The last of her raspy words slipped into nothingness, barely perceivable.
Sebastian’s head bowed, tears slipping from his eyes to land on her shift, already soaked with fever. He had to swallow the lump in his throat several times before he could trust himself to speak.
He bent, setting his mouth to her ear, making sure she could hear his words. “You will not die here, Brianna. Do you understand? You are the love of my life, Bree. And you will not go anywhere. You will not die. Do not think you are leaving me. Ever.”
No movement.
Her breath shallow once more.
She was gone again.
~~~
“Seb. You need to sleep.”
Sebastian’s head swung slowly to the door. He hadn’t heard anyone come in. Eyes bleary, he could just make out Wynne coming in through the dark and lighting a wall sconce by the door.
Carrying a candle-stick, she brought it to the side of the bed, setting it on the bedside table next to the bowl of cool water.
“You need to sleep, Seb. You can barely keep your head aloft.”
Sebastian did not move from the simple wooden chair he sat in, his eyes going back to Brianna’s face. “I sleep fine beside her.”
“Yes, but you have not even done that.” Wynne moved to stand in front of him. “And you have not moved your arm from atop her belly in days.”
“She needs to know I have not left her.” He did not bother to look up at Wynne.
Sebastian could hear Wynne swallow hard before her hand went gently to his shoulder. “Seb, Rowe talked to the physician.” Her head fell as she took a deep breath, her hand tightening on his shoulder. “She is slipping, Seb. The physician says there is little hope. You need to…to ready yourself.”
His eyes turned to daggers slowly moving up to Wynne. “Leave, Wynne. Leave this damn room.”
She shook her head, refusing to budge. “Seb, you have not left this room since you came back with her, it has been days—a week. I will sit with Brianna. You need to go outside. Breathe fresh air. It is a clear night. Cool. Just for five minutes, Seb. I will sit with her.”
His gaze dropped back to Brianna. “I told her I would not leave her.”
“You are not leaving her, Seb. You are taking five minutes to stand. To breathe. Your own wounds—they are not healing as they should.”
Sebastian’s eyes flickered down to his left arm draped over her belly. The strips of linen wrapping the cuts in his arm were tinged with spots of blood. “They are fine.”
“Seb, we are all worried about you. Rowe, Lily, me.”
“Worried for what?”
Wynne’s hand slipped from his shoulder, her fingers clasping in front of her belly. “Worried that you are searching for death with her.”
“If death comes for her, I am not going to let her be alone.” His voice caught as his fingers dug in around Brianna’s waist, his forearm pressing down on her belly. “I am not going to let her breathe her last breath without me, Wynne. Not without me holding her. I will not allow it.”
“Seb…she does not know you are even here. It has been days since she has spoken, since there has been any sign.”
He glanced at Wynne, his eyes almost instantly drawn back to Brianna’s face as his voice turned ragged. “I know. I know I am here. And she will not leave this earth without knowing I am here.”
Wynne’s hand went gently to his shoulder, squeezing.
Silently, she stepped to the side and left the room.
Sebastian waited minutes, an hour, staring at Brianna’s face, the grey tint to her skin making the shadows on her cheeks appear even darker than the day before. Wynne’s words hung in the air, haunting him. Whispered talk of death that weighed upon his chest, suffocating his lungs.
He drew a shuddered breath, moving forward to sit on the side of the bed and dip a fresh cloth in the basin of water in front of him.
Achingly slow, he set the wet cloth to Brianna’s lips, letting the water slip into her mouth. His head fell, his shoulders following as his forehead landed on her shoulder. He sat there, his head on her chest, willing her to fight, to breathe.
But there was nothing. He could feel the cold stillness of her body.
He lifted his head, his face next to hers as his arm rose from her belly, and he smoothed the hair along her brow. “I can feel it in your body, Bree. Did you hear what Wynne said? You are failing. And I see. I see you have so little left—nothing.”
