by Bella Emy
I know it was a ton of messages to send someone back to back, but I’m wise enough to know that when I have something good, not to let it all go. Max told me to keep texting her, and I did. But I’ve got one last thing up my sleeve.
Me: Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did or didn’t do, but I’m truly sorry and miss the fuck out of you.
Me: Carissa, sweetheart, whatever upset you, let’s talk about it, please.
“Hey, Enz. You ready? There’s like fifteen minutes till midnight. Mom, Dad, and Mari are in the living room waiting so we can pop a bottle. You coming?”
I look up at my brother standing in the doorway of my old bedroom. Yeah, it’s New Year’s Eve, but I’m so miserable, I don’t want to celebrate. What good is the new year going to be if I have to start it like this?
“Is Gianna still asleep?” I ask, putting my phone next to me on the bed.
He nods, leaning against the doorframe. “Yeah, she’s on Mom and Dad’s bed, knocked out. Poor thing tried so desperately to wait till midnight.”
I nod. “Okay, I’ll be right there.”
Max pushes off the doorframe and knocks on his lap. “Okay, bro. I’ll be out there waiting for you.”
He walks away, and I rise from the bed. Heading down the hallway toward the kitchen, I stop when I pass my parents’ bedroom. I sneak in and see my princess lying there, fast asleep. The rise and fall of her chest lets me know she’s out for the night. I push some hair out of her face and place a kiss on her cheek. “Happy New Year, sweetheart. Daddy loves you so much.”
Gianna stirs and opens her eyes. Crap, I didn’t mean to wake her.
“Hi, Daddy.”
A smile pulls at the corners of my lips. No matter what I’m going through, this little girl can always put a smile on my face. I’m so grateful for her.
As I go to pick her up off the bed, her next words stop me dead in my tracks.
“Daddy, why does the pretty lady not talk to you anymore?”
I swallow hard. “Pretty lady?”
She nods and turns onto her back. “Yeah, your friend. She had pretty red lipstick. I want to wear lipstick too.”
I don’t know how to answer her. How does she even know? Maybe she overheard me talking to Max. I’m thankful when she quickly changes the subject on her own.
“Daddy, is it time?”
I smile. “Yes, princess. It’s time. Come on, let’s go.”
I pick her up, and she lays her head on my chest. Maybe this isn’t so bad. Maybe Carissa not being in my life is okay. All I need is my daughter.
I shake my head. I’m fucked. Yeah, all I do need is my daughter, but I sure as hell wouldn’t mind having Carissa in my life too. I miss her so fucking much.
I make my way out of the bedroom with Gianna in my arms and walk into the living room. My brother is sitting on the recliner, my parents are cuddled up together on one of the couches, and my sister is texting on her phone on an opposite one.
How crazy life is. My brother is single, no worries, no troubles, no problems. My parents, the epitome of what a true couple is supposed to look like, are happy and in love after almost forty years of marriage. My sister and her husband, Jordan, are probably on the verge of divorce.
And then there’s me… complicated as fuck. I don’t even know where I fall. Whatever I had with Carissa is gone now.
“Gianna, you woke up, princess?” my father asks. He and my mom smile at her.
She’s got her thumb in her mouth, but she nods softly with her head against my chest.
“Bring her here,” my mother says.
I walk over to where she’s sitting and place Gianna in her arms. My daughter easily latches on to my mom.
“You made it just in time to bring in the new year, princess,” she says to Gianna and kisses her head.
“Everything good, Enzo?” my father asks me. He’s always called me Enzo. I don’t particularly like it, but it is what it is. He makes the rules around here, and I quickly learned growing up that you don’t test the boss.
“Yeah, sorry. I had to go through some stuff with Ryker from the gym.”
My mom nods. “All good, honey. You want to get the champagne? We’ll need your strength to pop it open.” She’s so sweet. My dad usually pops the bottles open, but tonight, they’re noticing something is up with me. They’ve known it since everything happened. I know they’re trying to get my mind off things, even if they don’t really know what’s going on.
I leave the living room, walk into the kitchen, and find the bottle of champagne. I had already seen the glasses spread out on the coffee table in the living room, so I grab the bottle and make my way back.
“It’s time,” my brother announces as he switches the channel to ABC so we can catch the countdown at Times Square. Fifteen seconds to go.
Max points at the TV. “Here it is. Ten, nine…”
I think back to the messages I sent Carissa as the loud television and the excitement everyone else is feeling blasts through my ears.
Me: I don’t know what happened and why all of a sudden you pulled away. I really thought you enjoyed everything we did, but if I went too far, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or offend you or whatever the case may be. I don’t know what it could be… Please tell me so I can correct it.
“Eight, seven…”
Me: I really want to talk and fix this… you mean so much to me. Please answer me.
“Six, five…”
Me: All I want to do is say I’m sorry and right things with you. The last thing I wanted was for you to go away and no longer even speak to me.
“Four, three…”
Me: If you’d rather we be just friends, that’s fine. It’ll hurt to let you go, but I’m a grown ass man and I can handle it. I’d rather you tell me you want that instead of completely ignoring me. Please.
