by R T Green
Her head lowered. ‘It was unexpected, believe me. As was the truth.’ She reached out a hand to Zana, she took it and smiled. Please don’t...
I took another shaky sip of the water. I had to use both hands, one wasn’t coping. ‘What truth?’
‘I have now apologised to Zana, for not believing her at first. Given the circumstances, it was hard for me to do so. I am afraid I used a certain degree of persuasion, so I could be sure she was telling the truth. And so, Madeline, you can thank me for saving your life.’
‘What?’
‘When we apprehended Zana in the trees behind your father’s house, she was on her way to kill you.’
‘Kill me?’
And then finally, Zana spoke. A cold, monotone of a voice, coming from hard, emotionless lips. ‘Yes, kill you, Madeline. For making me commit murder, persuading me that killing my own people was justified. For that you deserved to die.’
I was about to scream at her, hurl devastated, heartbroken abuse at the smiling alien sitting there like butter wouldn’t melt. Something stopped me, I don’t know what. I couldn’t speak, but I guess the sheer hatred in my eyes spoke a thousand words.
It was Tiri who spoke actual words. ‘Zana still wishes to kill you, but I have persuaded her to let you live. Something else for which you can thank me later.’
‘Oh, I see. And why are you so keen for me to live, Tiri? Have I not already outlived my usefulness?’
She looked down at her hands. ‘I find you... desirable. You are precious to me.’
‘Oh yeah, of course. I’m suitable.’
‘Please, I should not have used that word. It does not adequately describe my feelings.’
‘Your feelings? What about mine, Tiri? Have you any idea how I feel right now?’
My anger was building again, my body getting over the debilitating shocks. I could feel the last remnants of the old me beginning to fire up again, the desire to inflict pain on those who most deserved it trying to control me. But then I discovered Tiri hadn’t quite finished with the earth-shattering revelations, and once more I was turned to stone.
‘I perhaps understand more than you know, Madeline. When loved ones and family members betray you, it is heartbreaking. But then, it is joyous when they return to the fold.’
‘I... I don’t understand...’
‘Zana is my sister, Madeline.’
Chapter 110
There were no more tears to cry. I was a sunken wreck of numbness, lying on the seabed, watching the sharks circling menacingly.
Right then, for all I cared, they could have me for their lunch.
I don’t know how long I lay on that bunk, a crumpled heap of defeated, useless body parts. Any ability to move seemed to have been ripped away, along with my spirit.
When Tiri had dropped her final bombshell on the bridge, it had been the last straw. I’d tried to vent my anger at her, but the power of movement had deserted me. My desperate lunge turned into a pathetic stagger, and Zana had moved fast, grabbed me and pinned my arms behind my back.
She’d thrown me back into my kennel, shoved me roughly inside without a word. Just a cold stare of nothingness.
My Zana... the woman I’d loved with all my newly-discovered heart. The woman who’d loved me.
The woman who had now really and truly gone from me.
And of all the horrific things I’d had to endure in the last few days, that was the one that finally broke me.
Slowly, the feeling came back. Agonising, excruciating feeling, like I’d been hit by a forty-ton truck. I dragged myself to the edge of the bunk, flopped legs that wouldn’t stop shaking onto the floor. Then I could go no further, sat with limp hands gripping the lip of the mattress, my head bowed to my chest.
I forced myself to stand, leaning against the wall while I reminded my legs what they were supposed to be for. I managed to stagger into the shower, but the effort was too much. As the sonic light flooded over me I crumpled to the floor, laying flat with my knees up to my chin, the curled up ball of an unborn child.
The warmth of the light soothed me as I lay there, restored my body to a semblance of normality. I lifted myself to my knees, sat on my legs and allowed the light to pulse into my face. For an age I stayed there, no thoughts, no emotions, a head devoid of life. But then something told me I was overheating, forced reality to puncture the nothingness.
My legs were my legs again. I left the shower, stood with my hands on the basin gazing at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were dull, vacant, my hair matted and tangled. I looked like shit.
