Despite reservations too numerous to count, I nodded. "Yes, I am." My nervous confession, once out there, filled me with relief. It was quickly washed away by fresh doubts, yet Sawyer had filled me with enough courage to admit this.
"Don't be scared, Billie. I get that we hardly know one another, but believe me—there's a link between us—a connection I've never felt for anyone else. When I looked out at the audience and saw you in there tonight, my heart almost burst out of my chest. What were the chances of us being in the same place again? Hell, I wasn't even supposed to be there tonight."
We sat silent again and I shrugged. "I nearly never came," I confessed.
"You know, once I'd left you that day, I almost came back? I kept willing you to get in touch, and when you didn't, I felt very disappointed.
"I'm forty-one years old, Sawyer."
He scowled. "Your hang-ups about age and all that shit have to go. My mom is seven years older than my dad. Besides, I'm mature for my age. Being here with you…" he sighed, exasperated by my protests. "Look, I'm not interested in what some birth certificate says about you. How I've behaved tonight should tell you I am beyond interested. I'm sure there were plenty of pretty girls in that bar, but all of my focus was on you. With your permission, I'd like the chance to explore what this chemistry thing is we have going on between us."
When I didn't reply, he lifted my hand and pressed his lips to it. "Can't you see I find you irresistible? I can't even hold myself back when I want to touch you, Billie. What does that say? What do you say?"
My mind flicked through another round of reasons why we could never work, like an ancient Rolodex, until he placed my hand back on the table, moved away, and slid back in his seat. My body internally groaned at the loss of his touch, but his gaze remained intent.
"This is an amazing opportunity. I don't think we'll ever get again if we pass it up. Still, it's your choice. Say no and I'll call you a cab." His eyes pleaded with me before softening, and I figured he'd considered the pressure of what he was asking. "Billie, I know all of this feels too heavy, but I can only tell you how you make me feel. However, I know I can't feel for you. You're the only one who can decide if I'm worth the risk."
"It's complicated, my life. There's my son to consider. Being a mom to an eight-year-old boy takes up time, and there are so many ties that don't fit in with your world."
"Every couple has trials of one kind or another in their lives, but when they work together they usually overcome them. I'll be on the road for parts of the year. You having a son makes no difference to me. I'm great with kids. They give me the chance to do all the shit I missed out on in my childhood when I was learning to play my guitar."
I had to admit nothing I'd said turned him off and I liked him. More importantly, I was also feeling the same chemistry he'd mentioned and found him more irresistible the longer we talked.
At that moment I decided my problem was that I was getting in my own way and temporarily buried my fears, knowing the longer I took to date the harder it would be.
Then I figured if I were going to date again, I'd likely have one reckless relationship in the process. If I had to do this, then I wanted to do it with him.
"Okay, I'm in. Let's just see where this goes."
As soon as my words were out, Sawyer's face brightened with a huge toothy smile. Springing to his feet, he threw a few bills on the table to pay for his food and grabbed me by the hand.
"I need to warn you now, after that crazy woman who stalked me, I don't do sleepovers on the first date." His hilarious comment made me laugh, releasing the tension I'd built in my body as he led the way out of diner and into the crisp late-night air.
Still holding my hand, he spun me until I stood in front of him before he reached down and slid the palm of his other hand into mine. Holding them both in front of us, a slow smile curved his lips and he wiggled his legs as if a burst of nervous excitement had gripped him.
I found that move quite endearing and I was glad that it had demonstrated a little of his feelings, because otherwise, Sawyer would have appeared a little too cool and smooth to be true.
"Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Is that too soon to meet me again? I'm out on tour a week from Monday, for a month, and I'd like to spend time with you before I need to leave," he said as he thought on his feet. "Maybe we could take the ferry out to Staten Island, see the Statue of Liberty, and perhaps grab a bite to eat. Do you think your son would like that, or have you taken him out there already?"
