She rubs her hands together. ‘Well – I’ll give you half an hour to have a practice and then we’ll let the dog see the rabbit!’
‘Indeed we will,’ Justin says silkily, turning and rolling his eyes as he makes to go out into reception. He pauses by the door as my phone rings and I pick it up.
A young lad has just arrived, asking to see Justin and he grins again, blowing Diane a kiss and she flips him off. Within a second he’s gone, to do what Justin Walker does best.
Twenty Nine
I stand under the shower at seven thirty on Saturday morning, my eyes shut as the water cascades over my face, grinning like an idiot. In just over an hour, we’re off to the Chill Factore and I’m a ball of excitement.
Today is Ellen’s twenty seventh birthday and as I bend and snag the shower gel, I remember the meal at Dan’s this evening. Although Gemma and Donna couldn’t make the skiing, both having pre-booked commitments, they’re coming to dinner tonight. The smile widens even more when I remember the conversation that Carter and I had last night.
He’s going to drag Rupert out after we’ve eaten, and we’re going to hit a couple of pubs. Perfect opportunity to get him nose to nose with Gemma and I remind myself to text her on the way to Manchester. Make sure that she looks smoking hot tonight, not that she really needs to try. She’s a stunning girl.
As I soap myself slowly, the smile on my face fades a little. Carter didn’t stay with me last night. I tried to keep the disappointment out of my eyes as I looked up at him when he told me. He met me after work and we sat in his car outside The Guardian for about an hour, talking and kissing. He had a paper to finish, he was behind because his father had dragged him to Dorset and if he didn’t get it done that night, he wouldn’t have been able to come skiing today. Total no brainer, and anyway – now I have tonight to look forward to. Although it was painful to sleep alone in my bed last night, without his long warm body intertwined in mine, I survived it and tonight, I’m really going to blow the man out of his socks.
I’m more than ready to take him on. If I was going to feel any residual virginity pain, I’d have felt it when I sat down hard on Carter’s manhood, and I shiver briefly with the memory. It didn’t hurt at all, and at that depth of penetration, I think I’m pretty much good to go now.
I stand motionless underneath the pounding water for a moment, just imagining what I’m going to do to him. Something so powerful, I hope, that I drag those three little words I’m so desperate to hear from his tortured throat. It’s all I want and I childishly promise a God I’ve never believed in that if he grants my wish, I’ll never ask for anything again. I’d be happy as a pig in shit for the rest of my life. Carter is everything I need.
Switching off the shower now, I dry myself quickly, spray deodorant and pull a wide toothed comb through my hair, muttering when it hooks in the knots. I brush my teeth and moisturise, my grin now back on my face.
For someone who couldn’t spend the night with me, Carter certainly struggled to leave. I tried to get out of his Audi twice, by mutual agreement but one last kiss turned us back into a groaning, gasping tangle of limbs in his front seat. I eventually shoved my boneless body from his car without looking back, staggering over to my Mini and reversing quickly away from him. It was like trying to rip two pieces of Velcro apart, neither of us could stand it.
In just my underwear, I pick up my phone, pulling up my texts. I held back sending him much last night, the man had to concentrate. He’s worked his bollocks off for six long years to get to this point in his life, I’d never forgive myself if he flunked one of his finals because I was sext pestering him when he should be writing a dissertation.
But now… well. Now is a different matter and I sink onto the side of my bed, pulling up his last. I couldn’t help myself in the end – I had to send him one. Just to tell him…. what? That I’m in love with him, obviously, but thankfully common sense prevailed.
Sleep well, Carter. See you tomorrow.X I’d written, and his reply - You too, beautiful. I’ll be dreaming about you… and the bloody aubergine again. I clip my damp hair behind my head, dipping my head and I start to type.
Good morning! What’s your ETA? I can’t wait to see you. Xx
I press send eagerly. I can’t. Never mind the skiing, it’s the prospect of seeing my incredible boyfriend soon that’s firing every nerve ending in my body. I feel a twist of pleasure and anticipation as he reads it immediately.
