“Thank you.” She took a sip of the hot tea and took her time settling the cup back on the saucer in her lap. She needed a moment to consider her answer. Was she smitten with Alex? She was most definitely attracted to the man. That much was evident the first day they met when she fell into his arms at the train station. Now their situation was much more complicated than she first anticipated. Attraction was one thing. Love was quite another.
“You didn't answer my question, Roxi.”
“I wasn't aware you asked a question. You declared I was smitten. That isn't a question.” Roxanne grinned at Regina's exasperation. “I'm only teasing you. I wanted to give your 'observation' serious thought and the answer is yes. I am smitten with the man. Quite smitten, in fact. And Grace is such a sweet little girl. She has had to endure so much for a child her age.”
“It would seem so. If her stories about her mother’s inattentive nature are to be believe, she has been a very lonely little girl indeed. And you are sure these stories are true and not just a child’s vivid imagination?” Regina asked, concern etched across her face.
“Yes, Alex confirmed them.”
Surprise widened Regina's eyes. “He did? He spoke to you about his dead wife?”
“Well, yes. I mean, he wasn't specific the way Grace was, but he as much as admitted that his wife was—shall we say—less than perfect.” Roxanne didn't wish to speak ill of the deceased woman. It made her feel uncomfortable as if she were betraying Alex's confidence. “Let's change the subject, shall we?”
“And what would you like to talk about instead?” Regina raised her eyebrows in question.
When Roxanne didn't answer, Regina suggested a different topic.
“Have you made any plans for when you return to Boston in the fall? According to your sister's last letter, her social calendar is nearly full already. Have you left any room on yours for that engagement announcement your parents are expecting?”
“I haven't given it much thought. I'm not sure I want to go back to Boston.”
“In the fall or at all?”
Roxanne sat her teacup on the table between them and leaned forward. “Regina, how do you know when you've met someone? I mean, how do you know you’ve met the one? Did you know right from the start with John?”
Regina leaned back in the winged back chair and pondered her question. “I think I was always infatuated with John. Even when we were younger. He was the handsome boy from the wrong side of town. And absolutely all my friends were smitten with him. But my father was a force to be reckoned with, so I think in the beginning, I pretended my feelings for John were just friendship. I was able to be close to him without risking the drama that always comes with my father’s machinations.”
Roxanne smiled at her cousin. “Regina, you didn't answer my question.” She turned her cousin's previous comment back to her.
Regina laughed out loud. “No, I suppose I didn’t, but I will now. Yes, my heart fell in love with John the day he saved me from the schoolyard bullies, but it took a little longer for my brain to catch up. If you will remember, even you and Marianne recognized the spark between us long before I was willing to admit to it.”
Roxanne smiled at the memories. “Well, it was a little bit hard to miss. There aren't many men who would buy a house for a woman and turn over the deed to her with absolutely no strings attached,” Roxanne pointed out.
“True,” Regina admitted. “Now, how about we talk about your feelings for Mr. Harp? You said from the very first day you met him at the train station, you felt a spark. Since you've gotten to know him better, has that spark grown into something stronger?”
Roxanne thought about the last few weeks living near Alex. The way her heart raced when he was near. The way her stomach flipped when his lips touched hers. The way her body pressed against his in hopes there would be more between them in the future. She wasn't promiscuous. On the contrary, she held herself well above the gossip of Boston, but out here—in the Wild West—she felt daring and free like she could do anything without fear of judgment.
“I can honestly say that the tiny spark of attraction I first felt when I fell into Alex’s arms at the train station has grown into something quite…incendiary.”
“Are you saying there's a future for you here in Durango?” Regina's eyes sparkled with interest.
“I'm saying there is a distinct possibility that my future is not in Boston.” Roxi looked at her cousin and grinned.
Alex spent the morning talking with Mr. Godfrey about the man’s proposition. He would lend Alex the money he needed for forty-nine percent ownership of the ranch. He pointed out that Alex would still have a controlling interest in the property, but Godfrey needed a substantial portion of the business in order to see a return on his investment. Alex agreed he would think about the man’s offer and shook hands promising to talk again later. But Alex knew there was no way he was going to give up half of his ranch. No way in hell. He’d just have to find another way to solve his money problems.
He returned to John and Regina’s home and picked up Roxanne and Grace as promised. They ate at the cafe, but as soon as the meal was over, he loaded them into the carriage and made a beeline for the ranch.
“Is something wrong, Alex? You seem troubled. Have I done something…said something…to upset you?” Roxanne's soft voice questioned his behavior. He didn't want to hurt her, but he needed to put some distance between them. At least until he could figure something out about his finances…and if there was the slightest possibility for a future together.
“No. Of course, you haven't done anything. I've just got a lot on my mind, that's all.”
She nodded her understanding, but he could still see the confusion on her face. They rode along in silence for another ten minutes when she spoke again. “How would you like me to prepare some fried chicken and fresh greens for supper? I could put together a picnic basket and we could all eat down by the river underneath the trees.”