"Colby. His name is Colby and he's spending time with his father this weekend." I was touched he'd immediately thought of my responsibility to my son, but unlike Logan—who'd introduced Poppy to Colby after only a couple of weeks—there was no way I'd have any man around my boy unless we were in a serious relationship. "No offense, Sawyer, but to be honest with you, my son's emotional welfare is at the forefront of my mind. I don't want to introduce him to random men who might disappear after he's become attached."
"Ouch. It stings that I'm still in the random men category, but you're right. My bad. In that case, how do you feel about a short ride out to the beach and maybe something to eat?"
Part of me was still not one-hundred-percent sure I was doing the right thing. Especially since I had felt attached in such a short time when he'd left me that day in the wine bar, but I found myself agreeing again. "What the hell. Okay."
"Yes!" he exclaimed, just like he'd won the lottery, and he fist-pumped the air. It had been decades since I'd done that myself and I felt old again at that moment.
Chapter Seven
The conversation came easy when Sawyer picked me up from my home in New Jersey for the short ride to the beach. Being a mom, I was organized for a day at the beach with my multicolored beach umbrella and two matching low deck chairs. My beach bag was ready and waiting to be packed in the trunk and contained two brightly colored beach towels, sunscreen, and two iced bottles of water for hydration.
My heart skipped a beat, my mouth went dry and all my planning went to shit when Sawyer pulled up to my door on his huge, shiny Honda Goldwing motorcycle wearing a baggy black T-shirt, faded ripped jeans and biker boots.
"I know what you're thinking," he said, tugging his helmet off and placing it over the end of the handlebar of the bike. "Trust me, I'm not compensating for anything," he stated, lifting his long muscular leg off the bike and wandering up the path to my front door, holding his arms out. "Tell me you don't have anything against riding on the back of a motorcycle."
For a long minute, I stood frozen, searching for a way out of this, because never in my wildest dreams had I considered he might expect me to get on the back of a motorcycle.
"The look on your face is priceless," he said, chuckling. "I get it, maybe I should have told you I don't have a car. I've never had any real use for one. I prefer this," he advised, gesturing toward his powerful ride. "It fits in the gig truck with everything else when I go on tour."
Thankfully he hadn't seen the pile of beach equipment I had prepared and stowed in the garage, and I felt my cheeks redden at the thought I'd done all that without thinking. Then I figured going with the flow, like Sawyer wanted me to, wasn't going to be as easy for me as he'd thought.
"Sorry. Where are my manners? You look absolutely stunning." His eyes roamed appreciatively over my tight fitting burgundy top and white fitted capris I'd thrown over my bikini, stopping at the sparkly cherry and white flip-flops on my feet.
Stepping forward, he slipped his hand around my waist and unexpectedly took my lips in a slow and tender kiss. An instant thrill of electricity flowed through my body at how confident he was.
I could tell he was on the verge of losing control and kissing me deeper when he suddenly tore his lips away and stepped back, growling and putting some much-needed space between us. For a small kiss that had only lasted several seconds, it had still stolen my breath and flooded my senses with pangs of desire.
"Wow," he said, huskily. I noted his hazel
eyes had turned heated, like melted honey and this gave me a spark of confidence. "I figured I'd get that one out of the way, since I deliberately didn't kiss you last night. My instincts told me if I had, you'd have found a reason not to come out with me today. Now you won't need to sit there distracted and wondering when I'm going to kiss you."
I had to smile because he had great insight. If he had kissed me then I'd probably have done just that. I must have looked hot and flustered, still reeling from the unexpected move he'd made because he pulled me into his chest. "Relax, Billie. Today is gonna be fun, I promise."
"Morning, Billie," Gillian Dobson called out loudly from across the street, and my body immediately steeled at the sound of the shrill tone in her voice.
Pushing Sawyer away, I tried my hardest to look as if what she'd seen was an innocent embrace, but he’d anticipated my move and slid his hand around my waist determinedly, and pulled me into his side.
"Oh, hey, Gillian," I said, my voice shaking slightly as my whole body vibrated with nerves from Sawyer being close to me and the way she stalked toward me.
