by Alison Mello
Chapter 18
Alone
Poppy
January 9, 2017
The holes in the road are a nuisance as I rest my head on Reid’s shoulder. Every bump causes me to jolt and hit my head on the bone. I’m sure there will be a bruise on my temple by the end of the day. But I don’t mind.
I am not lifting my head…not until we get there. And I have to say goodbye.
Reid’s lips remain upon the top of my head as well, kissing my hair and breathing in my scent. His arm around my waist is a vise, nearly unbreakable. His fingers dig into the skin at my hip, a claw that will not detach.
I fist his shirt around my fingers, trying to pull myself even closer. My throat is dry and closed as I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay.
Reid places three more kisses.
Rachel and Talen are silent in the front, holding each other’s hands as he drives. They don’t glance back at us, offering privacy.
“I don’t know if I can do it…” I whisper, my voice hoarse.
“Shh. Shh.” Reid shushes in my ear, twisting his body slightly so he can gently grab hold of my chin and lift it so our eyes meet. “I don’t have a doubt in the world that you can, Poppy. The year will soon be over, and you will be my wife.” I close my eyes to allow the gathering tears to roll down my cheeks.
Reid softly brushes them away with his thumb. “I told you this, Reid. I have never been able to live without you. I’ve relied on you all these years. And now you’ll be unreachable, unobtainable. I just wish I were stronger…” I see Rachel move out of the corner of my eye, but Talen makes a jerk with his hand that keeps her facing forward.
Reid cups my face between his hands and gazes down at me with intensity and determination. “You are so strong, Poppy Evans. All the trials you have faced…you’ve overcome them. Look how far you are…you haven’t stuttered a single word in months. You no longer shy away. You are my beautiful warrior and I am so proud of you. This year will prove to be another obstacle for us to face and you will conquer it. And it will make you even stronger than you are now.”
My heart squeezes in my chest as I lean forward and place a tender kiss to his lips. I feel Reid’s chin quiver from under my touch and I know he’s trying to refrain from crying.
“I don’t deserve you,” I whisper, running my hand over his newly cut hair. Reid lets out a soft moan before shaking his head.
“I believe it’s the other way around.”
The car comes to a stop the moment his words leave his lips. Reid’s hold on me tightens as I let out a broken sob. I don’t dare look at the world outside of this car, knowing it will tear me apart.
“Poppy…” Reid whispers, his voice weak…vulnerable.
I shake my head, silently telling him I’m not ready. Telling him I can’t do this. Reid softly shushes me again, kissing my forehead before he completely lets me go and slides out of the car. I watch him with blurry vision as he goes to the trunk to grab his bags. When he embraces Rachel, I divert my eyes to the floor of the car, cementing myself to the seat.
I can’t do it…I can’t say goodbye. I can hardly breathe, much less muster up the words that will divide us for a whole year. I begin twirling the ring around my finger, trying to gather strength from the meaning behind it, from the love Reid placed within it.
I hear Talen and Reid bid farewell, a few slaps on each other’s backs. Reid then ducks his head into the car to look at me. “Don’t do this, Poppy,” Reid whispers.
“I just can’t, Reid…” I can’t say goodbye. It’s too final.
Reid sighs and runs his fingers through my hair in a loving gesture before he straightens his back and shuts my door.
My heart races furiously in my chest as I feel him walk away from the car. Tears roll down my cheeks as I tilt my head back and look up at the roof. I make a silent prayer to God, asking Him to give me strength and guidance.
Rachel and Talen reclaim their seats and the car roars to life underneath me…prepared to take me farther away from Reid. “Poppy…” Rachel begins.
I look at her grief-stricken face and take a deep breath. I gather my strength from her, as I have many times in the past. If Rachel can do it, why can’t I?
I open the door to the car and nearly jump out. My eyes search frantically for Reid before I make a dash toward the airport.
