I glance at my watch. It’s nearly eleven. I really need to talk to Justin, but it’s Ellen’s birthday. They’ve got another night without Jared and they’ll be in bed, taking full advantage. I can’t disturb that, nor would I even consider it a possibility. It’ll have to wait until morning and besides which, I need to talk to Carter. I know I’ve shocked him tonight with my behaviour, I just hope that he isn’t horrified and completely turned off me now. He’s probably wondering if he’s ever known me at all.
Taking a deep breath, I push my key into the door and let us quietly into the house.
Thirty Three
Closing the front door quietly behind me, I throw my keys onto the meter cupboard at the foot of the stairs and sling my bag over the newel post.
I turn to Carter, taking both his hands in mine but he still says nothing, just leaning our foreheads and closing his eyes wearily. I wish he’d say something. He’s never been so closed off and I’m worried. It’s actually worse than that. It’s not quite panic but it’s getting there. What if he’s decided that he can’t do this? He has the most important exams of his entire education in a few weeks, the culmination of years of hard work. All I’ve done since the day he met me is create a shit-storm in his life.
Dread is starting a nasty black slide inside my gut and I turn to walk up the stairs to my flat. I suddenly crave another drink, despite the amount I’ve sunk tonight. I’ve a lurking nasty unease that I’m not going to like the conversation that we’re about to have.
Just as I put my foot on the first riser, the door to the kitchen unexpectedly opens and Justin comes through it, carrying two glasses of milk. The shock that hits his face at the sight of us changes to concern when he sees the look on mine.
‘What’s the matter? What’s happened?’ he asks, putting both tall white glasses onto the hallway table. His eyes flick worriedly between Carter and I.
I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with this tonight now, I’d told myself that they’d be making love and I’d happily put it onto the back burner, but there’s no fobbing Justin Walker off. I can’t lie to the man and I eye the milk.
‘Is Ellen awake?’ I ask quietly and he nods, his head tipping to one side.
‘Yeah.’
‘Can you go and get her? I need to talk to you both,’ I say and to my horror, my chin starts to lightly tremble. Justin sees it immediately and for a second, his eyes darken and shoot to Carter. None of this is his fault and I shake my head.
‘I’ve done something very stupid,’ I admit in a small voice and Justin’s eyes soften.
‘Love, it can’t be that bad?’ He shoots an enquiring look at Carter but he shakes his head. ‘Okay – we’ll be down in five.’ He nods at the milk. ‘Take that into the lounge and get yourself a brew or whatever.’ Stroking my shoulder once, he takes the stairs two at a time.
I’m actually glad this is happening now. I’d have been panicking about all night, otherwise, and I need to heave it out. Although I’m afraid of it happening, in my heart of hearts I don’t think I can ever see Justin kicking me out and walking away from me. It’s not who he is, despite what I’ve done. Still, even seeing disappointment in his bright blue eyes would be bad enough.
Carter picks up the glasses and wanders into the lounge, putting them down onto the low coffee table. He shrugs off his jacket, throwing it over the back of one of the armchairs and tugs the copper tie from around his neck.
I stand, my shoulders slumped and he comes over to me, stuffing the tie into his pants pocket. He tips my chin up and looks into my swimming eyes. My heart warms a little when he strokes my face tenderly.
‘Do you want a drink?’
I nod gratefully. ‘Just a glass of water, please Carter,’ I request and he nods, kissing my forehead before moving towards the kitchen. I slump back onto the leather sofa, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. I can’t actually believe that the last hour of my life happened. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a wonderful dream that’s suddenly turned into a dark nightmare.
Carter clatters around in the kitchen and then he’s back in the room, carrying two tall glasses of cold water. I lean forward wearily, taking one with a weak smile of thanks and as I take a grateful sip, I hear movement in the hallway and then Justin and Ellen are in the lounge.
Ellen’s face is still flushed and I’ll bet we came home just in time. Ten minutes earlier and they’d have been making love. She’s wearing a fluffy robe, her eyes dark with concern as she comes over to me, sinking down onto the cushion next to me and taking my hand. I place the water glass on the table in front of me, as Carter and Justin take a seat on the two armchairs at the side, facing each other.
