by K. Webster
The not-so-dark days…
“He cried. Like a baby,” I confide to Dr. Sweeney, picking at the frayed edge of the sofa cushion.
“Why do you think he cried?” he asks me, his eyes flickering to the cushion I was further destroying but not saying a word about it.
“I don’t know. We’d only been out three times. That’s the rule. Three dates and you’re gone. It’s not that hard really.”
He writes something down into the notebook. I hate when he does that. It means I’ve said something wrong. Dammit.
“Do you have sexual relations on these dates?” he inquires, looking up from the notebook. Here it is—the moment I’ve been dreading.
“Yes,” I whisper, glancing back down at the cushion.
“I see,” is his reply and I can’t help but hear the disappointment in his voice. Tears filled my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Sweeney. It started as dates but then I felt like I could forget about Bray and everything that we lost by fu…—having sex with these guys. I really think it’s helping me. Dr. Sweeney, I swear it.”
He shakes his head and writes something else down before setting the notebook aside. He grabs a tissue from the box on his desk and hands it to me. “Andi, you can’t possibly think that being promiscuous is a solution to your depression from Brayden’s infidelity, do you? I can’t tell you what to do, but you remind me of my daughters. If you were my daughter, I would want someone to tell her that this isn’t the way towards happiness. I know you say you’re happy, but I don’t think you truly are.”
Damn Dr. Sweeney and his ultimate wisdom. Now I’m sobbing because I’m not happy. Sleeping around puts little band-aids on my bleeding wound, but they eventually fall. Thus, the need for a new one.
“I start my new job on Monday. I’m ready to put my life back in order, Dr. Sweeney. This is a promise to myself that, starting next week, things are going to be different.” At least I will allow myself one more little band-aid before putting things on the right track.
“I have faith in you, Andi. You’ve come leaps and bounds. You are stronger than this depression. Keep telling yourself that and you’ll be okay. See you next week. And I expect a full report on your exciting new job.”
My sandwich sat untouched as Pepper fired off a text to someone. I couldn’t eat. The thought of eating made me want to throw up. Jackson had been making out with his very naked wife in his office. It made me feel dirty and used, like I was the whore on the side. Those two had not looked like people who were in the middle of a nasty divorce.
I tore bits of my sandwich off and put them on the other side of the plate as I quietly thought about how sick I was. Sick of games. Sick of cheating. Sick of men. I was really going to make Dr. Sweeney work hard for his money tomorrow.
“I know what you’re doing. You’re playing with your food so it looks like you ate it. Andi, I’ve dealt with this before with you. If you don’t eat your damn sandwich, I will shove it down your throat. We are not going through that again.”
My eyes flew to hers. Her teary expression matched my own, but there was a determination in her eyes that made me pick up the sandwich and take a bite. The satisfied smile she gave me had me taking another bite.
After I had eaten most of the sandwich successfully without throwing it all up, she spoke again.
“I don’t know what was going on with Nadia and Jackson, but it looked really shitty. I’m so sorry you had to see it. And as much as I hate to say this, maybe you should hear what he has to say. Blocking out Bray after what happened didn’t help things out at all. At least even if Jackson tells you he’s getting back with Nadia, you’ll be able to move on. Promise me you’ll talk with him.”
I frown but nod because she’s right. The last five months had been pure hell after what had happened with Bray. I couldn’t allow myself to easily slip back into a depression.
We tossed our trash into the bin and headed outside so I could get back to work. The restaurant we had eaten at was close to my work, so the walk back was a quick one.
When we finally made it back to my desk, I noticed that Jackson’s door was open and the light was off. He’d obviously gone home for the day.
Pulling me in for a hug, Pepper whispered, “You’re going to be okay. I’m going to go in there and deal with dipshit Jordan. I’ll see you at the apartment later. We’re getting shitfaced tonight, Miss Andi.”
