by Kim Loraine
I take a seat across from her and sip my coffee. “What made you think that?”
“Buck.”
Shaking my head, I sigh. “He reads too many love stories.”
“No. He knows what love looks like. What happiness is. From what he tells me, you were happy there.”
I let that thought roll around in my head. I was. I might have lost everything before I moved to Silver Lake, but she’s right. I was happier than I’ve ever been even with no one but my crew on my side. And then came Lark.
“Things are complicated.”
She cocks a brow and stares me down. “Because Gina’s pregnant?”
I swallow hard. “Yeah. I’m not gonna abandon my kid.”
“No one said you were. But are you planning to take her back?”
“Fu—“ She gives me a warning look and I quickly walk back my choice of words. “Heck no. I don’t want her in my life any more than she has to be.”
“Then why are you here instead of in the place that makes you happy?”
“Because I’m not gonna be like my dad. I’ve got a lot to figure out. I’m on medical leave from the station for six more weeks.”
She reaches across the table and grips my hand. “Oh, darlin’. You’re nothing like your dad. My brother in law was a rodeo cowboy through and through. He only cared about one thing, his next ride.”
“And it killed him.”
Her expression turns sad. “Yeah, it sure did. Your poor mama was never the same again.”
That’s putting it lightly. “You and Uncle George takin’ us in the way you did kept us going.”
“You always have a place here. If you want to stay, I’ll have a house built for you and that baby tomorrow. But I don’t think staying is the right choice.”
“How can I not?”
A gentle smile spreads her lips. “Travis, honey, you can do whatever you want. You’ll be there for your child whether you’re here or in California. I know you like I know my own kids. You’ll move mountains to take care of your own. Plenty of families are unconventional.”
The back door opens and Clint, the oldest of my cousins, walks in. He tips his hat and stops in his tracks when Aunt Sandy says, “Don’t you dare walk across this floor with muddy boots, Clinton.”
I snicker, and he throws me a glare before grumbling, “Vacation’s over, Trav. There’s work to be done.”
He’s always been all business. Standing, I take my mug to the sink and wash it out before placing it on the drying rack. Then I take my hat off the rack and pull on my boots.
“Think about what I said, Travis. I’m serious.”
Aunt Sandy gives me a knowing look and all I can do is nod.
As I follow Clint out of the house and toward the stables, I ponder what she said. Fuck, I miss Lark. I miss the way I felt when I was in Silver Lake, even if I did stick out like a sore thumb.
“Where’s Tristan?” I ask, stopping in front of the pen that holds my horse.
Clint shakes his head. “Got some personal stuff to deal with. He’ll be all right.”
I shake my head, thinking of my cousin. He’s always been wild, and it was only a matter of time before a girl gave it back as good as he did. “He gonna be okay?”
“He’s always okay. Just like the rest of us.”
Snorting, I adjust my hat and follow him into the hall between the line of stables housing just a handful of the Ryker Ranch horses. “So, what needs doing?”
“Just like that? You got here yesterday and you’re falling right into step?”
“It’s not something I forget. There’s always work.”
“We got a pasture needs burning today. Couple of the guys volunteer at your old station. I’m sure they’d love your help managing the fire. Can you handle that with your injury?”
My chest tightens at the thought of my old station. Just like ranching is in my blood, so is firefighting. It’s not something I can leave permanently behind me. Not like rodeo.
“Isn’t it a little late in the summer for that?”
Clint shrugs. “Why do you think I’ve got three firemen on it?”
With the amount of lightning strikes the ranch ends up with every season, it’s smart to burn the pastures before the grass can get too dry. “Guess you’ll keep me busy while I sort out my life, huh?”
Clint claps me on the shoulder. “You can count on it.”
18
Lark
God, I feel like hot garbage. Everything hurts. My stomach, my head, my heart. It’s been close to a month since Travis left, and I seem to get worse and worse. I don’t want to get out of bed most days. The only thing that’s keeping me going is my art. Business is booming, and I attribute that to being increasingly available. It’s not like I’m going anywhere or have anyone to see.
A soft knock on my bedroom door has me sitting up and trying to look like I haven’t been wallowing. Daisy pops her head in, a sympathetic look on her face. “Hey. Thought you might need some friend time tonight.”
Smiling, I nod. Glad she has a key to the house.
Brow furrowed, she cocks her head and assesses me. “You okay?”
I shrug. “About the same. I’m trying, I swear I am.”
She comes and sits on my bed. “I know you are. Let’s get outside, get some fresh air, and take a walk? The trail shouldn’t be too busy this time of night. We can decompress a little.”
“Everything okay with you?”
A sad smile turns up her lips. “Declan and I broke it off.”
She started casually dating Declan Byrne a little while ago. I’d been so absorbed in Travis, I hadn’t noticed what was going on with her and the firefighter. I felt like such an asshole when she told me.
“Oh, no. What happened? I thought it was going well.”
Sighing, she looks up at the ceiling. “I don’t know. He’s hard to read, even harder to understand.”
I giggle. “His accent makes it a challenge sometimes. I think it’s the whole British slang thing.”
