I straighten my shoulders and lick my lips. From the corner of my eye, I see Grayson finally notice me. He tracks my every step as I make my way toward Andrea and Cam. Smiling, I give him a little wave. Hannah was right—I’m going to have to thank her.
I hesitate, second guessing what I’m about to do. But then I hear Brittany say Grayson’s name around a giggle, and something inside of me snaps.
“Enjoying my leftovers?” I ask, coming to a stop near Andrea. I glare down at her, momentarily enjoying my position of dominance over her.
She looks up at me, eyes wide. Then, slowly, she stands. “They’re hardly your leftovers when he dumped you.” She crosses her arms.
I narrow my eyes. This is not the Andrea I know. Sure, I’m the one who confronted her, but she’s the one who stole my boyfriend. “You always were a terrible friend, Andrea.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve learned from the best.”
“All right, knock it off.” Cam stands and puts his hands on Andrea’s shoulders. “You’re making a scene.” He looks at me when he says that.
I scoff. “So what?”
“This isn’t like you, Isabelle. You’re above this.”
Like he has any room to talk. One day, he’s dating me, and the next, he’s here groping Andrea in front of everyone.
“God teaches us to forgive, remember?” he asks softly.
“Yeah, He also teaches us not to lie and cheat, but that didn’t stop either of you, did it?” I throw my arms wide and address the crowd of poorly disguised eavesdroppers. “Did it?” My voice is strangled with raw aching pain, and my hands shake with rage.
Brit makes a roaring noise. “The Jesus freak has claws.”
“C’mon, Belle. Don’t waste your time on these two.” Grayson takes my arm and tries to drag me away, but I jerk out of his hold.
I look between Cam and Andrea. Neither of them shows the slightest bit of remorse for what they’ve done, and I realize they don’t care. The guy I thought I might love and the girl who was my best friend couldn’t care less about breaking my heart. How is this possible?
“Isabelle,” Hannah says softly. “Don’t do this here.”
“What?” I whip around to glare at her. All day she’s been telling me to do whatever I want, and now that I am, she’s telling me not to? With a huff, I walk away from all of them. Okay, so maybe confronting Andrea here wasn’t such a great idea—it certainly isn’t the Christian thing to do—but the look on her face did make me feel slightly better. I walk away from the bonfire and flop down on the sand. Resting my head on my bent knees, I groan.
“Remind me never to make you angry.” Grayson lowers himself onto the sand beside me.
Despite my anger, I laugh and lift my head. “Isn’t your fan club going to miss you?”
“Who? Brit? For the record, I was sitting there first. She and her friends surrounded me.”
“You really should stay away from her.” I stare out at the lake.
“Are you jealous?” He nudges me, and a tingle ripples through my body. Why does even the most innocent touch from him set me off like that?
“Being jealous would mean I like you.”
“Ouch.” He places his hand over his heart and pretends to be wounded. “And here I thought we were friends.”
“There you go being wrong again.”
He laughs, and the sound carries on the breeze. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I do like him. A lot. But there’s no way I’m telling him that—I don’t care what deal I made with Hannah.
“If you don’t want me hanging out with Brit, I won’t,” he says.
I jerk my head toward him. “Seriously?”
He nods. “If it comes to a choice between you and her, it’s you.”
Whoa. Okay, so maybe he does like me the way I like him. I swallow hard and fight the urge to smile. “Thank you.”
“That’s it? No sarcastic comeback?”
“Nope.” I shake my head and turn to stare out at the lake again. We’re silent for several moments.
Grayson moves closer and nudges my leg with his. “Want to go back to the bonfire?”
“Not really.” Just sitting here with him is enough for me, but I have a feeling he wants to go back. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Why? Because you called out Cam and Andrea for what they did to you?” He shakes his head. “They deserved it.”
“Maybe, but I didn’t have to do it here, in front of everyone.” I sigh. “Just seeing them together like that… Cam says I need to forgive them because that’s what God teaches us.”