I laughed as she pulled away and her eyes twinkled with relief. She was watching for signs of a relapse but I was stronger this time.
Sitting back down at my desk, I returned a few phone calls and caught up on some paperwork. Jackson never called or emailed or even showed back up. He was probably fucking Nadia right this moment. The rest of the day was torture as I counted down to quitting time.
Pepper had already stormed out of Jordan’s office hours ago, and Bray stayed buried in paperwork. Olive texted me to tell me she’d be out late working on another photo shoot on the other side of the city.
When five finally rolled around, I gathered my things quickly so I could leave. Then Bray stopped in front of my desk.
“Come on. I’ll make sure you get home okay.”
I looked up at him, seeing concern written all over his face. “Bray, I can manage. I’m fine, really.”
“It wasn’t a question, Andi. Come on. Let’s go.”
Shaking my head at his bossiness, I stood and walked out with him. The ride in the cab back to my apartment was a quiet one. Pepper wouldn’t be home from work until closer to six, so I let Bray in. He took a seat on the couch, looking around to take in everything that made this apartment our home.
“Want a drink, Bray?” I offered. He nodded, so I slipped into the kitchen and poured us each a glass of our favorite red wine. After today, I needed a drink. Chugging half of my glass, I quickly refilled it before heading back into the living room. He had moved across the room to look at some of the photographs I had taken.
“Andi, did you take these? They’re amazing,” he admired, sounding astonished. I felt a little embarrassed because they were more or less my secret little hobby that I used to get over him in the first place.
“Thanks. Here’s your wine.”
“So you want to talk about what happened today with Jackson?” he came right out and asked.
I chugged half my glass again before I spoke. “Not really, but I guess you’re going to make me anyway, huh? Do you and Pepper have ‘let’s help Andi’ talks? For as much as you guys hate each other, it sure seems like you both are on the same team.”
I walked back into the kitchen, this time grabbing the bottle and bringing it back to the living room with me. I plopped down in the middle of the couch and refilled my glass. Bray made his way back over, sitting beside me.
“Have you talked to him?” Bray questioned, sipping his wine.
I shook my head and quickly drank more wine hoping it would start to take affect soon.
“No. He hasn’t tried to contact me, which means he doesn’t want to. Clearly he wants to be with Nadia.” I blinked back tears because it fucking hurt.
Bray patted my knee but left his hand there. I didn’t make any moves to pull it away. Instead, I drained the rest of my glass and chuckled darkly as the numbness trickled through my body.
He took his hand from my leg and grabbed my glass, refilling it for me. His hand slipped back to my leg, but this time he placed it higher on my thigh.
Feeling his touch comforted me on some level. It wasn’t that he turned me on—it just made me feel better.
“You know, Andi, you’re going to be okay. Look how far you’ve come after what happened this past spring. This is just a blip compared to that.”
It didn’t feel like a blip. Jackson was more than just a blip to me. And just because I wasn’t allowing the darkness to take over my soul again, didn’t mean that it was any easier to handle.
When I sighed shakily, a tear slipped out and splashed on my thigh. Bray slid his thumb higher
up my thigh to wipe it away. The gentle yet intimate touch mixed with the alcohol sent confusing messages through my body.
I looked over at him and his own eyes burned with need. Not taking time to think about if this was a good idea or not, I flung my leg over him and straddled him in one swift move. I could feel his hard cock through the silk of my panties and the soft materials of his slacks.
Our lips crashed onto one another’s and I ground myself into him making him, making him moan from the contact. His hands jerked my skirt up my hips and slipped down into my panties, cupping my ass cheeks. We continued to kiss furiously. One of his hands moved around to the front and up under my camisole and jacket, finding my breast.
Gasping, I threw my head back out and shouted, “Jackson!”
Bray froze and pulled his lips away from my neck.
“Shit! I’m sorry Bray. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.” I started crying because this was wrong.
