Shelley laughed mirthlessly.
‘Are you serious?’ she replied. ‘I found you in our bed with another woman. How was this conversation supposed to go? Huh? With me soothing you? Commiserating and telling you how hard it must have been for you? You BETRAYED ME!’ her voice finally snapped, and her fury bubbled over, ‘at the worst possible moment of my life you weren’t there for me.’
‘How the hell was I supposed to be?’ he snapped back, just as furious.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You stand there all upset and indignant that I wasn’t there for you when every time…EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMNED TIME SOMETHING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WENT WRONG YOU RAN TO FUCKING JACKSON!’
‘That’s not true,’ she shook her head in denial.
‘True?’ his brows rose mockingly, ‘you want the truth? Fine… the truth is, there’s been three people in this relationship for a long time and I don’t mean Serena.’
‘Her name’s Serena?’
‘Don’t change the subject,’ he ground his teeth, ‘and don’t stand here looking all shocked and innocent. You’re in love with Jackson and you probably have been for a long time, so I guess the question I should be asking is, did you cheat on me?’
‘How dare you!’ her voice dropped low as her eyes flashed dangerously.
‘Answer the question?’ he grated, ‘are you fucking him?’
‘Excuse me?’ she replied incredulously.
‘Well you might as well have been in his bed, because you sure as hell weren’t in mine!’
The sound of her palm cracking across his cheek echoed through the suddenly silent apartment.
‘I loved you,’ she whispered. ‘I was always faithful to you.’
‘Fine, you may not have slept with him, so you say,’ he replied equally quiet, ‘but there’s more than one way to cheat. Admit it, at least give me that. The truth; you’re in love with him, aren’t you? You’re in love with Jackson, it’s always been him.’
Shelley hesitated as her gaze flickered to the doorway. Her heart almost stopped in her chest and her stomach clenched when she saw Jackson standing in the doorway, his eyes wide with shock as he stared at her.
‘Jackson…’ she took an involuntary step toward him.
‘I guess that answers my question,’ Stuart whispered as he watched her gaze lock on Jackson’s.
‘YOU!’ Jackson turned to Stuart, lunging forward and grabbing him by the shirt.
Stuart’s head snapped back as Jackson’s fist smashed into his face and he stumbled, crashing to the floor.
‘GET UP!’ Jackson raised his fist again, letting loose what seemed to be a string of expletives in Gaelic.
‘Jackson!’ Shelley stepped in front of Stuart as he propped himself on one elbow, testing his jaw and cupping it with his other hand. ‘JACKSON!’
He finally turned his furious gaze away from Stuart and when they landed on her they softened in concern.
‘Jackson,’ she told him gently, ‘don’t.’
‘He deserves it.’
‘Let me talk to him on my own,’ she replied calmly. ‘I need to.’
He searched her expression for a moment then finally nodded. ‘I’ll be right outside if you need me.’
Although the last statement was directed at Shelley his gaze was firmly fixed on the man lying on the floor.
‘Please,’ she repeated softly.
Giving her one last glance he walked out, closing the door behind him.
She looked down at Stuart as he climbed to his feet, gingerly touching his cheek.
‘That man has got a helluva left hook.’
‘He’s Irish, what do you expect?’ she replied.
Stuart stared at her miserably and she finally understood; it was both their actions that had brought them to this place. Turning around she marched into the kitchen, retrieving an ice pack before she walked back into the room and handed it to him.
‘You deserved that you know.’
‘I know,’ he sighed, ‘but for what it’s worth I really am sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. I know I can be a selfish dick but believe it or not I really did love you.’
‘I know,’ she nodded sadly, ‘I loved you too.’
‘Where did we go wrong?’
‘What you did,’ Shelley frowned, ‘was so wrong. If you were unhappy in our relationship you should have said something. There is no excuse for cheating.’
He opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand and continued.
