99% Faking It

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99% Faking It Page 3

by Chris Cannon

Lisa and I didn’t have any classes together since she was Miss Overachiever and I didn’t see the point in working that hard. What had Trey meant with that soul mate line? Lisa had laughed. Must be an inside joke. When had they become so damn chummy?

  By lunch I was on a slow burn. When I went to sit down at our normal table with her, Nina, and West, the happy expression Lisa had worn this morning was gone.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Nothing.” She frowned and pulled a piece of string cheese apart, but didn’t bother eating it.

  “Uh-huh.” I opened my lunch and took a bite of my ham sandwich. Might as well eat while I waited for her to start talking. Eventually, she’d share. Another thing I’d learned from my sister: girls weren’t the type to suffer in silence.

  “Can you explain guy logic to me?” she asked.

  “Maybe.” I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “Depends on the guy.”

  “You heard Trey this morning. I thought he was flirting with me.”

  “What was that comment about?”

  “He heard me gripe about how much I hated Mondays. He joked we might be soul mates. We talked on the way into school.”

  Now I got it. “He probably was flirting with you this morning, but he might be the kind of guy who flirts with every pretty girl he meets.”

  Lisa tilted her head and looked at me funny. “You think I’m pretty?”

  Son of a…why did I say that? “You’re cute. You know that.” I took a drink of my soda like it was no big deal.

  “Okay…back to the topic at hand. This morning he went out of his way to talk to me. I’ve seen him twice since then and I didn’t even get that weird head nod of recognition you guys do. What does that mean?”

  How honest should I be? “Not trying to be a jerk, but the guy just moved here. He has options. He’s probably not looking for a steady girlfriend.”

  “Is any guy ever looking for a girlfriend?” Lisa asked. “Because most of the time, guys seem to resist the idea of dating one person.”

  “Maybe they resist it until they find the right person,” Nina said from my other side. “And once they find that person life is full of unicorns and rainbows. Right, West?”

  “Yes.” West nodded in an exaggerated way, clearly not meaning what he was saying. “That’s exactly how it works.”

  I laughed. Lisa didn’t. One of the things I liked about Lisa was that she didn’t fly off the handle like most girls I knew.

  “Listen. This Trey guy might like you. He might like everyone. Why focus on him?”

  She took a Twinkie out of her bag and broke it in half before taking a bite. “I don’t know. I liked the idea of starting fresh with someone. I can be whoever I want to be.”

  “You can do that without him,” I said.

  “How?” She gestured around the cafeteria. “I’ve been going to school with everyone here for years. They all have this idea of who I am.”

  “That annoying girl in class who knows all the answers?” I teased.

  She poked me in the ribs. “I am not annoying.”

  “Fine.” I grinned. “You’re not that annoying. You’re just a nerd-girl who knows almost all of the answers.”

  “Better than a guy who skates by making C’s when he’s smart enough to do better.”

  “I told you. I have a system. Make A’s for the first half of the semester and then stop studying so I can glide down into the C range.”

  “That is not a plan,” Lisa said. “It’s self-sabotage.”

  I pointed at her. “Not a therapist.”

  She pointed back at me. “Maybe I’ll become a therapist just like my mom to spite you. I’ll track you down after college and tell you all the things you’re compensating for.”

  I snorted.

  “Allow me to tell you your future,” Lisa continued. “You’ll graduate from high school and continue working with your dad in your family landscaping business. He’ll badger you into taking some business classes to help you learn how to run the company. You’ll be at your happiest when you’re outside planting things in the sunshine.”

  “Sounds about right,” I said. “Now I’m going to tell you your future. You’ll get some sort of degree and become a writer or a librarian. One day you’ll call me and ask me to landscape your house with books.”

  She laughed. “I’d never disrespect books like that. Although I did see this thing on Pinterest where they painted bricks to look like the spines of books and decorated someone’s garden with them.”

  “That could be kind of cool,” I said, and then I grinned. “Wait…that’s probably the opposite of cool.”

  “Nerd-girls rule.” Lisa sat up straighter. “And we’ll probably end up ruling the world.”

  “You probably will. It’s a good thing we’re on friendly terms.”

  After school I headed out to the parking lot with West and Nina.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Nina asked.

  “Sure.” I followed her to West’s car. “What’s up?”

  “Don’t mess with Lisa’s head.”

  What was she talking about? “You lost me.”

  “Seriously,” Nina said. “Pick a lane.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “You told her she was pretty. You don’t tell a girl that unless you like her.”

  I backed away from her. “You’re way off base.”

  “Or you’re delusional,” Nina shot back as I headed off to my ride.

  Yeah. Right. Like I wanted to date Lisa.

  Chapter Five

  Lisa

  After dinner, I helped my mom with the dishes while I mulled over what Matt had said.

  “What has you so quiet?” my mom asked.

  “Just trying to figure out how guys think.”

  She laughed and handed me the salad bowl to dry. “Not an easy problem to solve. What’s going on?”

  I told her about Trey, and Matt’s spin on the situation. “Any professional words of wisdom?”

  She handed me a plate. “I’d say live your life the way you want and eventually you’ll find someone who makes you happy.”

