by Karen Ferry
I wanted that. I wanted it badly.
“Yes. But we’ve visited Oxford as often as possible over the years, of course.” She grinned at Hugo. “And when I met this bloke soon after starting at university, it’s become my second home.”
“What do your parents do, if you don’t mind my asking?” Louisa, Frederik’s caretaker, asked. She hadn’t said much tonight, but I didn’t get the vibe that it was because she felt left out. It was just her way: being an observer more than a participant. Much like me, I guess.
“Not at all.” Eliza sipped her wine. “Dad’s an English professor at the University of Copenhagen, and Mum owns a bookshop. She’s even published a few books, but she loves working at the shop too much to give it up.”
“I’ve always wanted to run a bookstore,” Teresa beamed at her.
“How wonderful, being bilingual like that.” I raised my eyes to Frederik sitting opposite me when he spoke up. His lips tilted up at the corners, offering us a wistful smile. “I often wish that my parents had taught me our mother tongue even after they emigrated to America, but no such luck.”
“Where did you and your family come from?” Eliza leaned closer. I liked that she seemed genuinely interested to hear what Frederik had to say, and it made me warm up to her more.
“A town called Trondheim in Norway. I wasn’t born there, but visited when I was young. It was a few years before I met my wife, Meagan.” He leaned back in his chair and pursed his lips. “I didn’t travel much afterward.” A faraway look clouded his eyes, and a somber silence fell on the table as we all waited him out. “She was born in New York,” he mused and blinked before he focused back on Eliza. “But she and her family were first generation immigrants. Came over from Greece – a small town called Parikio on the island Paros, I believe. We moved around a lot until we settled down here in Charlottesville and started growing the land. It was when Henry was born that we started our winery, and we never left again.” He chuckled and picked up the bottle of red wine next to him and pointed at the label. “Hence the reason we always drink wine at our table.”
“Wow.” Eliza leaned closer to his hand holding the bottle and looked at the label that proudly held the Montgomery name in a swirling, old fashioned script. “How fascinating.”
“Yeah, we’re quite the melting pot,” Henry butted in and smiled at her. “It’s in our blood to travel and go far away before we return home to settle down.”
“Dad’s a romantic.” Pen raised her head to smile at him. “But I guess it’s the truth in many ways. Though I’m not sure I’m back to settle down, as you call it.”
“Don’t you think it’s time you figure out what you want to do with your life, little sister?” Parker sat back in his chair and wrapped his arm around Teresa. “Find a nice, young man, and get your own brood of heathens?” He winked at her but as she gave him a weak smile, I could feel her tense up next to me.
“Not yet,” she murmured.
I glanced down at her lap and placed my hand on top of her twitching fingers. I could feel her relax but the tension was still there below the surface.
“Let’s not talk about the future tonight,” Vivian soothed. “We should celebrate having our baby girl home and just enjoy each other and our new friends.”
“I agree,” Henry murmured and took her hand.
I gave my foster mom a small smile, grateful to her for trying to ease her daughter’s mind. I didn’t know why Pen was so tense at the subject of the future, but I was determined to find out the reason when I got her alone tomorrow night.
We needed to talk without the fear of being interrupted for once.
As the others started up conversations around us again, I leaned down and nudged her ear with my lips. I kept my gaze on the table and narrowed them on Max when he caught on to my movements and sputtered into his drink. Another person I needed to have a long chat with, and soon, because if he kept that shit up before I was ready to confront the Montgomerys with my intentions toward their daughter – the baby of the family – I’d kill him.
Max half turned in his seat and began talking to Ella, ignoring the way I kept staring daggers at him, and I finally found the will to relax.
“Don’t worry about bringing a toothbrush tomorrow,” I whispered. “I have a spare.”
Her lips tilted up in a playful smile.
“So sure I’ll stay the night?”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Darlin’, once I’m through with you, you won’t be able to walk but be so spent you’ll topple over and fall asleep.”
She shivered, turning her head closer to mine as if she was desperate to touch me. “I can’t wait.”
The urge to show her how much it meant that she was going to explore things with me was so strong that I balled my fists to prevent myself from pulling her into my arms. I wanted to kiss her stupid – short, teasing, wet kisses – but I couldn’t.
I had to be patient, at least for a little while longer.
Until I found the guts to confess all my sins to her and she had absolved me with her sweet mouth.
11
The Past – Surprises Afoot
Ethan & Pippa – ages eighteen and fifteen
“Ethan, what’s it like to kiss a girl?”
I almost dropped the mountain of books balancing in my arms.
What the fuck?
“What. The. Hell, Pip?” I stared at her from across the room, not sure I’d heard her right.
She was lying on my bed, reading – or, that’s what she was supposed to do, anyway – and I was at my desk, packing up my books. It was my last summer at the Montgomery house, and even though I couldn’t wait to go, I hated leaving my best friend behind.
It had been five years since I’d been welcomed into the home of Pippa and her family, and she had been my best friend for just as long. I never thought my closest friend would be a girl, but she was cool. Outspoken and funny. Somehow, she’d made me open up to her – I couldn’t even pinpoint the exact moment it had happened – and although I was closer to her brothers’ age, somehow we just fit better. She understood me like no one else did.
