by Jen Talty
“I’m sorry. I realized that night that all the issues I thought I’d conquered, I really hadn’t. And they all hit me at once.”
“That makes me sad. But whatever or whoever those issues are, I’m not them.” The sound of meat sizzling reminded him that he was supposed to be cooking dinner. “Why don’t we spend tonight getting to know each other better?”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll go get some plates.” She scurried off to the kitchen. He let out a long breath. Whoever had hurt her or had given her the wrong idea about herself would have to deal with him. Because no woman as sweet and special as Dixie should be made to feel as if she didn’t deserve the world on a silver platter.
Chapter 5
Thus far, they’d kept the dinner conversation light. They’d discussed movies and books and other first-date material topics. Things they both wanted to know about each other, but not the one thing she knew he was most curious about.
And, of course, Dixie had her own list of interesting questions she wanted Zane to answer and it was time to shake things up.
“Why work at Club Temptation if you’re not into bondage and all that?” Dixie asked.
“I was interested in trying it, and my older brother is a Master, so he introduced me. I sat and watched a demonstration and knew instantly that the lifestyle wasn’t for me. At least not like that, with all the strict rules. I wouldn’t want any woman kneeling or calling me Sir or Master. Nor do I want to do that in reverse—though I’m more apt to give a woman whatever she wants in the bedroom when she demands it. I like to please. That satisfies me the most.”
“Anything?”
“Within reason. I do have a few hard nos.”
“Such as?” She pushed her food around on her plate.
“I’m not interested in threesomes. I’ve tried them and it’s not my thing,” he said, raising his glass. “I don’t like to share.”
“I’m the same way, though I’ve never tried one, and I can’t say it’s something I’m interested in. Too many hands and pieces to figure out what goes where.”
He laughed. “It does get interesting.”
“And you’ve never hooked up with anyone at the club?”
He smiled that wicked, sultry grin of his that made his eyes twinkle like shooting stars. “I’ve been with someone who works at the club, but never the patrons. Until you.”
“I won’t be a patron. Club Temptation isn’t for me.”
“My boss will be sorry to hear that. And even though my job is to sign you up, for selfish reasons, I’m glad you don’t want to be a more permanent member. Though I could tell you enjoyed watching.”
Her insides heated as if she were lying in the hot sun. Her nipples puckered. She took a small bite of her steak and chewed as delicately as she could. She still hated eating in front of men, but she’d made a decision to change her world, and that started now.
“I did. But I could watch porn with my partner,” she said.
“It wouldn’t be the same. It would be like doing a virtual hot air balloon ride and making the assumption that you’ve experienced not only the view but also the exhilaration of being a few thousand feet above the Earth.” He winked.
“Not a good analogy. I can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of being in a hot air balloon.”
“Oh. You have no idea what you’re missing,” he said. “But as far as watching, there are other places and festivals that would give you—us—the same opportunity. Or other options if we wanted. And I’m not saying I’d want it all the time, but I wouldn’t be opposed to doing that again.”
“For a guy who says he’s not into the scene, you sure are interested in all the things Club Temptation has to offer.”
He raised his glass. “No. I’m just into you.”
“Oh. Flattery isn’t necessarily the way you’ll get me naked.” She tapped her glass against his and took a hearty sip. “Tell me about your last girlfriend.”
“Not much to tell. It ended about six months ago. We were together for a year. She was the jealous type. That doesn’t go over well when your boyfriend works at a sex club.”
“Is that why you broke up?”
“Partially,” Zane said. “I’m a private person, and she betrayed my trust. It was just best for us to end it.”
“Where is she now?”
“Dating some dude from her work. I think she’s happy, which is all that matters.”
“Did you love her?” Dixie really wanted to know what this chick looked like and if she was a size two or not, but she had no idea how to ask that without looking like an asshole.
“I cared about her, but I wasn’t in love with her. So, in the end, it was for the best. Now, what about you? “What was your last relationship like?”
“Not great, to be honest.”
Dixie didn’t want to have the conversation about her ex-boyfriend who’d been married, because it always ended with a discussion about her blubber—and ultimately, her mother. But given the way Zane stared at her with his piercing dark eyes and bombarded her with his probing questions, she knew he wouldn’t let up.
“How so?” he asked.
“We just weren’t meant for each other.”
“Come on, Dixie. Why won’t you answer my question? I answered yours.”
She stared down at her plate, which was now devoid of the asparagus and about a third of her steak—the rest she’d cut up and pushed around her plate.
Sadly, she was still hungry.
Zane had managed to scarf down all of his and now picked at the cheese and crackers she’d put out.
She’d noticed him glance between her lips and her plate with an arched brow.
“There is never a good way to bring this up, and I’m probably jumping to conclusions, but I can’t help it based on the way you’re dodging my question and avoiding the food on your plate.” He set his glass down a bit harder than usual, and some of the red liquid sloshed over the sides. “Is part of the reason you weren’t meant for each other because he’s an asshole who took issue with your beauty?”
