by Calia Read
Both she and Étienne stare at me intently. Particularly my brother. I take no issue with discussing the ladies I’ve been with. However, not once did I think one of those ladies would be Rainey. But if they imagined me confessing to what happened last night with Rainey, they were imagining wrong because I myself wasn’t entirely sure. I’m not filled with regret even though I should be because I was making a bumbling mess out of things. Rainey was someone I couldn’t stay away from. Rainey and I had a long intricate history that was impossible to deny.
“I’m not certain that’s any of your concern,” I say stiffly.
Serene tilts her head to the side as though I was speaking French. “So Livingston Lacroix has been spending time with a woman, and he won’t comment on it … how very singular.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. They weren’t going to stop until they had the answers they wanted. As much as that frays on my nerves, I will not tell them a single detail about Rainey and me.
Serene glances at Étienne. “How was that? Did I sound like someone from this time?”
“Yes, you did.”
Serene raises her hand midair and gives what she calls an “air five” to Étienne. Since Serene has become a permanent part of this era she has made a conscious effort to tweak her vocabulary and stop saying popular sayings from her time. Typically, it ended up with a lot of malapropisms on her part.
“Are we finished with this conversation?” I ask.
It doesn’t take long for Serene to control her laughter. She solemnly looks at me. “In all seriousness, don’t you ever get lonely in the Lacroix house all by yourself?”
“Are you askin’ if I want a wife?”
“Absolutely.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Why not?”
I start to tick the reasons off on my fingers. “Because I prefer the vastness of space as my own and don’t want to share it with anyone else. I become uninterested far too quickly, and I cannot care for myself, let alone another human.”
For years, those selfish reasons have been my justification for being a bachelor. As for right now, the only reason that rings true is the last one. I don’t know if I would want to put anyone through the nights I go through, and the shame I wake up to. If I was to marry, I’d only give my wife misery.
“What about Rainey?” Serene says.
“What about Rainey?” I shoot back.
“She’s a woman.”
“That’s debatable,” I murmur, but it’s a lie. The image of her dropping her nightgown to the floor and boldly standing naked in front of me flashes through my mind.
If I left Belgrave right now, how long would it take me to get to her home? Subtly, I shake my head. I can’t sneak into her home during the day.
“You weren’t debating it when you were kissing her like a sailor on leave,” Serene retorts.
Étienne laughs and covers it by coughing into his fist.
Looking at Serene, I shake my head. “Whatever happened to discretion?”
Serene shrugs. “There’s no such thing as discretion in this family. I remember you having a lot of fun with Étienne and me when we first … got together. Of course I’m going to give you a hard time.”
“That was quite different.”
“In what way?”
“The two of you …” I pause, searching for the right words. “The two of you have a mutual attraction.”
Serene and Étienne continue to stare at me as though I might have more to say. I stare back, obstinately standing in place. In every respect, the circumstances surrounding Rainey and me are different from Serene and Étienne.
Right?
Right. They loved each other. There was no love between Rainey and me. Just the strong desire to be intimate.
My brother clears his throat. “I’m uncertain why we’re even discussin’ this. Rainey is eleven years younger than Livingston.”
“Your wife is nearly 100 years younger than you,” I point out.
At that, a three of us become silent. Smirking, Serene looks at Étienne. “Care for a rebuttal?”
Étienne looks at the floor. “No, no …” His voice fades before he impatiently flings a hand in my direction. “This conversation doesn’t pertain to me. It’s about Livingston and Rainey!”
Once again, they look at me. Tired and ready to leave the room, I do what anyone else would. I cave. “If you must know, Rainey and I have kissed once,” I lie.
Serene is unmoved by the announcement. “You and Rainey kissed.”
“When you gave birth, did you lose your hearin’? Yes, we kissed.”
“I was screaming so loud, it’s a possibility,” Serene replies. “Now keep going; we already know about the kissing part. If you recall, I interrupted the two of you.”
