‘Of course I do,’ Jackson frowned. ‘Are you sick?’
She shook her head.
‘Not exactly,’ she replied, ‘but this is just between us, right? Because the only other people who know are Stu and Louisa and I want to keep it that way.’
‘You can trust me.’
‘You remember last summer when Miller was finally strong enough to travel and you took him back to Ireland to meet your parents?’
‘Aye,’ he nodded, ‘you had to take some time off while I was away, because your mother was sick.’
She nodded again.
‘That wasn’t true,’ she admitted, ‘I lied to you.’
Jackson watched her, his brow furrowed in confusion.
‘It was me; I was rushed into hospital,’ her eyes closed painfully. ‘I lost a baby.’
‘Shelley,’ he breathed heavily, ‘why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?’
‘Because I didn’t know at first. I’ve always had heavy painful periods and I was still bleeding; I never skipped a period…’ She looked up at him, ‘are you sure you really want to know this?’
‘Tell me all of it,’ he replied.
‘It wasn’t a straightforward miscarriage, it was an ectopic pregnancy. The baby had attached to one of my fallopian tubes instead of the lining of my womb, that was why I was still getting periods. But when the baby started to develop and grow there was no room and my tube ruptured.’
‘Jesus Shel,’ he rubbed the back of his neck in concern.
‘They rushed me into surgery and removed the tube. The baby was already gone, there was no heartbeat and there was nothing they could’ve done anyway. It never stood a chance.’
‘I’m so sorry love,’ Jackson’s eyes filled with sympathy.
‘That was only the beginning of my problems though,’ she continued. ‘During the surgery they discovered I have Endometriosis, a condition which causes growths and scar tissue in and around the womb. My other fallopian tube was completely sealed off, strangled by severe scar tissue and my uterus was also badly damaged. There’s nothing that can be done, I’ll never be able to have children of my own.’
‘Shel,’ he shook his head, ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘There’s nothing you can say,’ she shrugged, ‘it can’t be changed. I’ve been trying to accept it. It’s been…’ she looked up blinking back the tears, ‘it’s been hard but I’m getting there.’
‘I wish you’d come to me,’ Jackson replied quietly. ‘I wish you’d felt you could trust me.’
‘I do,’ she replied, ‘but you had your hands full. You had money worries with covering Kaitlin’s hospital bills when Miller was born, not to mention the repairs to the pub after the vandalism and on top of all that you were trying to figure out how to be a dad. I didn’t want you to feel you couldn’t rely on me to help you through that or feel that you couldn’t share Miller with me because it might hurt me.’
‘But it must’ve have,’ he frowned, ‘I did rely on you heavily when it came to Miller. You can’t tell me it didn’t hurt you to hold someone else’s baby when you were still grieving the loss of your own.’
‘Do you want to know something crazy?’
He looked over to her, his blue gaze penetrating.
‘Miller was my saving grace,’ she replied sincerely. ‘I can’t explain it but holding him eased the pain. It was impossible not to love him. He helped me get through those first few months.’
‘Shelley,’ he reached out and moved a strand of hair, tracing her cheek and then her jaw softly.
Shelley watched him silently, her eyes wide and her lips parted. Her heart was hammering in her chest so loudly she wondered if he could hear it. She wasn’t sure how much time passed, it could’ve been a minute; it could’ve been an hour. Neither spoke or moved, almost as if afraid to break the spell woven around them. She saw his gaze dip to her lips and her heart kicked up another notch.
Suddenly there was a loud cry and they both turned in the direction of Miller’s room. Jackson frowned, it didn’t sound like Miller at all. His cry was high pitched and sharp, not at all what he usually sounded like. Jumping off the couch he hurried into his room with Shelley close behind.
Miller was sitting up in his crib, his face red and streaming with tears, clutching his blanket as he sobbed. The minute he caught sight of Jackson he climbed to his feet reaching for him. Jackson hurried across the room and as soon as he lifted him, he wrapped his arms around his father and buried his face in his shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. Jackson rocked him in concern, he could feel his son’s body shaking as he cried. Something had really scared him.
