Ariel said, “But they were fun?”
Carrie smiled and said, “Well, yeah, the way I remember it. If you like being a little bit embarrassed. There was ‘Truth or Dare’, um, ‘Spin the Bottle’, and what they called ‘Seven Minutes in Heaven’.”
Ariel said quickly, “I know Truth or Dare! Zena, quick! I get to dare you to do something or I get to ask you a question and you have to tell the truth, no matter what. Choose fast!”
Zena looked puzzled but said, “Truth.”
Ariel said, “OK, what have you been thinking about for the past minute? Tell the truth! Quick!”
Zena looked shocked but said, “Truth? OK, I was thinking, he is kind of cute for a boy. I mean, it’s weird, right? We never wear clothes, but you know, being around just the one guy, and him not being all scary, well, I guess I did find myself kind of looking at him now and then, you know?”
The girl next to Zena laughed and slapped her shoulder and said, “Whoa! Not you too! Are you switching sides on me?”
Zena grinned bashfully and said, “No! Ew! But, well, like Ariel said, even if you like boys, you can think that a girl is pretty too, so even if I like girls, he can still be handsome, right?”
Ariel exclaimed, “Cool. Good answer. See? That wasn’t so bad. We can be honest, and everybody is better. It’s fun. So, since you did what I asked, you get to go next. Pick someone.”
Zena said, “Anyone? And they have to do what I say or tell the truth about something?”
Carrie smiled and said, “Yep. That’s the rules.”
Zena said, “Um, OK. Well, OK, Florin, Truth or Dare?”
Bebe leaned back against me and whispered, “Pick dare.”
I shrugged and said, “Dare.”
Zena looked suddenly terrified and said, “Oh! Um, I thought you’d say Truth. Um…”
Ariel said teasingly, “Go on. You know what you want to dare him to do. Just do it. You wanted him to say dare. You did. Go on. Be honest.”
Zena took a breath and said, “Um, well, OK. Florin, I dare you to…” and she paused.
Then she blurted out, “…to let me touch your penis!” and she buried her face in her hands.
The girl beside her gasped and said, “Zena! You have to be joking. Gross!”
Zena said, “Look, I just never saw one before. I mean, yeah, we see them all the time, but this is different somehow. Like the new girl says, it’s not the same now. Don’t freak out. It’s not like I’m switching tribes, OK? I’m just curious.”
I said, “You aren’t going to hurt me though, right?”
Zena smiled a little and said, “No. I’ve seen you fight. What you and Bebe did may have been a trick but what you did to the Jocks was no illusion. I just kind of want to see what it’s like when it isn’t being used as a threat.”
The girl beside her said, “You know, that’s a good point. I guess we did come to think about penises as monsters that could hurt us if we didn’t do what they wanted, didn’t we? OK, go ahead. Now I kind of want to see you do it. It still seems kinda gross though.”
Bebe said, “It isn’t gross at all. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. We’re remembering now. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Well, not how it was for the past what…”
I said, “Eighteen years.”
Bebe continued, “Yeah, 18 years. I don’t even want to remember everything that happened but you’re right, we grew up scared. And scarred.”
Zena said, “Look, really, I’m not switching but Bebe, did you already like, you know…have sex with him?”
Bebe said, “I did. Twice. It was quick but I liked it. I had to switch. We had a chance to make new choices and that was mine. And wow did like it.”
Zena said, “So, he…”
Bebe said, “No, I…I did it. I was going to be with him as family and I wanted to make it all official, so when we were down in the water that first day, at the trade village, I decided to do it, you know? And I liked it. And then later I knew that he loved me and I got so freaking horny that I shoved him down on the ground and just fucked him. I liked it. But you make your own decisions.”
Ariel said cheerfully, “OK. We have a dare. Florin lay down. Zena, he’ll keep his hands totally to himself. You get 30 seconds. Go on. Florin, on your back. Keep your hands down. No touching.”