“Are you kidding me?” Grayson’s tone is sharp. “Don’t you see what he’s doing?”
I stare at him, confused, waiting for him to continue.
“He’s hiding behind God to justify what he did, and I’m sorry, Belle, but there’s no justification for cheating on you. None.” He gives a hard shake of his head, and the moonlight catches his eyes—they’re green as ever, but they’re hard, too. Cold. Angry.
Why is he so upset? It’s not like he was cheated on.
“Maybe,” I finally say. “But he’s right. God does teach us forgiveness, and if I don’t forgive them, doesn't that make me bad?”
“It makes you human.”
I glance back toward the bonfire. The flames reach high into the night sky, crackling and sending off sparks. Laughter filters down the beach. Grayson’s right. I am only human. But Cam’s right, too. I need to find a way to forgive their betrayal.
“Do you believe in God?” I ask Grayson.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to go to church with me tomorrow?”
He heaves a breath and hangs his head. “I don’t do church anymore. C’mon, let’s go back to the party.” He stands and holds his hands out to me.
I hesitate, staring up at him. What does he mean he doesn’t do church anymore? If he believes in God, why wouldn’t he go to church? I want to ask him, but I worry if I push the issue, he’ll walk away from me. At the same time, him not going to church is a deal breaker for me. I take his hands, and he yanks me to my feet, straight into his arms. I put my hands on his chest and can feel how hard his heart is beating.
“You look great,” he says.
“Thanks.”
He slides his hand across my back, and I suck in a sharp breath.
“Cold?” he whispers.
“Not exactly,” I say on an exhale.
He grins as if he knows exactly why I’m shivering. If I don’t say or do something to get my mind off the feel of his arms around me, I’m going to do something I regret.
“Why don’t you do church anymore?” I cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth.
Releasing me, Grayson steps back and drags a hand through his hair. “It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got all night.” I hug myself to stop from shivering again, this time from the cold.
“Yeah, well, it’s not something I really want to talk about.”
“Okay.” But the disappointment weighs heavily on my chest. I avert my gaze to my feet and push sand around with the toe of my shoe.
“Belle?” Grayson puts his finger under my chin and tilts my head up. “Why did you ask me to go to church with you?”
“Because it’s Cam’s church. His dad is the pastor. His mom leads the youth group. Andrea is in the choir, and her mom coordinates Bible study. I don’t want to skip church, but I’m not sure I can handle an entire service with them.” I don’t know why I just admitted that to him, but it feels good, like a weight’s been lifted.
Since Brandon’s death, my entire family has forsaken God. Cam and his family made church a second home. I had started to feel like maybe God and I would be okay, after all, but now I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle church alone. I can’t sit in the pews, by myself, and praise a God who took so much from me. I know He has His reasons for taking Brandon from us, and Cam always reminded me of that fact, but Cam can't do that anymore. A
nd Cam can't spiritualize away what he and Andrea did to me.
“So, you want me there for backup?”
“Forget I asked.” I spin around to leave, but he grabs my hand, stopping me.
“The last church I went to… well, let’s just say it didn’t end well. The congregation turned on me and my dad, and we were as good as kicked out.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what he did to get kicked out of a church, but I’m guessing he won’t tell me.
“It was six years ago, and I haven’t been inside a church since,” he says and releases my hand.
“What happened?” I whisper.
“My mother got tired of my father always being gone, so she got involved with our local church. She got really involved.” He sits back down, and I do the same, huddling close to him. For warmth. Yeah, right. “She started having an affair with the pastor.”
“No,” I gasp.
He nods. “She was meeting him one day at a local hotel. The building caught fire. She and the pastor died. The church blamed my father, saying if he’d been a better husband, none of it would’ve happened.”
“Oh, Grayson.” I loop my arm around his and rest my head on his shoulder. Tears pool in my eyes. “I’m so sorry.” Everything makes sense now, though. His ability to quote scripture. His intense hatred for Cam’s cheating. His refusal to go to church with me.
