit.
Eve cleared her throat. “After the Battle of the Brotherhood, when I was hit with that arrow in the neck, Constantine got me out of there. Gabe’s orders. Rave was there too.”
“I know all of that.”
Eve stood and crossed her arms over her ample chest. Her shirt was torn and ruined. Horse hoof marks were all over her clothing. What the fuck happened to her today?
“It all happened so fast, it’s still hard to piece together,” she said. “Merri was there – remember the one who ran the Purity Sect?”
Barely. “Go on.”
“She was going to kill me. Or use me. Or… both. I don’t know. I was hurting so bad and I knew she was going to never let me survive it.” Eve cleared her throat. “She and I started fighting. Blow for blow. I felt myself snap. Felt this surge of rage the likes of which I’ve never felt ever again. It fueled every hit.”
Her voice quivered and Anam abandoned Lucifer to go to Eve’s side. She immediately sank her fingers into his fur again, like they’d done this so much he’d become the rock that kept her steady.
Why did Lucifer feel so grateful for that?
“I just remember the other Angels from the brotherhood letting us fight. And I was so angry about so much. Mad at my purpose. Mad at Merri. Mad at the brotherhood. Mad at Michael. Mad at you for trying to go after Michael on your own. Mad that no one would give me a chance to explain or try to understand why I gave that baby what I did. And I knew it was going to get worse. I couldn’t fight with you guys, but I needed to do something to make the world better. Taking out Merri felt like a good way to start. So I beat her. Clawed at her face. Ripped the skin from her throat.”
Lucifer held his breath.
“She barely put up a fight. It felt wrong and right and awful and glorious. I just kept at it. Screaming and throwing all my anger at her. She died so fast. Too fast. I remember…” she sucked in a ragged breath, “I remember thinking how much I wished she could come back to life just so I could kill her a thousand more times and then at least a thousand more.”
Tears fell down Eve’s face.
Lucifer felt no emotion at all.
“And that, Lucy, bit me in the ass shortly after.”
He didn’t say anything. All too aware of how hard his heart thrashed against his ribs, Lucifer stood with his fists balled and shoulders rolled back.
“The Angels from the brotherhood beat me nearly to death. They kicked and broke nearly every bone in my body. I could barely breathe. I couldn’t pass out no matter how much I wanted to. I just kept surviving it. Finally, I played dead. I stopped grunting when they stomped on my face, stopped wheezing when they kicked my stomach. I didn’t put my arms up when they smashed a rock to my head and chest.”
Yeah, he was this close to fucking losing it. This wasn’t the story Lucifer expected and it did nothing for his anger management. But he owed her this. He owed himself this. He needed to hear the story, the truth, from her. He needed closure.
“They dropped me into the human world thinking divine energy from the Purity Sect was keeping me alive and wouldn’t have the same potency elsewhere. They found a pack of wolves and left me as their dinner.”
Lucifer’s gaze dropped to Anam. The wolf’s body remained pressed against Eve’s thigh, like he was her service animal.
“Anam was the alpha of his pack. They started feeding. Ripping me to pieces. I knew I wasn’t going to survive it, so my last act was to set your soul free. I pushed everything I had into my last thought of you, hoping it would save your soul, and…”
“He ate it.”
Eve nodded. “I don’t remember much after that. Only bits and pieces of consciousness. Anam dragged me to a cave and protected me from the others.” She smiled down on him, “He was my devil in disguise.”
Lucifer scrubbed his face with both hands. He hated his tremors. Hated the red haze in his vision. Hated how he wanted to tear the world apart just to burn some energy off right now.
And he hated how much his heart ached. It hurt to fucking breathe.
“Gabriel found me first,” she said. “Shortly after the Battle of the Brotherhood. I was barely surviving.”
Lucifer growled in jealousy.
“He tried to bring me back to the brotherhood. Slammed right into the barrier that divided the two worlds. Next, he tried to get me to Hell. It was like slamming into a wall of black rock. I wasn’t able to cross any realm. I’m stuck here.”
She couldn’t crossover. Anywhere.
“Turns out, my soul had been depleted and was tied too tight to the humans. It’s still strange to grasp the concept, but my presence was stronger here and therefore I couldn’t crossover. Still can’t.”
“Why didn’t Gabriel tell me?”
“Why would he, Lucifer?” She let Anam go and crossed her arms again. “By then, you were stuck in Hell. There was no getting out for you. And I was stuck here. There was no escape for me either. He begged me to let him tak
e care of me until we could figure out what to do. I told him I would find a way to you on my own. I didn’t want to hold him back from greatness because I was too focused on clawing my way to Hell to get to another male.”
Fuck. No wonder Gabriel hated him so much. “You chose me over Gabriel.”
“I chose all of you over none of you.”
It hurt to swallow. Lucifer’s nostrils flared as he tried to suck in oxygen. “What happened after that?”
“You know the answer already, Lucy,” she fanned her wings out. “I failed. I darkened. I failed more. I darkened more.”
“How many times did you see my brothers?”
“Too many and not enough.” Her wings curled around her, protectively. “I only saw Gabriel one other time.”
“When he gave you the red flare.”
“Mmm hmm,” she let out a shaky breath. “Constantine wrote me letters. He always knows where to have them delivered, no matter where I move or how often. Uriel,” she paused, “he shows up from time to time.”
Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to be mad about it. Had he the chance to be in Uriel’s position, he might have done the same. He couldn’t imagine which was worse: not being able to reach the love of your life, or being able to reach them and being pushed away in favor of another over and over and over.
They were both forms of Hell.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Lucifer closed his eyes and dropped his head. “And my ladies. Did you really send them to me?”
“Yes,” her voice was deep and strong.
They both looked like they wanted to crawl out of their skin.
“Why?” his whisper of a voice cracked.
“I was told you were suffering. It killed me to know you were in a different kind of cage… and all alone again. I wanted you to have comfort. A way to ease your pain. I know how strong desire’s grip is on you. I felt it myself every time I thought of us together. So I told Gabe to get as many women as possible. I figured maybe, if you could burn that energy off, you’d be stronger for it.” She chuckled and her cheeks turned red, “I don’t think it was hard to persuade women to go to Hell for you. I’m sure there are still plenty out there who would die for one night in your arms.”
Raise the Dead Page 12