I lay down on my back and pulled away the blankets and closed my eyes. Several seconds later, I felt a hand and fingers tentatively touch my shaft. At the first touch, I spread my legs just slightly and waited. Because I knew what was going on, it wasn’t especially sexual. Maybe I got just slightly erect, but this was more of a medical examination than anything else. Or like an anatomy lesson. It lasted less than 30 seconds and then it was over.
I opened my eyes and sat up as Ariel said, “See? Not scary at all. We’re all safe here.”
One of the Nomads asked, “Zena, what was it like?”
Zena said, “Um, weird, I guess. But not too weird. Like we’re saying, it’s just a man’s genitals. I guess it’s kind of OK. He’s handsome, I guess. Like, you are beautiful and I recognize that, but you don’t turn me on because we aren’t the same canoe. We’re…well, we will be friends now, I suppose but I don’t get turned on by you. I guess it’s the same as that. Like, I guess it’s OK if he thinks I’m pretty or whatnot but now I feel like that doesn't have to mean that I’m like in danger, I guess.”
Ariel said, “Of course not. I think that you are very pretty but that doesn’t mean that you should be afraid of me.”
Toni said, “I never felt like anyone thought that anyone was pretty or attractive until just now. Well, or maybe yesterday. But anyway, yeah, when it was so stupid, rape didn’t happen because someone was attractive; it happened because people were violent and ugly. No, come on, don’t everyone start crying. Please. We’re straightening it all out. It’s going to be sad for a while but let’s try to move forward. Yeah, Florin is handsome. And we can see that he loves Allie and Christie and Bebe, and I guess, Ariel too.”
Another girl said, “Do any of us love each other? Really? Or well, are we just together because we needed protection? Like prison gangs? I’d do anything for my canoe but all of a sudden, I wonder if we really love each other?”
Toni said, “I think maybe we don’t. Not really. Not in a way that wasn’t forced on us. That’s what the thing about choosing new canoes and new tribes was about, right? Trying to find out what would happen if we had a choice. And if at least one of our choices wasn’t dangerous? Ladies, we’re all going to make it out of here. I believe Ariel when she says that we are going to be safe. And when the storm is over, we’ll all go off and start to figure out how things are going to be now.”
I spoke up now and said, “Toni, listen. If you aren’t careful, things will revert to a bad state. Habits are hard to break.”
Toni sighed and I heard several others around the room do the same.
She said, “I know. What can we do?”
I said, “Make some laws. Good laws. Laws that give people choices. Choices make people happy. Make laws that are designed to make things easier, not harder.”
Toni said, “Like you did a few days ago. Like people go in the canoe that they want to.”
I said, “And we will build a society. We will respect each other’s privacy, like we agreed but we can be true friends. We can really help each other. We can work to make it safe for all of us.”
Toni said, “Like how you let Zena touch you, but you didn’t touch her? That was pretty cool, by the way.”
Bebe grinned and said, “Do you want to do it, too?”
Toni laughed and said, “No. I’m good. But that’s something else, huh? We kind of need to learn to love each other.”
Allie said, “Not do sex.”
Scout said, “Yeah. Weird. That’s weird. Bebe liked it. Oh shit. I’m so sorry but if I think about it, I guess I never really liked it. I did it, and it felt good sometimes, and it was arousing but now I don’t think that it
was ever fun. Oh shit. You guys, I’m so sorry.”
Toni and Scout looked at each other sadly for a moment. Many of the others looked at this or that person with the same expression of sudden guilt or shame.
Ariel again jumped in and said, “It’s OK. We have a lot to learn. Everyone needs to forgive and start over. Snuggle up and smile at someone. Hold somebody. Like you care about them. And the game isn’t over yet. Florin, you did the dare, so you go next. Pick someone.”
I said, “OK but everyone has to be safe. So, when we do this, we can ask slightly embarrassing questions but nothing that might hurt someone. Nothing mean. And because we are all hurt, things might hurt someone that we didn’t even think about. There’s no way that I’m going to ask you to talk about your first sexual experience, or tell you to do something for me, or anything that might bring up bad memories, if I can help it. I want to be careful. You are my friends.”