‘Hush now little man,’ he soothed him softly, his voice deep and rumbling.
Jackson glanced up and his eyes met Shelley’s concerned gaze as she watched the pair of them. She’d spent enough time with Miller to know when something was really wrong. She opened her mouth to speak and found her breath puffed out in a fine mist. She shivered and heard a loud bang from inside the apartment as a door slammed shut.
‘Is there a window open somewhere?’ she shivered, ‘it’s freezing in here.’
‘Better check love, just to be sure,’ he rumbled as he continued to rock Miller.
But even as she left the room he knew she wouldn’t find anything. There was now no longer a doubt in his mind that they were not alone in the apartment.
There a sudden creak and the little mechanical tin merry-go-round which sat on Miller’s dresser began to slowly turn as if caught by a breeze.
‘Just leave us alone,’ Jackson whispered angrily. ‘He’s just a baby and you’re scaring him.’
Suddenly the room was filled with warmth and a strong scent. It was light and floral and strangely enough, almost identical to the perfume Shelley wore.
The uncomfortable presence was gone, and the room was once again as it should be. Miller stopped whimpering and slowly dozed off, snoring lightly against Jackson’s chest. He rocked him for a while longer until he was satisfied he was once again sleeping peacefully. Settling him down in his crib Jackson switched his night light on and crept slowly from the room, leaving the door open.
‘Is he okay?’ Shelley asked in concern as Jackson joined her in the kitchen.
‘He’s sleeping now.’
‘It’s strange,’ Shelley murmured, ‘I couldn’t find any windows open and I turned up the heat, but Miller’s room seemed to be the only one that was cold.’
‘It’s warming back up now,’ Jackson replied. ‘It’s just an old building love, it’s bound to have a few eccentricities.’
‘I suppose,’ she shook her head. ‘What do you think woke Miller?’ It’s not like him to cry like that, he’s not sick, is he? I hope I haven’t given him the flu.’
‘He’s fine,’ Jackson reassured her, ‘it was probably just a bad dream.’
She nodded.
‘You hungry?’ she asked. ‘I could run downstairs to the pub and see what Owen’s got cooking?’
‘Why don’t you do that,’ Jackson agreed.
‘Okay I won’t be a minute,’ she smiled and headed out of the apartment shutting the door behind her.
‘Take your time,’ he murmured, glancing up at the light above him as it began to flicker erratically.
There was a soft scraping sound and Jackson looked down in time to see the bottle of wine he’d opened earlier slowly sliding across the counter.
‘Oh no you don’t,’ he frowned.
He scooped up the bottle and making sure it was firmly corked, put it away safely.
He swore silently to himself. If this kept up there was no way he could hide it from Shelley. It was selfish, he knew, but he didn’t want her to leave and if she found out the pub was haunted he was pretty sure she wouldn’t want to stay.
Pulling his phone from his pocket, he shot Olivia a quick message. A few moments later her reply pinged back.
‘Sorry still haven’t m
anaged to get hold of Fiona…’
‘Damn it Fiona,’ he swore again in frustration, ‘where the hell are you?’
6.
Shelley turned over, shivering again, and pulled the covers up to her chin. What was it with the heating she wondered, as she struggled to sleep. She closed her eyes again and changed position for what felt like the hundredth time. It was no good, sleep eluded her, and she wasn’t even sure why. After she and Jackson had eaten they’d settled down on the couch in comfortable silence to watch a movie, but she’d been unable to keep her eyes open. Still not fully recovered from her bout of the flu she’d been exhausted. She’d later woken on the couch, aware she’d been snoring loud enough to wake the dead and mortified to find Jackson chuckling in amusement as he watched her.
But by the time she’d changed into her pajamas, washed her face, brushed her teeth and climbed into bed she was wide awake. She curled back on her side and closed her eyes. She must have been tossing and turning for nearly an hour. She’d heard Jackson switch off the TV and settle down in the foldout bed in Miller’s room and now the apartment was silent apart from some loud creaks and knocks. It was weird, she frowned in the darkness, she’d never really noticed before just how many strange noises the old building made.