Thoughts of Roxanne’s soft mouth beneath his kicked him down south. He hated the hopeful tone in her voice because he was just about to dash it. “No, I've got too much work to catch up on when we get home. You and Grace have the chicken. Jeremy and I will eat later. It’s been a long day riding into town and back.
“And, I’m sure Grace is exhausted from playing with the children at the school. By the way, thank you for taking her there and introducing her. I know she misses her friends and it helps to know she has other children to play with.”
He glanced over at her and offered a half-hearted smile. “You understand right?”
She nodded again, but it was clear by the confusion he saw on her face she didn't.
They rode in silence the rest of the way home. Grace slept between them, her head in Roxanne’s lap.
A half hour later, he pulled the carriage to a stop in front of the ranch house. “I will carry Grace inside.”
Again, Roxanne said nothing. Only nodded. He didn't want her to think he had changed his feelings altogether. On the contrary, he wanted nothing more than offer her a future, but until he knew what happened to his money, and if there was any chance to get it back, he had nothing to offer her but a satchel full of debt and a future with an unwanted wife always lurking in his past just waiting to spoil their happy ending.
Alex picked up his sleeping daughter and carried her into the house, to the master bedroom Roxanne occupied. “I'll just lay her here where she'll be near you until she wakes.” It was a lame excuse, but it was all he had. What he really wanted to do was pull the confused, almost tearful woman standing quietly beside him into his arms and kiss the hell out of her. But he valued his honor as much as his word. He couldn’t take things with her any further until he could see his way clear of this mess and he didn’t feel he could tell her the truth until he fixed everything.
He turned to leave. She reached out to stop him. He hesitated and waited for her to say what was on her mind.
“Alex, I sense a change in you. You’re
distant. Almost fearful. I asked you before if I had done something or said something that offended you, but perhaps I should have asked my question another way.” She came around to face him, her hands on his arms, and her sad eyes pleading with him to be honest with his answers.
“What do you mean? What other way could you ask me if something is wrong?” He wanted to pull her close and tell her what was in his heart. But guilt kept him from reaching out for her.
“Is there something I haven’t done that has made you doubt my feelings for you?” Her eyes dropped to the place where her hands touched his bare arms and then her fingers moved toward his shirt buttons. She unbuttoned the top one first, then one-by-one, she undid them until the waistband of his pants prevented her further access.
Alex's heart slammed against this ribs and his breath hung in expectation.
He placed his hands onRoxanne’s slender waist and forced himself to go no further. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to resist her, but he knew he could not allow her to do something she would later regret.
Roxanne took a step closer, her fingers moving from his waistband to touch his chest no longer hidden by his shirt. He watched the passion in her eyes as her fingers traced a trail of heat across his stomach and up his chest. Her touch sent a bolt of white-hot desire to his nether region and he knew he was close to the point of no return.
Alex had never wanted anything more in his life than to make love to her as if tonight was all that mattered. But he knew that wasn’t possible, because tomorrow would always be there to remind him of his broken promises. He had nothing he could offer this amazing woman until he could find a solution to his many problems, and he loved her too much to allow her to give herself to him when she didn’t know about Kate.
“Roxanne,“ he whispered as he gently pushed her away. “I...”
She stepped back and he saw her hurt in her eyes…her embarrassment on her cheeks. “I'm sorry. I thought... I mean, it seems that I have misunderstood our,,,situation.” She turned away from him and made a show of covering the still sleeping Grace with a blanket.
He wanted to take away the pain in her eyes. He wanted to offer her everything she wanted, but he couldn’t. At least, not right now with his future so uncertain.
“It is I who should apologize to you. I have never wanted any woman more than I want you right now. There is nothing I would cherish more than to strip away everything between us and spend the rest of the night exploring each other’s body beneath those sheets,” he said in earnest. His eyes never leaving hers.
Hope flared in her eyes.
“But I can't.” Alex saw her doubt return, so he hurried on with the only explanation he could give her now. “Not until I can make this ranch pay off. Not until I can support you... and Grace, and right now, I don’t know if I can do that. That isn’t the kind of future I want for you—for us. Do you understand what I am saying?”
Alex watched Roxanne’s emotions flicker across her face until finally she smiled. Tears pooling in her beautiful brown eyes.
“At last, I believe I do. You cannot promise me a future until you can be assured we will all have a home here on the ranch. Is that it?” The hope had returned, and he didn't have the heart to take it away again.
“That's part of it,” he offered by way of explanation, though he knew there was much more he should be explaining.
“Well, that is the part I can do something about.” She smiled at him, her whole heart lighting up her face. How on earth had he found someone as sweet and loving and—
“Did you hear what I said, Alex? I can help you turn this ranch into the kind of place most people only dream about. We can make it a reality.”
He smiled at her enthusiasm. She was a city girl. She had no idea what kind of work—or money—it would take to make this place the kind of showplace she was describing.
“I appreciate your eagerness, Roxanne, and you've already done more than”—he almost said his wife’s name—“most people would have done. You cook. You clean. You take care of my daughter,” he cast a loving glance to the little girl curled up in his bed. “I can’t ask for more than that.”