What did it matter anyway?
I dressed quickly in the red gown. My mistress wasn’t going to find me naked, if and when she came. She’d pillaged everything else; she wasn’t going to have my nakedness ever again.
I tried the door, of course it wouldn’t open. Maybe the best thing right then. Tiri and Zana between them had taken away my soul, but somehow I still had the desire to inflict pain.
In my personal version of Cinderella, the ugly sisters had come out on top. Except they were far from ugly, either of them. Just evil.
A little later the door hissed aside, and Tiri was there. My body froze. The blood began to thump in my ears. Part of me wanted to leap at her, claw her to death. The other part wanted to cower in the corner with a protective arm across my face.
They cancelled each other out. I just stood there like a statue.
She looked awful. Worse than me, if that was possible. She stood in the doorway, wary of the me she might find. Don’t worry Tiri, I appear to be immobile. Again. Hesitantly she walked towards me, trying to raise a smile but finding only a pained, remorseful shadow of one.
‘Can you forgive me, Madeline?’ Her voice was dry, meek.
Oh, I had a voice too. Stronger than hers, somehow. ‘This is beyond forgiveness, Tiri.’
Her eyes misted up. ‘Please do not say that. I can understand how painful this must be for you. I am truly sorry.’ She did look like she meant it.
She glanced at the state of my hair. ‘Please, will you turn round? I would like to brush your hair, make you feel better.’
It’ll take a lot more than that, Tiri. A lot more than you’ll ever have.
She’d got my hairbrush in her hand. And I had no spirit left. I turned around, felt the brush begin to slip through my hair.
Softly, gently she brushed it, stopping the instant she found a knot, delicately holding the hair above it so she didn’t tug too hard. No one had brushed my hair like that for more than thirty years, not even Zana. It felt nice, like she cared.
Almost like she loved me.
Gently she turned me round, a warm smile on her lips as she carried on sorting my hair with us face to face. Her gentle touch soothed my anger, dulled the ache in what was left of my soul.
Then she was done, ran slow fingers through my hair, captivated by its softness. ‘You have such beautiful hair,’ she whispered, kissing me delicately on the forehead. ‘I will leave you now, I am sure you need time to yourself. Someone will bring you food, but other than that, you will not be disturbed again today.’
She stood in the doorway, looked at me like she really cared. ‘And please, try not to think too ill of me. Or of Zana. I will take care of you now.’
I curled up into a ball on the bunk. Alone in my kennel with no one but my inner self to talk to, my emotions rekindled themselves, and then ran wild. It wasn’t a nice experience.
Tiri’s Christmas gift was the worst present ever, given the conditions written on the label. But no matter how long I lived, I could never take it back and exchange it for something else.
Thoughtless gifts were one thing... this one would scar me for the rest of my life. However long that was.
The rage inside me began to subside. I forced myself to think logically, take the emotion out of my situation. But like a sick game of pass-the-parcel, logical thinking was wrapped in layers of barbed wire, which sliced into me and cut my soul to ribbons each time I t
ried to remove one.
My eyes were tightly closed, but finally I could see all too clearly the jigsaw puzzle laid out on the table in front of me. The last tiny piece had slotted into place, and the completed picture dazzled me with its clarity... like the precision beam of a laser cutter, effortlessly slicing through the last remnants of my spirit; like the final card in a one-sided game of poker my opponent had played to perfection.
Oh Zana... you loved me, I know. And I realise what you did because of our love brought you intolerable pain. They were your people, regardless of their intentions. I can understand your hurt, your regret.
But you, Tiri... the motivations behind your actions are as clear as ice now.
Your sister fell in love, something you never believed possible. And so deeply, it led her to take drastic action. You were the queen of Calandura, you wanted for nothing. Except the one thing your little sister had.
But no matter how much you desire it, you are incapable of understanding or experiencing true love. And that must be driving you insane, because deep down you know what someone else had will never be yours.