She pressed her hands against the table, ready to lay into him about how everything wasn’t always about weight. Only she didn’t expect him to deflect the obvious and flip it to make it sound as if Jeff were just a moron who didn’t know a good thing when he saw it.
“That’s an interesting way of asking whether Jeff didn’t like my figure.” She forced herself to take another bite, resenting the mental sound of her mother’s voice, telling her she should have gone for a dry salad or perhaps only a glass of water.
As if that would fill her up and nourish her body.
“If he had a problem with your size, he’s a dick.”
“He’s an asshole for more than that reason,” she said, letting out a long breath. She stabbed two pieces of meat and placed them on her tongue. She had to admit, it was the best steak she’d had in a long time. She shoved her plate to the side since she was finally full. She wiped her lips with her napkin.
“What was the sex like with your ex?” Zane asked.
She coughed. “I’m glad you waited until I was done eating to hit me with that not so great segue.” She took her wine and moved from the small table down to the lower part of the deck, closer to the water.
Zane followed.
“I told myself for a long time that I was comfortable with my body. And for the most part, that’s true. I love myself for who I am. But being with Jeff was one of those life decisions that kept me from actually accepting it.” She turned, catching Zane’s sweet, empathetic gaze. It was hard to concentrate on anything but him when he stared at her that way.
“My mother is perfect. Physically. Of course, she’s had countless procedures to stay that way. But her looks are her business. She’s a walking advertisement for her practice, and she’s weirdly proud of that fact. She’s still a size four, and she doesn’t have a wrinkle or an age spot on her body. To her, the only way to keep a man satisfied is if you dress up his arm.”
“First, I
don’t know what dressing up someone’s arm means, but wouldn’t that be up to the man to figure out what he likes and finds desirable?”
She opened her mouth, but Zane held up his hand.
“And that goes for a lady, too.” He ran his hand through his wavy hair. It bounced to his shoulders. “I’m sure there are women who find my hair unruly and would prefer someone with a clean-cut look.” He lifted his shirt, showing off a tattoo of a sailboat on his chest.
His nipple was right smack dab in the center of the wheel.
“And I’ve got eight more tatts on my body. Maybe people find that unattractive. I don’t want to be with a woman who wants to change me or judges me for my decisions—both good and bad.”
She raised her finger to her lips. All she could think about was sucking on that nipple. She shook her head. “You’re pretty hot.”
“Thanks. So are you. And it bothers me anyone would make you feel less that beautiful. Especially your own mother.”
“It’s hard for me to believe that sometimes.” She inched closer and covered his mouth with her hand. “And that has nothing to do with me not loving my body, and everything to do with the way the world views overweight women.” She dropped her arm to her side. “People say things like, ‘Oh, you have such a pretty face,’ as they look me up and down. And both my mother and Jeff…would say things like, ‘Are you sure you want to have a bagel? Carbs are your enemy.’”
“Unless you ask for someone’s help with your food intake, they shouldn’t say anything.”
“Well, Jeff thought he was doing me a favor,” she said. “The worst was when he told me how his wife lost the freshman fifteen.”
Zane took the glass from her hand and set it on the end table by the outdoor chaise lounge. “I’m glad you’re not with him anymore. He doesn’t deserve a woman like you.”
“What does that mean?” She held her breath as Zane brushed her hair back from her face and wrapped his strong arms around her body.
His hands made their way down her back, lifting her shirt and finding her bare skin.
“Confident. Smart. Sexy. Kind. Did I say sexy?”
She smiled. “You did.” Don’t ask the question. Don’t do it. You don’t want to hear the cheesy, ridiculous answer that is only a half-truth. “What about me is sexy?”
“When I opened my office door last week and laid eyes on you, I knew I was a goner.” He brushed his soft, hot lips over her cheek. Then the other one. His hands curled over her ass, pulling her even closer.
“Why?”
“You strolled down the corridor with a massive amount of self-assuredness, a tinge of sweet innocence, and a dollop of sexiness that made me want to get to know you better—if you had any interest in me.”
She stared deep into his dark chocolate eyes as she ran her fingers through his soft, thick hair. “I have to know something.”
“What?”
“Everyone has a type.”
He arched a brow as his hands glided up her back and unhooked her bra. “You’re my type.” He leaned in, but she tilted her head back.
“Some men like large breasts. Others prefer big butts.”
“Are you going to tell me size matters? Should I be worried?”
She laughed. “I’ve seen and felt the goods. You’ve got nothing to worry about. And now you’re the one deflecting.”
He narrowed his eyes, and his expression turned serious. “I like my women smart and to know what they want. And I like curves. I don’t like girls who are so skinny I’m afraid I’ll break them.” His eyelids fluttered, and he groaned. “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met. Both inside and out. And I can’t wait to find out what will make you call out my name as your body quivers under my touch.” He lifted her shirt.
“What? Here?”
He nodded.
She glanced around. It was one thing to give him a hand job in a club where half the room was fucking. But in her back yard? Where any boaters driving by could see them?
