by A. Gomez
I was flabbergasted. I’d been waiting to hear those words since the day he ended our relationship, always hopeful, waiting and staying single. Mrs. Martin even called me a hopeful romantic. But now… sitting here on the sofa where Josh and I fell asleep together… where he and I had our not quite romantic interlude… where we shared pizza and beer. I remembered feeling that electric zing with Josh, some supernatural force or pull towards him. Something I never had with David. My heart wanted to say, “No, you had your chance, go pound sand.” However, I knew what I had to do, but could I do it? I would be no better than David if I said yes. It would all be a ruse for an ulterior motive. I would be using him just like he did me…or at least tried. I looked past him, unseeingly, in the direction of the kitchen, trying not to think of Josh. Part of me wished it was Josh here in front of me asking for forgiveness, asking me to take him back. Why did David have to do this now? Why didn’t he want me months ago? Was it really just because he thought another man was in my life and this was all a competition? It didn’t matter at this point. Remember what’s at stake, I told myself. I’d be using him for a greater purpose and possibly hurting him in the end. I took a deep breath and forced a smile.
“Okay, David,” I said, deflated. “Just make sure Ginger stays away from me. “I’m not in the mood for girl drama and I have a feeling once she sees us together…” I trailed off, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“Isabel, I can pick you up for work and bring you home. I don’t mind.”
“No way, David. Ginger is very unpredictable and I want none of that. Plus, our schedules don’t match, so I’ll be riding with Ben.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“I do have a condition, however. This new relationship has to be on my terms. I think you understand what I mean.”
He kissed me on the cheek and hands. “Okay, my love, so long as you’re mine.” He leaned in for another kiss which I deflected by hugging him instead. I hugged him loosely, kind of like hugging a girlfriend when we were saying goodbye. He pulled me closer to him and held me for an immeasurable minute.
“Ouch, David, not so tight, my arm.” I let go of him and gently rubbed my arm.
“Ooh, I’m sorry, love. I forgot about your wound. I was just so caught up in the moment. I can’t believe my lucky stars that you’re willing to give me a second chance.” He beamed.
“David, I’m feeling exhausted and I just want to be in bed today so I can be strong enough for work tomorrow. I have to make sure I’m ready for tomorrow since group therapy is in another week. I also have to see who the new prosecutor is on my victim’s case so I can at least prepare my victim for that. I’ll text you tonight to say goodnight and we can plan to have lunch together tomorrow if the ER isn’t too crazy for you.”
“Of course, love. I don’t have to be in tomorrow until noon, so let’s plan on an early lunch. Okay?” He kissed my cheek and hands.
“Sounds good.” I walked him to the door. He turned and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. I forced a smile but with so much guilt running through me, I thought I was going to give myself away. I locked the door behind him and headed for the kitchen. Ben was perusing my computer and everyone else eyed me, waiting for me to say something.
“Ben,” I said curtly, “I’d like a word with you in my office.” He got up, stone-faced, and we headed to my office. I walked in first and waited for him to follow so I could close the door behind him. I sat down on the loveseat and grabbed a pillow so I could hug it. Ben waited patiently for me to speak. I didn’t know where to begin.
I let out a tired sigh. “Ben, I don’t think I can lie like you want me to. I can’t lead David on and let him think that I still have feelings for him. Kissing him was hard enough.”
“I did notice how uncomfortable it was for you. I suppose I forgot about the physical aspect of this relationship.” Ben paused. He turned to look out the window. “But I’m certain David would never force himself on you.”
I scoffed, remembering why he left me in the first place. “I’m not worried about that, Ben. I’m a virgin and he knows it. Nothing will happen there.” Ben spun around and eyed me with a little more than amazement.
“You are a virgin? How? Never mind. It’s none of my business.”