His eyes closed as he fought the words he abhorred having to speak. “But you are holding on, Bree. You are holding on for something.” His head shook, his voice cracking. “God, how I do not want to say this. But if you are doing it for me, Bree—holding on—you can stop. You do not need to stay here for me. You can go. I want you to stay—god, how I need you to stay. I want you to fight, and I will never let you go. But I cannot have you suffering for me. Suffering because you are afraid for what I will become. I know the pain you are in, and it is not fair, me keeping you here.”
He stopped, looking away from his wife as he took long minutes to force his chest into submission, his voice into strength. Strength he knew Brianna needed from him.
His gaze fell back upon her. “You have to let me go, Bree. Let your body go. Let the pain go. We will be together again, for you are the love of my life in this world, and in any other. Fate will make it so. We are destined to be together again. And I will be whole again when that time comes. Trust in that, my wife. Trust in that.”
He broke, all words, all thoughts failing him. Crumbling, he could only move enough to stretch himself out beside her, holding her limp body tight to him.
If these were to be her last minutes, he would hold her. Hold her until the end.
His head dropped, his face touching hers. His breath mingled with what little she had left.
And he let the pain consume him.
{ Chapter 20 • Earl of Destiny }
“Seb.”
The sound floated into the room, so soft, Sebastian mistook it for the breeze from the window Lily had opened hours ago in the middle of the night.
“Seb.”
Sebastian opened his eyes. It took him a full breath to realize he had fallen asleep, Brianna still tight to his body, his head tucked in next to hers on the pillow.
He pushed himself up, his arm dragging across Brianna’s belly. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he looked to the open window to see morning sun streaming in.
“Seb.”
Sebastian suddenly realized the sound came from the bed. Brianna. He looked down to see her eyes open, the light blue in them clear, watching him, puzzled.
“Bree.” He moved fully upright on the bed, his hands going to her face, holding her, proving to himself that she was awake and looking at him.
Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. She tried again, but again, no sound, only what looked like the word “water.”
Sebastian spun, grabbing the pitcher from the table at the side of the bed, and poured water into a glass. He turned to her, slipping his hand behind her neck and lifting her from the bed.
She was light. Too light.
Gently, he set the glass to her lips, tipping it until water drained into her mouth.
She nodded, and Sebastian gently set her back onto the pillows. He placed the glass back on the side table, almost afraid to turn to her. Afraid this was a dream. Not real.
“Lily? Harry?” A whisper floated from her.
Sebastian turned around. “Both are safe, Bree.”
“Seb...”
“Bree, do not talk.” He slid his hand along her neck. “You are too weak.”
The confusion in her eyes thickened. “I have been sick?”
“Yes. A fever. It has been days. Many days.”
She gave one nod of her head, her blue eyes not leaving him. “I remember. I wanted to go.” Her left hand rose, weak, shaking, and landed on his cheek. “You kept me here. Your arm…it held me down. You would not let me leave.”
&n
bsp; Sebastian exhaled, his head dropping as tears started slipping down his cheeks.
She was back. Back with him. Alive.
A minute passed before he could raise his head to look at her. “No. I was not about to leave you, Bree. Never.”
Her mouth curved into a slight smile, the tiniest touch of pink filling her lips, contrasting against the grey set to her skin. “Thank you. I am happy you made me stay.”
The words, the miniscule movement drained her, and her eyes closed as she drew a shaky breath. Her face went still.
For a moment, Sebastian froze, afraid she was about to slip from him again.
But then her eyes opened. “I hurt.”
He grabbed the glass, lifting her head again to pour more water into her mouth. “The fever—it ravaged your body.” He laid her back.
“Why did I have a fever?”
Sebastian searched her face, not wanting to tell her anything it would be far better for her not to recall. “Do you remember the mill?”
Her eyes closed, and Sebastian could see her straining to remember.
A long moment passed.
“Yes. Gregory. My leg.” Her eyes flew open, sparked. “The knife—it went right in front of my eyes—you could have killed me, Seb.”