Of course, I recalled. If Serene hadn’t walked into the ballroom, the kiss would’ve continued. “There’s nothin’ to go on about.” I avert my eyes. “We kissed. The end.”
Serene watches me carefully. “No, that’s not the end. But I have more questions so I’ll let that go. What are you going to do about this?”
I look at Étienne whose gaze is conveniently on his newborn son. I have no one to support me. “There’s nothin’ to do. Believe it or not, a kiss can simply be a kiss.”
“I’m aware of that. However, when you have the history the way you and Rainey do, it isn’t simply ‘a kiss.’”
Rainey and I were far past a simple kiss.
“I’m starting to think that perhaps …”
Serene’s words fade, and as she tries to think of the right thing to say, I cut in. “Startin’ to think what?”
“That as much as I think this bachelor idea will pay off in the end, Rainey’s beginning to feel like …” Serene repeatedly snaps her fingers before she points at me. “Like Consuelo Vanderbilt!”
Ah, Consuelo Vanderbilt the American heiress who married the 9th Duke of Marlborough in 1895. It was a union bound by money and titles, and one I didn’t follow too closely. Nat did, and she was all too happy to divulge the information she read about in the papers. From my sister, I knew Consuelo and her duke had separated.
“And what happens to Ms. Consuelo?” I ask merely to humor Serene.
Serene narrows her eyes. “She has a brother-in-law who’s a pain her in ass. The brother-in-law doesn’t see the truth is right in front of him, so she whacks him over the head with a two-by-four.”
“If I tallied the amount of times you threatened Étienne and me bodily harm, I’d be the richest man on earth.”
“And the luckiest,” Serene retorts smartly.
Serene has a quick tongue, but there’s no bite. She’s as gentle as they come.
“I can’t help but notice you’re smiling, Livingston,” Serene remarks. “You may roll your eyes at me, but you and Étienne would be lost without my smart-ass tongue. You know who also happens to be a smart ass and keeps you on your toes?” She doesn’t give me time to reply. “Rainey.”
I should’ve known this was where the conversation was going. Serene has never believed in pointless discussions. Every word that comes for her mouth takes aim.
“Listen, I know you’ve had a proverbial skank train in your life since you realized Livingston Jr. could rise all on his own—”
“Lovely, Serene,” Étienne interjects.
My sister-in-law continues. “But maybe it’s time you find someone who fits you.”
“You think I’ve been settin’ my sights on women who I’ll never end up with?”
“I think that’s exactly what you’ve been doing.”
“If this is the trajectory of the conversation, I believe I’ll take my leave.” Bending down, I kiss Julian’s head and head toward the bedroom door.
“Livingston, do you plan on bedding her and then being done with her?” Serene blurts.
Serene and I have always had an excellent relationship. In her, my brother has met his match. And even I have to admit that the things to roll off her tongu
e have me laughing, but I am not laughing now. Suddenly, I stop walking and turn around.
My brows slant low. “Never.”
“You seem upset with me.”
“I am not.”
“You do.” She brushes her fingers across my nephew’s cheek and glances at Étienne. “Does he seem upset with me?”
Étienne nods. “He seems upset with you.”
“I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to come visit the two of you and have these invigoratin’ conversations,” I say drolly.
“And I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to watch you come to the realization that you love Rainey Pleasonton.”
“Have you gone mad? Étienne, your wife is unhinged.” I stab a finger in Serene’s direction. “I do not love Rainey. The two of us have been at war since she was a child!”
Étienne grunts. “Yes, and two people who hate one another can never fall in love. Right, Serene?”
“Oh, of course.” Serene smiles back at my brother. “It never happens.”
“I need a new family,” I mutter as I leave the room.
“A new family, you say?” Serene calls. “That’s funny, because Rainey’s in the market for a husband!”