“I love it, though. God, an accent is so sexy.” She gets a faraway look in her eyes. “We weren’t good together. It’s true.”
“You’ll find the right guy. He’ll come along when you’re not looking.”
“I know. And you’ll get past Travis. I promise.”
But I don’t want to get past him. Just the thought feels wrong. She takes my hand and jerks her head in the direction of the door. “Walk?”
I nod and sigh before grabbing my shoes and slipping them on. A walk will do me good. Experiencing the outside will too. I can’t spend my life locked in my room afraid of the world around me. I know that. I’ve worked too hard to fall back into a pit of crippling anxiety.
Once we’ve made it to the trailhead, a scant few cars in the parking lot telling us there’s not a crowd here, and the two of us start the hike at a leisurely pace. We’re not running, or even walking for fitness. This is about clearing our heads and finding our focus.
“So, you’re working from home?” she asks.
“Yeah. Book covers mostly, but I’ve been hired for ten books this month. I got a website going and everything.”
Her answering smile makes me nearly burst with pride. “Think you’ll go back to school?”
I worry my bottom lip with my teeth. “I actually enrolled a couple of weeks ago in SU’s online BA program.”
Eyes wide and shining with excitement, she stops in her tracks. “What? You did? That’s amazing.”
It is. It’s a terrifying and necessary step toward reclaiming my life. “I didn’t even seriously think about an online program until Travis introduced me to a guy who’s been doing one. Then it all sort of…clicked.”
“You know, it’s okay that you don’t love going out into crowds. There are plenty of people not struggling with PTSD who don’t like that same thing.”
I nod. “I know, but I want to be able to exist in a world largely designed for public gatherings. I want to go to weddings and co
ncerts and graduations.”
“Have you tried anything since the beach concert?”
“Yeah. I went to the grocery store. It was hard, but I did it. My therapist said it was a great step forward.”
She smiles again. “That’s great. What’s next on your list?”
“Well, I want to try that again. See if I can keep the anxiety at bay for longer. Then…maybe the Firefighter’s Ball.”
Her brows lift. “That’s a big jump.”
Shrugging, I sigh. “I have to try. My dad treats me like I’m made of porcelain, and I totally get why. I fell apart after the shooting, then again after Mom died. He’s had to handle me like I might shatter at any moment.”
“Well, you’re still here. I think that’s proof you aren’t as breakable as he believes.”
We make it to the crest of a hill and stop, looking out at the landscape.
“Think we’ll have wildfires again this year?” she asks.
“They’re doing everything they can to prepare and prevent them. I hope we don’t. It was scary last year when Dad had to go.”
She shakes her head, and the guilty look on her face gives me pause. “I’m sorry. That probably doesn’t help your stress. I was just thinking…”
“About Byrne?”
“Just about them all. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to date a firefighter. They’re in danger all the time.”
I take her hand. “I know.”
We stand there, watching the sky turn dark until she looks at me and says, “Race you to the car. Winner picks the show we’re watching, loser buys the ice cream.”
Travis
“What the hell are you doing?” Buck asks, snatching my hat off my face from my position on my bunk.
“Trying to get a few winks in before I have to go see Gina.” I sit up, opening my eyes and fighting the growl that’s threatening to roll up my throat.
“Fucking Gina. She’s got you burning the candle at both ends. You’ve been here over a month and look at you…draggin’ ass in the middle of the day, living’ in the bunkhouse like a ranch hand.”
“Look, taking care of her is what I should do. I got her into this. I don’t want my kid going without a dad, and that means being there when his mama needs me too.”
He cocks a brow. “His?”
I grin, a glimmer of excitement taking hold in my chest. “Yeah. She said it’s a boy.”
“She letting him have the Ryker name?”
“Of course she will.”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “You’re not married anymore. She might not.”
Sighing, I get out of bed and pull on my boots. “So much for a nap,” I mutter.
“Look, she’s due any day. Things’ll iron themselves out once the baby is here. We’ll get custody sorted, and it’ll be fine. You’ll see.”
“And what about Lark?”
Her name is like a dagger through my back. It burns and aches all at the same time. “She’s better off without me dragging her down.”
“Fuck you. She’s not.”
I grab my hat from him and put it on. “You don’t understand.”
“I do. You’re a damn coward. Plenty of people have relationships more complicated than this. You’re in love with her, I could see that from a mile away, and you’re gonna let her go under some misguided thought that you’re not good enough?”
“She’s too young.”
“Too young for what? To be a stepmom? To be yours?”
“All of it.”
“You don’t give her enough credit. Have you even asked her what she wants?”
I shake my head.
“Great. So you just decided for her. I’m sure she feels real good right about now.”
“Why do you even care, Buck?”
He scoffs. “Because I watched you go through a nasty divorce, uproot your whole life, and then, when I was in Silver Lake, I saw a side of you none of us ever experienced. You and Lark are something special. You’re like Clint and Ever or me and Penny special. Like Mama and Daddy.” His voice breaks a little at the last comparison. His parents were the real deal. Theirs was the relationship to measure all others against. Sandra and George Ryker loved each other hard, and when Uncle George died, we all thought it’d take Aunt Sandy from us.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“You could start by calling her.”
