Patience. One moment at a time, he reminded himself.
He forced a grin onto his face. “Plus, Bree, you out in the world—free, riding a horse, pleasuring your husband in broad daylight by a stream—is far more enjoyable to my tastes then having you at Notlund.”
“You find the castle suffocating? But your rooms there are exquisite—not to mention, hidden well away from the mix of the other rooms and activity.”
“True, Rowe did do a commendable job with my suite, but I still find most things inside suffocating.”
She tapped his chest in front of her nose with her forefinger. “You do appear to be in your element outside, riding a horse—oh—the horses.”
She pushed herself upright, untangling her body from his as her head swiveled up and down the bank of the stream.
Sebastian sat up. “There.”
He pointed downstream a stretch. Moonlight was standing under the shade of a large willow tree, and he could see the tail of his horse just past the branches. “They have not wandered too far.”
“As long as we do not have to walk back to the castle, I am happy.” Brianna spun to sit on her behind, stretching out her legs to dip her toes into the water. “It appears as though it will be beastly hot again today. This is the oddest weather.”
Sebastian could not resist joining her, moving forward to the water to sink his own feet and legs into the stream. He leaned forward, sliding his hand along the inside of Brianna’s left knee, bent up to the sky, and pressed it to his own leg. So smooth. He missed having the blanket of her on his body already.
Just as he was about to let his hand slip down her inner thigh, he spotted the end of a white scar wrapping around her left calf.
He scooted forward, lifting her leg so he could see the back of her calf.
How had he missed this earlier? Five separate scars, long and white with time, cut across her calf.
“Hell, Brianna…”
His mind raced. He could think of no instrument, no piece of machinery that could have possibly accidently cut her in such a manner. Not for how evenly they were spaced down her leg.
He glanced up to her face, only to see all color drain from her cheeks.
“How?” Sebastian’s fingers ran up from her ankle, pausing at each line bumping from her skin. “Tell me about these.”
“No.” She jerked her leg away. “No. Do not ask me about them, Seb.”
Tucking her leg under her, she glared at him, mouth tight.
Sebastian could not stop himself. “Then tell me about Gregory.”
Stung as though he had just thrown fire on her, she jumped to her feet, rushing away from him as she yanked up her shift from the pile of clothes on the rocks. She jabbed her head and arms into the cloth. “What do you know? What did my sister tell you?”
“Nothing.” Sebastian followed her. “Just that you loved a man named Gregory. You were to marry him, but he disappeared.”
Brianna froze at his words, her hands gripping the shift she had half down her body. It only took a second before her body began to shake, instant anger pouring from her. “That is something. She had no right. No right at all.”
“Lily did not tell me in order to hurt you.”
“She still had no right to speak his name.” Ignoring her stays, she picked up her silk shirt and shoved her arms into the sleeves.
“Why?” Sebastian grabbed his breeches and slipped them on as he moved to stand in front of her. “What about him makes you this mad?”
“I am not mad.” Her hands trembling, she attempted to button her shirt. She failed.
“No?” Sebastian grabbed both of her quaking hands, pulling them from the fabric. “Then what about him makes you this scared, Brianna?”
Her eyes snapped up and she stared at him, her mouth pulled tight, fury pouring from her. The shaking left her hands and travelled up her arms to her shoulders. The trembling invaded her body, and the longer she stared at Sebastian, the more she shook.
Holding her hands captive, he stepped closer to her, slowly, gently. “What did he do to you, Bree?”
Her head swung back and forth, her mouth tight.
He dropped her hands and bent over, his fingers slipping under her shift to lift it and expose her left calf.
“Did he do this to you? Did he ruin you like this?”
She stared down at him, tears springing to her eyes, her head shaking. “No. Do not.”
“You loved him, Brianna. You were going to marry him.”
Her hands balled into fists. “Lily should not have told you that.”
Sebastian dropped the skirt of her shift, standing straight. “But she did, Bree. Is this why you have fought me at every turn? Refused to acknowledge the very willing man that is in front of you? Refused to acknowledge that I want you? And not just your body. This has never been about your body. It is about you, Brianna. All of you.”
She spun, trying to escape him.
He snatched her wrist, shaking it. “You would rather live with your heart tethered to a lost love than look at the man in front of you?”
Brianna jerked her arm, trying to free herself while refusing to look at him.
Sebastian rounded her, grabbing both of her shoulders. She kept her head turned, avoiding his eyes.
Sebastian leaned in, his hard words in her ear. “Or is it that he did this to you and you have never admitted it to yourself?”
Her eyes whipped to him, on fire. “Admitted it to myself?”
She scoffed a forced laugh, her eyes to the sky. Shaking her head, her look dropped to him, pinning him with ferocity.
“I live with this every single damn day, Seb, every single damn second. So do not venture to think you know what is in my mind. Do not think you know what happened. I damn well know exactly what he did. What he did to me. What he did to my father.”
“And you still love him.”
Her fists came up, shoving hard enough at his chest that she broke his hold. Several desperate steps backward and she stumbled, turning from him. “Dammit, Seb, shut the hell up. You do not know what you speak of.”
