by Alison Mello
“Thank you.” She stared around the neat room, wondering how she ended up on the gurney and how long she had been out.
“You fainted a couple of hours ago. The doctors said you were fine, just exhausted. We let you sleep. Niall’s with Rafe, and I’m here.”
“Lucky you.”
Finishing the water, she placed the tumbler down on the cabinet and slid her legs over the edge of the bed to stand. Looking down, she realized she was still in her uniform from the diner: her short, black, polka dot dress and apron, minus her flats. Raising her head, she met Gabriel’s stiff smile.
“Why do I feel there is something you’re not saying? You’re not this quiet usually. Have I upset you? Because I have the distinct feeling you don’t like me, and I don’t know why. Did I miss something?”
A flash of a smile skittered across his face but vanished so fast as he rubbed his chin with his hand. She wasn’t sure whether she had imagined it.
“I thought you had amnesia?”
Summer smiled briefly and nodded. Tears welled in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall.
“I did, but not anymore. It’s a bit all over the place, but it’s coming back, and now I wish it would stop.” She sniffed. “I want to see Rafe.”
Despite being confused and hurt, she needed to make sure he was all right, but she dipped her head, feeling anxious. “I know I’m not his wife, not really, but I need…”
Tilting her head up, she met his unyielding stony glare. They had taken their marriage vows on September 14, a lifetime ago. They had both meant them at the time, even if afterward a divide had torn them apart. Her head throbbed, making it difficult to concentrate.
The tears fell down her cheeks, and she swiped them away, feeling a complete mess and unable to think straight. There were questions she needed to ask Rafe—like, where the hell had he been when she’d woken after the crash? But now was not the time.
“I lost—” Her voice broke. She was losing it, and she scrambled to hold her thoughts together. Gabriel reached for her hand, but she shoved it aside as she slid off the bed, not sure why she had almost blurted out about the miscarriage. It was eons ago now. Summer stood on shaky legs, searching for her shoes, which she found at the end of the bed in a white plastic bag with her purse and phone. Straightening herself, she removed the elastic holding her hair and ran her hands through it to straighten the tangles. Satisfied, she gathered her hair back into a ponytail and reapplied the band. Somewhat more in control, she adjusted her short dress and approached Gabriel.
“Where is Rafe? I need to see him.”
Gabriel stood up, casting his long shadow over her. “Summer, not right now. He’s being transferred to a VA facility in Boston, and he’s sleeping. Look, he appreciates your concern for his welfare, but you didn’t need to get your father involved. The military, even ex-warriors, have a protocol to follow, Summer. It’s not your fault you didn’t know that.”
Feeling once again in the dark, it was obvious, even with their history, there were parts she didn’t know about Rafe and his life. This was a prime example. Okay, perhaps she had jumped in, but she had panicked. She blew out a long breath, relieved to know Rafe would be in good hands, and she slipped her shoes on.
“Thank you, Gabriel. I wasn’t thinking clearly. To be honest, in the time we were together, he was never physically ill. He did attend a few meetings at the VA, but that was more related to the PTSD. Anyway, surely, I can check on him before he leaves. I won’t stay long.”
Summer held her breath as she studied the rugged man who stood in her way and wouldn’t meet her eyes. A stinging desolation festered, and she chewed on her lower lip. She somehow knew more hurt was coming, and without the warrior speaking, Summer realized the issue.
“He doesn’t want to see me, does he? That’s why you’re here instead of Niall.”
The boulder of a man didn’t speak or move, and she wanted to thump him to get a reaction. She shook her head.
I’ve been so stupid.
For all her questions, anger, and everything else that swirled inside her crazy mind, she hadn’t stopped to examine why Rafe had waited twenty-four hours before coming to talk to her—in the diner, of all places. He was coming to break it off.
Sex was all they ever had, and it had always been sensational. But love, real love when it counted, staying around when she needed him—no, he wasn’t good at that. Perhaps he’d hung around these last several weeks like a ghost out of guilt, but he was now closing her out, shoving her away, which was what he always did when things proved difficult. Summer had been an open book; she had given him her heart, body, and soul to do with as he pleased. A piece of paper didn’t make a difference to her because she loved him unconditionally.
But it wasn’t the same for him.
He doesn’t love me.
A sob escaped her, but she held her throat, unwilling to spill or shed anymore tears over Rafe Bryant. The tension in the room sky-rocketed, and she didn’t know what to do. Gabriel bracketed her shoulders, and she had no choice but to study him.
“You’re right. I treated you different than Niall and Chayton, but not out of dislike, Summer. I have sisters back in Boston, and you remind me of them. I’m not as heartless as you imagine. Your feelings were always transparent, but I know Rafe. He’ll never let you in. He’s not capable. Don’t blame him, it’s the training, but he’ll never change, Summer. Go home. Get married to some rich guy who’ll pamper you and give you what you want. Rafe’s not that guy, honey.”
She jerked back as if he had struck her. But Rafe’s friend didn’t stop there, and his words flowed like molten ash from a volcano, destroying her.
