by Knox, Abby
“I’m taking you home, Hildie Mae,” Merle says, reaching a hand toward my shoulder.
But before he can touch me, Shep has his wrist in a vise grip. “Do not. Touch her,” he says.
It’s the first time I’ve heard deep, red-hot anger come from Shep. It’s the first time I understand how far he would go to protect me. That is the sound of a man who would fight someone to the death.
Despite his wrist being crushed into oblivion, Uncle Merle spits out, “I see I wasn’t wrong. It didn’t take long for you to whore yourself out. Is this your pimp?”
“I suggest you leave and don’t come back. Jane is done with you.”
Shep lets go of Uncle Merle’s wrist.
“How much are you charging for her, son?”
At the sound of the word “son,” I think Shep might flatten Uncle Merle with one flick of his wrist.
The sound that comes out of his mouth is quiet, steady, calm but lethal. “The only person who calls me son is ten times the man you are. So you best leave before I call him over here to whoop your stupid, racist ass. I have a business to run, but he’s retired and doesn’t give a shit what people think. Make your choice. Son.”
Uncle Merle doesn’t say anything for a few moments, but we’ve definitely attracted the attention of the other customers. Some people are filming it on their phones, because of course they are.
Uncle Merle takes out his phone. “I’m calling the family. You don’t want the cousins getting involved, young man.”
Somebody in the room is muttering, “Coffee Shop Carl is calling the police to complain about somebody making coffee while black.”
Some people are chuckling, but I need to defuse this situation.
I put a hand on Shep’s arm. “Shep.”
His eyes snaps to me. When he sees my gaze, he comes back to himself.
“Let me go with him. I want to talk to my fiancé.”
Shep is incredulous. “Your…what now?”
“It was an arrangement. Not my choice. I never made it to the altar. I ran away, that’s why he’s here. But I want to go back and talk to the man. To get some closure. I’ll be back, I promise.”
Shep crosses his arms in front of his chest. Uncle Merle is yapping on the phone with someone.
“No. No. No. No way,” Shep is saying.
“Shep.”
“No fucking way you’re going back there.”
“I have to.”
“I’ll go with you then,” he says.
“You have a business to run,” I protest.
“Jesus, just go!”
I whirl around and I see Tamira gesturing at us. “The two of you go, I can handle it. Geez. Just get your drama out of here, you’re scaring the customers.”
Chapter Sixteen
Shep
At the compound, it’s just as Jane has described it.
Only way creepier.
I feel like I’m going into the belly of the beast.
But I’m not scared.
I’m pissed that my Jane had to grow up like this.
I have noticed this tall concrete wall in the middle of the woods just outside of the city limits. I must have driven by it a hundred times between my house and Pops’s house up on the hill, but I always assumed it was some kind of secretive manufacturing plant or something.
I never imagined what I’m seeing now: about a dozen small, shabby cottages laid out a circle. A long, concrete structure on one side of the circle, and a large greenhouse on the other side.
“Past the greenhouse is the farm. The dining hall and kitchen open up to the field, so everybody can cook what we harvest right away.”
“Makes sense,” I say. But what the hell am I saying? None of this makes sense. Women are approaching us, talking enthusiastically to Jane, as if they’re welcoming her back home. They’re all sporting very long hair like Jane, but long, modest dresses and work boots. Nobody is wearing makeup. Like the women, the men all look like they’re wearing homemade clothes.
We walk down a path that runs by the cottages toward a long concrete structure.
“That long building is where we worship and have school,” she says.
As we walk, I noticed Uncle Merle is walking behind us and a gang of pasty farm boys are walking in front of us and behind us. One of those guys patted me down as we entered the compound. I don’t like this one bit.
“You’re speaking in present tense, Jane,” I say.
She mutters to me, “One thing at a time, Shep. Let me get us out of here in one piece.”
“Yeah, but I have questions,” I hiss at her.
“All of which I will answer tonight, when we go home.”
We continue on the path through the woods and come to another clearing, where there is another set of cottages. Jane walks up to one of them and I follow. She knocks on the door.
“Hanley?”
OK, her fiancé—former fiancé, that is—is Hanley. Got it. Definitely the name of a soft, pudgy farm boy I can knock down if I need to.
The door opens and there stands a tall, muscular, attractive blond man about Jane’s age. If I’m honest, he looks like the perfect, matching other half of Jane. If they stood side by side, they would look like a white people’s wedding cake topper.
“Hildie Mae,” he says, looking at her with angry eyes but also a side of fear.
“Can we talk?”
“Not unless you’ve come back to apologize for leaving me at the altar and humiliating me,” he says.
She folds her arms in front of herself. “I’m sorry for humiliating you. Now can we talk?”
“Are you going to marry me?”
“You don’t love me, Hanley. You never did. Do you really want to be married to someone you don’t love?”
He sighs and then steps aside and holds the door open. “Come on in, let’s talk.”
Uncle Merle and the other strange dudes move ahead of me like they’re going to join in on this conversation. I step up to block the entrance, but to my surprise, Jane has got this.