She sighed and flipped her book shut before turning her head to me.
“Don’t get all embarrassed on me. I asked you a simple question.”
“It’s not simple, and you know it.”
“You can’t tell me you’re embarrassed?” She leaned up on her elbows, drawing my eyes to the way her black top clung to her curves. Swallowing hard, I gave her my back and continued packing.
“I’m not,” I grumbled. “You caught me off guard, that’s all. But why are you asking me? You have a string of girlfriends to ask questions boys don’t want to answer.”
“Maybe, but…”
I paused and dared a glance back.
“But?”
“But they can’t help me this time.”
A blush started to creep up on her neck, making her look even sweeter than usual.
It shouldn’t have been possible, but she did. She’d changed over the summer – she didn’t look like a child anymore. Her face had lost its roundness and turned into a perfect oval. Her lips were fuller, the bottom more pronounced, ripe and plump. Begging to be tugged and nibbled on by teeth. A low simmer started in my gut, shocking me when I realized that she had blossomed into a young woman.
How the fuck had I missed that?
Because every time you think of her as other than your friend, you shut it down, you ass.
Ignoring my conscience, I turned to face her and crossed my arms.
“This is weird, Pip. We’ve never talked about this kind of stuff before.”
“We talk about everything else. Why can’t we talk about this?” Her lips turned down in an unhappy frown as she sat up on her knees in the middle of my bed.
Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. “All right.” I walked to sit on the edge of the mattress, resting my hand next to her thigh. “Why can’t they help you?”
“Because they have
n’t kissed any boys, either.” Her lips tipped up in a crooked smile. “All of us are pretty much clueless.”
I shifted in my seat, too uncomfortable to sit still and stared out the window. “You can talk with your mom.”
“Ew, gross. Thanks, but no thanks.”
Stalling, I tried another tactic. “Well, I don’t know how to help you, Pippa. Kissing is…it’s intimate. Exciting. It’s something that you should only do with someone you really like, and someone you trust.”
She scrunched her nose at me. “Really? You’re telling me that you’ve trusted all the girls you’ve kissed? That you weren’t just out to get some?”
I chuckled as fire spread up my neck. “There haven’t been that many, Pippa. I don’t know if I’ve exactly given them my trust, but I’ve liked them a lot. Enough to want to kiss them, anyway.”
“But you trusted the first girl you kissed?” she prompted, making me sigh.
“A guy doesn’t kiss and tell,” I huffed.
She pulled at her lip and we fell silent. I wondered what she was thinking, but I didn’t push her. To be honest, I wanted this conversation to be over and done with already. It was the first time I felt awkward around her, and I hated it. I hated that she was growing up, starting to think like a young woman. To ask questions she had no business asking until she was at least thirty years old.
Slightly unrealistic, but then an image of her letting some faceless asshole touch her lips seared through my mind, and I wanted to throw up. The picture twisted and turned in my head as I imagined her wrapping her arms around the fuckwit, and gave him a part of herself that would never be mine. Staggered, my eyes popped open at the thought. No. No, no, no! I couldn’t think of her like that. She was my best friend, for fuck’s sake – not just some girl.
I was crazy. Fucking bananas.
Nevertheless, now that the thought had taken root, it was impossible to let go of it.
I hated it.
But most of all, I hated that I was now thinking about kissing her.
As if I no longer had any control over my actions, my hand nudged closer to hers until my palm covered it completely. It should have felt innocent, but it wasn’t. I had held her hand thousands of times over the years, yet now, as my thumb trailed soft circles on her wrist, just at her pulse point, it felt different. An undercurrent of something I couldn’t define seeped through me, exciting me while calming me at the same time. When her pulse jumped, I looked up at her from underneath my lashes.
“Pippa,” I whispered, but then stopped at the sound of my scratchy voice. I had to clear my throat, afraid I’d frighten her. I didn’t want to scare her – in fact, I wanted the complete opposite, but I couldn’t tell her that.
“Pippa, promise me your first kiss will be with someone you trust. Don’t…don’t just kiss a random guy because you want to get it over and done with. I know you,” I warned her when her eyes narrowed on mine. “You can be impulsive – you act before you think, and if you do that with the wrong guy…” I shook my head. “I can’t bear to think of you hurting in any way. And I’m afraid that’ll happen if you dive in headfirst without considering the consequences.”
My eyes lingered on her mouth a monent too long, but I couldn’t help myself. She was a magnet, pulling me toward her, and she didn’t have a fucking clue.
“I know,” she whispered. “But the only guy I trust is you, Ethan.”
I had to bite my cheek for fear of blurting out promises that I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep.
“You’re my best friend,” she continued. “I want my first kiss to be one I’ll remember forever. And I want it to be you.”
My heart hammered away in my chest as I blinked hard. I couldn’t believe she’d just spoken aloud what I found myself longing for. But I couldn’t do this. Could I?
“I…I can’t,” I sighed.
