“Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell was that out there?”
He looked at me a little bit confused. “Me? You're blaming me for what happened out there?”
“I asked you if it was okay. I asked whether you were okay having me on your team and you said yes.”
“What the hell was I supposed to say to the clown? Oh no, I can't work with her because we used to fuck?”
“We can't be in the same room together. One of us needs to leave. No in fact I'm going to leave.”
He frowned at me. “If it bothers you so much being in the same general space as me, then I'll go. I don't care.”
“That won't be a great loss.”
“You're welcome in advance since you can't handle being around me,” he said. My anger blew through the roof.
“Can't handle being around you? Who the hell do you think you are? You're the man who just made a five-year-old cry out there.”
“I didn't do anything. He was bad at the game and the egg fucking broke. It's an egg, they break.”
“It didn't break when he dropped it, but you suddenly got all competitive and smashed it. And then you started yelling at the poor kid.”
“Oh my God,” he said, incredulously, running both hands through his hair. “Do you hear yourself right now? Were we out there at the same time right now or are you editing the events in real-time?”
“Why are you here by the way? I think it's a little weird since you don't have any kids.”
“Well, look who's talking. Where is your toddler?” he asked. My child wasn't going to be a toddler for the next few years thank you very much, and for his information, my toddler was also his toddler.
“You gotta admit, a single childless man at a children’s party reads worse than a single childless woman,” I said. A low blow but my intentions were malicious. I’d cop to that in a heartbeat. Right then, I was mad and I wanted to hurt his feelings.
“And you don't have a date this time, I guess that's a good thing. You're able to maintain at least a little bit of class when the occasion calls for it.”
His face flushed and I could tell that I was getting him upset. I didn't care about the stupid egg and spoon race. I cared that we had just embarrassed ourselves in front of all our friends and a bunch of strangers with their children.
I was mad at him and now I was finally able to take my rage out on the person who had caused it. This was for making me feel the roller coaster of emotions that I had been through since we had sex for the first-time months ago. This was for screwing with me on the Colorado trip, treating me like a girlfriend, and then doing a one-eighty like it didn’t even matter. This was for being such a cassanova while I was still thinking about him. Who knew how many women he had blown through since Colorado? I didn't care how petty or childish it was to argue with him like this, it felt good.
“If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous,” he said.
“How could I possibly be jealous of the women you cycle through like laundry on a weekly basis?” I sniped. He grabbed my arm, and I could see his muscles working, in his jaw and arm as he physically held his anger back. I wanted that one to hurt. What he did in his private life was his business but not when I was part of it.
Suddenly, he pushed me back into a door, and then he was kissing me.
Instinctually, I pushed back with both my hands against his chest, but then the part of me that I wanted to kiss him more than slap him took over and I relented.
He pulled away sharply and I wasn't sure what was wrong until he opened the door that was behind me and pushed us inside.
It was their huge guest bathroom. I wasn't sure that I had ever used it before. There were hot air hand dryers and even a couch to do what on? God knew what, but I didn't have a lot of time to take in the decor. Toby pushed me up against the sink making me lean back against it, so I had some leverage against his body pressing into mine.
Once again alone in a private space with Toby, this was the first time since the cabin. I was so upset with him but now I was horny and feeling opportunistic. I wasn't thinking about the consequences, what I would feel like walking back home after yet another empty hook up with this man who infuriated me so much, I just wanted to get off.
“I guess it would be dumb to ask whether you have a condom,” I said.
“No. Believe it or not I didn't come here thinking this would happen.”
“Whatever,” I said dismissively. “Just fuck me.”
23
Toby
Roger that.
I spun her around and she bent at the waist over the sink. I pulled her panties roughly down to her knees. She wanted me to fuck her? Good, she knew I could deliver. I just hoped she was ready.
Goddamn, she drove me crazy. I didn't know what to do about her since she pulled me in so many different directions. Right now, I wanted to make her scream loud enough so the people outside knew what we were doing. Other times, I wanted to wake up and see her in my bed next to me.
What just happened outside was an embarrassment. At the end of the day, it was not that serious, but of course, you had to think about the kids in the situation. Whatever it was, it was embarrassing. And it was her fault. I didn't care.
If I was the one acting out of turn, it was because she was there and I didn't know what I was supposed to do around her anymore, ask her to marry me, or relocate across the country so I never had to see her again. Our relationship had been distant and cordial in the beginning. After having sex, it was supposed to go back to that, but it never did because we ended up trapped together for days in an isolated cabin and we made the most of our time alone.
Now, it felt like we were past the point of no return. There was no going back to the two of us just being a couple of people in the same friend group who weren't particularly close. I had no idea what the alternative was, but this was getting exhausting.
I’d figure it out later. After this, I could think about that because right now, Maggie's perfect ass was offered up to me and we only had a few minutes of being alone together before people started to wonder what happened.