  “That is not solid advice.” I dried the plate and put it away in the cabinet above the coffeemaker.

  “Let’s look at the big picture. You don’t know much about Trey besides the fact that he’s cute, has cool hair, and occasionally he’s funny.” She passed me another plate. “Matt seems like a solid guy. No matter who you date, you should still live your life with your goals.”

  “Speaking of living your life and having goals, what’s the end goal for you and Tony?”

  She handed me the salad tongs. “For now, we’re happy with the way things are. We’ve talked about moving in together after you graduate.”

  “You know you don’t have to wait for me to graduate.” I liked Tony. He made my mom happy and he didn’t treat me like a little kid. He talked to me like a rational human being.

  “Tony and I both have our reasons for waiting. We’re happy with the status quo.”

  As I put the salad tongs away, I tried to figure out how to ask my next question. There was no subtle way to do it, so I jumped in with both feet. “Do you still believe in marriage?”

  She paused with her hands in the soapy water. “That’s a hard question to answer. I believe in it for other people and I want you to believe in it.”

  I leaned my hip against the counter. “After knowing what the sperm donor did, the idea of marriage seems like building a house on quicksand.”

  “There are a lot of successful relationships and happy marriages out there. Don’t let what happened to me keep you from following your heart.”

  “Right now I can’t even find a guy to date,” I said. “So you don’t have to worry about lifelong relationships.”

  My mom’s cell rang. She checked it, frowned, and then let it go to voicemail.

  I didn’t recognize the number on the screen. “Who was that?”

  “Some g
uy who keeps booking appointments and then canceling them. After the third time, I stopped taking his calls because he refused to pay the cancellation fee, and he felt the need to tell me how busy he was and how I needed to be more flexible. Someone will make a mint off that narcissistic jackass and they are welcome to it.”

  I laughed.

  “That was an unprofessional mom rant, so please don’t repeat it to anyone.”

  “No worries,” I said.

  There seemed to be two kinds of people that went to counselors: those who needed help recovering or getting through a rough patch and those who wanted the therapist to stroke their egos and tell them they were in the right and everyone else was wrong.

  I put away the last dish and my cell rang. It was Matt. My heart skipped a beat. Stop it. We’re just friends. That had become my mantra. “Hey, Matt. What’s up?”

  “I got roped into hanging out at Bixby’s with Charlie while he waits for Clarissa’s shift to end. Some kid is having her eighth birthday party and she’s dressed like Hermione.”

  “That’s so cute.”

  “Yeah, it’s a thrill a minute. Want to come meet us and save me from dying of boredom? I’ll throw in some cheese fries to make it worth the trip.”

  I’d finished my homework before dinner. “Sure. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

  When I hung up, my mom was smiling at me like she knew something I didn’t. “What?”

  “That boy likes you. He just hasn’t admitted it to himself.”

  He’d made it clear that he wasn’t interested. “Nope. He’s bored.”

  I brushed my teeth and checked my reflection in the mirror. My hair was working its way free from the braid I’d put in this morning so I twisted it up into a bun. Half my eyeliner was gone, so I washed my face and reapplied my normal pink gloss. It was Matt, so I didn’t need to go all out.

  When I pulled up to the restaurant, a retro fifties diner, I could see little kids whacking a Voldemort piñata with a broom. Someone had a cool mom.

  I found Matt and Charlie sitting at a booth as far away from the kid party as possible. “Afraid you’ll get smacked with the broom?” I asked as I slid onto the bench next to Matt.

  “They already took out half a dozen drinks.” Matt pointed at an area that must have been recently mopped. It sported those yellow safety signs warning people to be careful of the wet floors.

  Clarissa came over to our table. Charlie’s eyes lit up as she came closer. He must really be into her. What would it be like to have someone look at me like that…like they couldn’t wait to be near me?

  “Cheese fries and a soda?” Clarissa said to me.

  That was my normal order. “After seeing their ice-cream cake, I want a brownie sundae instead.”

  “My personal favorite,” Clarissa said. “Be back in a minute.”

  After my sundae arrived, Matt said, “I’ve never understood ice cream with cake. It makes the cake soggy.”

  “Not if you eat it fast enough.” I demonstrated by shoving a giant spoonful of ice cream-covered brownie into my mouth.

  He passed me a napkin. “Try smaller bites.”

  I wiped my face and the napkin came away with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. “Oops.”

  “I can’t take you anywhere,” he teased.

  Matt was smiling and his eyes were bright and he was close enough that I could feel the heat coming off his body. And a tiny voice in the back of my brain wondered why this couldn’t be real. He obviously liked spending time with me. If he wasn’t hung up on Jane, would something have happened between us? No sense going down that road because Jane was around and Matt was hooked on her and that was that. I didn’t want to be anyone’s second choice or consolation prize.

  One of the kids whacked the Voldemort piñata so hard it busted open and Tootsie Rolls in every flavor rained down.

  “That’s not Harry Potter candy,” I said. “It doesn’t go with the theme.”

  The kids scampered around grabbing the brightly colored candy from the floor.

  “They don’t seem to mind,” Matt said.