‘That being said, I’m not completely blameless here,’ she admitted. ‘I do have feelings for Jackson; I think I have for a long time and that wasn’t fair on you. I should have admitted it… to myself and to you.’
‘Thank you for that,’ he replied quietly.
‘There is no easy way to do this, nothing either of us can say that will take away the pain. I think it’s just time for us to walk away,’ she swallowed painfully. ‘We’ve hurt each other enough.’
He stared at her for several long heavy moments before he finally nodded silently and handed the ice pack to her. Turning to leave he took a couple of hesitant steps before stopping and turning back.
‘Shel,’ he said apologetically, his eyes filled with remorse, ‘I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I have but there’s something I need to tell you and I just… I don’t want you to have to hear it from someone else.’
‘What?’ she frowned, sensing his reluctance.
‘I…’ he swallowed hard, his eyes filled with pain and remorse, ‘Serena…she’s pregnant… and it’s mine.’
Time seemed to grind to a halt. Everything stopped, and she swayed slightly. It was as if the world had stopped spinning on its axis, while her body continued its motion.
‘I’m so sorry…’ he mumbled.
‘Just leave,’ she whispered closing her eyes.
She heard the door open and close. When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring at the melting ice pack in her hand, her whole body feeling as numb and frozen as her palm.
‘Shelley love,’ Jackson’s warm rumbling voice wrapped around her like a warm blanket. She felt his palm grip the back of her neck comfortingly and give a gentle squeeze as he pressed his forehead against her temple.
Shelley looked down as a bead of condensation dripped from the bag of ice and landed on her shoe. Gripping it tightly in her fist she pulled away from Jackson and walked back to the kitchen, tossing the bag into the sink.
‘I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay, I can tell you’re not,’ he spoke from behind her. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
She stared at the wall in front of the sink and took a deep breath.
‘There’s not really anything to say,’ she finally replied.
‘I think there is,’ Jackson answered. ‘What Stuart said about me, was it true? Are you in love with me?’
She didn’t say anything, she couldn’t. Her heart pounded in her chest as she felt the heat of him press against her back, felt the warmth of his breath against her hair as he spoke.
‘Shelley?’
She turned slowly, pressed against the sink. With nowhere to go she looked up into his deep blue eyes.
‘Talk to me, my love,’ he rumbled softly.
It was strange, he must have called her ‘love’ a million times before and not just her, as he tended to tack it on to the end of everyone’s name. It was an endearment that fell easily from his tongue when talking to anyone he cared about, but this time it felt different. It was like it was only meant for her and it was heavy with something she couldn’t quite put a name to, longing perhaps… or even love?’
‘Jackson,’ her voice cracked slightly as she looked down, unable to stand those piercing eyes.
His fingertips caught her chin and lifted gently, forcing her gaze back to his.
‘Do you love me?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered, ‘I do.’
‘Shelley,’ he sighed as his warm palm slid along her jaw and cupped her face and he pressed his forehead to hers.
Laying her hand on top of his she pulled away from him, shaking her head slightly. It was too much, her need for him too sharp, too strong. It would be so easy to lose herself in him, in the comfort he so obviously wanted to give but it wasn’t fair to him, not when there was so much going on inside her head.
‘What did Stuart say to you?’ he asked quietly.
She hesitated for a moment, but it was Jackson, her Jackson, the one person she’d always gone to when she was hurting.
‘The woman he was having an affair with is pregnant and the child is his.’
Jackson swore under his breath.
‘How do you feel about that?’ he asked. ‘I have no right to ask but…’
‘But what?’
‘I know you’re upset, I know how hard it is for you because of what happened, but…’
She knew, she knew what he was trying to ask without him having to say the words.
‘No,’ she shook her head, ‘I’m not upset because it’s his child. I don’t feel that way about Stuart, not anymore.’
Needing a moment to think she reached for a clean glass and filled it with water, drinking it down in one go, soothing her suddenly parched throat.