"Oh my, and you are?" she asked, her greedy eyes scanning Sawyer from head to toe, widening with every new feature of his gorgeous physique she took in. Desire flitted through her expression, and I knew how she felt because I'd had the same feelings the first time I'd seen him.
"Sawyer Wild," he offered, sticking one hand out to greet her.
"Nice to meet you, Sawyer," she said batting her eyelashes at him. I couldn't help but notice how clumped her mascara was. I smirked. "I like to keep an eye out for my friends, especially when they're having their lips sucked off the way you were a few minutes ago, Billie Drummond." Crap.
"Collier," I corrected her, "my name is Billie Collier now."
"No cause for alarm, ma'am, Billie and I go way back. Now if you'll excuse us, my time with this beauty is far too limited and we've got somewhere else to be."
For a moment I felt a tad overwhelmed at how he'd taken control of the situation with Gillian, but when he turned his attention back toward me and dismissed her. However, I had been thankful he'd shut the conversation down between us all.
"We better get moving or we'll be late, Billie," he said. "Are you grabbing a purse or are you ready to go like this?"
I was almost too scared to go inside to pick it up. I didn't want to leave Sawyer alone with Gillian; I knew how nosey she could be. Plus, I was concerned about what Sawyer would say. Gillian and her husband, Mark, had been friends with Logan and me before he left, but since then I'd hardly seen them around.
When I looked at Sawyer, he winked at me, and for some weird reason, I felt centered and not at all worried about collecting my purse.
Leaving them in my driveway, I went back inside, checked that my patio doors were locked, grabbed my keys from the console table in my hallway. Setting the alarm, I stepped out of my house, closed and locked the door, and rejoined them at the precise moment Sawyer was finishing the same made-up story he'd told Logan on the day that we met.
"Ready, gorgeous?" he asked, reaching out and resting his hands on my hips. "If we set off now, we'll catch the tide." Letting his hand slide from my hip, he grabbed my wrist and took my small purse off me and led me slowly toward his ride. "Nice meeting you, Gillian," he called over his shoulder.
My heart swelled at how smug I felt with how attentive he behaved toward me, and how dismissive he was of Gill. A smile spread on my lips when I thought of how pissed he'd likely have made her since I knew how much she loved being the center of attention all the time.
As he helped me climb onto his bike, I mumbled, "Thanks for that." He stopped what he was doing and looked into my eyes, his bright ones filled with amusement and staring intently.
"For which part? The off the charts kiss or getting rid of your nosey bitch neighbor?"
"Bitch?" I asked.
"Yeah, she's not your friend. So don't go confiding in her."
"Why? What did she say?"
"Just wanted to fill me in on your marriage to that douchebag you used to be with. Told me what a nice guy he was. Don't worry, I set her straight. I told her his loss was my gain and I was delighted he was out of the picture."
Before I could say anything else, he opened a storage box on the back of the motorcycle and dropped my purse inside. I watched him as he took out a spare helmet, came over to where I sat, and held the shiny red helmet above me.
"Now for one of the highlights of the day. Can't think of anything better than having your arms wrapped around me and you clinging tightly to my back," he admitted. He leaned forward and pecked me on the lips before putting the helmet onto my head.
My poor heart raced excitedly until Sawyer snapped the visor down, and my mood became mellow the instant I looked out at the world through the uplifting orange colored lens.
Grabbing his helmet from the handlebar, he pulled it on, situated himself on his ride and reached back to find my hands. Planting them firmly over the center of his abs, he called out to me to hold on tight. Jumping on the pedal under his feet, I felt his muscles flex as the powerful engine roared to life and he loudly revved the throttle.
I was petrified and clung on tight with my eyes closed, pressing my cheek into his back as much as I could, given the bulk of the helmet. What the hell I am I doing, riding on the back of what is essentially a ridiculously fast death trap, with a man I hardly know?
Between the noise of the bike, the speed, and the engine's power vibrating up through my body, it had felt like a terrifying sensory overload. Fear mingled with excitement, and my poor little heart pounded so fast I thought there was a real possibility I might die of a heart attack—if we didn't crash first.
