“I was unfaithful to her too,” the Devil pivoted. “I’m a bastard.”
Con didn’t look over at him. “Eve sent those women to you. Not as a test of your loyalty, but to ease your suffering. And she needed to let you believe, without a doubt, that she was dead so you could move on. In her eyes, if she couldn’t reach you, she might as well have been dead. Lord knows how hard she fucking tried to make that true.”
Lucifer grabbed a chair and slung it. The heavy thing smashed and splintered into pieces.
“Feel better?”
“Not hardly.” Lucifer tossed two more chairs and broke them as well.
“How about now?”
“Why didn’t I realize it?” Luce dropped back on his ass. “I should have seen the signs. You never once spoke of another woman. You and Uriel… I… I should have fucking known.”
“How do you know we never slept with another woman?”
Lucifer deadpanned Con, “You saying you did?”
He shook his head. No. He hadn’t. Neither had Uriel. They stuck with each other because desire, for them, had more than one form. “We offered you to join us, you know. Asked you and Gabriel, countless times.” Their rejection always pissed Con off. “We’re meant to be together. All of us. Even if Eve couldn’t be a part of it, taking pleasure from each other shouldn’t be a sin or a betrayal of the heart.” I love you all anyway, so what would have been the difference?
But the Devil would never take them up on the offer. Neither would Gabriel. Sometimes, Constantine wished he hadn’t fucked Uriel either. It made Constantine hate himself for it… Yet I kept going back. Over and over.
Constantine would knock on Uri’s door out of the blue. No invite. No explanation. Nothing. It was usually right after he’d sneak a peek at Eve from a distance. His heart would cry a lament so haunting that his body would hum for days from the echo. In those moments, Uriel was Constantine’s go-to guy. His drug that eased the pain. His substitute for the real thing.
Each time they pleasured each other, it was Eve they’d envision while exploding into a million light particles of despair and desire. Afterwards, they’d wear their shame like a shroud. They’d swear never to do it again. They’d get mad at each other. They’d beat the shit out of each other. Then… they’d start the cycle all over again.
It was madness. Constantine learned to love that madness. Crave it. Not be able to live without it.
Lucifer was not the only Angel effected by extreme desire. Although the Devil felt it with the most ferocity, his brothers were not without their own battles of lustful cravings. None of them should have been forced to starve. “We were just as unfaithful as you,” he finally said. “We each did what we had to in order to survive.”
“Also my fault,” Lucifer growled. “I brought pleasure into this world. Carnal Desire. I should have never—”
“What? Never touched her? Never craved her? Never tasted that sweet wine that flows between her legs?” Constantine got hard just thinking about it. “Are you honestly going to sit there and say you regret it?”
“No,” Luce finally admitted. “And living in damnation for it is not something I regret either.”
“You’re not in Hell because you fucked her.”
“I’m in Hell because I loved her.”
“You’re pinning this situation on love?”
Lucifer growled, “I’m pinning it on honor.”
“And what of righteousness?”
Lucifer tensed and his lips curled in a growl of approval, “Yes. Absolutely righteousness played a role in it. It’s all I’ve clung to since… since we broke apart and she was gone from me.”
“Never fucking forget who you are, Satan.” Con might be a ruler of Hell, but Lucifer was a level beyond the King of the Underworld. He was the Ruler of the Righteous – in all his dark and glorious forms.
“How can I possibly forget what I fucking am,” Lucifer’s gaze burned, “when you and everyone else have done your damnedest to remind me with all your fucking stories.”
Con winced. He’d not made up the shit that people said about Lucifer, but when the rumors started, Con propelled them. Embellished them. Made sure they flourished as much as possible. It was the least he could do for his brother.
The belief system was an Angel’s bread and butter. Lucifer was owed the energy he got from faith. Con had zero regrets but, “Those stories weren’t all written by me,” he flipped Luce the bird. “You did a good job yourself, manipulating the malanum population up there to scare everyone into behaving.”