CHAPTER Twenty-Seven - Family Relationships
Toni said, “Yeah, real friends. Like cousins and our brother and our sisters. Not like school gangs.”
Zena said, “Um, Florin, I’m sorry if I asked you to do something that you didn’t want to.”
I smiled and said, “No, that was fine. And the reason that it was fine is that I wasn’t here being abused for the past 18 years. I don’t have that same baggage. My friends and family didn’t die the way that so many people here did.”
Zena said thoughtfully, “I guess all of us kind of got mushed in a way. You never got mushed. Hey, I’m sorry that I hated you. I think Allie and Bebe and Christie are really lucky.”
The girl beside Zena, whose name I still didn’t know, said, “Zena, I swear, if you want to go over there, just do it. Hell, if you are going to switch, just do it!”
Zena put her arm around the girl and said softly, “No, I’m not going to switch. But I am going to change. I think that maybe I do love you. I want to find out. But we can be friends with him, can’t we? He wasn’t one of them. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he’s evil, isn’t that right? Look, even Bebe says that it was all her choice and that he didn’t make her do anything, and isn’t that what we need to do? You girls are my canoe and from now on, I want to be a better um, a better person. And a better lover. Can we be like them? Can we be a family?”
Another girl broke in and said loudly, “I like what Mom said. Um, what Ariel said. I want a mom. She can help us learn to be good again. And Kong is the dad.”
There was a brief murmur, but the girl went on, saying, “No! That’s what I want. We said that we get to make choices. That’s my choice to make. Ariel is my new mom and Kong is my new dad and I want to be in a canoe that wants that.”
She stood up and walked to the middle of the room and knelt facing me and said, “Is that OK? Please?”
I said, “Um, I don’t know how to be a dad.”
She pleaded, saying, “Sure you do. That’s what you did already. You bought a house and fought off the enemies, and now you took us to the basement to keep us safe. And Ariel said that she was our mom. She said pretend but can’t we be for real? So, if I get scared I can come here and if we have holidays then we can have dinner and stuff like that? Can’t we do that?”
Toni said, “Florin, you said that we need to form a better society and better families. Beth is right.”
Ariel smiled and said, “Of course she is. We said that we make our own choices that will make us really happy. Beth, of course we can do that. Florin will be your new dad and me and Bebe and Allie and Christie will all be your moms. You guys, not all of you want that but Beth does. Toni, you are Florin’s sister, right?”
Toni said, “Yeah, I guess so. That feels right for me.”
Ariel said, “So, you girls are his nieces. Scout? So, is Florin your uncle?”
Scout said, “Um, yeah. That makes sense. I like that. But Bebe is kind of my sister, so he’s maybe my brother-in-law.”
I said, “Um, OK. But not everyone has to choose like that. We do what is right for us. I’m OK if some of you want to think of me that way. Listen, that makes it easier for me because I can care about you and you don’t have to worry that I’m trying to make you…well, that I’m trying to get you to be my wife or something. Toni, you don’t have to worry about that. We know now. You are my sister. But let’s not try to figure it all out right now. We will just see how we feel as time goes by. OK?”
I saw Ariel lean in and whisper to the two girls beside her for a minute and smile.
Ariel said, “Good. But Florin gets a turn. Truth or dare?”
I said, “Well, let’s see. I still don’t remember everyone’s names but Beth, how about you. Truth or dare?”
Beth was still kneeling in front of me as she said, “Um, dare,” and she smiled.
I said, “Oh. I was expecting you to say truth.”
Beth said, “What’s the fun in that? That’s just talking.”
I said, “But in this game, there’s no penalties. It’s really truth or dare or you don’t have to do anything at all.”
Beth said, “Sure. Choices. No penalties. What’s my dare?”
I said, “I dare you to sit on my lap and let me hug you for 30 seconds. Your choice though.”
Beth smiled and said, “OK. We can try that.”
The girl stood up and stepped toward me and looked down at the blanket that was covering me and waited.
I said, “Oh, on top of the blanket. At least on my um, lap.”
