by P. C. Cast
“I will not make such a ridiculous promise.”
“Promise me!” she shouted. “Kyle died because of me. Myrna died that same day. Kai died today. I don’t think I can stand it if I keep leaving a trail of death wherever I go. I would really run away then—far away where I can’t be the cause of anyone else being hurt.”
He came to her then and took her hand. “Remember I told you Epona fashions centaur mates for her most powerful priestesses? You believe I was fashioned for you, don’t you?”
Morrigan nodded numbly.
“A very powerful priestess needs a centaur mate because she needs someone by her side who is more than a man.” He gave her his best rakish grin. “Haven’t I already proven how much more than a man I am? I’m certainly not so easily gotten rid of.”
Her lips tilted up in the barest hint of a smile. “Just promise me you’ll be careful and smart. You’re not Wolverine, or even Seabiscuit, for that matter.”
Kegan’s brows drew together in confusion.
“Just more Oklahoma words. I’ll explain later. Anyway, when Kyle was covered by a pile of rock from the ceiling I was sure I was going to die, too. Then I heard her voice telling me to go into the crystal and I did. When I came out the other side I was with Birkita in the Usgaran in this world.”
“It was Adsagsona’s voice that told you to enter the crystal?”
“No,” Morrigan said slowly. “It was my mother’s voice. The only time I can tell you for sure that I’ve heard Adsagsona’s voice was once during the Dark Moon Ritual I performed the night you and Kai arrived. She spoke out loud and everyone heard her.”
“But you said you hear a voice in your mind quite often.”
“Yeah, and others in the wind, too. But none of them sound enough like the voice I heard in the Usgaran for me to be completely sure it’s Adsagsona talking to me.” She paused, gathering her courage. “Kegan, maybe Kai was right. Maybe one of the voices I’ve been listening to is Pryderi.”
“No!” Kegan slashed an intricate pattern in the air with his raised fist while he quickly spoke a series of unintelligible words that sizzled with power against Morrigan’s body. “We will not speak that creature’s name. Call him the Three-Faced God if you must, but do not name him. There is too much power in a spoken name.”
Morrigan shivered. “How do we know Kai wasn’t right?”
Kegan began to pace again. “You said your grandfather explained to you that Rhiannon had become tainted by the dark whisperings she listened to?”
“Yes, and she did awful things like run away from this world when it was on the brink of some war with demons.” Again Morrigan heard her mother’s admonishment, running away is not the answer, child, and for the first time she understood that Rhiannon really had been speaking from experience.
Kegan stopped pacing as if he’d hit a glass wall. “She knew of the Fomorian invasion?”
“She knew,” Morrigan said miserably.
“You would not do that.”
“Do what?”
“You wouldn’t leave the Sidetha to face an invader. You’d stay and fight with them, or for them.”
Morrigan felt a stirring of hope at his words. “I wouldn’t leave. I know I wouldn’t leave.”
“And that’s how you know that you haven’t been taken over by evil.”
Morrigan frowned at him. “Just because I say I wouldn’t run away if some awful scary monsters were attacking us? Hell, Kegan! That’s a pretty easy thing for me to say.”
He smiled. “Regardless, what you say is the truth.” She opened her mouth to argue with him, but he cut her off. “And that’s not the only proof. The proof is in your behavior—your actions. Morrigan, listen to me carefully. Your behavior is not evil. Your mother’s was, at least before she rejected the darkness and was reconciled with Epona.”
“Okay, that does make sense. But we still don’t know who belongs to all of these damn voices I can hear.”
Kegan went back to pacing. “You didn’t mention it, but perhaps we can sift through the voices if we go back to your Ascension Ritual. You said you were sure only once of having heard Adsagsona’s voice, but the Goddess had to have spoken to you when you pledged yourself into her service.”
“But I didn’t have an ascension ceremony. I don’t even know what one is.”
