Gavin let go and Logan spread his arms wide.
“Ash. It’s about fucking time.”
“Yeah, no shit.” I hugged him and he slapped me on the back a few times.
Evan still towered over the rest of us. His hands were grease-stained, like a mechanic’s, and he had tattoos I didn’t remember. “Good to see you, man.”
“You too.”
I hugged it out with Evan. Levi hung back a foot or two, eying me with uncertainty, like he wasn’t sure what to think. He looked older, like his twin, and he filled out his Tilikum Fire Department shirt in a way he hadn’t before.
Seven years was a long time.
Finally, Levi hugged me too. “Good to have you back.”
“Thanks.”
“You weren’t fucking with us,” Logan said. “They’re really letting you go?”
“I told you it wasn’t a prank,” Levi said.
My brow furrowed. “You thought I’d call home and say I was being released early as a prank?”
Logan shrugged. “Maybe prison gave you a really dark sense of humor.”
Gavin snickered and smacked Logan’s arm. “You have to admit, it would have been a good one.”
“You guys are fucked in the head,” Levi said.
“This place freaks me the fuck out.” Logan cast a glance at the prison complex. “Are you clear? Can we get out of here?”
“Yeah, I’m free to go.”
“Is this all your stuff?” Evan set the envelope and box in the back of the SUV.
“That’s it. I had a few changes of clothes, but I don’t want them. And I think I’ll burn these.” I plucked at the old t-shirt and black sweats I wore. We’d been allowed street clothes if we had them—the prison issued clothes to those who didn’t—but I never wanted to wear this shit again.
“Awesome. I’m always down for a little fire,” Gavin said. “And by ‘a little fire,’ I mean a big one.”
“Which is ironic, considering you’re trying to convince Chief Stanley to hire you on,” Levi said.
“Yeah, and I’m a fire expert. I’m perfect for the job.”
“Come on,” Evan grumbled. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
“Shotgun,” Gavin said.
Levi glared at him. “No.”
“I called it.”
“Let Asher sit up front.”
“Oh yeah, good point.” Gavin bowed and gestured toward the still-open passenger’s side door. “After you, big brother.”
“It’s good to see you’ve matured in seven years,” I said.
He just grinned at me.
What I didn’t say was how hard it was to reconcile this man with the kid I remembered. The last time I’d seen him, he’d been a skinny teenager with hair flopping in his eyes. He’d filled out and grown up. I barely recognized him.
We all piled in the car. Seemed like it was Levi’s SUV; he took the driver’s seat. Gavin protested at being made to sit in the third row by himself, but Evan growled at him and he shut up.
Some things hadn’t changed.
Levi pulled out of the parking lot, pausing at a gate. It lifted and we drove right through. And just like that, I was on the highway, the correctional facility disappearing in the side mirror.
I was heading home.
“So, can we ask about the elephant in the vehicle, so to speak?” Logan asked.
I looked over my shoulder and pointed to the taped-up gash on my forehead. “Do you mean this?”
“Actually, I was going to say that most of your face isn’t broken, but yeah, we can talk about that if you really want to.”
“It’s nothing. Turned out to be a going-away present.”
Levi glanced at my knuckles but didn’t say anything. I appreciated that.
“Why did all four of you drive out here?” I wanted to change the subject before they asked more questions about my face. “I figured Gram would only send one of you.”
“Are you kidding?” Gavin asked. “Asher Bailey gets out of prison and you didn’t think we’d all be there for that? Also, we were fighting over who got to be the one to pick you up, and Gram said if we didn’t all get in the car and get moving, she’d turn her peckers loose on us.”
I glanced back. “Her what?”
“Gram got chickens,” Levi said. “And for reasons none of us can fathom, she calls them her peckers.”
The corner of my mouth lifted in what could have almost been called a smile. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done that. “Sounds like something Gram would say.”
“So are you going to tell us what happened, or do we have to guess?” Logan asked. “We thought you had another year.”
I blew out a breath. It was hard to think; I felt like I was in shock. It reminded me of the first few days after my arrest, when I’d been held at the county sheriff’s office. Everything had seemed like a nightmare unfolding before my eyes. Today had a similar dream-like quality.
“The governor intervened and granted clemency,” I said.
“Since when do you know the governor?” Logan asked.
“I don’t. Apparently the same guy assaulted the governor’s niece about six months before…” I trailed off. They knew what I was talking about. “I don’t know any details, but I don’t think she ever went to the police. Somehow, they found out what happened, and about me. The letter said that given the circumstances of my case, time served was adequate, and I was to be released immediately.”
“Holy shit,” Logan said.
“Too bad he didn’t do that seven years ago,” Levi muttered.
“I don’t think he was the governor then,” Evan said.
“Can we focus on the positive here?” Logan said. “Asher’s out. We’re taking his ass home.”
Home. The truth of that was hitting me hard. Even though I was driving down the highway toward our little town in the Cascades, it was hard to believe.
I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t prepared.
Fuck.