“We all did what we had to do then, no matter the consequences,” Lucifer sighed, the fight blowing right out of him. “Holy fucking mother of ass fuck shit and hole… I can’t breathe right.”
“Can’t talk right either,” Constantine pushed away from his chair and began a new topic. “I’ve taken the liberty of putting Eve’s wings in your oldest chamber. Burn them if she wants. I can’t stand to look at them. Also, I’ve gone through everything I have that mentions red skies. There’s nothing helpful.” Like most of what I’ve written over the years. “Reggie said Liam’s doing okay for the time being. He’s holding his own down there. Valor stopped in as well and said there’s been a few hospitals inundated with stab victims in Baltimore. He ran out of here to go hunt with Tilly.”
“The world’s unravelling,” Lucifer groaned. “And I’m too weak to fucking stop it.”
“You’re a lot of things right now, Lucy, but weak is not one of them.” He gripped Lucifer’s shoulder and squeezed. “You’re just lost.” I know the feeling well.
The door flew open and Gabriel stormed in shaking a piece of paper. “Laz is gone. He left this.” Slamming the note on the table, he backed away so Constantine and Lucifer could read it.
He’s coming for you. Get the others. – L.
“Well,” Con arched his brow, “I can honestly say I’ve never read a more cliché and obvious thing in my life.”
“Where’s Eve?” Lucifer growled.
“Right now, she’s taking care of a goddamn horse that was left in my motherfucking kitchen.”
“What?”
Gabriel shrugged, because how else could one explain that crazy shit?
Uriel joined the group, “Purgatory is filling too fast. We’re going to run out of room soon.” He stopped and looked at everyone, “Where’s our girl?”
“Topside,” Lucifer growled and glared at Gabriel, “Un-fucking-protected.”
Uriel waved his hand, “I’d be more scared for the fucker who tries to go after her. Poor bastard wouldn’t last three seconds.” He looked down at the note, “The fuck is this?”
“Lazarus flew the coop,” Gabriel grimaced.
“Well, he can’t help much anyways. You know that.” Uriel didn’t seem too fussed about it all. Constantine knew why too – if Uriel gave fear even an inch of space, he’d be overrun with it. “Let’s split up. We need to go back to Paradise and talk with Lilith. We’ve got to find a solution for the innocents landing in Hell. They can’t stay. Their lights are already dimming.”
Con frowned, “What’s that mean?”
“Light energies, in pure souls, can’t stay in this space for long without becoming,” Uriel thought of a word, “tainted, I guess you’d say. The evil in the prisons is strong and has a far reach. Only the righteous can withstand that amount of darkness, which these folks are not. They’re just people who were at the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“And even if they’re not in direct contact with a malanum, they can still be infected?”
“They can be drained,” Uriel crossed his arms. “I’ve never seen it happen, but Lazarus warned me once of the possibility. Back when…” his gaze flicked to Lucifer, “back when this was all still new.”
“Why didn’t you tell us that?” Gabriel’s wings flared.
“You weren’t a part of Hell, Gabe. Telling you wouldn’t have made a difference. Lucifer knew and I knew. Or have you so quickly forgotten it was ju
st the two of us down here until recently?”
“The two of us?” Lucifer approached Uriel with a deadly glare. “When the fuck was there two of us? You only came when the place was so loaded you had no choice but to come down here. Don’t speak like you’ve been holed up in Hell with me all these years.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Uri’s hands went up. “Jesus, Lucy, back down.”
Constantine stepped in before things went too far. “I’ll go with Lucifer. Uriel and Gabe, stay down here.”
“What about Eve? She can’t be left unprotected.”
“She can’t go with us either,” Con answered Lucifer with the truth. “She’s dead. As far as everyone is still concerned, she’s still dead.” They’d been so careful to keep that rumor spreading, to let the cat out of the bag now would only make things worse. “If Michael finds out she’s alive, he’ll take her and make sure there’s nothing left for us to save.”
Lucifer tensed. “You’re going to stand there and tell me that not a single fucking Angel knows she’s alive?” His tone said he didn’t believe it.
