by CJ Murphy
Laurel watched her body tense up. Worried, she looked to Liz for reassurance. Liz raised a hand to let her know it was all right.
“I remember the pain and the fear. Yelling for the medic.”
Val paused for a moment and Laurel watched as her eyes shifted rapidly from side to side and her breaths became ragged and short. It was like someone watching a terrifying movie and she wanted badly to reach out and sooth Val. She looked to Liz who mouthed she was alright.
“I can see this kid, can’t be more than nine or ten. There’s blood coming out of his nose.” Val blinked rapidly. “I can see that damn pack of crayons in his hand. I brushed the dirt out of his eyes. He’s so small. I can’t feel any heartbeat. I tried mouth to mouth but I couldn’t get him to breathe. I screamed for help and tried to get up. I couldn’t for some reason. So, I held him and cried. He was a child. All he wanted was some crayons and that bastard killed him!”
Laurel watched in horror as Val’s chest rose and fell in desperate heaves.
Liz leaned forward in her chair. “Val, if you can hear me, I want you to lift your left index finger.”
Val didn’t respond, so Laurel tried.
“Val, it’s Laurel. I’m right here. Your arm is around me. Lift your left index finger, honey.”
Laurel held her breath and waited. Seconds later, Val lifted her finger as directed.
“Val, I want you to count out loud back from five and exhale after each number, slowly. Laurel will count with you.”
Val and Laurel began to count following Liz’s direction. “Five, four, three, two, one.”
Liz said, “I want you to tell me your full name and how old you are, where you’re from, and where you are now.”
Laurel held her breath, wishing for all the world she could take this from Val, to bring these nightmares to an end. She heard Val’s voice and looked into her eyes. They were cloudy, but not as dilated. She was pale, although Laurel couldn’t tell if this was from her episode or from the surgery.
“My name is Valkyrie Vör Magnusson. I’m forty-four years old. I’m from Seattle, Washington, and I’m in your home in Annapolis, Maryland.”
Liz nodded. “Who is at your side?”
“The love of my life, Laurel Anastasia Stemple.”
Laurel buried her face in Val’s neck and tried to control her own tense breathing.
“Val, close your eyes. I’m going to count down from five and when I reach one, you will open them and feel at peace and settled. Five, four, three, two, one.”
Val opened her eyes, sobs escaping her body. “I was holding the kid. It was me!”
Laurel could feel that this was a major breakthrough. She kissed Val and put her arm around her neck, holding onto her. Val was shaking uncontrollably.
Finally, Val’s sobs quieted and her breathing settled. Liz spoke to her. “I’d long suspected it was you holding the child, Val. Your subconscious wasn’t ready to accept it. My guess is during the blast you dropped the camera and it fell against something that kept the shutter pushed. You were the only one still alive in the courtyard after your protection detail got to you. Gamble, Layfield, and Taylor all died in the blast. Apparently, you were far enough away that you didn’t get the full brunt of the explosion and you probably dragged yourself over to the child to render aid. I believe the serious concussion you suffered kept this memory hidden. The one you suffered during the motorcycle accident brought it back to the forefront.”
Val shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m ready to accept it as fact, but it does make sense. None of the pictures show the soldier from the waist down or the face. The hands were too blurry to be able to tell if they were mine or not. I need to figure out how to process this.” Val let her head rest back on the couch, tears still running from the corners of her eyes.
Laurel curled closer into her side. “I love you, and I’m right here beside you.” Laurel was trying to process it herself. What it all meant for her, or for that matter, them, was unknown. All I know is, I’m going to be right by her side through this, come hell or high water.
“I also suspect that the love you have in Laurel allowed your subconscious to release this memory, knowing you had a support system to hold you up.” Liz nodded in Laurel’s direction.
“I just don’t know, Liz, I’ve been searching for this answer for a long time. I have a hard time believing it’s true, but I know it must be.” The tears rolled, and Laurel pulled her closer, stroking her neck and face.