“Look, I’m sorry. Rafe will kill me for saying that, but he’s going to be discharged within a day or two, and he has big plans for STEPS. He doesn’t have time for distractions, and that’s what you’ve been. Your lives have gone in different directions. You’ve moved on. You’re stronger now. You have the rest of your life to enjoy. Keep going. Don’t look back. It’s the best in the long run for you both.”
A distraction. He’ll never let me in. I’m stronger now.
Summer opened her mouth, stunned at his brutal exchange. She wanted to fight, retaliate in some way, but his words froze her heart. Before she could assemble ammunition to fire back at him, she saw his back as he headed out the door. She stood alone and wanted to follow to see Rafe and make sure, but Gabriel’s words hit home as she rubbed her wrists. She was stronger now. The exhaustion of the last twenty-four hours caught up with her, and she slumped in the nearby easy chair, unsure what to do. She rocked her body back and forth, gripping the bottom of the seat with her hands and sobbing.
“Summer.”
Her father, Taylor Hamilton, stood there in his fitted, pin-striped business suit, with a long black coat folded over his arm and polished shoes. His usual sleeked silvery-blue hair was windswept, and a river of deep lines marred his tanned forehead, but he still managed to look distinguished. Her father didn’t embrace her, but she gave him a peck on the cheek and stood back.
“Please take me home.”
CHAPTER14
Summer
“I have a car waiting to take us to the airport, Summer.”
She exhaled a breath. She didn’t want to be swallowed up by her parents. It was the reason she’d left in the first place, but staying in Maine where Rafe would be within a short distance was unbearable.
“I want you to stay with us in Manhattan. Being in the city surrounded by people will be good for you.”
Summer collected her few possessions and walked out of the room. “No. I’ll stay at Willows.”
Her parents had several homes and apartments. Willows was their residence in the Hamptons, perched right on the ocean.
“You’re running again, Summer. When are you going to grow up and sort out this mess you call a life? I’m not going to keep handing over money to enable you to sit and wallow, whatever it’s about this time. Fine, you don’t w
ant to talk about what happened in Maine, but you’re wasting your life. Waitressing? What a good use of four years at the New York School of Interior Design. When you sold your business in Boston, I thought you were finally coming to your senses and heading back to New York where the real money is. What are you going to do now?”
Summer closed her eyes, drowning out his voice because his words stung. They made her feel inadequate and small, even if there was some bitter truth in them. She was running as far away as possible to lick her wounds, but her annoyance grew.
“Why do you always assume I need money?”
Maybe it had been true in the past. Years ago, she’d ignorantly accumulated a healthy balance on her credit cards, socializing with her so-called friends. But not now. Over the years, she learned if she cut herself, her parents would see her, spend time with her. But it never lasted. Next came reckless sex and expensive parties. That really grabbed her parents’ attention. Now she didn’t care. Now, she just needed a shoulder to cry on, some understanding, and wondered why she had called her father. The silence grew. She dipped her head and swallowed. She hadn’t seen her father for several months and they had been in each other’s company less than an hour. Yet his impatience and frustration with her was evident.
She walked down the corridor with him at her side, neither speaking. Once outside, he motioned toward a waiting car. A man in a black suit slid out from the driver’s seat and opened the back door for them. She nodded at the driver and slid into the car, staring out the window, away from the hospital. Sitting up, she turned to examine her father as the car pulled away and launched.
“You don’t pay my bills or support me financially anymore. As for waitressing, it’s an honest living. I never wanted the lavish lifestyle you and Mom have. It’s not the answer to happiness, obviously.”
“Summer, don’t start.”
He was right. She didn’t want to explore her parents’ arrangement. There was no point. It was their life, not hers. “If I can’t stay at Willows, then I’ll stay with my friend back in Maine. Just drop me home and I’ll collect a few things. I just need some space to figure out my mess of a life.”
Her father didn’t move an inch but simply nodded. Producing his cell, he made a call, doling out instructions to whoever was at the other end. When he finished, he turned back to face her.
“You can stay on one condition. You agree to go back and see Dr. Williams. Get some counseling. It helped before.”
“I’ll agree, but on one condition: you explain why you didn’t tell me Rafe had visited me at the hospital. You let me believe Jake was the one who came to see me. Why did you keep it a secret?”
Wetting her lips, she swallowed down the brimming well of emotion. Her father puffed out a long breath and refused to meet her stare, looking out the window instead.
“You’re a fine one to talk about secrets. You never told us about Rafe Byrant, not one word. Why? We had one brief phone conversation telling us you had broken off your engagement with Jake. Then we didn’t hear from you for months. Naturally, we hoped in time you would get back together. Reconsider. Jake did visit you once or twice. Anyway, afterward when you regained conscious, the doctors told us not to introduce people you did not recall. When you did not mention this man at all, I figured it was for the best. I thought I was protecting you.”
Summer listened to her father. The past year, they had barely spoken and for good reason. They never really got along. Her father never hugged or kissed her because he didn’t like physical displays of affection at all. But his honest admission right now touched her. Perhaps her father’s behavior toward Rafe was her fault. Either way, her relationship with Rafe was over, and it didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t love her the way she loved him, and she closed her eyes, shutting out the world.