Palms up, he stepped cautiously toward her. “So tell me, Brianna. Tell me that you do not still love him.”
“I hate him.” She spun back to Sebastian, barreling past his hands to hit his chest, shoving him away. “I hate him with every breath I take. With every step. With every thought. I hate him. Is that what you need to hear, Seb? You need to make me speak of him? Think of him?”
In an instant, the exploding fire in her vanished and she crumpled to her knees.
Her arms wrapping her own body, she huddled into herself, gasping for breath.
Crushed. She was utterly crushed. On her knees, her entire being broken.
He had wanted to know—but not like this. Not with the pain he saw coursing through her body. He bent, his hand spreading wide on her back. “Brianna—”
She jerked around, smacking his arm away from her body. “Just leave. Leave me the hell alone, Seb.”
“Brianna, I am—”
“Leave me alone, Seb.” Her eyes came up to him, her words vicious. “I hate that you are daring to ask me these questions. I hate that I had to marry you. I hate what you are making me do.”
“Bree, what am I making you do?”
His hands came forward, but she slapped him away before he even touched her.
“Just leave me the hell alone, Seb.” She looked up at him, her head shaking, her voice a mere whisper. “Do not make me hate you as well. I will. I will hate you. If you do not leave me, Seb, I will hate you.”
Sebastian looked down at his wife. Huddled, shaking, wanting—yearning—to hate him.
He couldn’t afford to give her a reason to do so.
With one nod, he stepped away from her.
Picking up his shirt and boots, he walked downstream to collect his horse.
And he vanished.
~~~
Brianna didn’t want to have to sink to the level of asking the
duke about her husband’s whereabouts, but she was desperate.
Desperate to unleash her anger at him, but Sebastian was not at Notlund. And her annoyance was starting to unjustly bleed out at the people around her.
Sebastian had been gone for a full fortnight—two very long weeks—and not a single soul had questioned his disappearance. No one—except Brianna.
It was quite possible that everyone around her knew where Sebastian was, and wouldn’t that be a cruel joke? Everyone but his wife knowing where he was, what he was doing.
Brianna knew she had been overly harsh with him at the stream. She had known it almost immediately. But he had pushed—dug too deep into memories that she could not let see the light of day. Not if she was to remain strong. Remain sane.
She had been so close to breaking in front of Sebastian, and she couldn’t let that happen.
Ruined. His word for what happened to her. And that was exactly what she was—ruined—not whole. She had been hiding that fact for years.
She wasn’t about to let Sebastian see how broken she truly was. No. She would refuse it to her last breath.
But now he was gone. He had left her, just like that. Used her body and then disappeared. And Brianna wasn’t about to let another man do that to her.
A deep breath to swallow her pride, and Brianna stepped into the open doorway of the duke’s study, her knuckles rapping on the wood frame.
Sans a jacket, the sleeves of his white linen shirt rolled up to his elbows, the duke looked up from the papers on the desk in front of him. A genuine smile crossed his face.
“Brianna, come in.”
“I am not interrupting your work?”
“You are more important than a few pieces of paper. Come, sit.” He motioned to the leather chair across from the desk. “You have a more serious look about you than usual. Was there something amiss about Lord Newdale and his family’s departure? Lily did not commit to him—answer his proposal, did she?”
“No, nothing of the sort.” Brianna sat. “They have departed and Lily has done as I asked and promised him an answer at the end of summer.”
“And you met with your runner the other day—did he have any news?”
“Unfortunately, no. But he now has until the end of summer to investigate, which should help.”
“Good. So why the concern in your brow? What is it you need from me?”
“Where did Seb go?” The words blurted out.
The duke leaned back in his chair, finger tapping the desk as his eyebrow cocked at her. “I assumed you knew. He headed up to Clavenshire for their annual local races. There is a studhorse in the area we would like to match with one of our mares, but we first have to convince the owner of the match.”
“Oh.”
“Seb did not tell you?”
Brianna shook her head, heat flooding her cheeks. She had no idea this would be so mortifying, having to ask the duke as to where her husband had run off.
His head cocked. “Seb left you without a word?”
“Yes.” Brianna bit her tongue, stopping further words. She didn’t want Sebastian to look the cad, but the duke also didn’t need to know that she had demanded Sebastian leave her alone.
“Bizarre. I thought it odd that he left so abruptly…” The duke shook his head, dismissing whatever thought he was having. “And he did not tell you he was leaving or when he would be back?”
“No.” Brianna’s fingernails started digging into her thumbs. “How far is Clavenshire from Notlund? I would like to go there.”
“I imagine Seb will be back within a week—a fortnight at most. The racing starts in a few days and takes place over two days—three or four if the weather is bad. And then he is due back.”
“I would still like to go there. I need to see him. I can take a maid in the Silverton carriage—how long will it take to travel?”
“Clavenshire is two days away on horseback. But by carriage, it will take you at minimum four if the roads are good.”
Brianna nodded, understanding. “But then I may miss him. Do you know of an appropriate maid or groom that could accompany me? One that can ride a horse well enough to keep pace and not slow me?”