I cover Ellen’s hand with my own and stare down at it. I don’t know how to start this conversation – should I just blurt it out?
That’s a great idea. Justin’s going to love hearing that you smacked someone in the face and broke their nose. He’ll wonder if he ever knew you at all!
I’m wondering if I’ve ever known myself, to be honest and when the bloated silence stretches to uncomfortable, Justin leans forward, his elbows on his knees and he pins me with a look.
‘What have you done,’ he asks quietly, but there’s no edge to his voice. No accusatory tone, no whine of condemnation. He just wants to know.
I flash a look at Carter and he hikes a brow a millimetre. I read the message – Do you want me to do it? I know he would, but this isn’t his mess to explain – it’s mine and I’m not a coward.
‘Pearl.’ Justin’s voice drags my face around to him again and he cocks his head. ‘Come on, love – just talk to us.’ A tiny smile now. ‘What have you done, dropped an E?’
‘No!’ I blurt. ‘Absolutely not, Justin – you know how I feel about drugs!’
He raises his hands as if in surrender. ‘Okay – but you’re clearly determined to make me guess, so…’
‘I punched a woman in the face tonight and broke her nose,’ I mutter bluntly, but he asked for it. What else am I supposed to say, anyway? That’s what happened. Alright – there are some mitigating circumstances, but I feel better now I’ve heaved it out. A weight has been lifted from my chest.
My eyes are still locked with Justin and I search them, waiting for the disgust and horror to creep in, but there’s nothing. He chews his lip for a moment, then:-
‘What did she do to you?’ he asks quietly. There’s steel in his eyes, not disappointment, concern not horror and I flood with love for Justin Walker. He knows that if I’ve lost my shit to that degree, I must have had a damned good reason and a small smile of my own begins to blossom on my face. I suddenly have no idea what I was worried about in the first place.
Carter sits forward now. ‘It was Toria, my cousin and ex,’ he says, Ellen’s mouth dropping open. I can see her mind recalling the conversation that we had about Toria, in the kitchen sharing a bottle of wine. Carter gives me a loving look before speaking in Justin’s direction again.
‘She arrived at the pub and insulted Pearl, she’s still in love with me,’ he mutters, shaking his head in frustration. ‘We split up weeks ago, but she won’t let go, despite my best efforts to tell her that I’ll never feel the same.’
I pick up the water glass again, my mouth dry and I drain half of it. Justin’s leaning forward, his gaze locked with Carter. I’m grateful that he’s taken the explaining reins, I don’t even want to think about what I did tonight, let alone admit it to the two people I love nearly the most in the world.
‘What did she say?’ Justin grinds and Carter drains his own water now, raking a hand through his hair.
‘She called me thick and ugly,’ I interject evenly. ‘She likened sex with me to that with a blow up doll.’
That’s not all she said. Remember? Carter belongs to a lot of things and none of them are you.
I can’t get into that with Justin and Ellen and certainly not now. It’s a conversation that I need to have with Carter and if he thinks he’s swerving answering my
questions, either – he’s got another think coming. I’ve held off interrogating him, I have no rights to, really, but I’ve heard things tonight that aren’t sitting well in my mind. What was Noah’s parting shot? That Cater was playing with fire. I want to know why.
Raking my hand through my hair, I meet Justin’s angry eyes. He’s furious, his pupils larger than they should be and his jaw’s clenched. I sigh wearily.
‘I didn’t insult her back verbally, Justin. I did something very stupid, given that I was fully aware that she’s still in love with Carter.’ He raises a questioning brow. ‘I stroked his cock in front of her and it tipped her over the edge. She threw her glass of wine in my face and before I even realised what I’d done, I’d punched her to the floor. Judging by the amount of blood, her nose is probably shattered.’
Leaning back on the sofa cushions again, I take my hand gently from Ellen’s. It’s sweating and it catches on my hair painfully as I try and run my hands through it.
Justin gets up. He’s not said anything in response to my shameful confession. I’ve badly injured another person tonight, and I’ll always have to live with that. The Police are knocking on the door to my mind and I swallow hard, looking up at Justin as he approaches.