Though it was getting dark.
But the lights would still illuminate her deck.
She held up her bra as he tossed her shirt to the side.
“You’re cute when you’re vulnerable,” he said. “If you’re really that uncomfortable, we can go inside. Whatever will make you the most at ease. But I want you right here, right now.” He traced a path down her jaw, across her neck, and to the center of her cleavage. “Was the other night the first time you’ve ever done anything like that in public?”
“Yes,” she managed as she dropped her hands to her sides. Her bra fell to her feet.
He took a step back and licked his lips. His hands cupped the underswells of her breasts, and his thumbs gently rolled over her hard, tight, tingling nipples.
The world around her blurred. She couldn’t catch her breath. He’d barely touched her, yet every inch of her body lit up as if she were on fire.
“I know this is a weird question, and not that I ever want another man in our bed, but you never really answered my question about what the sex was like. And I’m asking about with anyone.”
“It was okay.”
He kissed her neck just under her ear. “Sounds like it’s been boring.”
“Pretty much.”
Swiftly, he turned her, pressing her against the railing. He cupped her breasts and wedged his knee between her legs.
She blinked and stared at the lights dancing on the lake.
His hands massaged her body while his lips did the tango across her skin.
“I don’t want you to ever settle for okay again. Tell me what you like. What you desire. What you need.” He pinched and twisted her nipples and sucked on her earlobe.
She opened her mouth, but no words formed. She tried again. “This works.”
He chuckled, and his hot breath left her gasping for air.
Her lungs burned. She gripped the railing and focused on the gentle waves lapping against the break wall.
Carefully, he undid her jeans and lowered them to her ankles, then helped her step from them. He ran his hands up and down her legs while dotting hot kisses to the backs of her knees. Her inner thighs. He tucked his fingers into her boy shorts, tugging at them, then rolling them over her hips. She’d never been with anyone who understood her body the way Zane did.
He gave her the kind of attention she’d been craving her entire life.
“Turn around, please,” he whispered.
She resisted the urge to cover herself as she rotated.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous.” He pulled his shirt over his head and just stared.
She took a strand of her hair and twisted it between her fingers.
“That’s hot,” he murmured as he inched closer. He lowered his head and took her nipple into his mouth.
“Oh, God.” She clutched at his head, threading her fingers through his long, wavy hair as she watched.
He glanced up and smiled before nibbling on her tight bud with his teeth.
She bit down on her lip and held him steady. “Don’t stop.”
“How about if I add this?” He glided his fingers up her thigh, finding her hard nub. He wiggled gently and then dove deep inside before repeating the action.
Her breathing became labored. She couldn’t form words if she tried. She shifted her body, lifting her leg.
Before she knew what was happening, he pulled her into his arms and carried her to one of the chairs. “This might be a more comfortable position for you where you can also watch.” He sucked on two of his fingers before driving them into her shamelessly.
She gripped his shoulders and gasped.
He repeated the motion. “Do you like this?”
“Yes.” She slid her hand down her stomach and joined his hand, much like he’d done with her the other night.
“That’s it. Show me.”
Never in her life had she touched herself in front of a man, but Zane watched intently as she pleasured herself.
Then he batted her
hand away. “My turn.”
He repeated exactly what she’d done. Only better.
And then he spread her legs wider and lowered his head.
She gathered his hair in her hands and sat up a little taller. She needed to see him giving her the pure passion she’d denied herself, even during the years she’d believed she was this great sexual being who loved her body.
She’d accepted that she was a plus-sized girl.
She’d accepted she was a loveable woman.
She’d even accepted she was a sexual being.
But she’d never believed that she deserved the kind of satisfaction she told her patients—or those who read her blog—they should demand from their partners.
The slow build began at her toes and inched up past her calves.
He caught her gaze and held it for a long moment while his tongue did what could only be described as the most wonderful dirty dance imaginable. He brought her to the edge but didn’t let her go over.
Then he did it again.
And again.
Until she couldn’t take it anymore. Only she wanted her release to happen when he was inside her, not like this. Not this time.
“Kiss me,” she demanded.
“I am.”
She tugged at his hair, pulling his mouth to her lips while she frantically unbuttoned his pants and yanked at them. She shoved him into one of the chairs and pulled his slacks and boxers to his ankles before tossing them to the side. In all her sexual experiences, she usually avoided being on top. Or in a seated position. And now that she was climbing on top of him, she understood the real reasons why.
No matter who she’d been with, there had been a small bit of shame about her size. It wasn’t because she didn’t love herself or her body, but rather because the men she’d chosen to be with, while they cared about her, still wanted her to be different.
Smaller.
Worse.
Sexier.
But not Zane.
He grabbed her hips and thrust up into her. Hard.
She arched her back and groaned, holding his shoulders, digging her fingers into his skin.
He hissed. “I have no control with you.” He cupped her breast, drawing her nipple into his mouth, laving it with his tongue.