“I cannot allow that, Brianna.”
“But—”
His hand came up, halting her. “So I will accompany you. I do believe I am one of the few people that will not slow you on a horse.”
Stunned that he would offer so generously, Brianna nodded, relief lifting her sour mood.
Now she just needed to keep her ill temper at bay another two days—at least long enough not to offend the duke.
{ Chapter 10 • Earl of Destiny }
“Rowe, I did not expect you. You look like you have been riding hard.” Sebastian opened wide the door to his double room at the Twisted Oak Tavern. “Is something amiss, or did you decide to attend the races?”
The duke stepped into the room, waiting for Sebastian to close the door before he spoke. “No, I am headed back to Notlund. I am only here to deliver something you forgot.”
“What?”
“Your wife.”
“What? Brianna? You brought her here?” Sebastian’s head cocked, his mouth tightening.
“She is down the hall.” The duke thumbed over his shoulder and glanced about the room. “I wanted to make sure there were no…guests…with you. It would not have been appropriate for her to see such a thing.”
“I know damn well what you are implying, Rowe, but I have not touched another woman since I saw Brianna in London.” Sebastian glared at Rowen as his arms crossed over his chest. “And you, friend, are interfering in things you should not be interfering with. Brianna does not want to see me. Does not want me near her.”
“On the contrary, she is the one that wanted to come to you, Seb. I am merely the courier.”
“Brianna left her sister unchaperoned?”
“Yes, if you can believe it.” The duke shrugged. “Lord Newdale has departed—without an answer from Lily on his proposal—but will return at the end of the summer. Lord Bepton has arrived, and is currently settling into his visit, I imagine. Wynne is at Notlund and can serve as an overzealous mama if needed. Brianna trusts her to chaperone appropriately.”
“At least she trusts someone,” Sebastian muttered half under his breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
The duke sighed, tapping his gloves on his thigh. “Seb, I do not know what is between the two of you at the moment—Brianna has been very tight-lipped around all of us—Wynne, me, even Lily. I have just spent two very silent days on the roads with her. And it was painful to watch her have to approach me to find out where you were.” He shook his head. “You left without a word to her, Seb.”
Sebastian took his glare and returned his own. “She wanted me to leave, Rowe.”
“Did she? Is that why I just travelled all the way up here to deliver her to you?”
Sebastian shrugged, sighing, but not answering.
“All that said, I trust that you will take care of what needs to be taken care of, Seb? Or do I need to stay and wait to escort her back to Notlund?”
“No.” The word came out as a grumble.
“Good.” The duke slapped his gloves on his thigh once more and inclined his head as he turned, opening the door. “I will see you at Notlund after the races.”
“You do not wish to stay for the night?”
“No. Wynne was already at her limit with Newdale’s mother—trying to convince her we are respectable.” The duke stepped into the hall, turning back to Sebastian. “So she was none too pleased that I had to leave with Brianna right when Lord Bepton arrived.”
“Send her my apologies.”
“Fix this. That is all the apology I need.” With a pointed tilt of his head, the duke turned to leave.
Sebastian followed him into the hallway, watching as he walked down the distance to the stairs and stopped where Brianna was waiting. With a quick goodbye to her, the duke disappe
ared down the narrow staircase.
Sebastian waited until the duke’s head was out of view before his eyes went to Brianna.
She stood at the end of the hall, a deep blue riding habit wrapping the curves of her body. Her hair was pulled back in an upsweep, but much looser than usual with several tendrils escaping to curl around her face. A little matching blue hat sat jauntily on her head, something he had never seen her wear.
She fidgeted under his scrutiny, unsure. It was out of character for his wife, as she usually tried to strike first and control every encounter they had.
Not moving from her spot by the stairs, she opened her mouth, but no sound came from her lips. She clamped her mouth closed, clearing her throat, then tried again.
“You told me you were not going to disappear.”
Dammit. Sebastian could hear the anger vibrating in her words.
“Brianna. Come into the room. I do not want to discuss this in a hallway with you.”
Her eyes narrowed at him.
“Please, Bree. Come into the room.”
She glanced over her shoulder to the stairs, then looked to him. With an audible sigh, she started down the hall toward him.
A cold breeze walking past him through the open door to his room, Brianna avoided looking at his face.
Sebastian steeled himself, closing the door behind him as he followed her.
She looked around at the surroundings. “This is pleasant.”
“It is. I have these rooms kept for me as I travel through here frequently.” He watched her in silence for a moment, her gaze fixed on a window and avoiding him. “Why did you come here, Brianna?”
Turning, her crystal blue eyes centered on him. “To yell at you.”
He waited, but her voice didn’t rise, words didn’t follow. “And?”
Her head shaking, she shrugged. “Somewhere in the past two days…I do not know. I lost it. Lost my anger. Most of it, at least. Though I am still mad.”
“Mad at me for my questions about your past?”
“No.” Brianna took a deep breath, her eyes going down and her voice softening. “You said you would not leave my side, Seb.” She looked up to him. “That you were not going to disappear.”
Lord of Fates: A Complete Historical Regency Romance Series (3-Book Box Set) Page 40