She leaned closer, her long, golden hair sweeping between us, and I held my breath at the determination I saw staring back at me. “Why not?”
Trembling, I extended my other hand toward her cheek, my fingertips trailing the softness of her skin. “I’m scared it’ll change things between us. I can’t risk losing your friendship, Pippa.”
“It won’t,” she promised. The conviction in her promise was so strong, I almost believed her. “I just want to know what it feels like, Ethan. To know what the fuss is all about. I won’t fall in love with you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
A small grunt escaped my mouth at the word.
Love. I cursed the emotion. I’d seen firsthand what love could make people do, and I wanted no part in it.
“Your parents would kill me…,” I stalled.
She rolled her eyes. “Nobody has to know. I’m not going to tell anyone.”
“Promise?”
She nodded slowly, her eyes boring into mine.
I couldn’t say no. How could I refuse my friend? Tomorrow, I’d leave this house and only come back on short visits. Our paths in life were different. I already knew this, even if she hadn’t thought about it yet. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that our relationship would change. It felt as if the more stuff I packed to go away to college, the weaker the link between us became.
“All right.”
A smile as bright as the sun lit up her face, blinding me for a few seconds. It spurred me into action and I raised my other hand until both cradled her face.
“Close your eyes, darlin’,” I whispered. Her eyes widened at the endearment I let slip, but I ignored it. “Wrap your hands around my neck and relax.”
She did as I told her, and I gritted my teeth at the feel of her small hands caressing the nape of my neck. Once I couldn’t feel the burn of her green eyes on mine, I could think more clearly. It went without saying that I had to be gentle with her and not betray her trust. I lifted my legs until they were nestled around her body and tried to urge mine to stop trembling like weak leaves blowing in the wind. It seemed impossible as my hands tilted her face to the side, but once I brushed the corner of her lips with mine, lingering for one long heart beat and I felt her relax into me, the trembling lessened. I focused entirely on her. On making this kiss sweet, yet memorable. I kept my eyes open, watching her lashes flickering against her high cheekbones for any sign of discomfort, but when I caught the soft sigh falling from her mouth, my instincts kicked in and I allowed myself to enjoy it.
I couldn’t kiss her the way I wanted to, but I could be tender.
My mouth nibbled lightly on her upper lip before moving to the bottom, tasting her softly, all the while chanting silently that this would have to be enough for her. My body felt taut the more she inched into my arms, and when I felt her small breasts pressing against me, I gasped, letting out hot air against her mouth. I felt her mouth open for me, taunting me to let go, to let my tongue sweep in and taste hers, but I stopped before I risked being carried away. I wished time would stand still so that I could keep kissing her,
Just a little more.
My dick ached as it swelled, but I kept myself in check. I couldn’t allow her to feel how much her sweetness and innocence was affecting my body and I kept my mouth light, brushing her lips over and over, even though I wanted more. This wasn’t for me. It was for her.
I didn’t know how much time passed, but eventually, I started to pull away. But I couldn’t resist tugging slightly on her full bottom lip with my teeth, making the sweetest moan fall from her mouth, and I grinned as I leaned back. When she started to move with me, though, I kissed the tip of her nose.
“Open your eyes,” I whispered.
Again, she did as she was told, blinking slowly as if she’d just woken up from a slumber. Gently, I thumbed her cheeks before releasing her. Looking down, I noticed the outline of my hard dick against my pants, and I stood up abruptly and walked back to my desk.
“Ethan?”
Her small voice sounded so uncertain that I had to brace my hands against my desk, gripping the edges hard to avoid going back to
her.
“Now you’ve had your first kiss,” I grumbled, my voice even huskier than before.
I could hear shuffling behind me but I refused to turn around. If she saw what the feel and taste of her lips had reduced me to, I’d die of shame.
Fifteen. She’s only fifteen!
“Yeah. Now I know.”
Her footsteps echoed on the hardwood floor, making my heart pound to each step she widened the distance between us, but I didn’t relax until I heard the sound of the door creaking when she opened it. My head low, I released the deathly grip from the table and let out a long breath.
“Thank you.”
I tensed, cursing silently for deluding myself into believing me she’d already left.
“No thanks needed.”
“It was beautiful,” she sighed. “You made me feel beautiful. I’ll never forget it.”
I clenched my teeth, anxious for her to leave me the fuck alone. Still, she kept waiting, but I couldn’t face her, and finally, I heard another soft sigh falling from her lips followed by the click as she closed the door behind her.
“Fucking coward,” I growled as tension seeped through my blood.
Yes, I was a coward. For making her promise me our friendship wouldn’t suffer over this to then turning the tables around, pulling away from her the second it was over. I felt like an asshole – the exact same kind of guy I’d told her not to gift her first kiss to.
I scrubbed my face, boring my eye sockets into the palms of my hand until the anger started to ease, and I felt I could see more clearly again. Remorse rose in my soul at the way I’d brushed her off. The right thing to do was to go after her, to apologize for the way I’d acted, but my feet stayed firmly planted where they were. Too much time passed, and I knew it was too late to run after her.