I got my cock out and jerked it a couple of times. It took absolutely nothing to get me hard. Just the sight in front of me was enough. Guiding my cock inside her, I waited a few seconds to be polite as she wriggled her hips getting acclimatized, and then I did what she asked me to do. I fucked her.
I heard her squeal and then bite her lip so that she didn't make any more noise. I wondered whether the door was locked and then wondered after that whether I cared if anyone walked in on us. The party couldn't get any worse. If Eddy or Niall walked in here and found us like this, at least we would have a legitimate reason never to see each other again. The rest of the group would understand when one of us tried to say it was too awkward to be together and would get the hint, never inviting us to get-togethers at the same time again.
That was what it took at this point to keep me away from her; third-party intervention because left to my own devices, I would always find her again. To be fair though, it wasn't like she was exactly pushing me away.
She met every one of my thrusts, pushing back against me as I pushed forward. It was hot, dirty, and angry. I was mad at her, sure I was. I hated the things she did to me and that I was so powerless when it came to her. I was scared because I wasn't used to being in that position.
Reaching around, I got my hand between her thighs and started working my thumb against her clit. She squealed again and it felt like a small victory.
“Shh,” I told her.
“Fuck off,” she snapped.
I moved my hand to her breast and she replaced it with her own.
Throwing her leg up on the sink to change the angle a little bit, I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.
I fucked her faster, harder until I saw white light behind my eyes and I felt myself release inside her.
I was panting, coming down from my high when I felt her push me so that I slid out of her. Was she
in a hurry? Getting dressed, she looked at herself in the mirror, getting rid of any traces of what we had done.
“In a hurry to get back to the party?” I asked her.
“Since the alternative is staying here with you, yes I am.”
“Ouch. If you have some complaints about my performance, just say it.”
“This was a mistake,” she said. She wasn't looking at me, she was looking at the mirror but her reflection looked like she could see me as she said that.
“You asked me to fuck you and then afterward you feel bad about it. So you didn't mean it?”
“Who said I felt bad about it?”
“Don't you think there's a reason why we can't keep our hands off each other?”
“I'm horny and you're available?” she said.
“Look, how about we reconsider things?” I said. She turned around so she was actually looking at me but her face was blank. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but going back to how things were, awkward and distant was not it. I couldn't say it but something relationship shaped would have made me happier.
“You want to date me?” she asked in so much disbelief it almost sounded like contempt.
“I don't want to keep running into you and having sex and then not speaking for prolonged stretches afterward,” I said meaning yes. I wasn't even sure that I knew how to date someone, but if dating basically meant I wasn’t going to be lying any more then yeah, it was what I wanted.
“It's complicated.”
“What's complicated?”
“Me. My life. What you're asking I can’t do.”
“I know it's not because you aren't attracted to me,” I said, upset at the heat that was spreading up my chest and into my face.
“I just said what it is, it's complicated. Let's just leave it at that.” With that, she turned and walked out of the bathroom leaving me still half dressed. Was that supposed to be a rejection? What was she talking about? What was so complicated about what I asked? I wasn't being as direct as I possibly could, but I didn't know how to put it any other way. Saying that I had a suspicion that I might love her, and I wanted to know whether that was true scared the shit out of me.
I cleaned up and walked out of the bathroom to find her. She wasn't still in the house so I went out to the garden and saw her. She was gathered with the rest of the adults at the party, giving hugs and talking to them. It looked like she was getting ready to leave.
When she walked back into the house, she was accompanied by Eddy so she looked right through me, ignoring I was there and they went to the door. The two of them shared a hug and then Maggie walked out. After Eddie retreated, I went to the door and flung it open, looking both sides of the street to see which way she went.
I was thinking I would go after her to make her explain what she meant, but then I saw it. A man approached her, and they started talking. After a few moments, he took her into his arms.
Well, that was new. I knew that nobody was watching me, but I felt embarrassment. I felt like last night's meal was still sitting in the pit of my stomach. They walked off together and I still felt it.
She was seeing someone. How long has this been going on? When did she meet him? Why was I jealous and why did it matter? We weren't together and she was single, she could do what she wanted. Unless she wasn't and that was her boyfriend.
I couldn't go back inside. I would be thinking about that guy doing what I had just done to her all day. I left without saying anything, figuring they wouldn’t care since I had just caused a scene for the kids. I could fix that later. At the moment, I felt sick.
I needed a drink.
My regular bar was a little out of range so I would have to settle for somewhere else. I didn’t care where I had to go, I needed alcohol, and whoever had it would get my money.
I was getting laid tonight. It didn’t matter who. A girl at the bar or someone I had in my phone, anyone would work. I couldn’t just go home. I felt like if I did, it was over and I lost somehow. It wasn’t a competition, at least not consciously but it turned out some part of me had been treating it like one, and yeah, I had lost.
24
Maggie
“Maggie!”