Yes, Tiri. It is a human expression, but it could have been written just for you.
Jealousy has green eyes.
Chapter 111
Sleep came, finally. Fitful, disturbed, full of jumbled images I did not want, but which refused to leave me alone. The door to my quarters kept hissing open, sounding like a venomous snake, bringing with it horrific images I knew were fantasy, but seemed so real.
But in the end, sheer emotional exhaustion batted them away, and I drifted off into something resembling decent sleep.
When the door slid aside for real, for a few seconds I told myself the vivid dreams were back. I opened my eyes, but once again I wasn’t sure if I was looking into a fantasy. She walked quickly to my bunk, put a hand across my mouth. And suddenly I knew it was reality.
‘Lisa...’ I mumbled, her hand over my face making it a muffled whisper. Oh shit... here comes the next nightmare, for real.
She put her face close to mine, said quietly. ‘I’m not here to harm you.’
I nodded ferociously, my eyes wide open, an uncertain kind of fear making my heart pound. She took her hand away. ‘Lisa, what the hell? Where have you been?’
‘LaTiri kept us apart. She thought I might harm you.’
‘Do you want to?’
She lowered her head. ‘I... I did. But not now. You were the one who killed my brother and sisters.’
‘Lisa... they were trying to kill me.’
She wiped away a tear. ‘I know. But it was still hard for me.’
‘If there had been any other way...’
She nodded. ‘It is done, in the past. But then you came here, and took my place.’
I wrapped my hand around hers. ‘You know I didn’t have a choice about that. I’ve been playing along, trying to stay alive. Tell me you believe that?’
‘Yes. I know what she’s like.’
‘Believe me, so do I.’
She gave a little smile, I glanced at my watch. ‘Lisa, it’s one in the morning. What are you doing here?’
‘Helping you escape.’
‘What?’
‘Please, we must be quiet. If she knows I am here, she’ll... it won’t be so good for me.’
Wide awake then, I still seemed to be struggling with the fact this wasn’t a dream. ‘Why are you doing this?’
She hesitated. ‘Because... because of what we shared. What you showed me it was possible to feel...’
‘Oh, Lisa...’ I pulled her into me, felt her body trembling against mine. ‘Tell me, what will happen to you when I am gone?’
‘Perhaps... she will favour me once again.’
I could feel the tears coming. Was that really all she had to look forward to in life? ‘You know Tiri can never feel love, don’t you? She will always dominate you.’
‘Yes, I do. But it is my destiny, Madeline.’
Oh my god, she was breaking my heart. ‘It doesn’t have to be. Come with me, Lisa. I will look after you.’
She shook her head. ‘I cannot. You must save yourself. Your destiny does not lie here.’
She wasn’t going to change her mind, that I could see. No matter what I said. I slipped the dress back on, ran the brush through my hair. ‘How is this going to work, without her knowing it was you?’
‘You must listen carefully, Madeline. In a moment I will leave you, but will not lock the door. LaTiri won’t know it was me. It will seem like when Peroni brought your food earlier, she forgot to seal the lock. You must wait at least half an hour, and then if all seems quiet, go to the airlock by the bridge. Open the outside door, it is not so noisy. But do not drop the steps, because they are loud, and may wake someone. You will have to jump... it is a little way down, I am afraid.’
‘I’m a big girl.’ I tried to smile, think I failed dismally.
‘You will see a track on the far side of the clearing. It is not much of one, but it leads to the road. Once you are out of the rainforest your journey will be easier, but it will be a long one on foot.’
‘How can I thank you, Lisa?’
‘Just be sure you get to safety, and stay hidden. The day after tomorrow we are leaving, and once we do, you will be safe.’
‘Tiri said you were leaving. Where are you going, do you know?’
‘I am not sure. I think back to London, perhaps.’
Ok, that’s worrying. There had to be a reason, but clearly Lisa would not be a party to that. She took my hand, pressed a silver disc into it. ‘I must go now. Zana asked me to give this to you...’