However, our pace evened out once Sawyer had steered clear of the traffic and I quickly got used to the speed. By the time we joined the road to the coast my nerves had settled down and to my surprise, the exhilaration I felt from my virgin motorcycle ride took over.
As Sawyer pulled into the beach park parking lot, I noticed there were far fewer people than I'd expected, but I'd never been that far down the shore before. I felt myself relax at how quiet the place felt.
Crawling to a halt, Sawyer parked his ride and took his helmet off. Once off the bike he turned his attention to me and did the same with mine, stowing them in the top box at the back, and removing my purse. He slipped the strap over my shoulder and once we were all set, he took my hand and led us toward the shoreline.
Sawyer took his biker boots off and stashed them in a small rucksack he strapped to his back before we had reached the water's edge.
Dipping his toes in the water, he glanced at me and smiled. "I love it at this time of the year, when the weather's turning cooler and the waves are rougher from the storms that build out in the ocean. I would take fall and winter any day over weeks of relentless sun," he offered, sharing a part of himself with me.
"I'm the same. Guess it comes with being a winter baby."
"You are? Me too. When? What month?"
"February."
"No shit. Me too," he replied with a wide grin. "What date?"
"Valentine's Day. February 14th."
"No shit, seriously? Me too."
"Liar," I shot back, thinking he was yanking my chain.
"Sorry, but for that, you're going to owe me a kiss. Check this out then," he replied with a smug looking grin on his face. Pulling out his wallet, he shoved his driver's license toward me. "See. We could be twins," he offered, chuckling.
The instant he said it my focus was back on how much younger he was than me, and although I'd already told him my age, I hurriedly scanned his driver's license and calculated how old he was from this. When I realized he was eleven years younger, I almost freaked out on the spot.
"What? What did I say?" Sawyer asked, with a concerned expression, as his serious eyes narrowed when he took in my dismay.
"What are we doing?" I asked, my dejected voice sharing my worry again.
"I thought we were he
re to have fun." He sighed like he knew my thoughts and shook his head. Grabbing hold of my hand, he squeezed it a little to get my attention. "Get over yourself. You're not the first woman to have a younger boyfriend. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I thought we'd agreed to this last night. If you're not into me that's a reason I'll accept, but I won't allow you to put your age in the way again. You're still continent, right?"
I barked a laugh and stared in shock because his question was absurd. Of course, I could control my bladder.
"That's better. I know how old you are. You said it before. But I'm still here. If we don't work out, age will have nothing to do with it." I was surprised at how confident he sounded about this. "Come on. I'm a responsible person. Look, let me share something with you." I stared into his questioning gaze and saw concern. "I wasn't going to do this today, but I think you need to know a few things about me, to know I'm not just some fly-by-night musician with nothing better to do than play with your feelings."
My brow furrowed. "Okay."
"All right, I need to take you somewhere else." For a good five minutes, we continued to wander down the beach, and I was pleasantly surprised by the comfortable silence that grew between us.
When he looked out over the ocean, he gripped my hand firmly. His hold felt possessive and I felt happier than I had in a long time, despite everything. When he wasn't aware I was looking, I studied his beautiful profile as he looked out to sea. His pensive expression and his quiet relaxed state hinted at his serious side.
A short while later we came across a small boat named "Maxine" with a big outboard motor banked on the sand. Placing his hands on the bow, Sawyer dragged the boat into the water. "Come here," he demanded, holding his hand out for me to take. I hesitated because the boat didn't feel big enough to take out on the water with the rolling waves. "Trust me. We're not going far."
"It isn't that. I don't think I'd feel safe in this. Look at the swell." Sawyer turned around and looked at the ocean. He chuckled. "Jesus. We're not going out there. Trust me. Get in." He pleaded. His hazel eyes pulled at my heartstrings, and before I knew what I was doing, I was being lifted into the boat.
DARE You, Dare Duet, Part One: Billie and Sawyer: Unchained Attraction Series Page 8