“Two, one…”
I grip the bottle tightly in one hand and place my other hand on the edge of the cap, getting ready to pop it open.
“Happy New Year!”
Everyone stands and congratulates each other. The lid pops off and everyone cheers. Glasses are filled, toasts are said, and we all drink champagne. My mother handed Gianna a glass of sparkling apple cider to feel like she was part of the celebration as well. She’s not a fan after only taking a sip.
After everyone calms down, I walk to the far end of the living room and take a seat on one of the couches.
I figure I need to send one last and final text. It’s obvious I need to let her go. She doesn’t want me, and she has no intention of even speaking to me anymore.
I take a deep breath and type my last message to her before I take my brother’s plan on what I should do into consideration. I haven’t done what he told me to do yet because I don’t know how she will react, but maybe I need to. It’ll be the last thing to try, and maybe it will get her to talk to me once more. She would have to thank me at least, right? Or maybe she’ll trash everything and hate me even more. Time would tell, but it’s my last option.
Me: Carissa, I’m sorry. I don’t want to make things worse by continuing to text you when you obviously don’t want to talk to me anymore. Hell, you probably already blocked my number, and I can’t say I blame you. I know I’m persistent, but when I want something I fight for it. It’s in my nature, and I can’t help it. But I’m sorry. I wish you all the best, and in case you do ever want to talk, I’m here. Happy New Year. ~Lorenzo.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Carissa
I can’t believe it’s already the new year. Every time I think back to the past year and everything that happened, especially the last two months, it blows my mind how much my life changed. Of course, I wish things could be different now, but still, I’m proud of how far I’ve come.
Yet, I’m devastated. I’m so torn by the last couple of days. I really thought something good was coming out of it. I was convinced and I let myself fall, then landed flat on my face. It sucks, but as soon as I told Sha
nnon who Lorenzo was, she didn’t fault me for pulling away. In fact, she understood my reasoning, to some point.
Now there’s a new bouquet of flowers and box of candies waiting for me every day, making it harder to forget about him. I thought by not answering his calls or text messages—God, has it been hard not to talk to him—it would make him understand, but no. He went one step further and has been sending me flowers.
It’s January sixth, the first Wednesday after the new year, and he’s still not showing an end in sight.
“Hey, girl.” Daniela walks into the break room and plops onto the seat next to mine.
I lift my gaze. “Hey, Dani.”
“Man, today’s been a long-ass day. I can’t wait to get home and kick my feet up on the couch.”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m not planning on doing much once I leave here either.”
She sips her Diet Coke through a straw. “Any more word from Guns?”
Guns… I haven’t heard him being referred to that in a long time. Immediately, thoughts of his big arms wrapped tightly around me cloud my brain. Damn… I miss him—and them—so much.
I swallow thickly and take a deep breath. “He stopped texting, but he’s been sending me flowers and candy every day since the first.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh my God, girl! He’s so sweet. I can’t believe you let him go. I get why and all, but don’t you think enough time has passed since then?”
I shrug. “Maybe. But it’s not something I can take a chance on. I’m checking out before my feelings are too far gone.”
“Aren’t you and your feelings already too far gone? I mean, you love him, right? Still?” She dips her hand inside the bag of Doritos and stuffs the one she grabbed into her mouth.
“I don’t even know anymore.” I look down because I can’t stand talking about Lorenzo and everything else that could have been, what I’ve thrown away.
She’s about to say something more, but I really need to take this conversation a different direction.
I clear my throat. “So, how’s your family?”
She smirks but doesn’t push. This is one of the reasons why we’re friends. “They’re good. They were driving me crazy with the holidays, so I’m glad that’s over with. Now I can focus on work, and they can mind their own damn business.”
I chuckle. “Their own business about what?”
She shrugs. “Everything. Because I live alone, my mother is always on my ass. She wants to make sure I’m taken care of, but I keep telling her I can take very well care of my damn self.”
I smile. “She’s your mom. It’s what she’s supposed to do.” I instantly miss my mom and the way she used to be just like that with me and Shannon. It’s been so long since she’s been gone.
“Maybe, girl. But it’s both a blessing and a curse to live so close to my parents.” She takes another sip of her drink.
I smirk. “My older sister is enough to drive me crazy…”
Daniela laughs. “Yeah, I remember you saying she does all the time. But I guess that’s with any older siblings.”
I smile and rise from my seat. “I’m sure.”
She frowns. “Ugh! Please don’t tell me it’s time to get back already.”
“Unfortunately, there’s about three minutes left. I figured I’d get started. Maybe I can cut out three minutes early.”
She laughs. “Three minutes is definitely worth it.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” I walk out of the breakroom and finish the rest of my shift.
It’s Friday, and I couldn’t have picked a better day to take off from work. Okay, so I’m not really sick, but lately sleeping has been shit for me. I’ve been spending hours tossing and turning in bed at night for the past week or so. I’m pretty sure this has nothing to do with Lorenzo at all. It’s been long enough, hasn’t it?
Probably not, and truthfully, it’s probably all about him.
He’s always on my mind. There’s no way I could have already forgotten about him if I tried harder. Plus, he’s still sending me flowers every day. My house is starting to look like a florist’s shop.