Liz nodded. “All we can do is learn to manage your flashbacks to lessen their impact on your life. You have a family that loves you. They’re what matters. Not a memory of a past you can’t change.”
Laurel kissed Val as she sat up. She reached out and dried the tears on Val’s cheeks. Interlacing their fingers, she pulled Val’s hand into her lap. She turned to Liz. “Tell me how to help her.”
“First, I always confirm that she isn’t in Iraq and what the present situation is. We ground her in time and place as well as acknowledge who she is. Assure her what’s she’s seeing is in the past. The where she’s from, is to test her long-term memory.”
Laurel bit her lip. “So, if I told her it was me, that she was at Cool Springs, and that she was safe, would that do it?” Laurel wanted to confirm that this simple phrasing wouldn’t make the situation worse.
“It’s possible. She responds to your voice and your touch. I’ve seen her flashbacks go as long as fifteen to twenty minutes. Every time you’re with her, it’s so much shorter. That’s remarkable. Sometimes it may be just you reminding her that you love her. The key is you, Laurel.”
“I’m all for that.” Val leaned in and kissed Laurel’s temple.
“After you get home, I want to do a few video sessions. I don’t think these flashbacks are over. With this new revelation about the child, it’s possible even Laurel will struggle to bring you back. I think with her help, we can bring you through this together.”
***
Val appreciated the stress relief her friends could provide. She needed a break from trying to process everything. The rest of the evening passed quietly. Jo and Val bantered back and forth while the women who loved them just shook their heads. They told dozens of stories on each other.
“So, we go to this jeweler and Jo is as nervous as long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. The guy at the counter was more feminine than both of us combined. Jo’s looking at this gorgeous rock, and he looks up at me and says it will look fabulous on my finger. I damn near choked. Jo looks at him…” Val gazed over her shoulder at her friend.
Jo shook her head and grinned. “I say, ‘Do I look like I go for the butch type, bub? The woman I’m proposing to looks like a model in little black dress with come-fuck-me heels that put yours to shame. I’ll take it.’”
The room roared with laughter.
Val needed this. The images of that day had haunted her for years. The answers that had been revealed still didn’t alleviate her anxiety about what she’d lived through. The banter and the humor were as important to her well-being, as the sessions she and Liz scheduled. She needed to laugh. Some of her memories were so graphic that they caused her not only emotional pain but physical at times. The moments she could spend reliving good memories chased the shadows away and let the sun stream in as the darkness threatened to drown her. Best medicine ever invented, next to love. She looked at Laurel and knew what she felt for her was stronger than any medication known to man. Jo’s voice brought her out of her musings.
“And we haven’t even gotten to the stories in the hospital.”
“With that, I think it’s time we all go to bed. I’m tired.” Val pointed at Liz and Jo. “And you two need your house back.”
Jo pulled her wife into her lap. “You’re always welcome here. We expect to come and see you two soon.”
Laurel reached out her hand and touched Jo on the arm. “Gram would love to meet you both. I think she’d give you a run for your money, Jo.”
Jo hugged Laurel’s neck. “I’m guessing that apple didn’t fall far from the tree. What time are you leaving?”
“I’m hoping to get on the road by 9:00 and praying the morning commuters will already be at work. That puts us home around noon.” Laurel stood beside Val, her hand tucked into Val’s waistband.
Val melted at the familiar feeling, craving the contact.
“So, we’ll see you guys for breakfast. I have a few pieces I need to finish up tomorrow, and Liz here has a full schedule, so we’ll be up early. See you in the morning.” Jo popped a wheelie with her wife in her lap and rolled them both to the elevator.
Laurel turned in Val’s arms. “I’m going to go get your evening pills and we can go to bed.”
“I like the sound of that. First, I’m going to call my mother.”