He glances at Ellen, asking her with his eyes if he can pinch her seat and she rubs my shoulder as she gets up and moves over to the chair that he’s just vacated. Justin sinks down next to me and, still saying nothing, he pulls me into his arms.
I sigh, resting my cheek on his broad naked chest. He’s only wearing a pair of shorts, and as his powerful arms come around me, he rests his chin on the top of my head and holds me tightly to him. I can feel his heart thundering underneath my cheek, he’s angry, but not with me. That’s evident and as my eyes flicker open, my own heart starts to accelerate when I lock with Carter and see the look in his.
He’s not liking this at all. Despite knowing that Justin is my dad and my brother rolled into one, he’s a half-naked, very hot man and he has his arms around me, my head on his chest. Carter closes his eyes for a moment, as if looking at the scene in front of him is causing him pain but they open when Justin finally eases me away from his long body. He tips my chin up, his tropical eyes smiling down at me.
‘This isn’t your fault, Pearl,’ he starts and then shakes his head a little. ‘Well, it is… but you were provoked.’
‘You’re damn right she was!’ Carter suddenly snarls and my head shoots to him in shock at the venom in his voice. He’s far angrier than Justin and he shoves himself to his feet now, rounding the back of the chair and beginning to pace the width of the lounge in agitation. He stops suddenly and pins Justin with a look.
‘Pearl said she was pleased to meet Toria, offered to shake her hand and all she got back was a stream of insults,’ he tells him, shaking his head roughly. ‘I have no idea what the hell she was doing there, she’s been driving me around the bend.’
His eyes meet mine.
‘Baby, come here?’ he almost whispers and I can see the pain in his face at what’s happened to me tonight. I don’t hesitate, I’m off the sofa and over to him in three strides. My subconscious is elated.
He’s still struggling with Justin’s arms around you and he wants his own there instead.
Which is fine by me and as soon as I get close enough, he reaches for me, pulling me tightly into his body. He’s trembling, there’s an urgency to his grip, it’s almost uncomfortable, but I snuggle into him. I need his arms around me. I need it more than anything, some of the angst leaving me now as I feel the emotions for me tumbling through his body.
You think you can, smartarse. Don’t become complacent.
I have no idea where that black thought has just sidled up from, but it makes me wary. As much as I want to be alone with Carter now, for the first time, it’s not because I want him to fuck me. I need to talk to him, in private, but we haven’t finished the conversation here yet. I’m glad it’s Sunday tomorrow and I don’t have to be at The Guardian. I have a feeling tonight is going to be a very long night.
Carter turns me in his arms and I look up at him. His eyes skip across mine and I try to read what he’s feeling, but as usual, there’s far too much going on. I have no idea how he manages this, I’ve never seen so many different emotions in someone’s eyes all at once and it’s frustrating in the extreme. He dips his head and gives me a short, gentle kiss before walking us both over to the chair that he vacated.
He sits in it and holds his arms out. Again, I don’t hesitate, plopping onto his lap sideways, my back nestling into the crook of his arm. He wraps the other around me and links our fingers as Ellen gets up and joins Justin on the sofa, sliding a hand onto his thigh. He steeples his fingers for a moment over his lips, thinking.
‘Alright.’ He gives us both an easy smile. ‘Worst case scenario, Pearl, is that the Police arrive and arrest you for assault. If that happens, Dan’ll find me the best criminal lawyer in Liverpool. Given the mitigating circumstances, the fact that this woman sought you out with the express intention of insulting you and inciting an off, coupled with the fact that she threw a drink in your face, I don’t think you’d even get a caution.’
I sag in relief at his words. This is excellent news and Carter’s arms tighten around me, his fingers squeezing mine. His deep voice resonates intoxicatingly through my body as he speaks.
‘She won’t go to the Police, Justin, I can virtually guarantee it.’ A soft kiss on my temple. ‘I’m going to speak to Jimmy, her dad. This has gone far enough and he’s going to have to talk to her. If she insists on pressing charges for assault, then I’ll make a counter-complaint to them in relation to her stalking behaviour.’
Shock ripples through me and I tip my head so that I can look into his eyes for a moment. I had no idea it was that bad, I thought that she was just a bit clingy, mooning around cow-eyed for him. Not properly stalking him.
What the hell has she done to him?