Morrigan thought he looked at her as if she had lost every bit of her mind. “You have crossed a divide from one world to another. You are the daughter of a great priestess. You are the first Light Bringer in more than three generations of the Sidetha. And you have done all of this without having given a pledge of service to your goddess?”
“Uh, nope,” Morrigan said, feeling foolish. Again.
Kegan walked to her and gently touched her cheek. His smile was tender, even though she could see worry lining his handsome face. “My flame, you are the most amazing person I have ever known. How is it you didn’t complete an Ascension Ritual?”
“They don’t have them in my old world. Or at least if they do, my grandparents and I didn’t know anything about them. Not that we didn’t honor the gods and goddesses, especially Epona. Grandma made sure we did.” Morrigan smiled. “Did I mention she and Birkita are mirror images?”
Kegan smiled back at her. “I am not surprised.” He kissed her forehead. “But honoring the gods and pledging yourself to one through a priestess’s Ascension Ritual are two very different things.”
“So, what should I do?”
“You must pledge yourself to Adsagsona—accept her as your goddess and rebuke serving any other divine being.”
“Specifically, anyone dark with three faces?”
“Yes.”
“And what if the dark god has been after me?”
“Then it is during the ceremony that he will make himself known to you and attempt to entice you to pledge yourself to him before you pledge yourself to Adsagsona. After that, he will be too late, for unless you formally renounce your goddess, you will belong to her for eternity.”
Morrigan drew in a deep breath and attempted a brave smile even though her stomach was churning. “Then it sounds like we need to plan an ascension ceremony.”
CHAPTER 21
“My stomach really hurts,” Morrigan said. “Breathe, all will be well,” Kegan said, putting his arm possessively around her as they walked side by side to the Usgaran.
“What if she’s mad at me?”
“You mean as you thought I would be?”
“Yes,” she said, ignoring the irony in his voice. “Or worse.”
“Morrigan, you need to have more trust in those who love you.”
“It’s not y’all that I don’t trust. It’s the depth of my ability to mess things up that I’m worrying about.”
He gave the top of her head a quick kiss. “You worry far too much.”
“Yeah, well, wait till we’ve been together for a few years. You’ll have more respect for my mess-up ability.”
“I like the way that sounds,” he said.
“What? My mess-up ability?”
“As endearing as that particular ability of yours is, I was talking about us being together for years. Besides, there are things about me that you may well find somewhat tiresome.” He flashed her a mischievous grin. “Though perhaps not many.”
She raised her brow at him. “I already know you’re a terrible flirt.” He widened his eyes innocently and looked offended. She rolled her eyes. “Birkita called you a rake.”
“Birkita called me that?” he said, trying not to smile.
“Yep. Not that I needed to be told.”
His sigh was long-suffering. “Ugly rumors and exaggeration.”
“Oh, please. Whatever with that. But, just so you know. In Oklahoma, modern women do not tolerate their men chasing around after other women.”
He grinned. “I’ve never had to chase anyone.”
She smiled sweetly back at him. “Okay, let me put it another way. As my grandma would say, what’s good for the
goose is good for the gander.” He narrowed his eyes at her. Morrigan continued to smile angelically. “In other words, if you don’t want me messing around with other men or centaurs or whatnot, then I suggest you remember that your nonchasing stopped with me.”
“I will never give you reason to question my fidelity,” he grumbled.
“Good. Same here,” she said smugly.
Then she realized that they had come to the entrance to the Usgaran. The teasing smile left her face and she stopped, tensing automatically at how full the chamber was of busily working priestesses and crafters. She noticed immediately that everyone was much quieter than usual. The amiable chatter was absent and a definite feeling of gloom hung like cloying incense over the large room. Birkita was seated on a ledge close to the crystal boulder, which was dark. In her lap she had a length of half-finished fabric she had been trimming in silver stitching, but her hands were still and her eyes were focused on the boulder. Morrigan thought she looked even paler than usual, and there were dark smudges under her eyes. Because of me, she thought guiltily, and promised herself that when this mess with Kai was cleared up and her ascension ceremony over, she was going to insist Birkita do nothing but sleep late and lie around. Morrigan would wait on her for a change, no matter what the old woman said.