‘I don’t know when we stopped loving each other,’ she forced herself to place the glass carefully in the sink when all she wanted to do was hurl it against the wall and watch it smash into a million pieces. ‘It’s well and truly over between us. I’m not hurting because he got someone else pregnant. I’m angry and I’m hurt because it’s not fair. Why is it she can fall pregnant by accident and I can’t have children at all? Who gets to decide that?’ Her anger began to bubble over as hot tears burned her eyes. ‘It’s like I’m being punished, like I’m not fit to be a mother.’
Jackson grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.
‘That’s not true.’
‘It feels like it,’ she replied miserably. ‘It’s like someone up there decided it would be better if I didn’t have children, and maybe they’re right… because look what I come from. My sister killed herself, my dad abandoned his entire family and my mom cares more about where her next fix is coming from than her only remaining daughter.’
‘Don’t,’ her told her firmly, ‘your sister loved you. She must’ve been in a lot of pain to do what she did, but that wasn’t because of you, and as for your father he’s a weak man who doesn’t deserve you.’
‘And my mother?’
‘Some people can’t move past their own pain and it makes them blind to anyone else's, and eventually it becomes their prison. She’s to be pitied.’
‘Why me?’ she whispered, ‘why don’t I get to be a mother.’
She followed Jackson’s gaze as he looked across the counter to the huge blue and white birthday cake, with Happy Birthday Miller lovingly piped at a slightly wonky angle.
‘You’re already a mother,’ he replied softly, ‘you’re the only one who can’t see it.’
Her heart gave a painful knock and she blinked in surprise at his words, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to her.
‘That boy loves you,’ Jackson smoothed her hair back from her face, stroking her cheek. ‘You’ve been there with Miller since the moment I brought him home from the hospital. When he looks at you he sees his mother.’
Shelley stared back at him.
‘I hate that you’re hurting,’ he shook his head, ‘I’d do anything to take your pain away. I know a little something about wanting something you can’t have,’ he smiled self-deprecatingly. ‘I’ve spent the last several years with the woman I love belonging to someone else.’
‘Jackson,’ she whispered.
‘I love you Shelley,’ he told her in that gravelly voice she loved so much. ‘I’ve loved you since I first saw you.’
His thumb absently traced her bottom lip, his gaze dipping to her mouth and she could tell he was fighting to hold back, but he did. She watched as he took a step back, his hand dropping to his side.
‘I do love you Shelley,’ he told her quietly, ‘but this isn’t about what I want, it’s about what you want, about what you need. You need time to figure out what that is. I’m not going anywhere, and neither is Miller. We’re your family.’
He stepped more fully away from her and she immediately felt the loss of his warmth.
‘Jackson,’ she blurted out. She didn’t understand the sudden panic she experienced, but it felt like she was losing something.
‘You’re my best friend Shelley,’ he smiled at her, that same trademark smile that always relaxed her knotted stomach, ‘no matter what happens or doesn’t happen between us, that won’t ever change.’
She couldn’t say anything, she didn’t have the words, so she watched silently as he took another step back.
‘I have to go downstairs now, they’ll be wondering where I am. You stay up here if you want. I’ll tell them you weren’t feeling well.’
When she didn’t reply he headed toward the door, turning and giving her one last glance as he disappeared through the doorway.
She stood in the middle of the silent empty apartment, her gaze landing on the check which had slipped from her fingers and landed on the floor, at some point during her confrontation with her ex.
‘I really wish you were here Jenna,’ she whispered into the stillness and aching for her sister, ‘because I don’t know what the hell to do.’
9.
The party was in full swing as Shelley walked slowly down the stairs carefully holding the cake. Pushing open the swing doors to the kitchen she backed in and turned, sliding the cake onto the side with a deep sigh of relief.
‘Not bad,’ a deep gruff voice growled behind her.
Shelley spun around, her hand on her pounding heart.
‘Jesus Owen.’
