“Sorry,” I said, my voice rough. “I fucking hate that.”
“It’s fine.” She kept stroking the back of my head. It felt good. “No rush.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, focusing on her touch. Her nearness. She was so good to me. I loved her so much, and I hated that she had to help me like this. That I couldn’t just be normal—get out of the car and walk into the house. I knew there was nothing to fear, and yet this irrational part of me insisted there was. I could practically feel the skin on my knuckles splitting from a fight I wasn’t going to have.
When I thought I felt calm enough, I opened my eyes. “I’m good. We can go in.”
“Are you sure? It’s totally fine if you need a few more minutes.”
“No, I don’t want to make it weird.”
“Trust me, Asher. Everybody has issues of one kind or another. They’re all well aware of that. You won’t make it weird.”
I took her hand and brought it to my lips. Kissed the backs of her fingers. “Thank you.”
She smiled. “You’re welcome. Let’s do this.”
Was I ready? I had no idea. I’d just have to grit my teeth and handle it—do it for Grace.
Elijah poked his head out the open door and lifted his hand in a wave. Naomi and Jack had come by earlier and let him stay. Grace and I would take him home when we left.
“Hey, Eli,” Grace said. “Is everybody here?”
“Yep. Everybody. I mean, really everybody.”
Seeing Elijah look so calm and happy did a lot to ease the tension in my chest. He even smiled a little.
A man who had to be one of Grace’s brothers—the resemblance between him and Elijah was unmistakable—poked his head out the door. His eyes landed on Grace and a wide smile crossed his features. Opening his mouth, he started to speak—until he looked at me. Then his jaw dropped and he stepped out onto the porch, his eyes widening. He wore a double baby carrier with two babies, one strapped to each hip. One was asleep with his head against the guy’s shoulder and the other played idly with a baby toy hanging from the guy’s neck.
“Holy shit. Gracie, you said he was coming and I don’t think I really believed you, but you weren’t making shit up. Damn it, I’m trying not to swear in front of my kids. Eli, you’re supposed to poke me when I do that.”
Elijah grinned and stabbed him in the ribs with a finger.
“Ow. Thanks buddy.” He took a breath. “Sorry, I’m just a little bit in awe right now. Because I’m guessing this is the infamous Asher Bailey and oh my god we’ve been waiting so long to meet you. Jesus, this is really happening.”
He darted back inside—he moved fast for a guy carrying two babies—and I could hear the semi-muffled sound of him calling people’s names.
Grace slipped her hand in mine as we walked up the porch steps. “Don’t mind him. That’s just Cooper. He gets really excited about… everything.”
Elijah smiled. “He’s really fun.”
“Chase, where the hell, I mean heck are you? Gracie’s here with the prison guy!”
“Oh god,” Grace said, putting a hand to her forehead. “Asher, I’m sorry.”
Strangely, hearing Grace’s half-brother shouting Gracie’s here with the prison guy made me feel better.
“It’s okay, you get used to them,” Elijah said. “Cooper freaked me out when I first met him, too, but he’s actually really nice.”
“Thanks, bud.”
Grace tugged on my hand and I followed her inside.
The entryway opened to a great room with a living area and a long dining table next to the entrance to the kitchen. Food was spread out on the table, and several people sat in chairs and on a long bench. Others occupied the couch, armchairs, or the floor.
It was a lot of people. And every single one of them stopped what they were doing to look at me.
“Hey, everybody,” Grace said. “Um… so, this is Asher.”
I felt like I was on stage and the curtain had just opened—and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I lifted my hand. “Hi.”
A woman stood from her place at the table and rushed forward to greet us. She hugged Grace, then offered me a hug too. “Asher, it’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m Shannon.”
“Nice to meet you too.”
“I’d do introductions all at once, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. But… this is our family.” She gestured to the room full of people. “Chase and Brynn are in one of the bedrooms with Lily. I’m sure they’ll be out soon.”
I’d studied Grace’s photos of her family so I’d be familiar with who they were. Shannon was her father’s ex-wife, and the mother of her half-brothers and -sister. She was now married to Ben, a rugged looking older guy with a lot of gray in his beard. He gave me a polite nod from his spot at the table.
Grace’s siblings were all here, too. We spent some time making the rounds and saying hello. I was introduced to her oldest brother Roland, who held a little girl in his arms. His wife, Zoe, was on the floor playing with their son, a boy of about four. Cooper’s wife, Amelia, offered us dessert several times before apologizing for being overly excited.
Her brother Leo and his wife sat on the couch with two young kids who seemed to want to do nothing but crawl all over their dad. The little girl smushed her face against his beard while he tried to talk and their younger child, a boy, kept trying to climb him like a jungle gym. His wife Hannah had to do most of the talking for the both of them, but Leo didn’t seem to mind.
Cooper wandered around with his two babies—identical twin boys, I was told—snacking on cookies and picking up dropped threads of conversation every time he got close, as if we’d never stopped talking in the first place. He got particularly excited about my tattoos. I showed him my forearm and moved my t-shirt sleeve so he could see my shoulder. He reached for my shirt, like he was about to lift it to see the ink on my chest, but Amelia jumped in and stopped him.
