by Bella Emy
No. Scratch that. I promised I would love her for the rest of my life long before we were wed.
Anyone who suggests moving on always gets my blood boiling, and I’m instantly ready to fight them. It’s the reason I joined the UFC after all, to get my frustration out and not have to take it out on the poor fucker.
Moving on is not an option. But moving forward, maybe.
I turn to face him. “Yeah, yeah. All good. I was just thinking—”
He nods. “How much she looks like Sylvs,” he states more so than asks, turning his chin up toward where Gianna is playing. “I know. I was thinking it too.”
“Is that normal? Five years later, and I still tear up every time I think about her like that?”
He takes a sip of his drink and says, “Of course, Enz. She was your wife. I think it’s perfectly normal.”
I take his words into consideration. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, thinking something is wrong with me. We were together for so long, of course it still hurts.
Five years is not long when you spent just about half your life with someone who meant so much to you.
Five years is barely brushing the surface of a life together.
Max takes another bite of his pizza and swallows the mouthful. To this day, I still don’t know how he likes Chuck E. Cheese pizza. To me, it tastes like frozen, reheated garbage. It’s not my fault. I grew up on my mama’s good, homemade Italian cooking. We both did, but my brother was a pain with food growing up. He was picky as hell. When we wanted pizza, she made it from scratch. Call me spoiled, but it’s just the way it was—the way it still is whenever I go home.
I don’t know what’s wrong with my brother. We grew up in the same household, but seeing the way he eats this shit, you would never think so.
I scrunch my nose, making a face, then turn away from him to look at my daughter. She’s still having a grand ole time with my sister. A smile pulls at the corners of my lips. Thank God for my baby girl. At least she’s always able to melt my heart and make me smile.
I try to spend a lot of my free time with Gianna on my own, but tonight when we were heading out the door, she begged me to call Auntie Mari & Uncle Maxy.
Maxy… like a woman’s maxi pad. I laugh at the funny name she’d given him.
“What’s with the face, dude?” Max asks.
I turn back to face him. “What face?”
“The face you gave me before you looked away just now.”
I hide a smile and look away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, dude.”
“Yeah, you do.” He smirks. “You’re grossed out because I’m eating this good, delicious pizza, aren’t you?” It’s not the first time we’ve had this same discussion.
“It’s barf-worthy.”
His eyes widen as he gasps. “It’s delicious, all-American goodness.”
“Nonna must be rolling around in her grave,” I say jokingly, remembering how our grandmother hated anything that wasn’t home cooked.
“Hey! Don’t you bring Nonna into this.”
I laugh and so does he.
After a moment, his expression changes to serious. “Look, man. I know we’ve already spoken about this and put it past us, but I’m really sorry about last week at Bottoms Up. I wasn’t trying to insinuate you should ever forget about Sylvs. I know you miss her, and you’re entitled to feel however you do. I just worry about you and Gianna, man. I want to see you guys happy.”
I offer my brother a genuine smile so he knows I’m not harboring any hard feelings against him. “Max, I know. It’s okay, really. I know it’s not what you meant or were even trying to say. I know you care about me and Gianna. I’m not mad. I just overreacted that night. My temper got the best of me… You know how I am.”
“My brother, the hothead,” he says, smiling.
“Like you’re not.” I shake my head and take a sip of my drink.
“Daddy!”
I snap my head to the left and see my little princess running toward me at full speed. Marianna is trying to keep up behind her.
I instantly rise from my seat, and right before she’s about to crash into me, I lift her up by her arms and spin her around above my head.
She shrieks and squeals, making me laugh. She’s so precious.
As I spin us back around to our starting point, I bring her to me and place a kiss on her cheeks.
I place her on the ground. “Are you having fun, princess?”
“Oh, yes, Daddy! Aunt Mari is the best!”
“Hey, what about me?” Max feigns disappointment, but I know it’s all a ploy to get Gia to run to him. He does this all the time.
