‘Pearl – I don’t give a fuck about my family! You know this!’ He takes a step towards me now and finally, I see a tear slide from his eye and drop from his high cheekbone. ‘Please, baby… don’t do this. I…’
Don’t you dare tell me you love me now, you prick?
At the eleventh hour, the final moments of our relationship, he still can’t say it, but I’m glad. At least he has a faint thread of decency inside his body somewhere, some shred of good that prevents him from telling me the worst possible lie, just to keep me in his life and at the mercy of his vile family. At least I can comfort myself with that.
I’m going to need something in the coming days, I know I am and although he doesn’t come any closer, everything in his body is calling to me, begging me. I need to get inside, I can’t do this anymore and as he grinds his thumb and forefinger into his eye corners, crushing away more tears, he raises his head and gives me a long look.
‘Alright. I’m going to ask you one question and if your answer is yes, then you’ll never see me again, but you need to be completely truthful with me.’
He’s got a hold of himself now, at least on the face of it, but his eyes are red and his irises still glowing at me. I could look into a thousand pairs of eyes from this day forth and none would affect me like Carter’s. He’s waiting for an answer and he cocks a brow.
How are you going to handle this?
Lie. And through my teeth, despite the fact that I’m nodding now, telling him that I’ll be truthful. If I tell him the truth, whatever the question is, then he won’t leave. And I need him to leave. For the first time, I want Carter McLeod away from me as strongly as I’ve always wanted to be pressed up against him.
He stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets and stands before me. He’s trembling, I can see it from here. I have no idea where I’m finding my strength from, but then I realise that the hate at who he really is, his abuse of every highly personal moment I’ve given to him is poisoning the love, diluting it and keeping me strong. His eyes are locked with mine as he finally spits it out.
‘When Aaron kisses you, does he make you feel the way I do?’
I swallow hard. This is going to be a whopper of a lie. Never mind Aaron – no man on the planet would make me feel like Carter does when he kisses me and I wonder whether he’s going to swallow this either. He’s made me come just by kissing me, but for all he knows, Aaron’s now ignited me just as powerfully and, as painful as it is to tell this shocking untruth, I have no option.
I have the final piece of the puzzle in my hand that will lock the door on Carter McLeod forever and I just need to slot it into place. Mustering every ounce of my resilience, the words shooting hot knives through my heart as I say them, I finally choke them out.
‘Yes, he does. I’m sorry,’ I whisper and as Carter closes his eyes again, another tear threads its way down his face. He drops his head and when he looks at me again, his green eyes are dull and full of defeat.
He opens his mouth, then shuts it again and considers his thoughts for a moment, before turning finally and taking a step away from the house and back towards his Audi. He halts when he’s halfway there and blisters me with such a naked stare that I almost weaken, almost throw myself off the top step and into his arms. I’ve never seen a human being in so much pain. I dig my nails into my palms so hard that I feel one of them pop through the skin.
‘I’ll never forget you, Pearl,’ he whispers. ‘Be happy, baby.’
Before I have chance to even think about whether to reply, he’s in the car and reversing recklessly but perfectly down the drive, swinging the Audi wildly round and then screaming out of sight.
My knees are ready to buckle and I drop my bag from my shoulder. Now he’s gone, and the spell is broken, the hold on my emotions has gone with him and bile starts a slow creep, tears stinging at the backs of my eyes. I’ve got seconds to get inside the house before I break down.
Finally fishing my key out of the bag, my breathing increasing to harsh gasps of distress, I shoulder my way into the house and stagger up the stairs, now blinded by the tears that I can no longer hold back.
Stumbling into the attic, I slam the door and once again sink to my backside where I stand, the shocking reality of what I’ve just done battering my brain. I’ve told the man that I will always love that I’m in love with someone else, someone who means nothing to me in that way. I’ve destroyed Carter Jackson.
Except in reality, Carter Jackson never existed. He’s not the innocent, post-grad, beautiful brain with a controlling family and a psycho ex. He’s part of the family responsible for a country wide trafficking ring, who nearly destroyed all our lives and for that, I would never be able to forgive him.
I’ll never get the chance, anyway. He’s gone and I’ll never see him again, he’s told me so. I’m obviously a better actress than I thought, as well. That makes two of us, something else we have in common.
As full grief finally descends on me like a toxic black cloud, I surrender myself to the agony of losing Carter. Despite everything he’s done to me, the lies he’s told me, the deception and treachery of who he actually is – he’s made me truly happy. He’s made me experience firsts of things that I’d only ever dreamed about.
Before I allow myself to sink completely into despair, I think once more of Carter’s spectacular tattoo. Not how it looks on his beautiful body, but what it means.
Symbolic.
As I cling to the dying threads of the love that I know I still feel in my heart and soul for him, the thought of the phoenix comforts me and I have no idea why. There’s something there, embedded deep inside, something significant and as my eyes slide slowly closed, I think I hear his voice whisper softly across the back of my mind.
This isn’t over.
One day – I’ll look into those beautiful green eyes again.
I know I will.
Note from the Author
Thank you for reading Dark, the fourth book in the Angel Series.
In Lost, due to be published in the Autumn of 2020, can Pearl ever trust the man she’s fallen so hard for again, after the gravity of his lies and deception against her? Can Carter pit his wits and intelligence against his controlling family, to win back the heart of the woman he loves?
Read the next explosive book in the Angel Series, Lost, and discover just how far and how dangerously two young people are driven to an uncertain destiny and the challenges they face, not only to protect their love but also their very lives.
Dark Page 51