“Reid!” I yell out, when I spot him making his way toward the bag check. Reid drops his bag and runs to meet me halfway. I jump into his strong, waiting arms. “I love you, Reid Holt. Return to me.”
I have never been more vulnerable. Not even when Gavin had me pinned to the bed. I am not only losing my body to Reid, I’m giving him my heart as well. He will take it with him as he risks his life for me and our country. I am placing all the trust I have in Reid and I pray that he will return to me, with my heart fully intact.
“I will always come back. You are my home, Poppy Evans. Thank you for saying goodbye.” Reid gently sets me on the ground. I place a hand on his cheek and look into his watery eyes.
“Thank you for loving me…thank you for waiting for me and never giving up. And I thank God that He matched a troubled little girl with the kindest man I know.” Reid rests his forehead against mine as a tear escapes his eyes.
His fingers grab tightly to my waist, making sure I am as close to him as I can get.
After a few heartbeats, Reid kisses my nose and takes a step back. “Wait for me,” he whispers, grabbing my left hand and places a kiss to the ring. “Fiancée.”
I smile softly at the alias and give Reid a final kiss.
Watching him walk away from me is suffocating. It’s almost as if I am locked in a room with the air slowly being vacuumed out. But I willingly stand the torture until Reid is no longer in my sight.
And he won’t be for another year.
I am now utterly alone.
***
I sit on the couch in my living room with Aragorn pressed warmly by my side. The tears have not relented, running down my cheeks as if of their own free will.
It has been two days.
I silently thank Reid for suggesting I take the week off work, to use the time to come to grips. Dealing with rude customers and employees who ignore my orders would do nothing but dampen my mood even further.
Speaking to my mother has helped, but not being able to see her has proven difficult. I need the comfort of my mother and the lack of it is painful.
I stare down at the phone in my hands, taking a few deep breaths.
It has been months since I’ve spoken to him. Since I’ve scarred my own face because of what happened.
Am I really about to call him, to ask for his support and love when he never truly gave it to me in the first place?
“Hello?” I hear his deep voice on the other side of the line. I take a deep breath and look over at my dog, whose eyes have never left me.
“Dad…”
“Poppy. What’s wrong? Are you all right?” His voice is full of alarm and concern. I hear rustling on the other side of the line and I know he’s leaving his bed.
I silently scold myself for forgetting it’s nearly three in the morning. “I need you. I need you to come here, now. Alone.”
“Okay. I’m coming,” he says immediately. A sob escapes my lips at his declaration. He’s coming…he’s actually going to come. That means he must care, right? That he’s leaving the warmth of his bed at three in the morning to see me.
“Alone, Daddy,” I plead. I couldn’t manage seeing Diane. It would only make matters worse. Right now, I need my father, and I will not be okay with her intruding on my privacy.
“Alone, sweetie. Alone.”
Chapter 19
Thank Stephanie
Poppy
February 12, 2017
“When are you going to have children?” I ask Rachel, pulling apart the loaf of bread. I dip the small piece in the bowl of oil before tossing it in my mouth.
Rachel scoffs and does the same a
s I do. We patiently await our food and are content with the bread and oil until it arrives.
“Not for a while, Poppy. Get those thoughts out of your head.” I can’t help but smile at her. Rachel’s cheeks are red with blush. She will make a great mother, but I know she wants to bask in the honeymoon phase for a while longer. Talen and Rachel are happy. Their union couldn’t be more perfect.
I grab my glass of wine and take a sip, watching as my ring catches the lights above. I will never get over how beautiful it is. Reid did a fantastic job of picking it out. I asked him how he was able to afford such a beautiful ring. Reid told me that when he was a young boy, his father started collecting loose change and put it in a jar. He told Reid that it would be used for his future bride. When Reid met me, he put as much money in there as possible and when it was time to cash it in, he had enough to buy the ring upon my finger.
If that isn’t the sweetest thing, I do not know what is!