How was I going to deal with this? I had almost no idea what life had been like back home for the last seven years. Some inmates lived for contact with the outside—visits, letters, updates. Not me. I’d quickly realized that there was only one way I was going to survive my prison term: I had to stay hard. Stay cold. Stay strong.
I’d lost literally everything good in my life—everything worth living for. Reminders of home sliced me open, like I was walking on broken glass. If I’d spent every day bleeding, I would have been ripped to shreds.
So I’d limited contact with the outside world. I’d known I’d pay a price for it later, but the longer I spent there, the harder my resolve had grown. Because I wasn’t just protecting myself—doing what I had to do to survive. I was protecting them. I didn’t want them to see who I’d become.
I didn’t want them to have to know.
But now I was racing down the highway toward home with no time to prepare. No time to get used to the idea of living in the world again.
A world that had changed in ways I couldn’t possibly know. Couldn’t be ready for.
An odd sense of panic rose in my chest and I clenched my fists. I had no routine. No schedule. No one restricting my movements. I also wouldn’t have to worry about three assholes jumping me out of nowhere and trying to beat me senseless, so that would be an improvement. But this was all happening so fast. It felt like I might suffocate.
“You okay, man?” Levi asked.
“Yeah. It’s just a lot to take in. It’s been a long time.”
I paused for a moment, looking out the window. The real elephant in the vehicle wasn’t my busted face. It was the seven-year chasm that separated me from these guys. I’d had minimal contact with Gram during my prison term, but no one else. Not even them.
“Look, I know you guys haven’t heard from me since I got locked up.”
“Don’t sweat it, man, we get it,” Logan said.
“You do?”
“I was pretty pissed at first when G
ram told us we couldn’t go see you. But I’ll never forget what she said. Do you guys remember that?”
Levi nodded. “She said sometimes when a man goes to war, he has to make himself forget the people he leaves behind. It’s the only way he can become the warrior he needs to be to survive.”
Damn. Gram always seemed to have a way of getting straight to the heart of things.
“Yeah. That’s exactly it.”
“The good news is, you can put down your weapons,” Logan said. “War’s over.”
I looked down at my battered hands. Put down your weapons. I wasn’t sure if I remembered how.
“Did anyone get a hold of Grace yet?” Gavin asked.
I whipped around and practically snarled at him. “Don’t.”
“What?”
“Don’t fucking talk about her. Don’t even say her name.”
Gavin’s eyes widened and he lifted his hands, palms out. “Sorry.”
I didn’t miss the look Evan and Logan shared, but I ignored them.
Of all the things I wasn’t ready for, hearing about her was the biggest. I’d have to face the truth eventually, but not today. Any day but today. I was already a loose cannon, and just the sound of her name was enough to make me lose my shit.
I couldn’t. Not yet.
I’d lost my freedom, my career aspirations, my time, even my dignity. But none of that compared to the pain of losing her. Not even close.
I’d loved her with everything I had, and I’d never get that back.
In those brief moments each morning when I’d allowed myself to think about home, I’d cautiously let my thoughts drift to her. I’d wondered what she was doing. Who she was with and where she lived. What she’d done with her life since I’d been gone. And I’d silently begged God or the universe or whoever might be listening to make sure she was okay—that she was happy and safe.
But I wasn’t ready to find out what her life looked like. I wanted happiness for her more than anything, but I couldn’t deal with the pain of hearing about it. I needed time to prepare. Time to brace myself for the grief.
3
Grace
Fresh mountain air blew through my hair as we hugged the hairpin turns in Cara’s blue convertible. The weather was gorgeous—sun shining, not a cloud in the sky. We were heading home from a day at a spa. After a delicious brunch, followed by a massage and a facial, I was happy and relaxed.
“Thank you again,” I said, glancing at her. “This was great.”
Cara’s red hair whipped around her face and she smiled, flashing her perfect teeth. “My pleasure.”
I’d met Cara when I’d gone back to school at Tilikum College, after Asher had been sent away. We’d both been transfers, and neither of us had fit in with the other students. Although we’d only been in our early twenties, life had knocked us both around enough that we were a little more worldly than everyone else. A little less fresh-faced and naïve.
Being engaged to a man in prison tended to do that to a girl.
I adjusted my sunglasses. “I didn’t realize how much I needed the break. And the massage.”
“Good. Maybe this will teach you to let me spoil you more often.”
I rolled my eyes at her. Cara came from old Hollywood money, and as far as I could tell, she had a nearly endless supply of it. One of her favorite hobbies was trying to spend it on me. I was pretty sure she did it mostly to annoy me.
“I appreciate the spoiling. This time. But don’t get any ideas.”
“No, my brilliant magical unicorn, now I know your weakness. But next time, we’ll spend a weekend at a spa in Napa. Or maybe Paris.”
“Stop. You’re not taking me to a spa in Paris.”
“You underestimate my stubbornness.”
“And you underestimate mine.”
She glanced at me again. “No, I’m well-versed in your brand of obstinacy.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
The highway curved and she took the exit toward Tilikum. Sometimes I wondered why she’d stayed in our funny little town. She’d grown up in L.A., among wealthy people and celebrities. Going to fancy brunches and exclusive clubs. I knew she’d moved here to go to college as an act of rebellion, choosing a small school in a small town in the middle of nowhere to piss off her mother. And it had worked. Her mother had been furious. But for some reason, Cara had never left.
