by Karen Ferry
Still, I’d take bickering with Ethan any time if it meant he’d loosen up and start acting normal around me again.
I spoke up at the same time Ethan did.
“Sorry, Gramps.”
“I’m sorry, Frederik.”
I bit my lip when I saw laughter dancing in Ethan’s eyes, no doubt mirroring mine, and happiness flooded my heart.
There was the boy I used to know.
But as quickly as the laughter had appeared, it died out. Ethan ground his teeth and turned back to stare into the fridge, and as if his every move was like that of a magnet, my eyes followed. The way his shoulders hunched up to his ears left me equally confused and sad.
Ethan wasn’t a boy anymore.
He’d grown into a man.
And that man was a stranger instead of my old friend.
Whereas I used to be able to read his every thought and mood, the shutters in his extraordinarily blue eyes were now down, making it impossible. Ethan was a puzzle I longed to figure out, but I knew I’d never get the chance.
I cleared my throat and turned my back on him.
“Let’s go, Gramps.”
Dreading the evening already, I pressed down on the handlebars and off we went to the dining room.
2
Mixed Signals
Dinner was awkward.
Not awkward as in, Oops, you saw me naked and now I don’t know how to act around you.
More like, Gosh, make him leave so I don’t accidentally choke on my food.
Meaning, it went from bad to worse soon after we sat down to eat. The food was delicious, of course, but sitting opposite my crush – or obsession, or whatever I should call him – with Gramps flanking us at the head of the table would probably go down as one of the worst experiences of my life. More than once, I thought I saw Ethan staring at me when I talked with Gramps, but as soon as I turned fully to him, his gaze was firmly down on his plate or looking at the old man next to him. My eyes must’ve been playing tricks on me.
Weird.
“So, Ethan,” Gramps dabbed at his mouth with his napkin, “do you have any plans for Spring Break?”
Ethan shook his head and took a long pull of his beer.
“Not really, no. I’ve thought about doing some work at the local animal shelter, though. They’re always in need of an extra set of hands, and it’ll be good learning experience.”
My heart softened at his words.
“That sounds good,” Gramps smiled. “But in my day, breaks were not about working your ass off all the time. You need to have some fun, too, kid. Live a little. Date, go out.”
I gritted my teeth at the word date but forced myself to smile encouragingly at Ethan when he turned his eyes on me.
“Gramps is right,” I started and took a bite of the tender beef he’d cooked for us. “We’re young, Ethan – or have you forgotten that part?” I smirked at him, but when his face remained blank, I sighed.
The old Ethan would’ve appreciated my light teasing, but it would appear his sense of humor had disappeared along with his sunny mood the last year.
Ethan sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.
“We’ll see.”
Not wanting to seem too interested either way, I dropped the subject.
“Frederik says you’re off to travel soon,” he said, surprising me.
I swallowed my food and smiled at Gramps. “I am, yes. I bought my plane ticket to Rome this morning, actually.”
Gramps’ eyes warmed and he sighed. “Good for you, girl. Good for you.”
“Rome?”
I turned my head and nodded at Ethan.
“Yes, that’s where I’m starting out. First Rome, then Paris…then…”
“How long will you be gone?” he interrupted.
“Oh, I must’ve forgotten to mention that,” Gramps butted in. “Our Pippa will be gone for a year.”
Ethan blinked, apparently shocked. “A year? You can’t be serious.”
Bristling at the disbelief in his voice, I jutted my chin at him.
“I’m dead serious, Ethan.”
He let out an incredulous snort as he uncrossed his arms, leaning forward in his seat.
“Seriously, Pippa, a year? At least tell me you’re not travelling alone.”
I mirrored his body language, all the while trying to tamp down my temper.
“Yeeees. What’s it to you?”
My blood buzzed as I watched his intense eyes turn even angrier.
“I won’t allow it,” he whispered.
“Excuse me? What did you just say?!”
I stood up so quickly, my chair toppled over, and stomped to his side. I was so mad I wanted to strangle his neck, but Ethan was quick on his feet and before I knew it, I was staring into his hard, breathing chest. Oh, gosh, he smelled good. A hint of wood and citrus attacked my nostrils, and I almost forgot we were arguing.
“That’s right,” he grumbled. “It’s not safe for a young woman to travel on her own. How the hell will you be able to stop someone from attacking you? Huh?”
My anger fused through me, and I was glad it did. I put my hands on my hips and craned my head back. I refused to back down, no matter how much he was dead-set on intimidating me with his size.
“Have you forgotten about my black belt in karate? I can take care of a thief if worse comes to worse.”
He leaned closer, eyes intense and frustrated.
“Prove it,” he spat out.
It was my turn to blink in shock.
“What?” I whispered.
He nodded and gave me the once-over.
“You’re, what, 130 pounds?”
I seethed.
“120 pounds,” I replied sweetly.
He rolled his eyes.
“Fine. Try to take me down, and I swear I’ll back off.”
Gramps started laughing, and I felt a blush rising on my cheeks. I’d been so focused on Ethan that I’d forgotten we had an audience. Even when he was mad, he had the ability to make everything else fade away, leaving me so focused on only him.