I sigh. It sounds so easy. But what can I offer her? I don’t have much more than a house that’s up for sale and a pregnant ex-wife. But then I think of the woman Lark is. I’ve never known someone with so much love to give even after she lost so much. She’s the kind of person who faced her fear, her constant struggle, just to make sure her dad wasn’t alone in the hospital. She’s stronger than anyone I know. But can she love a baby that isn’t hers? I’d be an idiot not to find out.
My phone rings in my hand, Gina’s name flashing on the screen. “Shit,” I mutter, but there’s a tendril of anticipation in my chest too. This could be it.
“Gina, you okay?”
“Yeah. Um, I’m at the hospital.”
“Fuck, what’s wrong?”
I hear a baby’s thin cry over the line. “Gina?”
“I had the baby.”
“You what?” Shock rolls through me. “Why didn’t you call me? I’ll be right there.”
“No. Don’t bother coming.”
I frown. “Excuse me?”
“He’s not yours. I lied.”
I feel sick. “You…you lied to me?”
“Dean left me, and I was pregnant and alone. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want my baby growing up without a daddy, and you always said you wanted kids.”
“And what changed?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“He came back. We’re getting married.”
I press my lips together, anger burning in my blood. “Congratulations, Gina. Best of luck to you. You’re gonna need it.”
I hang up the phone and nearly throw it across the bunkhouse, but Buck stops me. “What just happened?”
“Gina.” Dragging a hand over my jaw, I sigh. “Baby’s not mine.”
His face goes stormy. “Shit.”
I nod. “Exactly.”
In a few long strides, I brush past Buck and to the door. “Where are you goin’?” he asks.
“For a ride. I’ve got some hard thinking to do.”
Buck grins. “You gonna call her?”
I shrug, knowing he means Lark, but not wanting to get my hopes up that she’ll answer. “Maybe.”
“Don’t be an idiot. Call that woman and get her back.”
“Stay out of it, Buck. Not everything is like those romance books you read when you think no one is lookin’.”
“Hey! I’ll have you know those books helped me land myself my H.E.A.”
I scoff. “Life isn’t always happily ever after.”
“I know. It’s why I appreciate them so much.”
I leave the bunkhouse and head to the stables where Ben is saddled and being led out to the arena by my cousin Sera. “You using him for a lesson?” I ask.
Shaking her head, she looks me over. “It’s time for his exercise. You going for a ride?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” I take the lead rope from her and secure it before mounting from the ground. It doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s time to go back. The group of tourists staying at the guest ranch watch intently at a real cowboy doing his thing. I ignore them. With a dig of my heels and the click of my tongue, Ben and I head for the wide open space of Ryker Ranch.
In half an hour, we reach the pond I used to play in as a kid. So many summers were spent swinging on the rope tied to a tree branch and dropping into the water. Nights watching the stars. Days laughing together with my cousins. I thank God every day for my aunt and uncle. They gave me a family.
A pang of heartache hits me square in the chest at the thought of a family. Again, Gina dangled the prospect of me being a dad and again, she pulled it away. While I�
��m relieved not to have any ties to her, I’m filled with a terrible sense of loss. I might not want her, but I did want the baby. More than that, I want the future I left behind because of her.
I thought I lost everything when Gina left me, but now I see the truth. She gave me the freedom to find the person I’m supposed to be with and I fucked it all up on my own.
Grabbing my phone, I dial Lark’s number and pray she’ll give me another chance.
“Ryker, why the fuck are you calling my daughter?” Chief Long’s voice is the last one I expect to hear on the other end of the line.
“I…sir, I…”
“Cut the shit, I know you’ve been with her. I could see it in her eyes when she’d look at you. I don’t know what happened between you two, but she’s heartbroken.”
I swallow back the lump in my throat. “I’m in love with her, sir.”
“So why does she look like her world imploded?”
“Things got…complicated.”
“So uncomplicate them.”
I’m about to tell him that won’t be possible, but in reality, it absolutely is. It’s as simple as packing up my horse and driving back to the woman I love. If she’ll have me.
Ben whinnies, stamping his hoof, a clear sign he wants to wrap this up and get back to the stable. The chief clears his throat. “Where the hell are you?”
“Montana.”
“Why?”
“Came back to deal with some personal shit.”
“You planning to stay? Is that why she’s so broken up?” There’s clear anger in his questions.
“No. I’ll be back in four days. I promise. And I’ll fix everything.”
“Good. I expect you for your shift on Monday. You may be dating my daughter, but that doesn’t mean you get any preferential treatment.”
“But…you don’t have a problem with us being together?” I stare out at the cowboys rustling a herd of cattle in a nearby pasture, wondering if I might get the chance to bring Lark here and show her a part of my life.
“I don’t fucking like it. I hate that the two of you were sneaking around.”
Shit. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to fix this. But I’m not going to let her go so easy. “I can transfer—“