For that, I was unceasingly grateful.
“So do you want to go out tonight?” she asked.
“Sure. What do you have in mind?”
“I don’t know, as long as it involves dressing slutty and not going home alone.”
“Yeah, well, have fun with that.”
She stuck out her lower lip in a pout. “Come on, Grace. I haven’t had sex in like, forever. I could really use some good dick.”
“That’s fine. We can go out, and you can dress slutty, and get some good dick.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“You think you’re relaxed now? You’d be amazed at what some good dick can do for you.”
We slowed as we pulled into town and I smoothed my hair down. “I’ll pass, but thanks.”
She groaned. “At least dress slutty with me. I’ll work on getting you laid at some point, but obviously I’m not holding my breath.”
“Yeah, don’t.”
“Why are you so stubborn about this?”
“You know why.”
She hit the brakes and stopped in the middle of the road—no stop sign, no cross street. There wasn’t anyone behind us, but still.
“What are you doing?” I looked over my shoulder. “Can you maybe pull over?”
She shifted so she was facing me and pulled her sunglasses down her nose to peer over the top of them. “Take it off. Just for tonight.”
“Take what off?”
Her eyes moved deliberately to my hand. “That.”
My mouth dropped open and for a second, I didn’t know what to say. I was used to her teasing me about my lack of sex life; she did it all the time. But take off my ring? “Are you serious right now? No, I’m not taking off my ring.”
“Boo, you know I love you more than anything in the entire world, but how long are you going to let this go on?”
“Let what go on? I’m engaged.”
“Does he remember that?”
I looked away. “You know this is complicated.”
She was quiet for a beat, then reached over to cover my hand with hers. “I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s complicated. If you don’t want to take it off, you should keep it on.”
“I know you don’t really understand.” My voice was quiet. “I don’t expect you to get it. You never knew him. You were never around us before.”
“I want to understand. You’re my girl, and if you want something, I will make it my mission in life to get it for you. It’s just… you haven’t heard from him in so long.”
“I know.”
Cara was right, and it wasn’t just me. Asher had cut himself off from everyone. He refused visitors, and other than occasional brief messages to Gram to let her know he was alive, contact with him was rare.
I hadn’t seen or heard from him in seven years.
“Look, I realize wearing this ring makes me look stupid, or crazy, or both.” I held up my hand. I wore several rings on different fingers, but I changed those like I changed my outfits. I never took off Asher’s ring. “But I don’t care what anyone else thinks. It’s nobody’s business. Asher asked me to marry him and the fact that he went to prison—for saving me, in case you forgot that part—doesn’t mean it’s over.”
“I have not forgotten the fact that he saved you, and you can bet I’m going to give him a big kiss on the lips for it when I finally meet him.”
A car pulled up behind us and honked. Cara twisted around and glared at him.
“Oh my god, Cara, get out of the street.”
She let her foot off the br
ake and started moving again. “It’s not like there’s traffic in this town. He could have gone around me. And I don’t think you’re stupid, or crazy. Okay, maybe a little bit crazy. But who isn’t, really.”
“Then why are you suggesting that I take my ring off and dress slutty with you tonight? Where is this coming from?”
“Because the closer it gets to his release date, the more I wonder if you’re setting yourself up for some pretty big disappointment. And by disappointment, I mean soul-crushing heartbreak.”
I crossed my arms.
“Grace, it’s not an unfounded concern. The last time you saw him, he broke up with you.”
“Why did I ever tell you that?”
“Because I got you drunk.”
I rolled my eyes. “Damn you.”
“I’m just worried about you. You have this whole thing built up in your mind, and what if he gets out and you realize he meant it?”
“Do you think I haven’t considered that? I think about it all the time. But Cara, I know him. I know us. When he gets out, it’s going to be hard. Really hard. He won’t be the same, and I’m not either. But he and I…”
“You’re soulmates? Meant to be? Predestined? Star-crossed lovers?”
“Not that last one, I hope. Isn’t that Romeo and Juliet? They both die.”
“True, but it can also refer to lovers for whom the stars aren’t aligning. That’s definitely you.”
“Isn’t that the truth.”
She hung a left at the post office and slowed so we could wave at Harvey Johnston. His beard was gray and scraggly, and he wore dusty work clothes. His disheveled appearance and befuddled demeanor often led people to believe he was homeless. But he lived in a cabin outside town and seemed to take care of himself well enough. He was just odd.
I liked him. “Hey, Harvey.”
With a wide grin, he waved back.
“Look, Asher loves his family,” I continued. “He’s not doing this to be an asshole or because he doesn’t care. He’s doing it to survive. That’s the only reason he’d cut everyone off like this. Even Gram said so. He wouldn’t do it unless he felt like he had no other choice.”
“And that’s why he said he had to break up with you. He felt he had no choice.”
Fighting for Us: A Small Town Family Romance (The Bailey Brothers Book 2) Page 2