“What?” Cooper asked, then looked down at his two—now sleeping—babies. “I’d show you mine, but I can’t exactly while I’m wearing my boys.”
Amelia kissed the top of one of her babies’ heads and rubbed Cooper’s earlobe. “Next time, maybe.”
Another couple came down the stairs—Chase and Brynn, Grace’s half-sister and her husband. Chase held a newborn baby wrapped in a pink blanket against his chest.
I heard Grace’s sharp intake of breath and she squeezed my hand.
Brynn smiled when she saw Grace. I let go of Grace’s hand so she could go hug her sister.
Ben quietly offered me a seat at the table and a beer, both of which I took gratefully. He gave me another nod, as if to say he understood. Thankfully, I didn’t feel panicked anymore, but it was hard not to be a little overwhelmed.
Kids ran around, laughing and playing with toys. A dog named Scout, who I later learned belonged to Brynn and Chase, seemed to appear out of nowhere to play with the kids. Dads bounced babies while they drank beers or glasses of wine. Moms congregated on the couch and chairs with wine and snacks. Elijah played with the other kids. Shannon sat next to me and struck up a conversation while Ben gently rested a hand on her shoulder.
Grace chatted with her family, looking toward me often, raising her eyebrows with a clear message. Are you still okay? I gave her a nod each time.
And I was, for the most part. This side of her family was big and noisy, but I could see why she loved them so much. And they clearly loved her, and Elijah. Given the circumstances—Naomi had been the other woman, and Grace and Elijah their father’s illegitimate children—it said a lot for the kind of people they were that they’d welcomed Grace and Elijah into their family.
They loved Grace. That was enough for me.
Grace sat on the couch and Chase gently placed his sleeping newborn in her arms. Suddenly, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The look on her face as she gazed at the tiny baby did very strange things to me.
The erection was probably the most surprising. Watching her cradle a
baby made me hard for her in a way I’d never experienced before. It was like tapping into a primal urge, so deep it was only semi-conscious. It made me want to get her home as fast as possible so I could fuck her. Repeatedly.
God. This whole scene was messing with my head. Was watching Grace hold a newborn baby giving me the urge to get her pregnant?
It made no sense, but that was what the most caveman part of me wanted.
But another part of my brain was having a very different response.
She looked absolutely beautiful with that baby in her arms. Like she’d been made for it.
Because she had.
And as I watched her older brothers and brother-in-law expertly caring for their small children, a profound sense of doubt settled in my gut.
I didn’t know if I was cut out for this.
Grace wanted a family. I’d known that already, but watching her hold her new niece brought that into sharp focus. Before I’d gone to prison, having kids with her had been a foregone conclusion. I’d wanted it as much as she had.
But now? Did I have any business being someone’s father?
And what did it mean for me and Grace if I didn’t?
I tried not to let that somber realization ruin the afternoon. I talked to her family, had another beer, ate some food. I answered questions honestly, although most everyone was polite and didn’t ask me anything too intrusive. No one pushed about wedding plans or where she and I stood on getting married, and for that I was grateful. The only mildly inappropriate comments came from Cooper, but the guy was pretty likable, so I didn’t mind. Eventually, I even lifted my shirt so he could inspect the rest of my ink.
He showed me his, too, once he’d been relieved of his babies by Amelia. He had a brightly colored unicorn across his ribs, and after knowing him for less than two hours, it didn’t surprise me in the least.
No one else in the family appeared to be anywhere close to leaving, but Grace seemed to sense I was starting to get antsy. I liked these people, and I loved them for loving my girl. But it had been a lot to take in. After she cuddled the baby for a while, and spent some time playing with her other nieces and nephews, she said we needed to go.
Saying goodbye to everyone took a solid half-hour. I’d hugged more people today than I had in the last month combined. But eventually, we made it out the door.
“I’m sorry if that was crazy overwhelming,” Grace said when we got in the car. “I hope I didn’t make you stay too long.”
“No, they were all really great.”
She glanced at me and smiled. “Everyone loved you.”
Elijah finally made it out and he climbed in the back seat.
“Have a good visit?” Grace asked, looking at him in the rear-view mirror.
“Yep.”
It was only a one-word answer, but his tone was light. He’d had a good day, and that made me appreciate this side of their family even more.
“Awesome,” Grace said. “Let’s get home.”
We left the winery and drove out to the highway. I watched the scenery go by, a chaotic mix of emotions running through me. Grace and I had been having a good summer. Being with her was such a relief, it was easy to imagine this going on forever. I wanted to kick myself for pushing her away so hard when I’d first come home. If I’d handled things differently, I could have spared us both a lot of pain.
But days like today made me wonder if I was kidding myself. Because I wasn’t like her brothers. Calm and assured, men who’d obviously been ready for fatherhood. I wasn’t ready. Not even close.
Would I ever be? For every good day—where I felt steady—I had two where I was on edge and panicky. Grace seemed so confident that I’d be fine, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that was wishful thinking. If it was what she wanted to believe, rather than what was true.
I wanted to believe it too, but I didn’t share her confidence. And I didn’t know what it would mean for us if she was wrong.