I stopped and looked up. The first thing I saw was Paul’s face quickly approaching me. I recoiled.
“Pease, don’t run,” he said.
“Why shouldn’t I? What are you about to do?” I asked.
“Just relax.”
“Why are you here?”
“Babe…”
“No, tell me why you’re here.”
“Don’t get upset. I’m worried about you and the baby. That’s why I’m here.”
“Don’t you dare try and make this seem normal, Paul. It’s not normal. It was fucking weird you were hanging around outside my home, but if now you’re stalking the other people in my life, Paul I’m going to have to do something drastic.” I had gotten the police involved in the past but never got past the point of pressing charges. It was fear, I knew it was. I just didn’t think I could actually beat him but I wasn’t scared anymore.
“No, Maggie, relax. Nobody’s getting stalked. I don’t even know who lives here. I just know that you came here and spent a lot of time inside.” The man just said that no one was getting stalked and then admitted to stalking me in the same sentence. Why was I still standing there talking to him?
I wasn’t in the mood. He had caught me at the wrong time, not that there was really a right time to have to deal with him. He was tiresome at all times of the day. The less time I could spend talking to, thinking about, and dealing with him, the better. After what had just happened with Toby though, I was ready to lie down for the rest of the year and never get up, like a bear going into hibernation.
“Don’t tell me to relax and then tell me that you stalked me to find out where I was, Paul. I’m being serious. Leave me alone. I don’t want to see you and whatever’s happening with me and my baby is none of your business.” I was short with him and he looked surprised that I would talk to him like that. I had no regrets because I didn’t owe him anything. He didn’t have a good reason to be in my life right now. All he was doing was being creepy and when he wasn’t being creepy, he was being an inconvenience. I was pregnant, I needed none of it.
“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you upset, honestly. I just wanted to check on you.”
“I don’t need you to check on me.”
“Then can you at least tell me what’s going on? Are you okay? How’s the baby?”
He almost sounded honest asking me those questions. I didn’t like it since it was coming from him, but I wanted somebody to ask me how I was doing. I wanted to be able to get it all off my chest so that I didn’t have to think about it anymore. I couldn’t say that anything was Toby’s fault because I was a participant too. Toby was driving me crazy. I kept giving into Toby and that was driving me crazy.
I didn’t know whether I had another confrontation in me. In fact, I knew that I didn’t. It was just too much. Toby set my whole body on fire. When I was around him everything inside me was operating at full capacity. It was exhausting to be around him and not able to really express myself the way I wanted to. The two of us consistently breaching the boundary between us and then resolving never to do it again, only for it to happen once again, with even more devastating results, it had to come to an end.
On the bright side, at least if I was weak around him, he was the same around me. It wasn’t just me, unable to take a hint, trying to keep pursuing him while he wanted nothing to do with me. It was worse somehow. Neither of us had made a decision so we were stuck in limbo.
I was just so tired all the time now. I was pregnant, there was no reason why I should have been going through all this drama. I didn’t like it and it was probably bad for the baby.
“If you’re here, you might as well take me home.” He looked surprised but immediately jumped into action.
“Yeah, yes, of course. Let’s go.”
Paul’s recent activity had been scaring me, but right now, I just wanted to go home and I felt like I could get a ride out of him. Paul put his arm around me. Usually, I would’ve stopped him from touching me, but I was too tired to fight him off.
I stared out the window on the way home. I didn’t think I would be physically capable of looking at Toby again in my life. I wanted to tell him, in a way I felt like I was legally or at least morally obligated to say something to him about the baby, but after what had just happened, I was doubting how soon I would be able to do it. How long before I fully rebounded from this and was able to face him again.
Waiting wouldn’t guarantee anything anyway. I could wait all I wanted, until what I thought was the right time and there was no guarantee that he would accept what I told him. He had no reason to accept the baby, even though it was his. We weren’t together, let alone in a marriage or anything like that. The way he conducted himself, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a whole roster of women in the city who had gotten pregnant by him and also paid off and told to get rid of it.
That simply wasn’t happening no matter what he told me. I wanted this baby and chances were I was going to be raising them alone. My chest felt tight and my eyes watered. The thought of that hurt. Toby rejecting me was one thing, but going ahead and rejecting our baby would hurt even more.
How did I get here? I could’ve sworn things were looking up for me but now everything sucked. I was pregnant by a guy who didn’t want me. My ex was crazy had been following me around. I was probably going to end up a single mother and I had no idea how I would be able to hack that.
My boss was pregnant too, I had managed to forget about that. If she suddenly got the itch to close down her business and become a stay-at-home-mother, I would be unemployed on top of everything else. Perfect, just fucking perfect.
When we got to my place, I let myself out of the car. I heard Paul following behind me, and didn’t stop him. He walked me all the way to my place.
Admit You Need Me: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Irresistible Billionaires Book 4) Page 15