‘Zana... does she know about this?’
She looked reluctant to answer. ‘Lisa..?’
‘It was her idea. She asked me to come to you. Please, there is a message on it. When you are able, place it next to a computer or phone. She has enabled it to respond to your Bluetooth connection, so your device will find it. Then you can listen to it.’
Now my head was spinning once more. Yet another twist in this insanely-twitching tail? ‘Tell me what’s going on, please?’
She was walking to the door. ‘I have already said too much. I must go.’
She wasn’t going to say any more. And she was scared, from the look in her eyes. I couldn’t blame her, she was risking her life coming to me. It was time to say goodbye.
‘Please, let me hold you, once more?’
She fell into my arms, kissed me softly as the tears welled up in her eyes. I had to tell her, tell her what she’d meant. ‘You know it was real, you and me. No pretence?’
‘For me too,’ she whispered.
And she was gone.
I slumped onto the bunk, trying to clear my head yet again. Zana, helping me escape, but not wanting to see me? What was that all about? The disc in my hand would give me the answer, I knew. But first I had to make it home in one piece.
That was hardly a given.
And dear, sweet Lisa, who’s siblings died at my hands, risking her life to make sure I escaped. Her tear-filled eyes were all I could see; the sadness and acceptance of her destiny spearing pain into my heart.
She refused to come with me, there was nothing more I could do for her. But her selfless, poignant act of kindness had confirmed something I was already close to believing.
You do not have the ability to understand love, Tiri. But some of your subjects, even the loyal ones, certainly do.
Chapter 112
The half-hour was up. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to relieve the tightening in my chest. My mouth was like the Sahara desert, so I gulped down a bathtub of water.
That’s what it felt like anyway.
It was time. I picked up Zana’s disc. There was nowhere to put it, the summer dress without a single pocket, and no bag. I would just have to hold it. And guard it with my life.
I listened by the door, could hear no sounds of life. It hissed open at my press of the button, sounded like thunder. In the walkway I hesitated
, listened again. Nothing. The shuttle was in darkness, just the faint glow of a couple of dim night-lights to illuminate the way forward. I swallowed hard, spooked already. Pull yourself together.
I couldn’t help it, I paused outside Tiri’s palace door. Not a sound. I hope you’re sleeping soundly, my ex-mistress. I really do.
My feet made no sound as I crept to the airlock door. Bare feet don’t make a lot of noise. I grimaced; when they’d grabbed me I’d been in bed, and no one had furnished me with any footwear while I’d been here.
The walk home was going to be a painful one.
The airlock door slid aside. Again I stood motionless, listening. A full minute, and still nothing. Now I had to move fast. Once I closed that door and sealed myself in the airlock, there would be no way to tell if anyone in the ship had heard it shut.
Time to make a run for freedom. The inner door hissed shut. The moment it sealed, I pressed the hatch open button. It lifted upwards, and warm fresh air filled my lungs.
Shit. The ground must have been ten feet below me. Don’t drop the steps. I crouched down, took a leap of faith. I hit the ground, rolled over to break the fall. Army training has its uses.
Guess it had been a while. Searing pain, in my right ankle. No time to worry about that. I ran, looking frantically for the gap in the trees that would tell me where the track was. I could see it, hobbled into the rainforest a few metres, stopped and looked back.
I could see nothing of course, the shuttle was cloaked, invisible to the naked eye. But I knew if someone came after me, when the hatch lifted I would see a square of the inside of the airlock.
Run. No, wait. Watch, just for a minute. Half of me wanted to bolt like a frightened rabbit, the other half knew if I waited a moment, I would at least know if someone had heard me, and would be close behind. With the pain coming from my rapidly-swelling ankle, that would be useful knowledge.
While I stood there torn in two, I assessed the situation. It wasn’t good. Rain was hammering down, the forest dark and forbidding. No such thing as a moon to light my way. The track was little more than a path, less than three feet wide from what I could see.