Closing her eyes and letting out another breath she shivered again. Had it just got colder? She didn’t think that was possible, but her toes were starting to feel numb. She was debating on whether or not to get out of bed and put a pair of socks on when her heart suddenly jolted and started to pound.
She felt the bed dip with the unmistakable weight of someone sitting by her side. The hairs at the back of her neck began to rise and she felt a buzzing in her ears as her body flooded with adrenalin. Her skin began to prickle with an uncomfortable awareness, as if someone was watching her.
Slowly she opened her eyes and as they focused she became aware of a misty insubstantial figure sitting on the bed next to her. Then it slowly turned its head to look at her. With a loud gasp Shelley shot up and leaned over, knocking the contents of the nightstand to the floor as she fumbled to switch the lamp on. Light flooded the room and she blinked rapidly, struggling to focus in the brightness.
Her heart was still knocking hard against her rib cage as she scanned the room. There was no one there but the feeling of being watched remained. Making a split-second decision she untangled the bedding from her legs and scrambled out of bed, as uncomfortable prickles of awareness danced down her spine. She ran out of the room and into Miller’s, shutting the door behind her and breathing heavily.
Startled awake by the sudden intrusion, Jackson pushed himself up onto one elbow and looked sleepily across at Shelley in confusion.
Struggling to adjust from the sudden light in her room to the almost darkness of Miller’s, she fumbled as quietly as she could across toward the bed where Jackson was. Then, as her eyes adjusted, and she looked down at him with his inky black hair all rumpled from sleep and his blue eyes watching her patiently, she felt awkward and a little foolish.
‘What’s wrong love?’ his voice was a deep sleep-filled rasp which curled in her belly and warmed her frozen body.
‘I… I saw, I thought I saw… there was something…’ she stopped helplessly. It sounded stupid to say it out loud. There was no such thing as ghosts, it had probably just been her imagination.
But when she looked at Jackson she didn’t see amusement or judgment. He didn’t say a word, just pulled the covers back and allowed her to climb into bed next to him. The bed was small and there was little room, so she ended up rolling in close to his body. As she tilted her head she found him looking at her, his lips so close to hers all she had to do was lean in a little further and she’d be able to taste him, to see if his lips were as soft and inviting as they looked.
She pulled in a slow breath as her heart continued to pound, this time for an entirely different reason. She’d touched Jackson dozens of times. She’d held him, she’d hugged him, but it was completely different to be laying pressed against his hard body in the dark. Her mind began to drift to places it probably shouldn’t, but she ached inside. It had been so long since she’d been touched intimately and even longer since she’d felt any kind of connection to someone.
He pulled her into his arms, wrapping her trembling body firmly against his. He kissed the top of her head as she nestled into the crook of his neck and breathed in the calming and familiar scent of him. She didn’t question it or feel awkward and when he rocked her slightly, the way he did Miller, she let out a quiet sigh of contentment and closed her eyes.
When she opened her eyes again daylight was already spilling through the partly closed curtains. Miller was climbing the side of his crib and sliding down the bars when he couldn’t get a good grip. He glanced over at Shelley and gave her a toothy grin, babbling at her happily.
Jackson mumbled and rolled over, yawning as he scrubbed his hand sleepily through his hair. Unable to help herself she reached out and traced her fingers across the deliciously rough stubble at his jaw. His eyes widened slightly as they locked on Shelley’s and she smiled shyly.
‘Morning,’ he rumbled.
‘Morning,’ she blushed, ‘uh, sorry about crashing your space last night. It’s bad enough I kicked you out of your bedroom, now I seem to be taking over your temporary bed too.’
He laughed, a low delicious rumble that made her stomach clench and the rickety bed shake slightly under her.
‘Are you alright?’
‘Yeah,’ she shook her head in embarrassment, ‘I think I freaked myself out a bit. I could’ve sworn someone was sitting on the bed watching me.’