“You don’t count,” Marianna states, finally reaching us.
I laugh.
“You’re the best too, Uncle Maxy!” Gianna runs over and scoots in next to Max. He wraps his arms around her, and off they go chatting into their own little world. These two definitely have their own little bond, but I know that in her eyes, no one compares to Daddy. My little girl is very attached to me and loves me to the moon and back, same as me toward her.
Marianna and I take a seat across from Gianna and Max. Pouring the fruit punch into each of their cups, I lift my eyes for a second and see Gianna lay her head against Max’s chest. I flick my wrist to get a look at my watch and realize it’s about time to go home.
“Someone’s getting ready to head to La La land.” I take a sip from my cup before refilling it like I just did theirs. It’s still cold and not too diluted, even though the ice melted a while ago.
“She plays hard,” Marianna states. “Tonight was no exception. She gave me a run for my money.”
We chuckle.
“That’s cause you suck, Mari,” Max says.
She smirks. “Hahaha. Very funny. A-s-s,” she says, spelling it so Gianna doesn’t pick up on it. This is what they do whenever they’re bickering or playing around when my daughter’s nearby.
“Oh, I’m an a-s-s, huh? Well, then you’re an a-s-s l-i-c-k-e-r… and you can lick mine.”
I try to hide a chuckle.
“No, thanks,” Marianna retorts, closing her eyes and sticking out her tongue in disgust.
“Lick what?” Gianna lifts her head.
I give the two of them disapproving looks and then respond, “Ice cream, baby. Your aunt and uncle want some ice cream.”
“Ooh, can I have some ice cream too, Daddy?” Her face lights up. It may be almost bedtime for my baby, but how can I say no to that face?
I smile at my princess. “Of course, baby. Let’s get out of here and get some ice cream. And because your Uncle Maxy mentioned it, he can pay.”
I smile widely at my brother as he playfully rolls his eyes. “Ice cream it is.”
The blaring alarm that sounds at 7:00 a.m. on Monday morning is like a bullet to my head. I spent all night tossing and turning, not being able to get comfortable and put my thoughts to rest.
Why is it that as soon as I close my eyes, bright-red lips are all I see?
I rise from my bed and head to the bathroom. It’s still dark out, and I’d love to lie back down for another hour, but I’m not one to skip my morning routine. I relieve myself, brush my teeth, and head back to my bedroom to throw on some workout clothes and then head down the hall. I run for half an hour on the treadmill, trying to keep my focus on my heart rate and getting my laps in.
Once I’m done, I head back into the bathroom and jump in the shower.
By the time I’m done and had my first cup of coffee, it’s time to wake up Gianna, drop her off at school, and get started with my errands.
But instead of coming home after dropping off my princess, I decide to head to training instead. With the big event coming up in a few days, I need to be in my best possible shape yet.
“You’re here early,” Ryker says as he sees me walking into the gym.
I shrug. “No time to waste. Figured I’d get it in early and maybe spend time with Gia after I pick her up
instead of having my brother look after her. But anyways, so are you.”
Ryker punches the bag in front of him a couple of times before responding. “I thought the same, but I haven’t seen Mandy in a few days.” He frowns. Mandy is his daughter. He’s been broken up with her mother, Justine, for a little while now, and she doesn’t make it easy for him to see her. I don’t know why. He’s a great dad, but she tries her best to give him a hard time. She’s not that nice.
I consider asking about Mandy, but he’s already back in the zone, and I don’t want to further upset him.
I throw in my AirPods and select my workout playlist. I turn up the volume and take out some punches against the bag next to him. We continue in silence for the next twenty minutes.
“You ready for The Big Shot?” Ryker asks once we’re done and in the locker room, getting changed.
I throw my gloves into my locker. “I’ve been ready. I’ve been dying to get my revenge and win that title once and for all.” Dennis “The Big Shot” Mavis has been the only one standing in my way, and I intend on coming out on top next time we meet.