He rests his head on mine, and we sit in silence for several moments.
“Y’know, not all churches are like your old one. Real Christians won’t judge you based on the actions of others.”
He straightens and pulls his arm away from my hold. “You really think if I show up at Cam’s church tomorrow, people there won’t judge me?”
“They won’t,” I say, but I’m not so sure. It is Cam, after all, and he hasn’t been shy about his dislike of Grayson.
“All right. Fine. I’ll go to church tomorrow, but if I’m right, you go out on a date with me.”
My eyes widen.
“What’s wrong? Scared?” His smile is pure arrogance.
“No,” I say slowly. “I’m just trying to decide if I want to be right this time or not.”
He nudges me with his shoulder. “I knew you liked me.”
14
GRAYSON
“CHURCH?” DAD RAISES A BROW but doesn’t move from his position on the couch. “You really think that’s a good idea?”
I shrug and loosen my tie—just one more thing I don’t miss about going to church.
“You know, going to service to impress some girl isn’t a good idea.”
I never should’ve told him Isabelle invited me. I should’ve told him I was hanging out with friends; it wouldn’t have been a lie. I sigh and slip my arms into my jacket. “She’s not the only reason I’m going.”
He gives me another raised eyebrow, a disbelieving look. “I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”
“I won’t.” I only hope I’m not lying. Isabelle is convinced her church will welcome me with open arms, and I refuse to admit how badly I want her to be right. When Mom died, I didn’t just lose her—I lost all my church friends, too. Is it so wrong that I want to reclaim a part of my old life? To remember what it was like before she destroyed our lives?
“When you get back, you and I can sit down and start looking at some colleges.” He doesn’t phrase this as a question, and I know it’s not. I give him a simple nod in response. The last thing I want to do is fight with him right now.
“Take the truck,” Dad says. His gaze is on the television. “It’s supposed to rain today.”
“Thanks.” I retrieve the keys from the hook in the kitchen. “I’ll be home in a few hours.”
He grunts, and I leave. Last night, Isabelle sent me the address, and not surprisingly, the church isn’t far from my house. Everything is fifteen minutes away or less. As I make my way through town, the sky is dark and cloudy. Hopefully, it won’t rain until after service is over.
When I pull into the parking lot, it’s full. My stomach lurches, and I momentarily consider going back home. But then I see Isabelle standing by the door, and a smile pulls at my lips. I know how important God and church are to her, and if I have any hope of dating her, I need to at least make an effort to share in this part of her life. And it’s not like I’ve never worshipped before—it used to be a normal, consistent part of my life.
I park, adjust my tie one more time, take a deep breath, and head for Isabelle. The church is on the smaller side with clean, white siding, and a new-looking sign that reads: Lakewood Valley Christian Church. Solar lights on either side light up the words in a soft glow.
“I’m impressed you own nice clothes,” Isabelle says as I approach.
I laugh. “Figured it wouldn’t be appropriate to show up in jeans and black boots.”
She smiles, and her face lights up. She’s wearing a simple blue, flowered sundress that stops an inch above her knees. A headband holds her hair back, and a touch of makeup brightens her face. “I have to admit, I was starting to think you weren’t going to show up.”
“I considered turning around a couple times,” I confess.
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t.” She holds out her hand, and I take it, lacing our fingers. Right now, I’m glad I didn’t, too. “This is going to be good.”
I wish I felt an ounce of her enthusiasm. “You look really nice.”
“Thanks. So do you.” She squeezes my hand and leads me through the doors.
As soon as I step over the threshold, sweat breaks out on my forehead. I take a deep, calming breath and remind myself this isn’t my old church. No one, other than Isabelle, knows my past or how my mother shamed and ruined an entire congregation. Here, I’m just a new guy checking out a new church.