“I was hoping you would do that. I’ll give you some privacy. I need to call Beth, catch up on what’s been going on with the store, and talk to Gram. I’ll see you upstairs.” Laurel stood on her tiptoes and kissed Val. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Val watched her climb the stairs, a million things going through her head. She sat down on the landing with her phone pressed to her forehead. The revelation that she was the one in the pictures had shocked her to her core. Even now as she sat here, she could see him in her arms. Knowing the truth filled a good bit of the void she’d floated in for a long time. She still didn’t have all the answers and might never have them. Those answers tempered the nagging feeling that something was missing.
She looked up at the ceiling and stared at the ornate plaster adorning it. The plaster was a façade for the wooden lath that lay under it. It had small spider cracks that snaked across it in fine lines. She’d been like that. A façade covering over imperfections and flaws. Window dressing to what skeletons lay beneath. It had been a long time since her boots were filled with sand but the cracks that developed in that harsh land were deep and started just below the surface. She stared out into the empty room and realized, Laurel is filling those cracks. Filling them with love and devotion until they were much less noticeable. She’d come to believe she could depend on Laurel to cope with her flashbacks. She shook her head and dialed her mother.
“Valkyrie, how are you?”
“Hello, Mother, just wanted to let you know I’m fine. We made it to Liz and Jo’s. If all goes according to plan, Laurel and I will head back to West Virginia tomorrow.”
“Did Dr. O’Neil think that was a good idea?”
“The only restriction I have is movement of the joint for the rest of the day.” The ache in her arm reminded her she would still need meds before she could get any sleep. “She wants me in therapy as soon as possible. So, we have to go back to West Virginia where the therapist Laurel lined up is.”
“Have you checked out this therapist or the facility?”
“I trust Laurel. She’s confident Fallon is the best. That’s good enough for me.” Irritation nettled Val at her mother’s constant questioning of her decisions. She was an adult and had been taking care of herself for a long time. Amanda had never been attentive and her mothering now felt more like meddling. The more she listened, the more it became white noise with no meaning.
“You’d have so many more options if you stayed there in Maryland or in Seattle.”
“You’re pushing.”
There was a long silence between them.
“I’m sorry, Valkyrie. Forgive me for being your mother.”
Val blew out a breath and stared at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and counted to ten before speaking. “Mother, it’s okay to care. It’s okay for you to want me to have the best. It isn’t okay for you to second-guess my decisions. I’ll call you in a few days.”
“I’m sorry, Valkyrie. Just because your children grow up doesn’t mean you stop wanting to protect them. I’ve tracked down your grandmother’s salve. I’m ordering it. Where should I send it?”
For once she heard what her mother had said. Warm memories of her grandmother pulling it from her purse and putting it on her lips as a child, flooded her. “Thanks, Mother, I’ll text you the address after I get it from Laurel.”
“Sleep well, Valkyrie. Call me with an update if you can.”
“I will, Mother. Good night.” She stood, looking down the stairs, still trying to put the emotions her mother raised in check.
Laurel came up behind her and pressed close. “You okay?”
I am now. Val took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Her mother tested every bit of patience she possessed. What she needed now was right behind her. “I’m fine. Talking to her raises my blood pressure. Can we go to bed? I really need to hold you.”
“I can’t imagine anything else I’d rather do.”
Val took her hand and walked her to the bed.
Chapter Twenty-One
THE NEXT MORNING AFTER an extended goodbye over breakfast and coffee, Laurel and Val got on the road and headed home. Laurel weaved through beltway traffic and then settled in for the drive. She kept one hand on the wheel and the other hand in Val’s. She noticed the woman beside her seemed relaxed, and not in any major discomfort. She’d taken the maximum dose of her pain medicine, and Laurel hoped it would be enough for the ride. The miles passed as the scenery changed from cityscape to trees and roadside streams. The flat gray land of the city gave way to the green rolling hills of the countryside.