“You think you’ll be all right?” he asks, lacing up his shoes.
I furrow my brows, giving him a look. “What do you mean?” And then it hits me. He’s worried about me fighting on December fifth, just like Marianna was.
Ryker and I have been cool since I joined the UFC. I’ve kept my distance from pretty much everyone, but he’s the only one besides my family whom I talk to and share my thoughts with. He knows all about Sylvia and Gianna.
I nod and take a seat on the wooden bench next to him. “Oh, yeah. Of course, man. I’ll be fine.”
The expression on his face tells me he’s not convinced, but I pretend not to notice. I don’t want to get into it right now. I need to get out of here.
“All right, man. I’ll hit you up later,” I say, rising from my seat. I throw my bag over my shoulder, and as I exit the locker room, I faintly hear him say, “I have a hard time believing it.”
I exit the gym and head to my car. It’s time to go pick up my princess.
Chapter Seven
Carissa
I make my way to the breakroom, and upon entering, I pull out a chair and sit down. Today has been incredibly stressful, but I’m glad I get to take fifteen minutes to myself and not have to worry about patients or anything else.
Daniela marches in two minutes later, her cell phone in one hand and a Diet Coke in the other. Stomping and without meeting my gaze, she plops onto the seat next to mine. She’s stressed out too. Today has definitely been challenging.
I met Daniela when I first started working here at the hospital a few years back. She was my first friend here, and since then, we’ve been fairly close. I either talk to her, Emy, or my sister, Shannon.
“I can’t wait to get out of here,” she says, placing her arms on the table and scrolling through her cell phone.
I nod. “Yeah, me too. It’s definitely been a day.”
She faces me. “Definitely been a day,” she repeats. “What time do you get out tonight?” She places her phone onto the table and takes a sip of her Diet Coke.
“I’ll be done by eight tonight. I’ve been here since early this morning.”
“You pulled a double?” she asks, referring to my shifts, brushing her long blonde hair out of her face. “I did that yesterday. Couldn’t do it again today. I’m drained, and I haven’t even been here as long as you.”
I shrug. “I need the money.”
“Girl, you and me both. If I weren’t so exhausted, I’d ask for them to let me stay longer and get that OT in. What’s up for this weekend?”
This weekend? Ugh. I have been desperately trying not to think about it. Emy and Shannon are taking me to that fighting thing, but I still don’t see a point in going. All it is, is a bunch of big muscled men going after one another like gorillas. How is that appealing? I’d rather stay home and read more of my romance novels. Those guys in my steamy love stories are the type of men I’d love to one day meet. Too bad none of them exist, and too bad I’m no longer looking to fall in love. I’m so done with all of it.
“Emy and Shannon are forcing me to go to some stupid fighting match in—”
“You mean the UFC fights on the fifth?” She sits up straighter with her eyes lighting up, cutting me off. Is she seriously as excited for the damn thing as my friend and sister are? What is it with these chicks?
I nod again. “Yeah, that’s the one.”
“Oh my God, girl! How the hell did you score tickets for that? I heard they’ve been sold out for a while now. My brother has been driving me crazy to go, but he hasn’t been able to find a ticket.”
Shrugging, I say, “Yeah, apparently Emy has connections.”
She swallows another mouthful and says, “Emy is awesome. You have to invite me the next time you guys go out. She cracks me up, and I definitely need me some of those connections too.” She chuckles.
I roll my eyes playfully. “I don’t understand why you girls are going crazy over some stupid matchup.”
She gasps. “Woman, it’s not some stupid matchup. It’s the event of the year. It’s the biggest tournament in all of the UFC. Have you seen any of their advertisements on TV?” She looks at me, waiting for an answer, but I don’t have one for her.