Dear Asher
Dear Asher,
Your brothers just pulled off one of the best pranks in the history of Tilikum. I know, that’s a huge claim. But I’m not kidding. It was epic.
A few months ago, we heard that the Havens were planning a big family reunion here in town. Obviously that was too much temptation for the Bailey boys to resist. They were determined to prank the whole family, although I had no idea how they were going to pull that off. The Havens were going to be ready for them. Can you imagine if there was a Bailey family reunion? Your brothers would be on high alert the whole time. So I didn’t think they’d be able to orchestrate a good prank without getting caught.
I underestimated them.
The Havens had reserved space in Lumberjack Park, and for most of the day, your brothers just went about their business. The twins got off their shifts and went home. Evan came into town and went to the store. Gavin hung out at my shop for a while, flirting with my baristas. They knew they were being watched—the Havens were taking turns making sure the Baileys were all accounted for. So they acted like it was a normal Saturday.
I don’t know if the Havens were lulled into a false sense of security or what, but the boys struck later that night.
The sun went down and the party in the park was still going strong. Somehow, Gavin crept in among the entire Haven family and put red dye in all the drinks. They had punch bowls and lemonade and bottles of wine and beer. Gavin got to almost all of it.
It wasn’t just dye. It was a special formula—a tasteless, edible, and very persistent stain.
It’s possible I had something to do with that part. But if anyone asks, I’ll never admit it.
What did this stain do, you might ask? Almost every Haven at the big Haven family reunion looked like they’d been feasting on the blood of their enemies.
For a week.
Yep, it took a solid week for their mouths, lips, and teeth to start to look normal again. I kid you not, everyone who had a dyed drink looked like a vampire who’d never been taught manners. It was like that powdered drink mix we used to get when we were kids—the kind that stained your upper lip—only so much worse.
Because it was dark, none of them realized how bad it was during the reunion. If they noticed people’s mouths turning blood-red, they obviously didn’t think much of it. Everyone kept happily drinking their Bailey specials.
The Haven brothers are pissed. I saw Josiah and Zachary downtown and they glared at me so hard it probably gave them a headache. Of course, I probably deserved it. I asked them why their teeth were so red. They weren’t amused.
I still can’t believe the boys pulled that off. On the surface, it might not seem like the prank of the year, but think about what went into it. I know how much work went into making that dye (you really can learn anything on YouTube, by the way), and even then, none of us expected it to work so well. Or be so bright red.
The real question is, how did Gavin get in and out without getting caught? I swear, he’s secretly a ninja. I thought for sure he was going down.
I’m still amazed it worked, but it’s been good for a laugh. And let’s face it, we need a good laugh these days.
I miss you,
Grace
33
Grace
I drove home from Salishan feeling warm and squishy inside. I’d looked forward to introducing Asher to that side of my family for such a long time.
Even though he’d started out edgy, he’d relaxed as the afternoon had turned to evening. He’d handled everything without a hitch—from the introductions, to all my nieces and nephews, to my brother Cooper. Of course we had a long way to go before he felt comfortable enough to consider them family the way I did. But we’d get there.
And god, I could still smell baby Lily on my shirt. I’d always liked babies, but holding her today had felt different. My ovaries positively ached.
Maybe Cara had been right. I was getting baby fever.
Asher was quiet, but I didn’t press him to talk. Even after we dropped Eli
jah at my mom’s house, I let the silence linger. He didn’t seem on edge, just contemplative—staring out the window as we drove. I was curious to hear his thoughts, but I didn’t want to force it, especially if he needed time to decompress.
Dusk was falling and the light was dim when I turned onto my street. Something was outside my house, partially in the yard. Something large.
And where was Asher’s truck? It had been parked in the driveway.
“What the hell?”
I stopped and Asher flew out of the car. I turned off the engine and followed, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.
He stood in front of a huge rectangular block of crushed metal. It was half in the yard, half on the asphalt, like it had been unceremoniously dumped there.
“What is that? And where’s your truck?”
Asher didn’t answer. He circled the metal block and picked something up off the street. A license plate.
“Those pieces of shit,” he growled.
A sick feeling spread through my stomach. The block looked like the remnants of a car—or truck—that had been crushed at a junkyard. And Asher’s truck—Grandad’s truck—was gone.
Oh god. They couldn’t have.
He pulled out his phone and called someone—probably one of his brothers. “We have a fucking problem.”
I did a slow lap around the block of metal, not really listening to what he was saying, although I was vaguely aware of him ending one call and making another. The Baileys and Havens had pulled some crazy pranks on each other over the years, but this? They never destroyed each other’s property. Would they really have done something so awful? So personal? Everyone in town knew this had been Grandad Bailey’s truck, even them.
Asher pocketed his phone. The veins in his forearms and neck popped out and his jaw was set in a hard line. But it wasn’t the tension in his body or the way he stalked to my car, like a predator going on the attack, that scared me. It was his eyes.
He turned and fixed me in a cold glare, sending a shiver down my spine. “Keys.”
Fighting for Us: A Small Town Family Romance (The Bailey Brothers Book 2) Page 26