“Shh, Andi, it’s okay. I don’t feel right about this. We were kissing but you weren’t there with me. You’re still thinking about him because that’s where you would rather be. I’ve lost you forever, but I’m okay with that. You need to talk to him. I just want you to be happy.”
He removed his hand from underneath my shirt and the other from under my panties and used them to pull my skirt down some, even though I could still feel my ass sticking out. I leaned forward against his chest, burying my face, and sobbed. His hands wrapped around me and held me while I cried.
When the door opened, we both jerked our heads towards it. Jackson stood there with a shocked look on his face that was quickly masked by indifference. “Fucking unreal,” he muttered as he walked right back out, slamming the door behind him.
I was sure to him it had looked way worse than it truly was. “Shit, Brayden, this is so bad!” I screeched, scrambling off of him. I yanked my skirt down and ran out the front door after him, shoeless.
When I made it downstairs, he was storming his way to his car. “Jackson, wait! It wasn’t what it looked like,” I cried out after him. He shook his head and dropped into the car, shutting the door. The car drove away, leaving me there to sob, barefoot on the street.
“This is so messed up,” I told her as she stroked my hair. Brayden had left once Pepper arrived. They appeared to be tag-teaming me today. I had just finished telling her all the crap that happened and was letting her soothe me with my head in her lap.
“You’re right. It’s completely messed up, Andi, but this is life. You have to learn to deal with these situations. When he cools off, talk to him. He owes you an explanation for the same fucking thing this morning.”
I didn’t say anything. I knew she was right. He had been quick to get pissed for the same thing. We needed to talk.
“The one good thing about it all was that you and Bray were finally able to put the idea of a possible reunion away. I think you both know that won’t ever happen again.”
I smiled because it was true. We were better off as friends. Even though we had once had a good connection, the heat I felt when I was with Jackson overpowered anything I had ever had with Bray. Dr. Sweeney would be proud at least of the healing that had taken place between me and Bray. He always said that I needed to forgive him. Bray would always hold a special place in my heart, but we could never become romantically involved again.
“Yeah, he says it’s like kissing his sister now.” I laughed at our earlier conversation.
“Gross, has he kissed his sister before? Shit, it’s like he’s got something to compare it to,” she teased, trying to sound appalled. She knows he’s an only child which doesn’t make it any less funny.
We burst into giggles as Olive walked in. She took one look at us on the couch and ran over to sit with us, pulling my legs into her lap. These girls were like my sisters. They were always there when I needed them.
The next morning, I dressed with purpose. I was going to figure out a way to win Jackson back. He needed to see that Nadia was no good for him and that I was. We had something hot and meaningful together. I didn’t want to throw it all away because of misunderstandings. I hoped that was really all that had been with him and Nadia.
Instead of a suit, I opted for a tight sweater dress. It was low cut, showing off my ample cleavage. It was shorter than my skirts, but I paired it with some heeled knee-high boots, attempting to not make it appear so short. Today, I was leaving the panties at home.
I made sure to straighten my hair, making my blond locks seem impossibly longer. My makeup looked sexy and dramatic. Glancing at my reflection, I smiled. I looked hot, and Jackson was going to notice. He always did.
My appointment with Dr. Sweeney wasn’t until ten. That gave me some time to seduce Jackson.
Once I arrived, I strode right into his office, closing the door behind me. He looked up from his paperwork and his chocolate eyes darkened when he took in my appearance. Forcefully tearing his eyes away from me, he stared back down at his papers.
“Can I, uh, help you?” he stammered, hoarsely.
I sauntered over and around to his side of the desk and perched on the edge of it. His hands gripped both sides of his chair, knuckles turning white as he tried to refrain from touching me.
“Bray was comforting me. For a confused moment, I thought I wanted his touch, but it was only because I was trying to cover up the hurt you had caused me. I even called him Jackson.” He smirked at that statement. “How do you explain what was going on with you and Nadia?”