When I shake my head no, she exclaims, “Oh my God, are you effing kidding me? Lorenzo Trevano is going to take on Dennis “The Big Shot” Mavis in the title match. You can’t honestly tell me you haven’t heard about it. It’s the biggest event of the year. And Lorenzo? Ufff… girl, he’s hot as hell.”
I give her a blank expression. “Sorry, girl. I don’t know who any of those guys are. Emy quickly showed me some flyer with a few guys in front.” And the man in the middle of it was definitely good looking. Even I have to admit that. But I’ll never tell them and give them the satisfaction. “But names? I have no idea.”
She shakes her head. Obviously, she disapproves of my ignorance in this matter. “Girl, you’re missing out on some serious heartthrobs. These men are hot like fire! I can’t wait to see them when they’re all hot, sweaty, and shirtless. Fucking yum… Anyway, just go to the website. There’s all their profiles on there. Some of them are so gorgeous.”
Instantly, Guns’s image from the poster Emy had shown me comes to my mind once more.
I did it again. Dammit, this is all Shannon and Emy’s fault. This name has gotten stuck in my head. Every time I think about him, it’s what I’ve been calling him. I can’t lie though. He does have an impressive set of biceps.
Shaking my head, I rise from my chair. “Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, I have to get back now… Time is already up.”
“Damn, break time always flies,” she responds. She rises from her chair and walks to the trash bin to throw away her empty can.
“It does. I’ll catch you later, girl.”
By the time I get home, I’m drained. All I want to do is lie down and not worry about a damn thing for the rest of the night. I don’t even want to eat dinner.
I throw my keys and a stack of mail onto the kitchen table and make my way into my bedroom. I strip out of my clothes and change into a gray T-shirt and black pajama pants. After pulling out the hair tie from my hair, I throw it on top of my dresser and decide that even though I’m not all that hungry, I should probably eat a little something. Not necessarily something heavy, but something that would just be enough so I don’t wake up at midnight, starving. The only thing I’ve eaten all day is a salad at lunch.
I head into the kitchen and walk straight toward the fridge. A leftover slice of pizza from last night sits on a plate on the second shelf, so I pull it out and place it on a baking sheet. My stomach growls. How did I go from not being hungry at all to starving? I set the oven to heat up, and after a few minutes, I place the tray inside it.
When the timer dings, I take my plate to the table. It’s just after nine, and once I finish eating, I’m looking forward to doing nothing el
se. Maybe I’ll see if I can drown myself in a good movie or, better yet, read in the bathtub.
I take my first bite, and as I chew, the doorbell sounds. It must be Emy. Sometimes she shows up here unexpectedly. I hope she’s not going to beg me to go out tonight because there is no way anyone is going to pull me out of these comfy pajama pants.
I rise and walk to the intercom next to the door, then push the button to talk. “Yes?”
“Carissa? God, it’s good to hear your voice.”
My stomach does a flip and ends in a knot. I know that voice. I know the voice so damn well.
It can’t be.
Pushing the talk button once more, I ask, “What are you doing here?”
“Please let me up. This won’t take long.”
I take a deep breath and push the other button on the intercom, unlocking the door.
I pace back and forth as I wait for him to knock on the door to my apartment. Why is he here now? What does he want?
Moments later, three raps on my door make me jump back. I steady myself and go to open it.
My heart pounds in my chest. Why is he here? I can’t imagine what on Earth he wants. It’s been too damn long without a single word and now this?
Pulling the handle back, I lower my eyes to the ground, take another deep breath, and allow him back into my life. I hope I don’t regret this later.
“Carissa.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but it’s loud enough for me to hear it.
My eyes flit to take in his image. He still looks the same after all this time. I swallow thickly, not saying a word.
It doesn’t matter because the next words are his. “Damn, you look good… I’ve missed you.”
Can’t say the same about you… “What are you doing here, Steve?” I finally ask, biting the bullet.
He smirks, probably because my questioning him is not something he was expecting. He probably thought I was going to immediately welcome him with open arms.