  “If you’re going to pick a theme,” I said, “you should commit.”

  “Okay, nerd-girl. If you’d planned the party, what would you have put in the piñata?”

  I set my spoon down. “I’m not sure you’re ready for this conversation, but here we go. There are Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. There are chocolate frogs, and fizzing whizbees, and—”

  “Stop.” Matt held his hands up in surrender. “I never should have questioned your Harry Potter knowledge.”

  “I am the queen of nerd-girl knowledge,” I said in a fake haughty voice.

  “That you are.” Matt grinned and my heart raced and I really needed it to stop doing that when I was around him because my brain knew better.

  Chapter Six

  Matt

  Lisa seemed so much happier now than she had been at school. I liked seeing her happy. If that Trey guy was who she wanted, then maybe I could help her. I had an idea that might solve both of our problems. It was a little out there. Would she go for it? Only one way to find out.

  I leaned in and spoke in a quiet voice so no one could overhear. “I wanted to talk to you about this whole dating thing.”

  She stopped chewing for a moment and stared at me. Then she swallowed and wiped off her mouth. “Go on.”

  “You want Trey. You know who I’m into. I’ve seen how girls flirt with West more since he has a girlfriend. You and I could pretend to date. I mean we hang out together all the time anyway. Maybe the people we’re interested in would take notice.”

  She sat back and squinted at me like I was insane. “You want to fake-date me? I find that mildly insulting.”

  “What? No. It’s not.”

  “How do you figure?” She sounded ticked off.

  “You’re the one who talked about the wedding ring effect and people wanting what they can’t have.”

  “When you put it that way, I’m not nearly as annoyed.” She ate a few more bites of brownie. “That could work. People always seem to want what they can’t have.”

  “Right.”

  “If we did this, and that’s a giant if, how would it work?”

  Good question. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I don’t know, oh Queen of nerd-dom. You’re the smart one. Use your big brain. What do you think we should do?”

  She took another bite of her sundae and seemed to consider it. “When you think about it, we pretty much look like a couple already. If you put your arm around my shoulders or if we hold hands in public, that would clue people in.”

  “Sounds good.” We’d need some ground rules, because I wouldn’t want this to backfire…for her to think this could really turn into something between us because that option was not on the table. “If neither of the people we want notice and nothing happens, we’ll stage a friendly breakup in a few weeks.”

  “What about Nina?” she asked. “I don’t want to lie to her.”

  “You also don’t want her accidentally blabbing about what we’re doing because then there’s no way it will work.”

  She stirred the ice cream around in her bowl. “I’m going to have to think about this.”

  “Whatever.” I sat back and took a drink of my soda. It’s not like I actually wanted to date Lisa. Was she hesitating because she used to be into me? Maybe I’d read that situation wrong. Maybe she’d never wanted to be more than friends.

  When it came to reading girls, I didn’t have a great track record. As soon as things became complicated, I bailed. Not to be a dick but I always thought when I found the right person the pieces would fall into place. When I finally found the right girl, being around her should be easy and comfortable. Relationships shouldn’t have to be so much work. My dad and my mom just clicked together. While my mom could be a little out-there sometimes, my dad always calmed her down. He was the calm to her storm. And now it’s like I was thinking song lyrics. What the hell is wrong with me?


  Lisa shoved her half-eaten brownie sundae away and wiped her hands on a napkin. “I should go.”

  And now things were weird. Damn it. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I reached for her hand. “I’m sorry. It was a stupid idea.”

  “I don’t know,” she said. “I never thought us dating was a terrible idea.”

  Wait. Did she mean real or fake dating?

  Her cheeks turned red. She cleared her throat. “I mean fake dating could work for a while. And if nothing comes of it after a few weeks we re-evaluate the situation.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Oh my gosh.” Clarissa came toward us, pointing at our intertwined hands. “Did Matt finally figure it out and ask you on a date?”

  Lisa froze for a second, like a deer in headlights. Like she wasn’t sure which way to run. She turned to me and raised her eyebrows. Like she would go along with whatever I said, so I dove in.

  “Yes. I finally did. But she hasn’t answered me yet.”

  Lisa tilted her head and studied me. “Are you sure you want to leave the friend zone?”

  I nodded.

  “Okay,” she said. “We’ll give it a try.”

  “Oh, that’s so exciting.” Clarissa slid into the bench seat next to Charlie. He was giving me the you’re-an-idiot look. Had he overheard our conversation? Probably. I never thought of keeping anything from him. I knew he’d never rat me out. Maybe it was a twin thing.

  “We still have a few things to figure out,” Lisa told her. “But I think this might work.”

  Clarissa smiled. “I don’t know what took him so long. Anyone can see you two belong together.”

  I snorted. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

  Lisa glared at me. “Do you want this to be the shortest relationship in history?”

  “Just joking,” I said, even though I kind of wasn’t.

  “He’s always been a little slow,” Charlie said.

  “I could point out that you needed Nina to get Clarissa’s phone number.” I toasted him with my drink.

  “Doesn’t matter.” Clarissa leaned into Charlie and he put his arm around her shoulders. “It’s kind of cute that he was too shy to ask me himself.”

 

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