“Nadia came in here trying to talk me out of the divorce. She’s a money-hungry bitch. When she came in, she dropped her coat and threw herself at me. I was trying to push her away when you walked in. After you left, I completely bitched her out. I had to go after that because I needed to completely cool off before I talked to you.”
He no longer could control his hand, and it slipped up to rest on my knee just above my boot. When I shivered from his touch, his eyes flew to mine, searing them with the heat in his gaze. I licked my lips, and his grip on my knee tightened, bruising the flesh. The space between my legs moistened as I anticipated more from him.
“Andi, things are nothing but complicated for us. I don’t see how this could possibly work.”
I spread my legs a little, giving him a preview, and he groaned. The bulge in his slacks was proof that he wanted me.
Ignoring his words, I slipped off the desk and knelt before him. His eyes melted me with their heat. Quickly, I unfastened his pants and yanked them down to his ankles. Looking up at him with hooded eyes, I licked the top of his shaft. His eyes rolled back in his head.
“Shit, Andi.”
Taking those words as encouragement, I wrapped my mouth around his large girth and began bobbing up and down. His hands found their way to my hair and he gripped tightly. I dug my fingernails into his thighs as I took him deep in my throat.
He cursed and pushed my head farther down, almost gagging me. But I relaxed as he pumped his orgasm down my throat. Pulling away, I licked the remaining semen off of my lips and his dick that had been falling flaccid jerked back to life. He really couldn’t resist my lip licking.
He was looking down at me, his face unguarded and full of love. I beamed back at him, mirroring his face. His look quickly turned dark as he stood up, nearly knocking me over as he yanked his pants up and fastened them. “Get the fuck out of my office. Keep whoring around and you’ll get your ass fired.”
He was glaring down at me, and I suddenly felt like a fool. What was wrong with him? Tears rolled down my eyes as I awkwardly rose to my feet. His gaze softened for a split second but was fleetingly masked by one of hatred towards me.
Who was I kidding? This man harbored secrets that wouldn’t allow him to get close to anyone. He’d proven it time and time again. My heart was going to fucking hurt after this one but he wouldn’t break me. Been there. Done that. Not doing it again.
Straightening my skirt, I met his stare evenly. “You’re going to die a lonely old man if you keep le
tting your shriveled-up black heart control your destiny. This was your last chance. I am worth more than what you clearly think I am. Have fun finding a new assistant, because I quit. I would suggest you hire a man. I’ll send Jordan my formal resignation later this afternoon.”
Turning on my heels, I stalked out of his office and towards Dr. Sweeney’s.
“Andi, I’ve missed you. How are you doing?” Dr. Sweeney asked once I settled onto the sofa in his office.
“I’m fine. It’s been a hell of a week and you wouldn’t believe me even if I tried to explain it,” I sighed heavily.
“Try me,” he quipped.
“Okay, so I had one more rendezvous last weekend and met a guy that I really liked. When I walked into my new job on Monday, he turned out to be my new boss. We tried to keep the relationship going, but he is so hot and cold with his emotions that it was really a battle. If things weren’t awkward enough, Brayden started working there on Tuesday.”
Dr. Sweeney eyed me over his glasses in disbelief. Glancing back down, he started writing in his damn notebook. Well, hell.
“Anyway, our budding relationship had me feeling alive for the first time since breaking up with Bray. I felt something in my little broken heart that made me realize it was still alive and ticking in there. And just as easily as he helped pump life into it, he wounded it as well. We’ve been playing a game of ‘break it then fix it’ over and over again.”
He nodded at me, motioning for me to continue.
“We finally got to a good point in our relationship where he opened up some to me. Things were really looking up. That’s until his ex showed up. I walked in his office and saw her naked body pressed against him. He appeared to be kissing her back and I was hurt. When I came back from lunch, he was gone. He never tried to call me or anything, leaving me to believe he had chosen her over me.”
A tear slipped out even though I was angry over everything.