“We’ve spun that lie to all the Divine, Lucifer.” Con shoved a finger in his face, “You’re not the only protective motherfucker ever created. We’ve all done our share to keep her safe, especially from other Angels.”
“How?”
“Her death was bragged about after the fall of the Brotherhood,” Uriel piped up. “You having lost your head afterwards only solidified it. Once we realized she was still alive—”
“And her wings could not be hidden—” Con added.
“We said that if anyone spotted a female with her description, they should stay away for their own good because what they saw was a tainted abomination. It helped that Eve’s wings are useless.”
“What do you mean, useless?”
“She lost her ability to fly the first time she died.”
Lucifer rocked back on his heels, “Jesus.”
“I said she was a cursed one,” Gabriel joined in the confession. “Told the Guardians Lilith oversees to keep away and not even look at her. I said she was a mark of unholiness, an echo of the real Eve’s sins, cursed and bound to the human realm as a repulsive reminder of what happens when Angels fall from grace.”
“As far as I’m aware, no Angel ever saw her though,” Constantine said. “Eve stayed so well hidden all the time to keep her wolf protected, no one ever caught a glimpse of them.” He huffed a sigh, grateful to get all of this off his chest. “She became a phantom. A myth. A warning. Nothing more than a lesson learned at the end of a violent story.”
“Holy Hell,” Lucifer shook his head. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
“Her energy isn’t like ours anymore. She’s… different now. The longer she stayed in the human world, the more souls were created, the more vibrant humanity grew, the more Eve’s energy became bound.” Constantine smiled to himself. Damn their girl was a comet shooting from one solar system to the next, and they were all in her stream, caught up and blazing with her.
“And she evolved,” Gabriel said. “Her exterior grew tougher to withstand her storms.”
Uriel cleared his throat, “I think that came with every time she tried to die. When she’d come alive again, she was a fraction stronger.”
“Now she’s unbreakable,” Con half-smirked. “There’s a silver lining for you.”
“She morphed and has been utterly alone all this time,” Lucifer’s shoulders sagged with the idea. “Fuck.”
You and Eve are the same, Con thought, in so many ways.
“I stayed away from her,” Gabriel confessed. “She wanted to be dead to me…”
“She knew you’d never let her go otherwise,” Con whispered. “Lucifer and you… you’re cut from the same cloth. She’d have taken harsher steps with both of you. Been colder.”
“That’s why she made me be the one to send Lucifer those women?”
Con nodded, “I believe so. She would have done something extreme enough to make you accept that she really wouldn’t have one of us without the rest. Uriel and I wouldn’t have minded giving Lucifer women to unfuck himself back then. He needed help.” They all knew what Lucifer was like once his desire burned his senses away after being locked in Hell for so long. He remained in a constant state of misery and lust-induced haze, it was unreal. Then… he started unhinging. Fighting every step of the way, Lucifer refused to find another to be with, until the burn nearly consumed him and Hell’s foundation was jeopardized.
“Eve made a hard and bold choice,” Constantine sighed. “By instilling the belief that she was dead and gone, it gave you an out too. She offered you mercy by sending those ladies down here to you, Lucifer. By then, she knew it was impossible for her to break into Hell. She wouldn’t want you struggling, she’d want you at your best. Always.”
“It was only me who she sent women to? Never any of you?”
“I’ve never taken another,” Gabriel growled with repulsion. “Not another female. Not even one of you.”
“And that, brother, was your choice.” Constantine didn’t blame any of them for the decisions they’d made and the actions they’d taken over the centuries.
“More like my punishment,” Gabriel grumbled. “Fucking Christ, I’ll forever carry the guilt of sending you those women, Lucifer. Knowing Eve was still out there. Knowing she’d specifically asked me to escort them to you. And then I had to keep her death in the forefront of my mind so I didn’t slip up and confess it to you. Even as you wept. Even as you crawled on the ground with guilt for fucking someone that wasn’t her. Even as we all faded and broke and died inside… I kept my mouth shut for her.” Gabriel looked straight at Lucifer. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for what I did.”