Beth grinned and said, “Good. I’d have done it but I’m glad you want the blanket on.”
She sat across my lap and I put my arms around her and hugged her. I tried to hold her firmly but listened to her body and how it reacted to me. Almost instantly, she let out her breath and melted into my embrace. Pulling her head close to my chest, I kissed the top of her head and then just sat there with my arms around her shoulders. When about 30 seconds were up, I relaxed my hold and she leaned into me for another few seconds. Then she stood up and went back to where she had been sitting and climbed under a blanket with two others.
Someone across the room whispered, “What was that? I’m kind of turned on,” and she leaned into the girl beside her more closely.
After that, Ariel said, “Darlings, it’s all going to be OK. We’re safe for now but the storm is going to go on for a while. I don’t know how long. A few days, maybe. So, let’s all get comfortable. You might think it’s weird but right now is nap time.”
Bebe said, “That doesn’t sound weird at all. We’re all pretty drained. A nice safe nap. That sounds nice.”
Toni sighed loudly and said, “That sounds really nice!”
Ariel directed everyone to get cozy and the girls spread out with their blankets and lay down in little groups together. My group appeared to be me, the four girls of my family, and for some reason, the two more that seemed attached to Ariel in some way. Allie, Christie, and Bebe all seemed to know them even if I didn’t.
As everyone settled, Ariel started to sing. It was strange. It was like a lullaby but often just sounds rather than words. I found it oddly soothing and before long, I was falling asleep with Christie and Bebe nestled against me. It was the first time that I had slept with covers since I arrived, and it was very comforting. I heard comments from several of the women to the same effect.
When Ariel woke me up later, I didn’t know how long we had slept but I had certainly slept well. It had actually been about three hours. That would make it mid-afternoon.
As I roused myself, Ariel woke up Bebe, and then Toni and Scout.
She said quietly, “The hail has stopped for a little bit. Florin, do we need to check on the house and the damage? Maybe prepare for the next storm. I don’t know how much time we have but it won’t be very much.”
We didn’t want to wake anyone else until we had a plan so the five of us carefully navigated our way across the sleeping bodies and ascended the stairs to the upper part of the house.
The devastation was striking. T
he first one to speak was Scout.
She said, “We have a lot of work to do.”
Toni said, “I know.”
When I asked what in particular, Scout explained, saying, “The dead. The breeders. We had two days to get ready. They didn’t have any warning. Some of them will be really injured. Some will die.”
Toni said, “And Rogers camp. The four men who left early and went south. They may be trashed too. And one of our canoes that decided not to come here. They might make it, but they might not.”
Scout said, “We don’t know where Rogers camp is, and they said that we weren’t welcome. They’re probably beyond our help. And the guys who were headed southeast to another island. If they didn’t go yet, they are here somewhere, too.”
Toni said, “We could treat the breeders that way too, if we want to. Beyond our help. But what about right now? What do we do?”
I said, “The vegetation is stripped. It will grow back if we clean up. But that will be later. It looks like the roof did pretty well. Ariel, how bad will it be when it starts again?”
She said, “Bad. At least as bad as this but maybe worse. Look. All around us. You can see it out there. Waiting. We have to make it until morning. Maybe till afternoon, tomorrow.”
I said, “OK. Bebe, the branches that we put over everything definitely helped. But a lot of those are crushed and broken now. If possible, we should try to put up a fresh layer over everything that we can save. Canoes and roof, especially.”
Ariel said, “We have to hurry.”
Toni said, “Scout, wake everyone up. We know what to do now. Just like Allie and Christie showed us. At least we don’t have to tear off branches; they are already on the ground. Florin, do we just pile them over the top of everything?”
I said, “Yeah. Just pile them up. But get a lot onto the roof. I guess we make it as thick as we can, as fast as we can.”
Ariel said, “I’ll take care of lunch. You all work and I’ll take two girls with me and get food ready for us downstairs.”
I said, “And make sure that no one is far from the house and everyone watch for the storm to get close. At the first sign that we need to, everyone get inside. Don’t take chances.”
The Dark Atoll Page 27