***
Summer
After arriving at Willows, the following several days were a blur as she settled in. Within twenty-four hours, her father left, and Summer sighed with relief, wanting the solitude. She raided the fridge and binged on good pinot noir, worked on some interior designs for her cottage, read every book she could find, and watched all the classic movies, except To Catch a Thief. And today, she sat in the doctor’s office.
“It’s nice to see you again, Summer. You look well,” Dr. Williams said.
Summer had made the two-and-a-half-hour trip to New York, to visit her psychologist by train, and she sat in the modern spacious room with a panoramic view of the city that never slept, wondering what to say. Where did she begin?
“I wish I could say I was happy to be here again, but I would be lying.”
“I wouldn’t be thrilled if you were happy to be here, Summer. My clients attend sessions because they need help. If this is a social call, I’m not the person you should be visiting.”
Dr. Harry Williams was as direct as ever. The man wrote something on his notepad, his eyes focused on his work, and she stared around his understated but comfortable room, a long cherry wood desk between them.
“My memories have returned. But it’s a mass of emotions that I don’t quite know how to deal with. It’s overwhelming. Why did I remember my business partner Claire, but not Rafe, the man I loved? I had a miscarriage following the crash, but I didn’t even remember taking the pregnancy test. Those are important moments, don’t you think? Why, didn’t I remember them?”
At her last words, his pen stopped, and he met her gaze. Dr. Williams, with his thick, gray hair, was still an attractive man whose features softened when he smiled, like he did now.
“I’m sorry to hear about the miscarriage Summer. Recovering those precious memories that mean so much to us was never guaranteed. Perhaps the reasons you didn’t remember Rafe was because even though you loved him, it was too hurtful to recall him. Was it a good relationship?”
Summer swallowed down the threat of tears and sniffed, thinking back. “Not always. It was an unexpected relationship, not one I planned, but I loved him. I still love him. But in the end, we separated because we couldn’t agree on things.”
She stopped and pressed her lips tight staring over at the bookshelves.
“Forgetting painful memories is the brain’s way of protecting you until you are ready to confront them. You’ve opened the door; now you have to walk through and face each one. You must give yourself time to grieve for what you have lost and heal before you move on. You’ve come so far. If you’re willing to keep coming back, I have some suggestions for you to work on.”
***
Summer
Three weeks later, and after seeing Dr. Williams for several sessions where Summer talked about the lost pregnancy, the crash, and Rafe, she was feeling more in control.
Tears still came in waves like the ocean.
Summer pulled her long, woolen, cream-colored cardigan tighter around her slim frame. She shivered but continued to walk along the unbroken stretch of pale, golden sand covered in debris as the ocean roared to her right. The brisk fall wind chilled her, but she hadn’t brought a warmer coat, wanting the breeze to remind her she was alive. Sliding her gaze over the tempestuous waves as they crested and fell, rolling over the slim shoreline, she knew she couldn’t hide here forever. But the last couple of weeks had helped to clear her mind a little. Her mother, Sylvia, had phoned several times to apologize for her absence, but she was engaged in a social event at David Zwirner’s, a renowned art gallery in Manhattan, which suited Summer as they would have only argued.
Slumping down onto the sinking sand, she threw several stones into the silvery waters that raced toward her bare feet. She sighed, letting her eyes close for a moment to let the sun shine down upon her. Three whole weeks had passed since Rafe had collapsed, and she hadn’t heard from him. Not a word. There were nights she half pressed his number, ready to call. She told herself it was to make sure he was all right, but she never went through with it. Gabriel’s admission repeated in her head, stopping her.
Sitting forward, she drew her knees up to
hug them. Resting her head on her arms, she recalled Rafe’s rejection. A restlessness had grown and festered, as well as an exhaustion that claimed her for days after as she processed everything. Unable to cry anymore, an emptiness and loneliness set in. She watched as a lone seagull landed next to her and picked at the black seaweed adrift on the shore. An insistent vibration in her pocket shifted her attention, and she pulled out her cell.
Nikki: Hey, girlfriend. How are you? When are you coming back? It’s dead boring without you.
Summer missed Nicki. And a sudden thought made her smile and lifted her mood to incredible heights as she messaged back.
Summer: Hey, I’ve missed you too. How about a Halloween party full of the rich and famous? You would love it. I’ll fix the flights and pick you up. Please, don’t say no…
In two days, the wealthy and elite of New York society would descend upon the Hamptons and attend one of the area’s renowned and most self-indulgent Halloween parties that her parents hosted every year. Even though the idea of a party didn’t excite her, having Nicki here would be fun, and perhaps it was just what she needed. Propping her chin up on her knee to study the horizon, she flicked her gaze to her cell as Nicki’s reply flashed.
Nikki: How could I resist a party? Rich and famous, ha. I think there are a few details you have neglected to tell me about?
Rather than message Nicki back, Summer pushed the buttons on her phone and called her.
“Hey, I’m sorry, one week turned into several. I am coming back soon, but please say you’ll come to the party. I’ll arrange everything, and I promise, I will answer all the questions about Summer Hamilton.” There was a long pause and a sharp intake of breath as Summer waited and listened.