Oops, I didn’t mean to say that out loud, “Ben, focus. We’re talking about David. I’ve been on the receiving end of a bad breakup and I’m all too familiar with the pain. I don’t think you realize how unkind this is.” He found a seat and just sat there, fixated on me, muttering under his breath so low I couldn’t hear. “Ben, please stop looking at me that way. I’m still the same person, nothing has changed.”
He shut his eyes and shook his head as if he was shaking off some invisible fogginess. “I’m sorry, Isabel, I just wasn’t expecting to hear that.” He cleared his throat. “Right, we’re talking about David and how this will hurt him. If you could just try and do your best acting for the rest of this week until next week, I don’t think you’ll have to put too much effort into this after that. Remember, we’re leaving for Texas after your therapy session. From then on it will be a long-distance relationship and you won’t have to see him,” he declared. “At which point, you could say that the long-distance situation is not suiting you and you would break it off,” he added.
I was somewhat surprised at how good Ben was at the whole façade. “That doesn’t sound too bad,” I said. “You’re talking like you’ve done this before.”
“Sadly, I have, but I wasn’t the one doing it…it was done to me,” he lamented. “But that’s another story for another time.” He eyed me for a moment.
I let out a rush of air feeling awkward about my accidental confession. We just stared at each other for a few beats. I could hear the small clock on my bookcase ticking. This was starting to feel too weird. He needed to leave. Should I leave?
Ben opened his mouth to say something.
I cut him off before he could get anything out. “Nope.” I shook my head. “I’m not answering anything unless it’s related to this case or David,” I declared. “And stop looking at me with that weird look on your face, Ben.”
Ben nodded. “Mm, hm, yep, of course.” He fake coughed into his fist. “I just need some coffee. Maybe some water.”
I rolled my eyes. Great. Is he feeling awkward now?
15
We headed back to the kitchen. My mother was on the phone talking with someone. Charlie and Belín were picking up the dishes and putting the food away. I decided to get a piece of my birthday cake so I headed for the refrigerator and noticed that Josh’s cake was missing, along with his birthday gift, the watch I asked my mother to buy. I whirled and eyed my mother, still on the phone and oblivious to my stare. I looked around the room and no one was paying attention to me, not even Samson. He was in the corner eating his dinner. I turned back around and brought the cake out for everyone to share. I placed a few dessert plates and forks on the table so anyone could just help themselves. Ben was at Belín’s side, talking and helping her clean up. Charlie decided to come over and have cake with us.
“Well, your father and your youngest brother, Thomas Henry, will be here tomorrow around mid-afternoon. I told them to call or text when they’re on their way to your house so no one is taken off guard and there are no more surprises.” My mother glanced at me. “Your father is abreast of everything. I know you wanted to tell him yourself but I had to tell him, honey, he’s your daddy.”
“It’s fine, Mom. I wouldn’t know how to begin anyway.” I pushed the rest of my cake away. “Mama, can you help me bathe myself? I can’t get my arm wet just yet, plus it hurts to lift it up and I really want to wash my hair.”
“Of course, honey. In fact, I have the gardenia bath gel and salts you asked for. Go fetch them from the guest room and I’ll meet you in your bathroom. They’re on the bed with the rest of my things.”
I headed to her bedroom, moving at a glacial pace. My body was still feeling heavy and slow but thankfully it w
as lessoning as time passed. I found the bath gel and headed toward my room when Josh’s bag caught my eye. I turned the light on and looked inside for my gun. I didn’t find it so I turned the bag upside down and dumped the contents on the floor. I lifted and shook his clothes but found no gun; instead, I saw an envelope and a box. I picked up the envelope and turned it over – it read Isabel Grace Langley. I opened it and inside was a birthday card. I opened it…
Isabel,
We can’t predict the future, you just have to give your
all to the person you love. You’re what I didn’t see coming
and now I can’t see my future without you.
You have bewitched me body and soul. I’m giving you my
heart. It’s all I have. I hope you think of me every time you wear it.
Happy Birthday, Baby!