Jackson’s gaze no longer held the twinkle of amusement but was serious as he watched her. He reached out and smoothed a tangled lock of her hair away from her face.
‘Shelley,’ he murmured, his brow creased into a frown, ‘I…’
Whatever he was about to say was lost in the loud unmistakably squishy sound of someone filling his diaper. They both looked over at Miller, who laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world as he gripped the side of his crib and bounced up and down enthusiastically.
‘Oh my god,’ Shelley laughed as she caught a pungent whiff and covered her nose. ‘Guess that spaghetti worked its way through.’
‘Every morning like clockwork,’ Jackson shook his head in resignation as he climbed out of bed.
She watched as he padded across the floor, lifting Miller from his crib.
‘Impeccable timing as always little man,’ he turned back to Shelley his sharp blue eyes once again dancing with amusement. ‘You may want to brace yourself.’
‘Uh-uh,’ she laughed as she darted out of bed, ‘no way. That one’s all yours. I got it when he was teething. I’ll go make his breakfast.’
He watched as Shelley headed into the kitchen before turning back to his son.
‘You certainly have a way with the ladies,’ he laughed as Miller began babbling again.
By the time he’d finished and headed into the kitchen Shelley had breakfast on the table and was just stirring a bowl of porridge for Miller. Jackson settled him into his chair as Shelley placed the bowl down in front of him.
‘I thought I’d come back to work today,’ Shelley handed Jackson a coffee as he took a seat at the table.
‘You probably should give yourself a few more days, you should be resting,’ he frowned.
‘I’m fine,’ she insisted, ‘besides I’m climbing the walls in here. I want to be back in the pub.’
‘I suppose,’ Jackson replied, reaching for the cereal, ‘if you’re sure you’re feeling up to it.’
‘I am.’
‘Can’t say I’m not relieved,’ he poured the milk into his bowl and picked up a spoon. ‘It’s not the same without you and all the regulars have been asking about you.’
‘Gossiping about me you mean,’ she smiled as she sipped her own coffee.
‘No,’ his mouth c
urved as he tried to hide his amusement.
‘Anyway, haven’t you got that reporter coming in today?’
Jackson nodded.
‘I gave Roni the keys to the guest rooms last night,’ he replied. ‘She’ll show him around, although I expect he’ll find his way into the pub sooner or later.’
Jackson suddenly looked down as a glob of porridge hit him in the chest and began to roll ponderously down his t-shirt, leaving a slug-like trail in its wake.
Shelley’s mouth twitched but she turned to Miller, her expression serious.
‘No,’ she told him firmly as she grabbed a cloth and wiped the porridge from his hands. Once again handing him the small colorful plastic spoon she patiently helped him hold it in his chubby fist, scooping up a little porridge and raising it to his mouth. ‘Well done, clever boy,’ she clapped and praised him when he more or less managed to get the spoon and its contents in his mouth.
Shaking his head in amusement, Jackson dragged his t-shirt up and over his head. Shelley’s mouth went dry as he finished his cereal then carried his bowl to the sink, her gaze drawn to the curves and dips of his torso.
‘I’m going to go take a shower, unless you want to go first?’
Oh, there were so many answers to that question that would probably get her in a lot of trouble, so she went with the safest.
‘No,’ she shook her head, ‘you go first and when you’re dressed you can just head on down to the pub. I’ll get Miller ready and drop him at day-care.’
‘You don’t have to do that,’ he replied, his expression unreadable.
‘I don’t mind,’ she answered easily as she turned back to Miller and gave him a smile. ‘Besides I could use the fresh air, I haven’t been out in days. It’s beginning to feel like the walls are closing in on me.’
‘Well if you’re sure,’ Jackson murmured as he watched her thoughtfully.
‘It’s fine, go,’ she shooed him out of the room before turning back to Miller. ‘Your daddy worries too much.’
Miller squealed in delight as another glob of porridge flipped off his spoon and landed with a splat in Shelley’s hair.
A Little Town Called Mercy Page 11