I exhale heavily just as the doorbell rings. Great, that must be today’s delivery. I wonder if it will be red roses or white. Maybe it’ll be pink orchids again. Damn, where the hell am I going to put another bouquet of flowers?
I push the button to talk and say, “Just bring them up,” and I push the other button to unlock the building.
Minutes later, four raps on my door come hard and fast.
“I’m coming, hang on,” I announce.
I pull open the door and see the smiling faces of Emerson and Shannon holding a huge bouquet of pink-and-white orchids. Ah, so these are today’s.
“What are you two doing here?” I ask as Shannon shoves the flowers my way.
“We came to pick you up, and the delivery guy was walking up to your door.”
“He was kind of hot,” Emy says as she and Shannon nod at one another.
They make their way past me and park their asses on my living room couches.
“Pick me up?” I ask, placing the gorgeous flowers on my table. Orchids are my favorite. I had only told Lorenzo once, and he clearly never forgot.
I walk to where the girls are. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere tonight.
Emy taps her nails on the arm of the couch. “Yeah, we thought it would be best if we got you out of the house for a bit. Plus, it’s Friday night.”
I lean against the wall closest to the door. “I was actually planning on staying in tonight and getting some re—”
“You’re not reading tonight,” Shannon says, interrupting me.
I smirk. “How did you know I was even going to say that?”
“Because that’s all you ever wanna do, li’l sis. Now, go throw on some clothes and let’s go.”
I throw Emy a glance, but she’s busy texting someone on her phone.
I turn my attention back toward Shannon. I don’t really want to go, but I know better than to fight with them right now. “Where are we going?”
Shannon smiles from ear to ear. “To forget all about our troubles. We’re going drinking.”
“And don’t tell us you don’t really drink because we saw you on Christmas and New Year’s Eve,” Emy says, not bothering to even look up from her phone.
She’s right though. Lately, I have enjoyed drinking a lot more.
“Okay, let me go get changed,” I say, making my way toward my bedroom.
“Good, girl!” Emy and Shannon respond in unison in a singsong voice.
I better not regret agreeing to this.
We arrive at the bar almost forty-five minutes later, and as I walk in, my eyes land on Lorenzo Trevano, and I freeze in place.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lorenzo
When I agreed to go out with Marianna and Max tonight, I didn’t know I’d see her again. I thought we were just going out for drinks, and I wasn’t thrilled. I wanted to stay in and rot.
My brother and sister begged me to go out for hours before I gave in and said fuck it. What else was I going to do on a Friday night? As miserable as I was, maybe it was for the best.
We’ve been sitting in Bottoms Up for the past twenty minutes without any excitement. We downed a few drinks. I’ve had more than Max or Mari, but I’m the one who needs alcohol the most. Maybe Mari does too. Jordan finally called her earlier today to tell her he’d be home tomorrow. He wouldn’t tell her where he’s been for the last few weeks, but I’m sure it’s something they’re going to have a talk about sooner or later. I know my sister is stressed out, and I can’t blame her. I just hope this bastard doesn’t break her heart anymore. I know she’s hurting.
Fuck, I really wish she’d let me rearrange his face with my fists. The son of a bitch deserves it.
As I’m deep in my thoughts of how I’d love to make Jordan pay for what he’s doing to Marianna, something tells me to look at the entrance of the bar, and that’s when I see her.
&n
bsp; Carissa, dressed in a pink shirt and tight blue jeans, walks into the bar with her sister and best friend.
Our eyes lock, and my heart skips a beat. Damn, she still has the power to make me feel like I’m floating on a cloud, and I don’t want to be brought back down. I want her to come up to me and let me place my lips on her until we’re both floating away from the rest of the world.
And just like that, I’m reminded of how empty the last couple of days without her have been. Seeing her now after all we’ve been through is breaking my heart. Because I know she still probably hates me, but for what, I don’t know. It’s the part that’s been driving me crazy.
“I have to go talk to her,” I say, rising to my feet.
Marianna and Max nod, and as I look back at where Carissa is, she’s turning around on her heels and getting ready to leave.
No! I can’t let her leave without telling her how I feel in person. I need to talk to her. I need to pour my heart out to her and place all my cards on the table. I can’t lose her.
I race to get to the door, fumbling over some chairs at nearby tables. Why the hell does it have to be so tight in here?
I excuse myself to the customers I get in the way of as I rush to get to the door before she has a chance to escape. This is my last chance to talk to her. The flowers had done nothing to get her to call me, no matter how many times I said “I’m sorry” in the notes.
It still drives me fucking crazy that I don’t have the slightest idea as to why she walked away and never returned. I can’t fucking understand it. I just wish she’d tell me why.
“Carissa!” I shout, stumbling over my own feet. Dammit, the last thing I need is to fall flat on my face.
She spins her head around once more to look at me but turns right back around and keeps trying to push her way through. Her sister, Shannon, and best friend, Emy, are trying to stop her from leaving. Good, maybe they’re on my side.
Yeah, I really doubt that’s the reason, but who knows.
“Carissa, wait,” I say, finally reaching her. “Hey, look at me.”