Sebastian could not hold back a relieved chuckle. She truly was back. “I am better with a blade than you, my wife. And I owe you my life for bringing that dagger.”
Brianna’s eyes searched his body. “You were bloody. I could not tell where it all came from. You are injured? Your arm?”
“It is nothing.” He glanced down at the wrapping around his arm. “I have healed fine.”
“Gregory… ”
“Is dead. Yes. And Harry’s uncle is currently residing in Newgate, awaiting trial. Gregory made no secret as to who had hired him when he tried to persuade me to give up Harry.”
“Persuade?” Fear flooded Brianna’s face. “What did he do to you, Seb?”
“Nothing I could not survive. I was more worried about what he was doing to you.” Sebastian had to force his still simmering rage to stay even and not explode in front of Brianna. “The knife was far too good for him, as I would have gladly ripped him limb from limb.”
Her hand lifted, weak, and she grabbed his left wrist just below the bandages wrapping his arm. “Seb—what I said—I did not mean it. I was only trying to gain time. Give you a chance to cut free. I—”
“Stop. I knew exactly what you were doing, Bree. And I have been in awe of your courage ever since. You knew what was coming, the pain, and you did it anyway.”
Eyes closing, her head shook as her face twisted. Her fingers dropped from his wrist. “But at the mill. You left me. I saw you leave. I thought…”
“Brianna, look at me.” His palm went to her cheek and she opened her eyes. “I only went to get a horse. I did not know how far I could carry you.”
“You were not leaving me?”
“No. Never.” He leaned in, his face just above hers, his hand cupping her jaw. “You are my love, my happiness, Bree. For today and tomorrow. You are my fate. Never doubt that.”
Tears welled in her eyes, a single drop slipping out and trailing down to his fingers. But her smile went wide. “Today and tomorrow. I will not forget. Not now that my head and heart are finally working in accord.”
“They are?”
“Yes. All of me leading to you.”
Words had never meant as much as those few from Brianna. Her head and her heart—all he had ever wanted from her.
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, the door opening before he could reply. Lily came rushing into the room.
“I heard voices.” Lily’s frantic eyes found Brianna. “Bree? Bree? Are you awake?”
Lily rushed to the side of the bed.
“How did you hear voices?” Sebastian asked, startled, as he pulled back so Lily could see her sister.
“I was sleeping in the hallway.” Lily landed on the bed, her hands gripping Brianna’s face. “Bree? You are back to us?”
“Gentle.” Sebastian put his hand on Lily’s shoulder, cautioning her.
She merely shrugged his hand away. “Bree?”
A smile came to Brianna’s lips. “I am, Lils.”
Lily’s head dropped onto Brianna’s chest, a sob racking her body. Brianna’s shaking hand went to the back of Lily’s head, caressing it.
Lily looked up to Brianna, her voice vehement. “Do not ever do this to me again, Bree. The first time was hard enough, but then this.” Her head swung back and forth. “This was beyond…you were a step away from death. From leaving us. From leaving me.”
“I am sorry, Lils.”
Sebastian stood up from the bed, his hand going to Lily’s shoulder once more. “Do not harangue your sister any longer. She just awoke and is weak.”
Lily glanced up over her shoulder at him, her annoyed glare telling Sebastian she would scold her sister any time she chose to, and he had nothing to say about it.
Sebastian almost had to laugh—he was holding his own scolding at his wife in check until she was recovered enough to hear it properly. Lily just did not have the same restraint as he.
He squeezed Lily’s shoulder. “Watch your sister? I am going to gather some broth and the physician, and find Wynne and Rowe to tell them Bree is awake.”
“They are across the hallway—Wynne and the duke,” Lily said, still looking up at Sebastian. “All of us moved to this hall after the first days. You did not notice?”
“No.”
“Seb, you have not left the room?” Brianna asked, concern in her voice evident. “How many days?”
Sebastian shrugged against the two women staring at him. He honestly didn’t know how long Brianna had been prisoner to the darkness. He had lost track days ago.