All my love, Josh
Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I picked up the box and opened it. Inside was a gold necklace with a gold heart pendant on it. It hung slightly sideways with one small diamond in the center. It looked like it was suspended in mid-air in the center of the hollow heart. The heart’s lines overlapped each other at the base, making it look imperfect. I was overcome with intense emotion. It was so beautiful. When did he have time to get this? He never left my side and when I wasn’t with him, he was looking for me. I quickly put everything back in the bag. I could barely see through the tears. I headed to my room. My mother was already there, waiting for me with plastic wrap in hand and filling the tub with water. I quickly wiped my tears with my sleeve and started undressing.
“Honey, I think we should wrap your arm just a bit to make bathing easier for you. It’s not foolproof so still be careful not to submerge your arm.” She grabbed the bath gel and poured a little in the tub. The smell of gardenia filled the bathroom. I looked in the tub; the bubbles looked inviting. It looked like a blanket of newly fallen snow where no one had stepped yet. The sound of the running water was soothing, comforting, in fact. She helped me in, holding my bad arm so I didn’t get it wet or accidentally submerge it. I sat down and placed my arm on the edge of the bathtub. She started wetting my hair, taking care she didn’t get water in my eyes. I felt like a little girl again, vulnerable and small, needing care and attention from my loving mother. Needing protection from the cruel and dangerous world that was just outside my front door. I felt safe here with her, even though she wouldn’t be able to do anything except shoot a gun…and I couldn’t find where mine was anyway. She poured shampoo in the palm of her hand and began to lather my hair and scalp.
I closed my eyes. “Mmm, this feels nice, Mom. I should get shot more often so you can give me a bath.”
“Bite your tongue, child.” She wasn’t amused. “You don’t need to get shot or attacked or given an overdose of drugs. I will be happy to bathe you anytime.”
“Ew, mom, that would be weird.”
“I suppose it would be but I don’t care. I love you and I would do anything for you.” Her face turned serious.
Crap, I didn’t mean to upset her. I looked at her with remorseful eyes and mouthed an “I’m sorry.” She smiled and nodded. I splashed some soapy water on my face using my good arm, trying to wash away my heartache.
“Honey, are you all right?”
“Of course, Mom, I feel fine, just a little achy.”
“No, not that, honey. Josh. You haven’t mentioned Josh since he was shot trying to protect you. I heard what you said about his playboy ways and I know about the texts and pictures,” she mused. “Sweetheart, why don’t you believe him? It’s sounds plausible. Has he done anything to you to make you think otherwise?”
I considered what she was saying. “I don’t think he’s lied to me and no, he hasn’t done anything to hurt me. But, Mom, I don’t really know him. I just met him when all this happened so I really don’t know what kind of person he is.” I scoffed, “Just look at him, Mom! He looks like a cross between Captain America and Thor rolled into Josh. Why wouldn’t he be a playboy? He’s beautiful and I’m certain he knows it. Besides, that work excuse… it’s just so convenient and transparent… very difficult to believe. That may be a lie.” I paused. “Or at least a half truth. Either way, I don’t really want to go through the kind of heartache I went through with David.”
“Hm, I can understand your trepidation honey, but I believe him, sweetheart. I also believe he cares for you… and I think you may feel the same way despite your thoughts about his playboy ways.” She turned my head so we could look at each other. I didn’t react. She started the water and rinsed my hair, pouring warm, soapy water over my shoulders as well. I let the soapy water start running out and stood up so she could help me rinse off. I stepped out of the tub and dried off as best I could with my arm screaming in pain. I’d rather feel the pain than have to deal with questionable pain medication again. I started to remove the plastic wrap from my upper arm while my mother brought my bathrobe. She helped me slip it on and began to dry my hair for me. Turning to look at her, our eyes met and we held each other’s stare for a long minute.
“What is it, sweetheart? Is everything okay?” she asked.