“You aren't asking, Alex. I'm offering. And I can give you the one thing you need most.”
His gaze dropped to her lips and weighed his conscious. “I can't take what you are offering, Roxanne. It wouldn't be gentlemanly of me.”
Her eyes darkened with passion. “I don't think we're talking about the same thing.”
“We aren't?” he whispered at her seduction.
Her luscious lips curled in a coquettish smile. “No, we’re not. I'm certain I know what you are talking about. And though I'm not convinced it would be ungentlemanly of you considering how I—we feel about each other, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”
She glanced at Grace still sleeping soundly. A soft snore assured them both she was not privy to their conversation.
He watched Roxanne lean into him. She looked up into his eyes and then kissed him on his lips. “I'm talking about giving you money, Alex. Lots of money. As much as you need.”
Chapter 11
Roxanne hadn't meant to tell Alex about her money. It just sort of…came out. What on earth had she been thinking? He hadn't even told her he loved her yet, much less asked her to marry him.
She had a fair amount of experience with the games men played when they wanted a woman. And she knew without a doubt that Alex wanted her. She could feel his blatant desire every time he kissed her. She could see it in his eyes, every time he looked at her with such passion. And she knew his emotions were real and not some ploy to get something from her. She felt so close to having the love she had only read about in books. And all she needed to do to make it happen was a to help Alex make his ranch successful because a successful ranch meant Alex could afford to propose. He had said as much to her.
Alex didn’t know about her money, not really. He had no idea how much she actually had. And past experiences had taught her that a man’s head could be turned at the mention of the almighty dollar, especially a lot of them.
She hadn’t told Alex how much money she cold give him. Let him think what he wanted, but she knew they had fallen for each other and money had never been mentioned. As far as Alex knew, she was a working class woman with limited means. She would rather keep it that way until he proposed because he couldn’t live one day without her.
Roxanne chastised herself. Old habits were hard to break and none of her objections matter because Alex had flatly refused her help. He had called her sweet and generous and said that although he did need money for his ranch, he wouldn’t take hers. And he was grateful for her willingness to help, but what kind of man would he be if he took the money she had worked so hard to save.
Part of her wanted to explain who she was and tell him she held the answers to all his problems in a bank account in Boston. A very large bank account. But, another part of her still hoped for the fairy tale ending where he couldn’t live without her... and that was before he learned about her money.
If she looked closely at her feelings, she realized she sounded jaded. After all, hadn’t he refused to take her money? But if he knew she was wealthy—very wealthy—and not a working class woman who scrimped and saved her pennies, would he still refuse? That was part of the reason she hesitated to tell him everything. She had seen too many men tempted by the lure of wealth. The other part was because he had yet to say he loved her. And until he did, she would keep her secret.
She heard his footsteps on the porch outside. She turned to see him enter the kitchen and gave him a welcoming smile. He smiled back. “I'm expecting a very important telegram from New Orleans today. Would you like to ride into town with me?”
“I would like that very much,” she answered, but remained standing in front of the sink, waiting for him to make the next move.
She pulled her gaze away from his and studied the dishrag in her hand. She couldn’t bear for him to see her raw emotions.
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“Roxanne. Please look at me.” His voice pulled her gaze back to his. She watched him hesitate, his blue eyes silently pleading with her to listen. “You are so special, Roxanne. To me and my daughter. I hope you understand my refusal of your very sweet offer last night had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my situation. If I wasn’t a man of honor, I would have taken you then and there. But I couldn’t do that without knowing I can keep my promises to you.”
Roxanne’s pulse raced at the emotion in his words. Go on, she silently begged.
“I don’t want your body”—he stopped short and Roxanne’s heart stopped too—”without your heart. Can you understand that?”
Relief relaxed the tension in her body. She nodded. “Yes, I do understand and I respect your honesty. You are truly an honorable man.”
He looked away and she realized she had embarrassed him. She hurried on so he would know how she felt. “But know this, Alex. I'm not a silly debutante with stars in my eyes. I see the real world and I know what it takes to make a marriage work.” Roxanne paused for a heartbeat, then looked him straight in the eye and added, “I'm up for the challenge. Whenever you are.”
Her pulse raced at the smile he gave her. He let out a long breath before he spoke. “I have no doubt about that, Roxanne. I have not a single doubt about that at all.”
She smiled back at him. “Now about that ride into town. I’ll go get our little Grace ready.”
Go get our little Grace ready. She realized what she had said halfway up the stairs. They were almost a family. All she needed was for Alex to tell her that he loved her.
Half an hour later, Roxanne sat next to Alex in the carriage with Grace between them. As she looked out over the stunning colors of the rugged Colorado terrain, she realized it had been a while since she’d written to Mari.
Her sister would be delighted to hear all the wonderful things Roxi had discovered since she arrived in Colorado. And wouldn’t her sister be curious about her adventures on a ranch? Roxanne grinned to herself as she pictured Mari pouring over her letter trying to read between the lines.
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