Baby, I don’t know how to say this, but…
Dismay shoots through me like poisoned darts, all my excited glee melting away.
Oh no? He can’t come?
I clench my teeth but then I see the throbbing dots. He’s writing something else and I wait, impatiently. I don’t want to go now, not if he’s not coming. It’s Ellen’s birthday and sans Carter, all I’ll be to the group is a mood hoover, bringing everyone down. Shit.
…please don’t bother putting on any lipstick, not that you need the fucking stuff anyway. It’ll be a complete waste of time, because I’m going to snog it all off in about forty minutes time.
My eyes pop open in shock. The shit! I can’t believe he’s done that to me, but my smile re-appears. That’s fine. They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, and Carter’s going to pay big for this. I wonder for a moment what I should do, but I need to give it some thought. Something sexual, certainly and for a moment, I think about some of Ellen’s tutelage, glimpses of her incredible sex life with Justin Walker.
Hmmm. I wonder how Mr Jackson would cope with a little bit of kink?
Hell yeah. That’s the baby, but I need to keep this little secret well and truly hidden. I’m going to drive him nuts, tonight, maybe? I’m so lost in my thoughts, I realised I haven’t replied to him and my eyes flick over his words again, my fingers starting to tap.
I can’t wait to get you naked tonight. I slept like shit because you weren’t next to me.
I did, and although my subconscious is shaking her head at me in despair, I can’t help admitting the words to him. I shouldn’t be saying this sort of stuff. I remember fleetingly the look of panic in his eyes for that split second the night that he fucked me without a condom. When he thought that I was going to tell him that I loved him. He was desperate to hear the words, but also desperate not to. I could feel it in him.
I need to try and calm down. It’s all so new and incredible for me, these strange, unknown but wonderful feelings that I have every time I’m with Carter. Just his presence in a room lights me from within, but his touch dissolves me, incapacitates me to such an extent that I can think about nothing but him. It’s very difficult for me to do anything like rein it in.
At least when Ellen fell so deeply in love with Justin she’d had previous relationships, wasn’t a virgin. The last seven days have made me feel as though I’ve lived my life previously as a grey shadow and meeting Carter has transformed me into blinding technicolour. He’s made me come alive, that’s the only way for me to accurately describe what he’s done to me.
Well, keep it under your hat for now, if you can? At least try?
There’s a whoop and my eyes focus on my phone. He’s replied and I glance at my watch quickly. I need to get a wriggle on – he’s going to be here in about thirty five minutes now and my hair will take forever to dry. I stand up, reading, as I turn towards my dressing table but I stagger a little when I reach it.
Is that right? Well, in that case… I’ve got plans for you tonight, Pearl Harrison. Take it easy on the slopes today. You’re going to need plenty of energy for later. An emoji with hearts for eyes now and I plop into the velvet covered stool, sliding my phone onto the polished dressing table. My heart’s already started to clatter, just his words are enough to explode my imagination and all that he’s going to do to me. Something that requires energy. Wonder what he’s got in mind?
Screwing the living daylights out of you for hours, probably.
I groan at the thought. I can’t help myself and I pick the
phone up again. I’m really pushing it here and I need to start getting ready, but I can’t leave a text like that from him without the courtesy of a reply.
I’m never deleting these texts. In fact, I’ve already screen-grabbed most of them, just in case. I know it’s pathetic, but I’ve no control at all. My hands did it on automatic pilot. I’ve turned the photo of him into my wallpaper, but just his flawless face, half smile and hiked eyebrow this time. I don’t want to really embarrass the man.
Hurry up! I need at least five minutes with you before the rest of them land here!
I get a thumbs up in return and I finally ready myself for the day ahead. I apply a light makeup – no lipstick as requested and blast my hair with the dryer. I love my Dyson hairdryer, it’s the bomb and it takes half the time of a lesser model.
Dressed finally in warm clothes, I pull my hair back into a thick pony and stuff an across body bag with everything that I’ll need for the day. Which isn’t much. My phone, really, but I take my purse just in case.