I hugged her tight and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you, Mama. Thank you for being here.”
She held me, careful not to hurt my arm. “I love you too, honey. I’ll always be here for you.”
Then there was a knock at the door. “Tia?” (Aunt?) Belín called my mother “Aunt” in Spanish.
“Si, entrar,” (yes, come in), she told Belín.
“Tu móvil” (your cell phone). She handed my mother her phone. My goodness! My mother was constantly getting phone calls as of late. It couldn’t possibly be my father every time, wanting to check in with her. She must have a pretty active social life.
We left my mother to talk in private. I dressed in the PJs I wore the first night Josh was here. I smelled them, trying to see if his scent was on them at all. I smelled only the gardenia bath gel. I sighed inwardly, trying to suppress those few memories I had of Josh. My mother left my room in a hurry, calling for my brother. I wondered what happened.
I walked around my house looking for my laptop, trying to recall where I last saw it. My mind was so distracted with preparing for this therapy session and thoughts of Josh, I forgot about the pain in my arm. Interesting, how one’s mind can manage the pain. I found my laptop on the kitchen table and took it to the living room. My mother and Charles Andrew were lost in conversation about tomorrow. I walked in and sat down next to my brother on the sofa; he had the football game on. The Cowboys were playing again tonight. My mother’s phone rang again so she left to answer it. As I was sitting there a host of memories came flooding back. Memories of Josh and me watching the Cowboys play, Samson, with his head on Josh’s lap, Josh asleep on the sofa, his angelic face forever burned in my memory. I quickly opened my laptop so as not to think about anything other than work.
“Looks like I’m leaving exceptionally early tomorrow morning,” declared Charlie.
“Really, why?” I asked.
“Dad’s almost done huntin’ and I need to get back to MIT in a hurry due to a project I’ve been accepted on. And since Thomas Henry goes there too, Dad said he’d take us both in the company jet. However, he wants me at the airport by five tomorrow morning.”
“Ew, you’ll be getting up with the chickens.” I contemplated his leaving. “I’m glad you’re leaving, Charlie,” I said, trying to sound caring. “It’s getting a little too dangerous around here for you and I’d rather you be at school where you’re safe and far away from this mess.”
He eyed me, not knowing what to say. “Thanks, I love you too,” he said with a grin, yet there was a hint of concern in his voice. “I hate to leave, thinking you’ll still be in this mess. Although, so far, the FBI has done a pretty decent job of taking care of you, so I’m not that worried.” I wrapped my arm around his neck to kiss him on the cheek. He actually let me. Again. I decided not to tease him about it. I didn’t want to r
uin the moment.
“So what project were you accepted for?” I asked, trying to change the mood.
“I can’t say a lot about it. Basically, we’re trying to develop a new supercomputer with a microchip that may be able to help with locations in space or locating specific areas in space.”
“Wow! That’s sounds impressive… and complicated.” I looked at my brother, only then realizing how brilliant he really was.
The evening rolled into night and then morning. My body didn’t feel heavy anymore but the pain and ache in my arm was still there. Monday was uneventful, thankfully—just a lot of paperwork and a few therapy sessions. Ben and I went to work together, ate together; he stood outside the therapy room while I was in session with patients and even accompanied me to the ladies room. No one ever asked any questions or even bothered to notice it was a different agent. The other therapists in our department were constantly in and out all day, every day. I was determined not to let the thought of Josh cloud my mind and get work done. Things were going smoothly. David was even busier than usual in the ER, making it difficult for him to see me, let alone spend time with me. The rest of the week and a half was like that, so I was glad about that. It was Thursday again and I was sitting on the couch preparing for group therapy. Ben watched football highlights. Feeling depressed and missing Josh, I got up and left. I must have looked somber in Belín’s eyes since she grabbed my hand as I was walking away and mouthed, “Are you okay?” to me. I forced a smile and nodded yes, however, I don’t think she believed me since she followed me to my room.