Damn him.
“Thanks for dinner.” Gramps smiled at Ethan. “As fascinating as your stand-off is, I think I’ll bid you both a good night. I’m tired. But, Ethan…” His laughter died down as he pointed at him. “You’re a fool if you think that I, or Pippa’s parents, would let her go on her own if we didn’t believe she could handle herself.”
Warmth settled in my heart at his words.
“Thanks, Gramps.”
He nodded once at me before he put his hands on his wheelchair and backed it away from the table.
“I expect you’ll be going at it for a while longer.” He narrowed his eyes at Ethan before he turned around and left us alone. I looked back up at Ethan, a bit fascinated at the way he was able to grit his teeth so hard without making a sound. It had to hurt.
Frustrated, I turned my back and started to pace in front of him.
“I don’t understand you,” I muttered. “I haven’t seen you in almost a year, and then you waltz in tonight, hardly say a word – you won’t even look at me!” I pointed an accusing finger at him. “And then you have the nerve, the audacity, to tell me that you think I shouldn’t follow my dream?”
I stopped and turned in a half-circle.
“What the fuck?” I shook my head in disbelief. “I don’t know who you are anymore.”
“I didn’t waltz in,” he started and tore a hand through his already messy-looking dark hair.
My mouth popped open in shock.
“That’s all you have to say to me?”
He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
“No, it’s not.”
I crossed my arms and jutted out my hip.
“Well, then, I think you owe me an apology.”
He sighed as he scowled.
“I apologize for the way I spoke to you, but I still stand by everything I said.”
“Why? Why don’t you believe me – or Gramps, for that
matter? I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.”
“Why aren’t I allowed to be worried about you? Come on, Penelope.”
I let out a small gasp when he used my real name. A name I detested and had refused to answer to for over a decade.
“Don’t call me that,” I gritted out. “You know I hate it.”
He frowned at me. “I’ve never understood why,” he murmured softly. “It suits you.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but he ignored me.
“Pippa is the name of a little girl. One who doesn’t want to grow up.” Slowly, he took a step toward me, keeping his serious gaze locked on mine. I hardly dared to breathe as he came closer until he stopped right in front of me. “You’re right,” he whispered. “You’re definitely not a child anymore.”
I bit my lip, afraid I’d blurt out something ridiculous, not to mention embarrassing, if he kept looking at me like that.
“Where have you been?” I whispered. “You were my best friend, Ethan. Why did you disappear?”
I swallowed the thickness in my throat. “Is it because I tried to kiss you five years ago? Because,” I hurried on when he sighed, “if that’s why, then I’m sorry. Really sorry.”
“It has nothing to do with what happened back then,” he sighed, frustration exuding from his gaze. “If it did, don’t you think that I’d have found a way to disappear entirely before twelve months ago?”
A sense of exhaustion came over me, and I rubbed a hand over my eyes.
“You’re not making any sense.”
I looked back at him and wanted to cry when a sad smile crept over his lips.
“I know,” he whispered. “You’re better off not knowing. But…” He lifted his right hand and brushed a wayward tear away from my cheek. “I’m sorry I hurt you by staying away. That was never meant to happen.”
Desperate, I tried not to lean into his hand, but it was hard not to give in.
I smiled tentatively at him. “Can we go back to the way we were?”
Please say yes.
He shook his head, sadness marring his beautiful lips as he attempted a smile.
“I don’t think we can go back.” The wistfulness in his voice made my heart crack. “But we can go forward, Penelope.” He pushed his hands in his pocket and finally took a step away, giving me my personal space back.
Relieved, I breathed deeply and thought about what he’d said.
“I think I can live with that,” I smiled up at him. “On one condition.”
He shrugged. “And what’s that?”
“That you stop calling me Penelope.”
He frowned as he scratched the stubble on his chin.
“I’m not sure I can do that, but I’ll try. For the time being.”
I pretended to scowl at him but the warmth in his eyes made it pretty dang impossible for me to keep a straight face.
“Fine,” I grumbled and looked at the dining table. “Want to help me clear the table? I’ll do the dishes, and you dry. Deal?”
I extended my hand and waited for him to shake it. The word hung in the air, and my instincts told me he knew that we were sealing a deal that was as far from kitchen duties as it could get.
He gave me a grin and finally took it. I suppressed the shiver the touch of his warm grip elicited in my body and let go.
“Great.”
Silently, as if we both knew that talking would be a dangerous thing to do, we got the dining room and kitchen back in order. Somehow, I knew it would be difficult to command my heart to stop beating faster when Ethan was near, but I had to make it stop. I had to let go of any notion that there would ever be anything more between us than friendship.
I wished that I’d gotten a plane ticket for Rome the next day.
I wished that I could disappear already.
I shook my melancholic thoughts away, reminding myself that just because Ethan had decided to stop evading me didn’t mean he’d suddenly start hanging out with me every other day. For all I knew, we wouldn’t even get the chance to see each other again before I left the country. I had so much to see to before I went away. And finding a companion for Gramps while I was away being priority number one.
I was worrying over something before there was even a reason to fret.