Collecting the large white envelope, I hurry through the lounge smiling to myself. I thought long and hard about what to get Ellen for her birthday. It has to be something special, the woman has done so much for me and nothing that I could buy would ever be over the top to me. I hope I’ve got it right, but if not, I can get it refunded.
Although Ellen detests rollercoasters with a passion and would have to be dragged onto one kicking and screaming, she’s a secret adrenaline junkie. The AMG, Ducati and Justin Walker himself have brought out the risqué in her and I reckon she’ll love it.
As I hurry down the stairs, turning to walk into the kitchen, the doorbell chimes through the house. I pivot immediately, my heart starting to knock, something squeezing warmly inside me. Justin pokes his head out of the kitchen door, but he grins when he sees me heading off to the front of the house and disappears again.
I’m hurrying now, almost trotting in my haste to pull it open and my lip’s between my teeth when I eventually manage it. Carter’s standing before me, his long legs spread casually, his hands stuffed into his leather jacket pockets. His burnished hair is a freshly washed tumble of soft curls and his hypnotic eyes glow down at me. As soon as we lock his pupils get larger and larger, it’s almost comical, the effect on him instantaneous and I see his chest begin to rise and fall quickly as his breathing quickens.
He steps forward.
‘Hello, Pearl Harrison,’ he whispers, taking his hands from his pockets and slipping his arms around me. He rubs the tips of our noses together and then his soft mouth is on mine.
He hasn’t just said hello to me. There’s something else in those three words, I get the strangest notion there is, but when his tongue starts the first of its sensual curves around my own, my eyes slide shut and I melt into him, my arms locking around his neck.
‘Oh baby…’ he breathes, breaking away finally, his eyes flickering open and then he kisses me gently again for a moment. ‘I…’ He shuts his mouth suddenly, swallowing back the words he was going to say, but I’m not letting him. I’ve not called him out on these hesitancies before, when he tries to tell me stuff and then bails, but he’s not getting off the hook this time.
‘What?’ I ask softly and his eyes search mine anxiously for a moment. ‘Carter, please - don’t do this. What were you going to say?’
He sighs, pulling me closer and kissing my throat for a moment and I sense that he’s gathering himself, trying to do as I’ve asked. It’s his own fault, he should have kept his trap shut. He appears to have no control over starting these secret revelations, whatever they are, but he’s piss poor at finishing them off.
Finally dragging his head out of my neck, he meets my eyes and I see he’s made his mind up. Bright hope flares for a moment as his eyes heat.
‘It’s hard to describe,’ he says quietly, leaning his forehead on mine now. ‘That’s why I hesitated, I’m going to sound like a knob, but… I’m starting to get this ache when I’m not with you. It’s driving me crazy, but as soon as you’re in my arms and I’m kissing you, it vanishes. You’re like a shot in the arm, it’s the most incredible feeling,’ he breathes and then he’s kissing me again.
I can’t try and unpick his words now. If he’s not chatting shit then he’s feeling what I’m feeling. The Away Ache, as I christened it a few days ago. He has it too.
I’ll examine this in detail later, pick it over delightedly, revel in it. But first, I’ve got a day out with my beautiful man and my amazing family and that’s all I’m letting into my head.
‘I feel it too,’ I say, almost shyly now and he strokes my face, his mouth curving into a delighted smile. I’ve just made his day and he hugs me tightly once more. We finally pull away. It’s Ellen’s birthday and I haven’t even clapped eyes on her yet.
Carter comes in and I shut the door behind him. He unzips his leather jacket and reaches inside it, taking out a greetings card.
‘I had no idea what to get her,’ he starts and I shake my head.
‘Carter, seriously – she won’t expect anything. She’ll be made up with a card.’
I take his hand and we wander down the hallway towards the kitchen door. I don’t actually know if Ellen is up yet, but I suspect she is. Jared is at Dan and Holly’s – he went last night. Dan, Jess and Holly aren’t coming with us today, Holly has a sprained ankle and Dan and Jess are babysitting and cooking tonight’s meal. I lead Carter into the kitchen and stop dead in my tracks.