Isabelle walks down the aisle, head held high, and stops at a pew near the middle. She whispers hello to an elderly couple and then slides into her seat. I sit beside her and wipe my suddenly sweaty palms on my pants. Then, I glance around. Hannah is on the opposite side of the aisle, a few rows ahead of us. She’s staring at me with what I can only guess is confusion. I smile, and she turns away. Dread pools in my gut. What did I do to upset her?
I blow out a breath and continue to look around—there’s an equal number of elderly couples and young families with children in attendance. My old church was mostly older people who were very set in their ways and very unforgiving. My gaze snags on Cam. He’s in the front pew with Andrea. He narrows his eyes, leans over to whisper in Andrea’s ear, and then she turns to look at me.
I shift uncomfortably and nudge Isabelle’s knee with mine. “I don’t think this was such a great idea.” I nod toward the front pew.
Isabelle straightens. “Ignore him.”
That’s easy for her to say when she’s not getting death glares from him.
A moment later, Cam stands and walks toward us. He stops, smiles to the other people sitting in the pew, and then crouches so he’s eye level with me. “What’s he doing here, Isabelle?” He talks as if I’m not sitting directly between him and her.
“The same thing we’re all doing here, Cam. We’re praising God,” she says sweetly.
Cam scowls. “You could have given me a heads up.”
“I didn’t realize I had to get your approval to invite someone to church.” She turns to him, and her eyes are fiery with defiance. “I’m sure your mother and father will be thrilled he’s here. They’re always encouraging us to reach out and help grow the congregation.”
Cam stands and storms back to his seat. I shake my head but bite my tongue to keep from telling Isabelle I was right—I’m not welcome here. If Cam’s little outburst isn’t an indication, then Hannah’s snub is.
She grumbles something incoherent under her breath and crosses her arms. Worship music starts to play, and a hush falls over the church. After an introductory hymn, a tall, husky man stands in front of everyone.
Isabelle leans over to me. “That’s Cam’s father. Pastor Jeff.�
��
I nod.
Pastor Jeff clears his throat. “Let us pray.” In unison, everyone bows their heads, me included. “Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for bringing all of us into Your house this morning so that we can praise You for Your unconditional love and forgiveness. In Your name we pray. Amen.”
A chorus of “amens” ripples through the room.
“Let us start by welcoming each other and greeting our brothers and sisters in Christ.”
Chatter erupts, and people begin to move around. I stand awkwardly as Isabelle says hello to the people around us. Several of them ask her about her parents—her father is in Chicago for business, and her mom is home with the flu. A little old lady with a hunched back and thick glasses secured around her neck with a fluorescent yellow string stops next to me. She takes my hand and smiles, but she doesn’t speak.
“Hello,” I say.
She nods and then moves on to the pew behind me, giving everyone she encounters the same friendly smile and handshake. No one else bothers to speak to me, and I don’t go out of my way to talk to them, either.
“That’s Mrs. Stratton. She’s ninety-eight,” Isabelle whispers. “She’s been coming to this church since she was a child.”
“Wow. That’s impressive.”
“C’mon, I’ll introduce you to Pastor Jeff,” she says, nudging me out of the pew.
Before I can move, Pastor Jeff calls for everyone to open their hymnals to page forty-six.
“I’ll introduce you after,” Isabelle says. She grabs a hymnal. I stare down at the book she holds open. Soft singing fills the nave. Goose bumps erupt on my arms. The chorus of voices is uplifting, but I’m not quite feeling the desire to sing along, so I silently move my mouth to the words.
After a couple more hymns, everyone settles into the pews. Cam’s father arranges his Bible on the pulpit and smiles at his congregation. It’s eerie how much he and Cam look alike.
“This book”—he holds up his Bible—“has been called God’s instruction manual for life. But the reality is we aren’t always sure which page to turn to. Sometimes, the decisions we have to make in life aren’t easy ones. I was talking with my son a few days ago. He was facing a difficult decision that would not only affect him but others he cared for deeply. I won’t share any personal details because I don’t want to embarrass him.” He winks at Cam.
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