“I volunteered to help him, you know,” Rachel suddenly says. I lift my eyes away from the ring to meet her blue ones. She nods toward my hand. “I wanted to help him pick out the ring. Reid was insistent on doing it himself, however. And my brother did a great job.” I bow my head and run a hand through my hair.
My fingers slide through the tangles easily, and when I reach the end, my hair falls back to my shoulders. I got it cut a few days ago, nearly seven inches off. I am nervous about the video chat with Reid…will he hate it?
Rachel has been a great help with keeping my mind preoccupied. She and Talen have been taking me out for lunches or movies. They come over for surprise dinners, or invite me to their house for game night.
The days are simple. Work or my friends keep me busy. It’s when it’s quiet and still that it becomes hard. All thoughts revert back to Reid, and no matter how hard I try to be positive, I find myself crying to sleep.
I don’t want this. Reid definitely doesn’t want this. We have come so far and I don’t want lonely nights to ruin the relationship we forged.
I am scared thoughts will arise while I am lonely and devastated. Right now, I can’t possibly think of moving on from Reid. He has my heart and I love him more than I thought possible.
So, I try to keep myself from being lonely. I don’t want to risk the chance of me questioning, “is this all worth it?”
Because it is. And if I begin to question that, then I’m not worthy of Reid’s love.
“I want to be an aunt, Rachel,” I declare, looking at her with pleading eyes. Rachel giggles, shaking her head as she takes another sip of her wine.
***
“I love it.”
“Really? It’s not too short? You don’t think it makes me look less feminine?”
“Sweetheart, I love it.” I smile at Reid’s admission. Reid looks exhausted, sitting down at a desk. I can see a few guys chatting behind him, being rowdy, but not disturbing us.
Reid looks well and healthy. I can tell he’s lonely as well, but he’s told me that he remains busy. The nights are the hardest part for him as well.
“You look tired, babe,” I whisper, seeing his eyes practically close as I speak. Reid leans back in his chair and runs a hand over his face.
“That’s because I am, Poppy. How’s the married couple? Tell Rachel that she needs to leave Talen’s company for at least five minutes to respond to my emails!” I giggle as Reid’s voice rises with frustration. He glares at me, shaking his head.
I’m sure it is odd for him to imagine his sister with his best friend. But I also know he’s happy for them. All Reid ever wanted was for his sister to find the right man…and she did.
“Why are you so beautiful?” I shake out of my thoughts and focus on Reid. He arches a perfect brow and scratches the back of his neck. “Your hair is begging for my fingers to run through it. Did you just wake up from a nap?” he asks, his voice dripping with jealousy.
I laugh, shaking my head. “No. Rachel ruffled it after dropping me off from lunch,” I explain, attempting to tame my hair with a few pats.
“Really? She has time to take you out for lunch, but she can’t respond to her own brother?” I simply shrug my shoulders.
I have no idea why Rachel hasn’t responded to Reid. I would think she’d be at the computer, ready for him to shoot an email back. However, I’m sure this is hard for her. These two have hardly been more than a couple hundred miles away from one another. They’ve always been easily accessible.
Now, Reid is at war and can’t fly over to see us at the first sign of trouble.
I frown. That makes it all the worse. This is so much different than a long-distance relationship, because I’m not able to visit if I am missing him. There is no visitation. I have to wait an entire year before I can feel his arms around me once more.
“No. Sweetheart, no frowning. We promised,” Reid whispers softly. I bite the inside of my cheek to divert my attention to the pain in my mouth instead of the pain in my heart. I blink back the tears and look at Reid. His eyebrows have dipped low in concern. “Please, don’t be sad, Poppy. It will be over soon. I will be with you again.”
I nod my head. Reid sighs, running a hand over his nearly bald head. I know he’s trying to keep his feelings at bay, as well.
“Reid, who is this pretty lady?” I hear a deep voice ask. Reid’s face turns hard as he meets my eyes before large hands clap onto Reid’s shoulders. I watch as the man behind Reid dips down so his face is in sight of the camera.