She puts up her hands. “Look. This is none of your business. We are two grown-ass adults and we are going to hash this out. And…my boyfriend is coming with me.”
“You will be shunned for this, Hildie Mae,” says Uncle Merle. “Fraternizing with someone…not of our kind.”
She laughs. “Oh, I’m shunned anyway.” She waves her hands around like she’s suddenly breaking into a sermon, projecting her voice for all who will listen. “Listen to this, everyone! I’m a big-time masturbator! And you know what? You all lied to me. My hands did not burst into flames, nor did I go temporarily blind and see visions of my eternity spent in hell. If you haven’t tried it, you should! It is fantastic! Can I get an Amen?”
My stomach is churning at the fucked-up-edness of all of this.
“Oh dear god. I have an idea. Let’s go inside, Jane,” I say, gently pushing her into Hanley’s cottage and shutting the door on all the shocked and appalled faces.
Once behind closed doors, Hanley doesn’t seem the least bit angry anymore, but he does appear to be scared.
He offers us both tea and we accept, sitting down at his kitchen table.
“Jane, what you saw the other night, I know it gave you a scare. But you have to help me out here. If the elders find out, I’ll be banished Maybe worse.”
Jane sips her tea and cocks her head.
“Hanley. If anything, I’m the one who’s gonna be shunned. And I’m fine with that. As you can see, I’ve moved on. All I know is I saw you in bed with another woman. I was so shocked because…well, I’d never seen anything like that before. I was hurt. Destroyed. Confused. Traumatized. The next thing I know, it’s morning and I’m on the street.”
I have to interrupt.
“Wait a minute. Hold up. She saw you cheating on her? Two days before the wedding?”
Jane turns to me and explains the whole thing.
“I was so nervous about the wedding night that I snuck off into the ba
throom while everyone was asleep. I saw myself in the mirror and I realized for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. So beautiful I wanted to touch myself. Is that conceited?”
“No, girl. You own that shit,” I say, looking her up and down like the queen she is.
“So I did. And it felt so good. So good that I thought, what if what my elders have been telling me my whole life is wrong? What if sex really isn’t a sin? So I decided to break the rules. I snuck over to Hanley’s cottage to surprise him. I thought, maybe seeing me in a negligee would finally make him fall in love with me.
“But when I got inside, I saw him in bed with someone else. And that’s the whole story.”
“Babe, I’m so sorry this happened to you,” I say. I want to take her in my arms and at the same time I want to punch Hanley right in the face. I also kind of want to shake his hand, in a weird way, for indirectly sending Jane into my life.
“You’re a real piece of work, Hanley.”
Hanley sits forward in his chair, puts his elbows on his knees and rubs his face.
“That’s not the whole story,” he says.
“Well, that’s all I remember!” Jane says.
“That may be true, but what you didn’t see was who I was in bed with.”
Jane puts a hand up. “Hanley, I don’t want to know. I don’t want the gossip causing another member to be shunned.”
“It was Bryce,” Hanley says.
Jane looks confused for a moment, and then the realization crosses her face. “Bryce? Reverend Bryce?”
Hanley is still sitting forward, nodding his head, the meaty part of his hands pressing into his eye sockets.
“But that means…”
“Yes, Jane. I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”
“But Reverend Bryce?” She looks shocked.
He puts up his hands. “I know, I know. It’s bad.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t even know what’s good or bad anymore. But it’s impossible because Reverend Bryce is a eunuch.”
“Nope,” Hanley says. “We’re in love. And I’ve seen for myself, he’s got all his parts.”
“What are you going to do, Hanley?”
“I don’t know. I was kind of hoping we could carry on and you would marry me and I could keep seeing Bryce?”
Jane scoffs, “Excuse me? What’s in it for me?”
I can’t stand any more of this and I stand up. “Boy, you think my girl is going to stay here and be your beard, after what you did to her? I don’t think so. Stand up.”
Both Jane and Hanley look at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Why?” he asks me.
“I don’t know, I feel like hitting something.”
Once again, Jane puts her hand on my arm. “Shep. It’s OK. You know I’m coming home with you.”
She calms me with one look. I don’t know how she does that.
Then she turns to Hanley. “Hanley. It’s time to grow up. You’re a man in love, and you’re going to have to decide what to do. Now, I’m not going to tell a soul about you and Reverend Bryce. But it’s time to put on your big boy pants and think for yourself. I wish you’d just told me from the beginning, then we could have avoided this whole mess.”
“You’re right,” he says. “Wow, Hildie Mae. You’re away for one day and you come back with a boyfriend and a mouth full of sass. It’s like you’re a whole new person.”
She slips her arm around me and her warm little body fits perfectly next to mine. She looks up at me and says, “I really am. Now let’s go to the women’s quarters and help me find my phone and my handbag so I can get the fuck out of here for good.”
Chapter Seventeen
Jane
Shep’s house is a tall, narrow, two-story brownstone in the historic district.
It feels like home even before I go inside.
“Sesame Street,” I say.
“Excuse me?” Shepherd asks with a smile in his voice.
“I remember Sesame Street. We didn’t watch much TV, but I was allowed to watch Sesame Street once in a while as a kid. Your house reminds me of it.”