Resolutely, I pushed any lingering feelings of sadness away and decided to simply enjoy Ethan’s company for the night.
“So, how’s vet school?” I asked Ethan while we walked down the street.
We’d finally managed to coerce Bernie out for his evening walk, but to say that the pooch was enthusiastic about it would be wrong.
Walking implied that we were actually getting somewhere.
Dragging the dog would be more accurate.
Ethan smiled at me before he looked down on the sidewalk.
“It’s going well. It feels strange to think that I’m only a year away from graduating.”
I smiled back, glad that we were able to have this conversation. “I hope I’ll be back for your graduation, Ethan. I really don’t want to miss it.”
When I felt the leash go taut behind me, I sighed and looked at the sky in defeat.
“Bernie, come on.”
I turned to look at the dog and crouched, trying to coerce him to come closer.
“Is every night like this?” Ethan laughed, and I glanced up at him.
“Pretty much. He hates exercising.”
I clucked my tongue at Bernie, but he evaded my eyes and looked longingly back at the house.
“Oh, no, come on, big boy,” I cooed. “Just a bit longer and we’ll go home, I promise.”
A hefty sigh and a grumpy look were all I got. Frustrated, I straightened my back, ready to give up.
“I don’t think we’ll get anywhere.”
Ethan tilted his head at Bernie for a while and extended his hand to me. Puzzled, I raised my eyes at him.
“Let me try,” he answered. “I’ve been known to talk some sense into stubborn animals before.”
I shrugged and gave him the leash.
“I guess it’s worth a shot.”
I stepped away and watched Ethan as he went back to Bernie and crouched down in front of him.
“Hi, Bernie,” Ethan murmured as he started to rub his ears. “It’s nice to meet you. You were asleep when I came by earlier so we didn’t get a chance to get to know each other.”
My lips twitched with amusement as Ethan kept up a one-sided conversation. It was too amusing to watch – adorable, too.
Heart, stop swooning.
But the more I watched, the harder it became not to.
“Now,” Ethan continued once he’d got Bernie’s attention, “we all need to walk off the amazing dinner we just had, so what do you say we walk for another ten minutes, you do your thing, and then it’ll be over. Deal?”
Miraculously, Bernie licked Ethan’s nose before he did exactly what we’d been trying to do for the past ten minutes – he started to walk.
“How the hell did you manage that?” I blinked at Ethan as he came back to my side. Quickly, I went after him, and I didn’t miss the smirk plastered on his lips.
He looked down at me from the corner of his eyes.
“Told you a long time ago – I have a gift.”
“I don’t believe in dog whisperers,” I scoffed. “But,” I conceded, “you do seem to have a knack with them.”
“Thank you, Pen- I mean, Pippa.”
Pleased he was actually trying to respect my wishes about my name, I beamed at him.
He jerked his chin at Bernie who was now walking slightly ahead of us, busy sniffing the street.
“What’s going to happen to him when you leave?”
I smiled softly at him. “Don’t worry, I’ve got him covered. Mama and Dad will take him while I’m away. Actually,” I laughed, “I wonder if they’ll give him back to me when I get home. Mama has been begging Dad to get another dog for ages.”
Ethan grinned down at me. “I know.
She’s asked me to look around for a mutt for them when I go back to work at the animal shelter during Spring Break. Looks like she’s finally managed to convince him.”
“Really? I wonder why she hasn’t told me that,” I muttered. “But a playmate for Bernie might be a good thing, actually.”
We walked another couple of minutes in silence. The temperature dropped rapidly, making me shudder a little in my oversized sweater. I pulled the sleeves out and buried my fingertips inside them.
“Cold?” Ethan asked.
“Just a little. Looks like the warm streak we’ve had for a while is about to go away.”
He nodded and looked at Bernie before he let out a sharp whistle. Bernie’s head whipped around, and if I didn’t know any better, he looked positively perked up. How strange.
“Let’s go back,” Ethan said and grateful, I nodded. Bernie trotted after us and I blinked when he now seemed to pull on the leach, making Ethan work to keep him in check.
“Are you driving back to campus tonight?” I asked as we got closer to Gramps’ house and I noticed Ethan’s old, silver truck parked at the curb. “It’s a long way.”
Ethan shrugged.
“I thought I might, but Frederik said that I could stay the night and drive back in the morning. My classes don’t start until ten. Do you mind?”
“Not at all. It makes sense.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Once we were back inside the house, I wanted to check in on Gramps. I removed my sweater and placed the keys in the small bowl standing on the dresser in the hall.
“Let me just go say goodnight and see if he needs anything,” I told Ethan.
He smiled softly at me.
“Sure. I’ll make sure Bernie’s water bowl is filled and turn out the lights.”
“Thanks. The guest bedroom is upstairs.”
Ethan shook his head at me, making me frown in confusion.
“I know, Pippa. It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been here. I remember where it is.”
Feeling slightly embarrassed that I’d implied that, I nodded once.
“Oh, right, of course.” I pulled my hair free of the hair-tie and shook my head as I let out a small sigh n relief. I quirked my lips at Ethan.
“I won’t be long.”