The two of them are ridiculous. I do not love Rainey. Desire? Perhaps. For some reason, the feeling won’t fade but grows stronger by the day. As unnerving as that may be, I’ve desired women before. Not to this degree, but I’m sure it will dwindle soon. It’s probably because we’ve been forced to spend more time with one another, and I haven’t had as many female companions as I normally do. That’s the problem. Well, tonight, that all changes. Tonight, I won’t go to Rainey’s. I’m halfway down the stairs debating on which woman I’ll call on when Étienne catches up to me. “You left in a rush.”
“I have business matters that need attendin’ to,” I say, not bothering to break my stride.
“That was your alibi for not visitin’ earlier. Think of somethin’ else.”
“My apologies. I don’t know what you’d like for me to say. I am a very busy man.”
“I don’t need your many alibis. What I’d like is for you to explain why you’ve been sneakin’ into Rainey’s room.”
At once, I stop walking. My heart stutters for a moment as I process my brother’s words.
“How did you—”
“Rainey visited Serene this mornin’. Serene got the truth out of her.”
A string of curse words pours from my mouth as I drag my hands through my hair. It occurs to me Rainey didn’t tell Serene everything. If that was the case, my brother would be choking me on Pleas’s behalf.
“What do you think you’re doin’ fallin’ asleep in her room?” Étienne asks, his voice low.
Ah, that’s what he thinks. Deplorable, but not near as scandalous as taking Rainey’s virginity.
I knew what I did was wrong, and the last thing I needed was for my brother and his wife to know the full extent of my wrongdoing. Dragging my hands through my hair, I take a deep breath. “I don’t know, all right?”
My brother watches me as I begin to pace. “I went there to discuss her family’s accounts. My intentions were honorable. Sometimes we play a game of chess or talk and enjoy one another’s company.”
The rest of the time is spent in Rainey’s bed as I teach her all I know about pleasure.
“You can talk and play chess in the daylight, too,” Étienne remarks wryly.
Not the chess we played.
Which was the wrong way to think because Étienne stands tall, his cheeks become drawn as he sucks in a deep breath. He begins shaking his head. “My God. You didn’t.”
“I have a perfect explanation.”
“Tu ne peux pas garder tes mains pour toi?” Étienne explodes in French.
I go to answer him but an image of Rainey sitting on her bed comes to mind. She’s slipping free the last button of her nightgown, smirking at me as though she knows the effect she has on me. As though she knew I was seconds away from ripping the nightgown off with my teeth.
“Well?” Étienne demands, his voice cutting through my fantasy like a knife.
I clear my throat. “Apparently not.”
Étienne takes a step forward and lowers his voice. “If this gets out, it could cause a scandal. You need to do the right thing and marry her.”
A harsh laugh escapes me. “In my life, Rainey has shot at me twice for embarrassin’ her. Imagine what she’ll do if I propose to her out of duty.”
“If Pleas was here, he would kill you. He would kill you dead.”
“You don’t think I know that?”
“So why did you go to her?”
I stop pacing long enough to turn and stare at my brother with wide eyes. “I don’t know!”
The truth hangs between us for several seconds.
“If you care for her at all, you will stop goin’ there.”
“Of course I care for her. I am not devoid of emotions. She’s Nat’s best friend.”
“All the more reason not to see her!” Étienne roars.
“Again, I am not a heartless monster. I have no intentions of hurtin’ Rainey.”
Étienne appears far from convinced. “Once, when you were with a woman, she went to the washroom and you grabbed your shoes and jacket and escaped on the rose trellis so you didn’t have to say good-bye.”
I shrug. “I saw my exit and took it. Besides, it’s worked before in the past. I don’t see why it wouldn’t then.”
“The last time you fell and injured yourself.”
“Ah, but I learned my lesson and no injuries happened.”
“For one moment, I need you to be genuine.” With his steepled fingers pressed against the tip of his nose, Étienne stares at the floor for several seconds before he looks at me with serious eyes. “Rainey is one woman who doesn’t need to be in your bed.”