Lily turned back to Brianna. “No, your husband has not left this room. And it has been nine days.”
Sebastian stepped in front of Lily, moving to kiss Brianna’s forehead. “I will be back in moments. Do not let your sister tire you.”
Sebastian gave Lily a pointed look, then stood. He wondered if he looked as haggard as Lily did. Probably more so. He left the room, leaving Brianna in Lily’s care.
~~~
Brianna’s head went to the side, watching Sebastian leave the room. The door clicked closed, and her eyes landed on Lily. “You were sleeping in the hall?”
“Yes.” Lily scooted further onto the bed, tucking one of her legs underneath her. “The duke set a bedroll out there for me days ago after he tripped over me.”
“You look like it.” Even though Lily’s blue eyes seemed bright, Brianna had never seen her sister with such dark circles under her eyes.
“And you do not look exactly radiant, either, my sister.”
A breathless chuckle escaped Brianna. “I do not imagine. Nine days?”
Lily nodded, her face suddenly solemn.
“And the duke tripped over you?”
“It was dark and I was sleeping.” A smirk reached Lily’s lips. “He crashed down right on top of me. It was awkward for all involved.”
“I can imagine,” Brianna said. “Sebastian made you sleep in the hall?”
“He did no such thing, Bree.” Lily leaned over Brianna’s lap, pulling the coverlet down to expose Brianna’s thigh. She fiddled with the thick linen covering the wound that stretched across Brianna’s thigh, her bottom lip jutting out in a frown. “Your husband is many things, Bree but an ogre he is not. I could not sleep in here—it was too much…too much to bear, watching Sebastian.”
“Why?” Brianna tried to bend her leg to see the wound when Lily lifted the linen, but Lily pushed her thigh down, holding it to the bed with a scolding glance. Brianna had no strength to fight her.
Not answering her question, Lily reset the linen in place, pulling the coverlet back over Brianna’s leg. Setting the cover just right, it took her long moments before she took a breath and looked up at Brianna.
“He was des
troyed, Bree. There is no other word for it.” Lily’s eyes glazed over. “Utterly destroyed. He barely ate. Did not sleep. But it was his face. I could not bear to look at his face—I cannot even describe it. It was as though he landed in hell and could not quite accept the fact that he was there. Fighting it, but still having to watch the horror of it.”
Lily shook her head, snapping her gaze to the present. Her voice took on a forced lightness. “Do not look so heartbroken over it, Bree. It is past. You are alive and here. And he is alive and here. You two are together again.”
“But that is not all you are thinking of, Lils, is it?”
Lily shrugged, her hand slipping along Brianna’s arm to grip her hand. “It is nothing. Just that…it made me realize things.”
“What things?”
Lily sighed. “I want that. Watching Sebastian watch you. I want that. A man that loves me to such an extreme that he would battle death just to hear my voice again. Not leave my side. It made me realize that what I was doing—with the season, with Newdale, Bepton, and Rallager—it is all a sham—a shimmering pretense I am attempting to create upon my life.”
“You do not think any of them care for you like that?”
“No. Newdale, maybe. But not yet. Maybe someday, but not now. But I do not know. Maybe you only get one chance at that in life. And I had my chance. So maybe what I want, and what I settle for are to be two different things.”
“Do not say that, Lils. Maybe Newdale does feel exactly that for you.”
“Maybe.” Lily sighed, waving her hand. “It is of no bother. Not now. Not when we need to concentrate on you while you recover. We will deal with the rest of my life at a later date.”
“Lord Rallager, is he still here at Notlund?”
“No. I sent him and his relations off a day after you and Sebastian returned. He understood. His aunt of course, bemoaned her inconvenience at their quick departure. It was just another sign that he was not the one—that he did not want to be near me—us—in a time of crisis. He is a good man, but his character is not worth my time.”
Lord of Fates: A Complete Historical Regency Romance Series (3-Book Box Set) Page 51