‘It’s just Owen,’ a rare half smile shifted his features, at least Shelley thought it was a smile, it was kinda hard to tell under the thick red beard.
‘Ha ha,’ she breathed, ‘seriously Owen, you shouldn’t be able to creep around so silently for a man your size.’
‘Mis-spent youth,’ he rumbled.
‘I can imagine,’ she smiled.
‘You okay?’
She turned and stared at him. She’d known Owen for years, ever since she’d started working at the pub, but surprisingly enough this was probably the longest conversation she’d ever had with him.
‘You’ll be fine,’ he decided and patted her head clumsily as if she were a puppy.
Her gaze softened, and she tilted her head slightly as a genuine smile tugged at her lips.
‘You know Owen, you spend so much time convincing everyone you’re this big scary Irishman but you’re just a big softie, aren’t you?’
‘Go on with you,’ the visible parts of his cheeks reddened to almost the same shade as his beard.
She laughed as he shoved her forcefully out of the kitchen and into the pub. The place was buzzing. She quickly scanned the room, her eyes landing on Jackson who had Miller resting on his hip as he stood talking with Olivia and Theo.
Her skin suddenly prickled with awareness, feeling almost as if she was being watched. She took a step forward and shivered, the hairs on her arm standing on end. It felt as if someone had just brushed past her. Looking around she saw no one else seemed to be concerned by the weird prickling sensation in the air. Shaking it off she plastered on a smile and walked across the pub.
‘Hey Shelley,’ Olivia smiled at her as she came to stand beside Jackson.
‘Hello Olivia,’ she smiled, this time it was genuine.
‘Feeling better?’
‘Yes thanks,’ she nodded. ‘Theo.’
A man of few words most of the time, Theo merely smiled in greeting.
‘Hey, you’ll never guess what,’ Roni suddenly appeared by them, tucking her phone ba
ck in her purse, ‘someone is renovating the old Boatman.’
Her eyes locked meaningfully on Olivia’s.
The Boatman hotel was something of a local legend in Mercy. Built in the late twenties, up on a cliff overlooking Olivia’s lake, it never had the chance to open its glamorous doors due to the Wall Street crash and the subsequent great depression.
It stood empty for decades until it was bought up in the fifties, then again in the seventies. Each time it was purchased the new owners would find themselves in sudden and rather drastic financial decline, leading to the rumor that the place was cursed. Finally, it was left to rot. Inaccessible by road, it had been the hiding place of Olivia’s mother and the demon Nathaniel almost exactly one year ago. They holed up there after they had kidnapped the Ferryman and left the doorway to the Otherworld open, allowing hundreds of spirits to flood into Mercy, causing complete havoc.
‘It’s been bought out again?’ Olivia asked curiously.
‘No,’ Roni shook her head, ‘that’s just it. It’s still owned by the company that bought it over forty years ago. They seemed content to just sit and let it languish, but now all of a sudden, they’ve decided to refurbish it. It’s going to cost millions. You’ve seen the size of that place.’
‘I have,’ Olivia nodded, ‘but millions? That’s a bit of an exaggeration.’
‘It’s not actually,’ Roni replied. ‘I’ve just spoken to one of the members of the town council; they consider it a local landmark with historical significance. They are insisting that the hotel be restored to its original features and the owners have agreed, even though they’re not legally bound to do so. That means specialist tradesmen and fittings which all have to be sourced carefully. It’s going to cost a fortune, but can you imagine it?’ her eyes lit up and she all but vibrated with energy. ‘A 1930’s Art Deco hotel fully restored to its former glory; it’s going to be amazing!’
‘Whoa, back up there Roni,’ Olivia waved her hand. ‘Yes, I’m sure it will be beautiful, and I love Art Deco as much as the next person, but doesn’t it strike you as a little odd? I mean, if it is the same company, not only that it still even exists after all this time, but why suddenly decide to do something with it? Why now?’
A Little Town Called Mercy Page 15