Justin Walker, you old romantic…
The room is festooned with helium balloons. Dozens of them, in fat bunches, tied to the chairs, the appliances, Jared’s playpen, but it’s the balloons themselves that make my breath hitch. The majority of them are big red hearts, so shiny they almost look like they’re beating as they shift and bob together, but over the patio doors are individual red letter balloons, over a foot in height and Carter’s hand squeezes tightly around mine as we both read the words.
I LOVE YOU ELLEN
Fucking hell. I’m melting, Ellen is going to lose her shit when she sees this and when Justin walks into the kitchen from the utility, carrying his new Salomon skis, he gives me a blinding smile. I know my chin is hanging at what he’s done. Justin loves Ellen so much he would die for her and he wants the world to know it. The man doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve when it comes to Ellen, he’s had it tattooed on his forehead.
‘You like?’ he says as we walk towards him.
‘Oh, hell yeah!’ I reply in delight. ‘Where is she, has she seen it?’
He shakes his head, propping the huge skis up next to the fridge. ‘No – I made her breakfast in bed, she’ll be down in a minute. I was just going to come and find you,’ he says. He turns to Carter now, grinning.
‘Good to see you, man. How’s things?’
Carter shakes his hand, giving him a wide smile. ‘Things are great, Justin,’ he says softly, his eyes sliding to me and I kiss his chin before wandering over to the fridge for the orange juice, placing the card in my hand on the worktop.
‘Who’s coming today?’ I ask, pouring a glass for Carter and he thanks me, brushing his fingers against my behind as I move away. I try not to stagger.
‘Well, Ryan and Diane, who’s going to eat a whole humble pie to herself in a couple of hours and Regan and her boyfriend, Ollie, I think he’s called?’ Justin says. ‘Dillon and Nat are coming to the meal, but they’re out this afternoon, a barbecue with Nat’s family.’
I shut the fridge and I’m about to answer him, but conversation stops, all heads turning towards the kitchen door as Ellen appears. I sip my orange, wandering over to Carter again and taking his hand.
Justin starts a slow stroll over to his wife as she stands, dumbstruck in the doorway, a hand over her mouth. She looks beautiful today, her hair a soft dark tumble around her face, which has drained of colour now as her frantic eyes sweep around the dozens of balloons. Her chin begins to wobble though, when she sees the words he’s written in helium at the
far side.
‘Oh Justin,’ she chokes and then they’re locked together. I gaze at them for a moment, really drinking them in.
Jesus.
Justin has Ellen’s face in his hands and he’s staring down at her with so much raw, desperate love that my heart twitches. These two people are so devoted to each other, it’s almost abnormal, bordering on obsession, but it doesn’t matter. Neither of them will ever need anyone else. Justin dips his head, whispering something tenderly for a moment, then starting to kiss her, deeply and sensuously and I can’t look at them any longer.
I feel like an intruder, a peeping tom on their moment of precious intimacy and I look up at Carter. I expect him to gawping at the love that Justin and Ellen Walker are so spectacularly displaying a few feet away but shock throbs through me. He’s looking at me, nowhere but me, but his green eyes are clearly fired by what’s going on at the other side of the room.
I see him deliberate with himself, debating whether to pull me into his arms and follow suit, but then we’ll all stand snogging in the kitchen and I haven’t given Ellen my gift yet. Diane will be here soon and then the crowing is going to start… all the way down the motorway to Manchester, more than likely.
Thankfully, the Walkers have broken their clinch, Ellen swiping under her eyes as Justin takes her hand and brings her over to Carter and I. I pull her into a long hug. I can feel the glee in her again, not only for herself and what she was feeling a few seconds ago, but because I appear to have found it too.
She pulls back and we grin at each other.
‘Happy Birthday, El,’ I say, thrusting the large card at her. ‘I hope you like this, but if it’s not for you, you can exchange it, okay?’ I hike a brow and she peers at me beadily, her face full of excitement. Carter and Justin are both looking at me, eyebrows raised expectantly as if I’m going to stand here and blurt out what it is and I roll my eyes at them. Ellen rips the envelope open quickly, extracting the hand-painted card that I bought from an artist on the internet.
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