Then Birkita looked up and met her eyes. Morrigan tried to read what she saw there, but all she could make out was the priestess’s weariness.
“Go to her,” Kegan whispered, and then took his arm from around Morrigan.
She knew it was what she needed to do—to walk to Birkita and have the old High Priestess greet her publicly and show that Morrigan had not lost her support, but she was afraid down to her toes that Birkita would yell at her in front of everyone, or worse, ignore her totally.
I’ve chosen to trust loyalty, Morrigan reminded herself, and stepped into the chamber.
All eyes went to her, but Morrigan ignored them. She looked only at the woman who was the mirror of her grandma. They met in the middle of the room.
“Kegan told me that Kai is dead. I’m sorry. I know the two of you were friends.”
Birkita’s smile was tired, but filled with warmth. “Thank you, child. I went to your chamber after anointing the body. I should have realized you would be with Kegan.” She looked behind Morrigan and included the centaur in her smile.
“So you’re not angry with me?” Morrigan hated asking that question in front of all the staring eyes and listening ears, but it had to be done. The Sidetha had to know if Birkita still supported her, and they also had to know the rest of the story.
“Angry with you, Light Bringer? For what?” Birkita raised her voice so that it carried to everyone in the chamber. “For the delusions of a dying man who was so racked with pain that he was seeing darkness everywhere? Of course not!”
Morrigan couldn’t stop herself from throwing her arms around the old woman and squeezing her tight. “Oh, thank you,” she whispered.
Birkita returned her embrace, and then gently extracted herself. “Now, shall we retire to your chamber to discuss when you will perform Kai’s funeral ceremony?”
“No, I—” Morrigan began.
“No!” Shayla exploded into the chamber, striding around Kegan to join the two women in the center of the room. She spoke to Birkita without looking at Morrigan. “She will not conduct Kai’s funeral. She will not even be there. Her presence would be an insult to the Stonemaster’s spirit.”
Birkita’s face went colorless as the watching room murmured restlessly. “Mistress, we should move this discussion to a more private chamber.”
“No. This discussion needs to stay public,” Morrigan said firmly, moving so that she was standing directly in front of the Sidetha’s Mistress and the woman had to look at her. Morrigan hesitated before continuing, shocked at how drawn and disheveled Shayla looked. Her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. Her hair was a matted mess and there were nasty-looking stains on her dress. “Actually, I agree with part of what Shayla said. I’m not going to perform Kai’s funeral ceremony. It’s right that you should do that, Birkita.”
“No, Morrigan. You are the Sidetha High Priestess. That is your place now,” Birkita said. “The only alternative to you performing the ceremony would be if Kegan would preside. As centaur High Shaman, and Kai’s friend, that would be acceptable.”
“Kai’s funeral rites will adhere to the Sidetha beliefs! This was the Stonemaster’s second home. His pyre will be set in accordance with our traditions and he will be honored as one of our own.” Shayla ended on a sob, and Morrigan actually felt sorry for her until, with a snarl, the Mistress added, “But she will not be there.”
No one should speak to you like that!
Morrigan tried to ignore the voice in her head, but it so completely mirrored her own anger that she snapped. “Where is your husband, Shayla? Shouldn’t he be with you in a time of such grief?”
Shayla drew back as if Morrigan had slapped her. Her cold gaze narrowed. She opened her mouth to spew venom, but Morrigan turned a shoulder to her dismissively and spoke to Birkita. “The reason you need to perform the ceremony is simple. You’re still the Sidetha’s High Priestess.” That shut everybody up. When Morrigan continued speaking everyone in the chamber was focused on her words. “I’ve been talking with Kegan all morning about this, and, well, you know that in Oklahoma things are a lot different than they are here, right?”
Birkita’s gaze went from Morrigan to the centaur who was now standing close beside her. “Yes, you and I have discussed that.”