He is a bulky man, with jet black hair and eyes that match it. His face is long and slim, reminding me of Gavin. I squint at him, wondering why he feels the need to interrupt the small portion of time Reid and I have together.
“You must be Poppy. Aren’t you a beaut! Boys! Come look at the girl Holt, here, managed to wrangle up!” I turn my face away from the camera, suddenly becoming self-conscious. Even though I have grown to accept the scars, I don’t want them to be the talk halfway across the world.
“Back off, Nick! Get out of here, all of you! I don’t want any of you even thinking about her! If I hear you say her name again…” Reid cuts off. I look at the camera to see he’s barely in view. I can see his back as he pushes on a few of the guys’ chests. They shout and bicker, making jokes as they are shoved out of the room.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry,” Reid says once he is again in front of the camera. I shake my head, smiling softly.
“They seem great,” I say. Reid chuckles, leaning back against his chair. I pull my legs up to my chest and set my chin on top of my knees.
“They are. They just like to get under my skin,” Reid explains.
I’m glad he has made some friends with his unit. At least now he’s not entirely alone. He has people to help him through the day.
“You need to go to sleep…you’re exhausted and I don’t want you falling asleep on me,” I say softly. Reid frowns, his eyes dropping to his lap to avoid mine. Saying goodbye always seems harder for him.
I return to the norm of my life, surrounded by people I know and love. Reid returns to war and chaos and men he hardly knows.
“I love you, sweetheart. So much,” he whispers.
“I love you too, Holt. Come back to me, safe and sound.”
“I will. And then, I will make you my wife.”
***
I call out a tall Mocha for a tall female customer who is placing a laptop on a table, along with piles of paper. It seems she will be here for a while and I mentally proclaim, she’ll need a larger cup of coffee if she is about to tackle assignments.
Jake deals with a customer in drive-thru while Megan mops the floors behind the bar. I smile as my co-workers do well with the tasks I have given them. They have been listening and obeying orders more frequently, however Jake has always done as he was told.
After making a batch of whips and setting aside carafes of milk for the morning, I decide to take my last break. I make a quick drink and walk to the lobby, where I pull out my phone to check my email for any messages fro
m Reid.
I frown when there are none; I’m disappointed but I understand.
After I take a few sips, I feel someone’s presence and I look up to see a face I thought I’d never see again.
“I heard your fiancé was sent to war. How lonely it must be for you.” His voice is slimy and it causes chills to run up my arms. I am frozen in my seat as the vulnerable Poppy surfaces, looking up at her worst nightmare.
Gavin takes a seat across from me, reaching under the table to gently stroke my thigh. Fire trails the brush of his fingers, causing me to whimper.
“I don’t wish for you to be lonely. I want you to be in the comfort of a man’s arms.”
Comfort? Does he really believe I could find comfort in his embrace? After everything he did to me? Is he insane?
“I think you need to go,” I whisper, my voice small.
Gavin smiles, rising from his seat.
“If you ever find yourself in need of company, I’m sure you still have my number.” Gavin sends me a wink. Of course, I don’t, but I still check once Gavin leaves the shop.
After triple checking, I tuck my phone back in my purse and resume closing the store.
***
I unlock the door to my apartment and walk in, greeting Aragorn immediately. He rubs against my legs before running to his bowl and sits in preparation of being fed.
After feeding him, I walk into my bedroom to change. I close the door instinctually and walk toward my dresser to pull out my pajamas. A cool breeze licks across my face and I frown, looking to see my window raised.
When did I open my window? I don’t remember ever doing so. It’s way too cold for me to have the windows open.
I walk over and shut it, locking the latch.
As I turn to resume changing, I feel a hand cover my mouth. I let out a muffled scream, thrashing against the arm that wraps around my waist. I dig my nails into his skin in desperation before I am thrown onto the bed.