“Us, never forgive us,” Uriel said. “We all had a part in that.”
Lucifer swallowed the lump in his throat. “To know the truth… I can’t tell if I’m relieved or sickened.”
“We’ve lived with that feeling for eons,” Uriel sighed. “We are, without a doubt, the most fucked up bunch of asshats Divinity ever created.”
Lucifer crossed his arms, “You need to tell Eve all this. She deserves to know everything. She’s felt betrayed by all the other Angels out there.”
“I did,” Con growled. “I wrote her letter after letter – only to find out that she never opened a single one and had burned them all.”
“Fuck. Me.” Uriel slammed his fist on the table, “She’s probably spent all this time hating us.”
“You get used to it,” Gabriel grumbled.
It was time to end this convo. Con tapped the table, “Now it’s done. Over. We’re finally together and that’s the only thing that matters.”
“Yeah, but for how long?” Uriel crossed his arms.
“Doesn’t matter,” Constantine said. “One minute, one day, one year, one lifetime, I’ll take this for however long I can have it. It’s all I’ve fucking wanted.”
“And now Michael is going to take it all away,” Uriel sank into a chair.
Constantine rolled his shoulders back, “Let’s make sure our grip is as tight as our bond then.”
Chapter 36
Michael had to admire his handiwork. Things were going so fucking smoothly, it was almost not even fun. Almost. He had to admit, watching Lilith submit had been a real ball-busting, wing curling, blood sizzling good time.
“How are you feeling now?” he stroked her hair gently.
“Better. Thank you.”
She still thinks she has control of herself, how precious. “Thirsty?”
“Extremely.”
He poured a glass of spring water and placed it into her shaking hands. Lilith brought the glass to her cracked lips and just as much of it sloshed down her chin as down her throat.
“Easy, Lilith. Sip it slow.” Michael took the cup from her and held it to her lips so she’d stop spilling so much. He allowed her to take smaller sips until she drained the glass. “Good girl,” he toss
ed her a genuine smile.
Lilith wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Was it laced?”
“No,” he sat across from her. “No need to lace water. You’re mine with or without a boost of encouragement.”
“Always have been,” she smiled. “I’ve missed you.”
He couldn’t tell if that was a lie or not. Didn’t matter any way. The only thing he really missed was the feel of the sun on his wings.
Damn, his wings… they were barely useful at all now. Muscle atrophy was no joke. Even after he crawled out of his imprisonment, Michael couldn’t regain the strength he needed to take flight. It wasn’t for lack of trying. Michael tried everything to gain that ability back and nothing worked. To be a grounded Angel was a kick in the balls. He wasn’t a fucking penguin. He was an Angel, for fuck’s sake. What kind of Angel couldn’t fly?
He needed to stop thinking about it…
“Time has treated you well, Lilith,” Michael purred. “You look like a wet dream.”
“Always have,” she winked.
Her dress was soaked. She smelled like piss. Her hair stuck to her face and beads of sweat trickled between her ample breasts. “You need to get clean.”
Lilith groaned as she stood up like a good, obedient pet. “I still don’t understand how you’re here.”
“Surprised?”
“Impressed,” she grinned. “I never doubted your return, Michael. I’ve been waiting for this moment a long time.”
“As have I.”
“You know, I’m still waiting for you to thank me.”
Michael stopped short, “What the fuck would I have to thank you for? You betrayed me. Took my brothers and turned them into pathetic guardians of disgusting humans. You desecrated everything I spent my life building.”
“I’ve kept your brothers under my careful watch and was one of the few who held onto faith that you’d return.”
“You mean fear of my return.”
“Do I look scared of you?”
He had to hand it to her, Lilith’s will was strong. The magic he shoved into her was potent enough to knock a grown warrior to his knees, yet she was still lucid and steady. Remarkable.
Raise the Dead Page 29