“What you and I didn’t talk about, what I didn’t even know to tell you, was that I have never gone through an ascension ceremony.”
Birkita blinked in surprise. “You have not been formally sworn into the service of Adsagsona?”
“No, never. So you see, I’m not technically a High Priestess.”
Birkita’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “But you are a Light Bringer, which is a more powerful position than High Priestess.”
“Which does not necessarily mean Morrigan is also a High Priestess,” Kegan spoke up. “It is true that being a Light Bringer is a great gift. It is also true that a priestess who wields that much divinely given power usually becomes a High Priestess as a natural step in the service of her chosen god or goddess. But Morrigan comes to us from a place where the natural order of things is different.”
“Which means she has no right to be a High Priestess.” Shayla practically spat the words at Morrigan.
“As High Shaman I can assure you, Mistress, that is not what it means,” Kegan said coldly.
Ignoring Shayla, Morrigan spoke to Birkita. “What it means is that I need to go slowly. To start at the beginning and then learn the ways of this world and earn my right to be High Priestess to Adsagsona with you as my teacher.” Morrigan was gratified to hear the priestesses in the room murmur their agreement.
“I forbid her to become High Priestess!” Shayla said.
Morrigan rounded on the woman. “You are not Adsagsona.” She spoke slowly and distinctly, trying to keep her anger in check. “I realize you have acted like you’re a goddess, but acting the part does not make it so. I should know. I’ve been pretending to be a High Priestess, even though I hadn’t earned that right yet. But I promise you that it will be the Goddess who decides if and when I take that title. Not you. It will never be you. Shayla, get this now and get it for good—you’re in charge of the day-to-day working of the Sidetha. You are not in charge of their spirits.”
“You will not speak to me in this manner!”
Morrigan’s temper snapped. With a gesture that was almost automatic, she lifted her arm as she moved forward to Shayla. “Light!” she commanded. From her raised hand white flame shot up into the ceiling of the Usgaran, where it was absorbed and then every selenite crystal in the chamber, including the sacred boulder, blazed alight. The power also blazed through Morrigan, heating her blood and setting her body aglow. Face just inches from Shayla’s, body thr
umming with power, Morrigan bared her teeth and, in a deceptively soft voice, said, “I will speak to you in any manner I want as long as you stick your sluttly, mercenary nose in the business of the Goddess. Here’s a news flash, bitch. Times are changing, and you better stay out of my way or else I’m going to run right over you.”
“Morrigan, enough.”
Kegan’s voice broke through the wall of heat and anger that surrounded her. Breathing hard, she took a step away from Shayla. Oddly, the Sidetha’s Mistress didn’t appear shaken in the least by Morrigan’s threat. Instead she smiled.
“Thank you for the warning, Light Bringer. I will remember it.” Shayla flicked back her untidy hair, turned her back on Morrigan and walked regally from the chamber.
“Anger isn’t the way, child,” Birkita said softly.
Morrigan looked at the frail old High Priestess whose eyes were filled with wisdom and compassion, and she knew deep within her that Birkita was right. Just as Rhiannon had told her, anger was destructive, and would not lead her down the right path. With a gigantic effort, Morrigan drew long breaths, willing the heat in her body to drain from her and return to the crystals where it belonged. Feeling dizzy, she managed to smile at Birkita. “I guess that’s one of the lessons you’re going to have to teach me.”
“Someone should,” Kegan muttered.
Unexpectedly, Morrigan laughed, and the heat remaining within her cooled, leaving her feeling more than a little silly standing there in the middle of the room with everyone staring at her.
She cleared her throat. “So, it’s decided that you will perform the funeral for Kai?”
“I will,” Birkita said. “And it is also decided that after we finish with the business of funerals you will prepare for your ascension ceremony and your formal induction into the service of the Goddess?”
“I will,” Morrigan said, smiling.
“There is one more ceremony for which we should prepare,” Kegan said.
Morrigan and Birkita looked up at the centaur. “Am I forgetting something, High Shaman?” Birkita said.