I want to ask him, but again, now is not the time. He still doesn’t know Justin and Ellen well enough and I’m clearly right, because he doesn’t elaborate, cuddling me close for a moment, his chin on my left shoulder as he moves the conversation along.
‘I’ll pay for her cosmetic surgery, that’ll be the clincher for her, she’s obsessed with money,’ he mutters in disgust and Justin leans back now, slinging a long arm around Ellen’s shoulders. He pulls her into him and she snuggles close. I tip my chin and look at Carter.
‘I should pay for her medical care,’ I say. I should, it’s the least I can do but he shakes his curly head gently.
‘She would never accept your money, Pearl. Trust me. Me coughing up will, in her warped mind, give her another reason to hang onto my coat-tails,’ he says bitterly. His eyes drift for a second or two, and I wonder what’s going on in his mind. Whatever it is, he pushed it to one side and smiles across at Justin.
‘I won’t pay for it, anyway – Philip will,’ he says with disdain. ‘He’ll want to keep Jimmy sweet, but he can more than afford it. Don’t worry.’
The atmosphere has lightened and I’m no longer running panicked circles in my mind. I lean my head on Carter’s chest again, but my eyes are on Justin.
‘I was so worried, Jus – if I get a criminal conviction then I won’t be able to work at The Guar…’
‘Pearl, it’s not going to happen,’ he says soothingly, planting a soft kiss on his wife’s nose. ‘Seriously – any decent brief would shoot a potential charge down in flames in five minutes, there were witnesses,’ he reminds me and I’d forgotten about that. True – they were all my friends, but I’m sure there will have been a couple of others in the pub who might have seen her chuck her drink in my face. I chew my lip for a moment.
‘What about the fact that I stroked Carter’s cock, though, to wind her up?’ I fret and Ellen barks a laugh.
‘Really? Why wouldn’t you stroke his cock, Pearl? You’re in a relationship, he’s your boyfriend and you’re in a bar, on a night out.�
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‘And besides,’ Carter chimes in, ‘I was just as bad. I kept touching and kissing you deliberately, I wanted her to see it. I need something to finally give her the message that I am never coming back to her, but it obviously all pushed her too far.’
Justin glances at his watch before getting fluidly to his feet and pulling Ellen up beside him. I have no idea what time it is, but it’s late and I can’t go to sleep yet.
Struggling from Carter’s warm lap, I move over to Justin and Ellen and they enfold me in a joint hug. I absorb them, my eyes closed and when they let go of me, Justin planting a soft kiss on the top of my head, the last of the dark pressure that’s been squashing me since I felt Toria’s nose crunch under my fist disappears. Despite not deserving to a hundred percent, I feel as though I might swerve any serious trouble as a result of my reckless actions and if I do, it needs to be a lesson well learned.
I wonder for a moment whether it’s the Southern Comfort that brings out the aggressive in me. I remember reading somewhere that spirits, whiskey in particular, can give people a nasty short fuse. Maybe I should try drinking something else – I certainly can’t risk anything like this happening again. The next time, I undoubtedly won’t be so lucky.
Carter gets up himself and comes over to shake Justin’s hand and give Ellen a brief hug. The Walkers pause at the door to the hallway, Justin turning to us both.
‘Carter, would you let me know how the conversation with Jimmy goes? If your cousin is determined to go to the Police then I’ll need to speak to Dan,’ he says. ‘Get some good representation tied off at the earliest opportunity.’
‘Of course, Justin – but don’t worry. Seriously. I know how Toria operates and she’s got more to lose than Pearl if I open my mouth about her.’
That thread of disgust again in his voice and I resolve to add her stalking to my mental list of questions. At this rate, I’ll be going to sleep as the cock starts crowing – if we had a cock, that is.
The word immediately makes me think about Carter’s and I pang with the need to make love to him. Do I really want to start picking all this shit apart now? It’s late – we’re both shattered and the last hour has been really unpleasant, but I can’t make love to him without telling him what’s on my mind. I want answers. There’s stuff he isn’t telling me, I know there is. Call it instinct, gut feelings, but my gut has never been wrong. I can see it in his eyes, when he falters after starting a sentence that he can’t complete.
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