Val smiled as she slept. I hope it’s me she’s dreaming of. Laurel was doing everything she could think of to keep Val safe and happy. In the back of her mind there would always be a chance her body would betray her and the cancer would show its ugly head. Looking over at the sleeping woman beside her, she pulled her thoughts away from the dark corners of her psyche. Live for today. It was more important to enjoy the things that were far more than chance. She was in love with Val and she’d keep loving her as long as she could. The day that Val rode into Cool Springs, her life had changed forever.
About thirty minutes from Aurora, Val stirred. “Where are we?”
Laurel squeezed her hand. “We’re outside of Oakland, Maryland. Almost home. Anything you want before we get there?”
“I’ve got all I need.” She kissed Laurel’s fingers.
Laurel smiled at her. “Gram’s going to be happy to have us both home. I want to do something special for Beth for watching over her while we’ve been gone.”
“I’ve missed everyone down at the store. Can we stop there first?”
“You feel up to it?” Laurel smiled at Val’s desire to reconnect with the people she cared about.
“I do.”
Laurel nodded and continued to drive. Ten minutes later, she pulled into the store. They both stared at the sign above the door that welcomed them home. It might as well have said, “Come on in, we’ve missed you.”
Just steps inside the front door, a collective cheer went up from around the potbelly stove. Ree came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. Val and Laurel walked over to the stove area and patted Mule and Bobeye on the back. Ree walked up to Val and gave her a gentle hug.
Beth wrapped her arms around Laurel, holding her tightly. “How are you, hon?”
Laurel took a deep cleansing breath, familiar scents enveloping her, hotdog chili, apple pie, and today’s special, fried chicken. “Really good. She’s on the mend and that’s all that matters.”
Ree walked up to her and Laurel fell into her embrace. “Oh, Liebchen, I’ve missed ya. It’s good to have ya home. And look, ya managed to drag the Viking with ya.”
“She insisted on stopping in here before I took her to the house. I think she missed you all, too.” Laurel laughed, and they looked at the others. Mule was staring at the display Val handed him. Laurel remembered Val asking Jo to create a special shadowbox. Inside was the rubbing Val made of his brother’s name and a few pictures she had taken from the Vietnam Wall. He held it to his chest. The sight took her breath.
***
Everyone took the opportunity
to tell Val how glad they were that she was doing well and back home. She was just as grateful to be in a place she looked forward to being. Ree took her into the kitchen. She smiled as the octogenarian dished out a large portion of her favorite dessert and topped it with ice cream. I’ve missed this.
Val spooned the first taste up to her mouth, closed her eyes and groaned. She looked at Ree who stared back at her with a twinkle in her eye. “What?”
“Good to have ya back, Viking. Ya in much pain with that shoulder?”
“At times. The ride home wasn’t too bad. I had an excellent chauffeur. It’s good to be home.” The words left Val’s mouth before she even had a chance to analyze what it meant. The truth will set you free. She’d been thinking of what the word home meant, a great deal lately. Never had any place felt so right.
Ree placed her hand on Val’s forearm. “Val, I love ya like one of my own. I can see how much ya love my granddaughter and I want ya to hear this straight from the horse’s mouth. I approve. I want ya to feel like ya belong here. I want ya to know ya can stay, however long those rambling boots will let ya. Finish your crisp so Laurel can take ya up to the house. Ya look about as worn out as the belts on a farmer’s hay baler.”
Val hugged Ree with her good arm. “Ree, in all the places in the world I’ve been, there’s no place like this in my heart. I do love Laurel. We’re just figuring out what all that means. She’s one incredible woman who was raised by another exceptional one.”
Ree smacked her arm. “Flattery will get ya everything, honey.”
Val let out a long breath, her heart warmed by the affection. She loved Ree. Shoveling the last few bites in, she rose and took her bowl to the big stainless-steel double-bowled sink. She started to wash the bowl one handed and laughed as Ree shooed her out of the kitchen.