I dip my head, but it’s only to hide my anger. “Agreed,” I say tightly.
In truth, Rainey’s lithe body has never stretched out across my bed. Her head has never touched a single pillow of mine. I’m the one who’s been going to her. Over and over and over.
Rainey is years younger, but no one should let her age fool them. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. That woman is dangerous. She’s the one they need to be speaking with. Not me.
I’m certain Étienne interprets my silence as an acknowledgment of my guilt. He can believe what he wishes. I’m not about to reveal that I seek Rainey’s companionship because she’s the only person who can quiet down my nightmares.
“I apologize if my words are harsh, but I’m simply lookin’ out for her,” Étienne says.
My gaze cuts in his direction. “I am lookin’ out for Rainey.”
“By keepin’ her under you?” Étienne challenges.
I can feel heat flood my cheeks. I’m not embarrassed, but furious. Furious that, for my brother, it’s remarkably easy to group Rainey with the rest of the women I’ve been with.
I’m mere seconds away from lunging at my brother when we’re interrupted. Étienne appears mildly annoyed by Ben’s appearance, but I’m grateful. I turn away and take a moment to take a deep breath. My God, what is happening to me? I almost hit my brother, and for what? Over what he said about Rainey?
Twisting around, I open my mouth, intending to apologize, but stop when I see the expression on Étienne’s face as he reads the small paper in his hand.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He’s stoic by nature, but this is different. The energy around him is barely contained, and something he’s not altogether comfortable with himself. Sighing, he hands the letter over to me before he averts his gaze. I give him one last look before I read the brief telegram.
I’ve never read a telegram faster in my life. “My God,” I mutter.
Slowly, I lift my head. This can’t be true. It can’t. But I know it is; Étienne would never jest in this type of manner.
Nathalie’s husband, Oliver, is dead.
CHAPTE
R TWENTY-FOUR
Rainey
“When one has no money, should one be gettin’ fitted for a new wardrobe?” I ask.
Momma stops scanning the array of dresses, blouses, and skirts in my armoire to look at the stack of dresses on my bed. “When one is in search of a husband, yes. And do keep your voice down, Raina.”
I look around my bedchamber. “Momma, there’s no one here,” I say, making a point to whisper back. “The seamstress won’t be here for another fifteen minutes.”
“Please continue to practice whisperin’. I know you like to make a habit of bellowin’.”
I frown. “I do not bellow. I raise my voice in order to be heard.”
Momma chooses a dress lying on the bed and thoroughly inspects it, shakes her head, and tosses it back onto the bed. “It’s not ladylike to raise your voice.”
“But how will anyone know they’re wrong?” I say teasingly.
At that, Momma looks at me with disapproval in her eyes. “Honestly, Rainey, I do not know what I’m gonna do with you,” she huffs.
“I know what you’ll do. You’ll marry me off to the first man you see,” I mutter under my breath, but apparently, it’s not quiet enough because Momma lifts her head and looks at me.
“Are you still goin’ on about that? I’ve told you I had nothin’ to do with Miles’s will!”
“Forgive me if I still have my suspicions.” My voice drips with sarcasm.
“Sweetie, you can mull over your brother’s will until you’re blue in the face, but it’s only goin’ to cause you more pain because you won’t find the answer you’re searchin’ for. In fact, you won’t find any explanation at all.”
“I’m quite aware of that.”
Most days, Momma’s the one who’s erratic and emotional. Today, it’s me. This morning, I woke up feeling awry, and my mood hasn’t shifted. It has everything to do with the knowledge of knowing I’m in love with Livingston Lacroix.
Livingston.
My worst fears have come true. I’m in love with a womanizer.
This discovery weighed heavy on my heart; nothing good was bound to come out of this, but I had to tell someone. Certainly couldn’t be Livingston. Definitely not Momma. She would be writing out the guest list to our imaginary wedding before I could finish my sentence.