It really does. It’s charming and historic outside, with arched windows and wide stone front steps.
Just looking up at the front of this building makes me feel cozy. Wrapped. I choose to hang on to this feeling. It’s the end of a taut but sturdy thread. I have a lot to work on, mentally. Emotionally. I don’t know what’s on the other end of this thread, but I know, somehow, that I can trust it.
The inside of Shep’s house is a mix of old and new. The front door opens onto an inviting and warm hallway with an oak staircase and an old-fashioned oriental run. There are Art Deco tiles in the entryway and loads of plants absorbing the south-facing light that streams in through the street-side windows.
I feel so at home already, I plop my handbag and phone in the handwoven basket under the antique butler table.
I walk over and run my hands along the smooth surface and look up in the vintage Deco mirror on the wall.
This is the first time that I’ve looked in a mirror since I found myself on the park bench Friday morning.
Shep slides up behind me and brushes my hair out of my eyes.
“I almost forgot what I look like,” I say. His hands feel so good in my hair, and it’s distracting me from what I need to say.
“Shep, I’m scared,” I say.
He’s about to kiss the back of my neck, but he stops halfway and makes eye contact with me in the mirror.
“Scared of what?”
“I’m scared that now that you know the real me, now that you know I’m not Jane, but I’m some strange, backwoods girl named Hildie Mae, you’ll change your mind about me.”
Shep takes my shoulders and spins me around. He cups my face and locks onto my eyes with fire. “You’re not that girl anymore. You’re under no-damn-body’s thumb. You’re Jane. And you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful and brave. You have a wide open, kind, fierce nature that spills out of you like sunshine, and I want drink in every drop of it.”
“Shep. Stop.”
“No, I won’t stop. You’re going to listen to me even if it hurts. You were supposed to find Hanley in bed with someone else. Don’t you think it’s better you found them when you did, instead of after the wedding? What would you have done then? And don’t you think Hanley and Bryce are better off too? Imagine if someone else had walked in on them? Their secret is safe with you, isn’t it?”
I reply with a yes but my voice is cracking.
“Are you going to judge them for being in love?”
I shake my head no.
“If anything, I love you more now that I know what you came from.”
I have to squeeze my eyes to keep the tears from showing. “I came from a pretty weird place.”
Shep is so close now I can feel his breath on my lips as he says, “Don’t we all, Sweet Jane.”
Chapter Eighteen
Shep
My hands have found their favorite spot on her hips. Our lips come together to seal the moment. It’s all out in the open and I’m not going anywhere, and neither is she.
Jane curves her body forward to meet mine. Her breasts are now in contact with my ribcage.
The tightness in the crotch of my trousers tells me my rod approves.
I claim her mouth with mine just to drive home the point: you’re mine now. You belong here. Your real story begins now.
There’s nothing left to hold us back. No wedding rings, no insecurities. No wondering if I’m blurring the lines between right and wrong. No fiancés. Best of all, no Pops hovering around to keep me in check. No sneaking kisses in the kitchen.
It’s just us. Just me and just her.
Her hands go to my waistband of my trousers and begin to tug at my belt buckle.
“Easy, Jane,” I say. “There’s no rush.”
I hoist her up easily so she’s straddling me as I walk her back to my bedroom.
I murmu
r into her ear, “I’m going to do exactly as I promised. I’m going to worship every inch of your body.”
“Talk me through it?” she says.
“Why, are you nervous?”
Jane shakes her head. “No, I just love the sound of your voice.”
I set her down. “Take those clothes off.”
I maintain my distance for the few seconds it takes for her to turn around and drop her jeans, panties, shirt and bra. The curve of her bare hips, the sweet roundness of her ass, the flash of the side of her breast. She’s like a goddess who has come down to Earth, just for me.
“Lie down. Let me look at you.”
Jane watches me while she lies back and stretches out on the blankets like a little blonde cat.
I take a mental picture of Jane on my bed.
I hover over her and lightly stroke one breast. “I’m so happy you got lost and found me, Jane. You deserve to choose who you want to spend your life with. Your body is meant to be worshipped.
“Worship me, Shep.”
Our mouths meet like crashing waves and we’re both pulled out to sea in a riptide.
I nestle myself between her legs and already my cock is aching to break free of my clothes. I rub the length of me against her core. “Feel what you do to me?”
“I need to hold it,” she says.
I quickly unbuckle and unzip. I let her do the rest, her hands pushing my trousers down and tugging at my boxers. Brazen little thing, I feel her hands reach in and pull it out.
My cock is about to burst with the sensation of her hands all over it, caressing it, gripping it, sizing it up. I bite back the building excitement. Must…make this…last.
“It’s so big,” she says.
“If you’re not ready for it, we can wait,” I say.
“I can barely wait another second,” she says, taking hold and squeezing.
“Slow down, baby, let me do the work.”
I kiss her mouth to quiet her before she can protest. I love that she’s fascinated by my dick, but she’s going to push me to the point of no return, and I don’t want to waste a single drop.
I slide my hands over either side of one of her thighs, then run my hands upwards.
